Cara's 3rd Birthday Party


Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me! It's my party and I'll get drunk if I want to!
I spent the day doing total beauty immersion - nails, spa treatments, hair appointment. Then I came home to the family and Ron ordered out Chinese food from Asean Bistro (it was very yummy) and we drank an entire bottle of Alize and Champagne. All in all a good day for someone celebrating their 21st Birthday for the 20th time.


Technical Support

I have spent all day today on the phone with Microsoft Technical Support trying to fix a problem with my upgrade to MS Office 2003. After 2 hours of playing with it, they finally had to totally uninstall the program, remove the registry and reinstall...only to totally screw up my Active Sync. It took them two hours to unistall Active Sync, download the upgrade, and reinstall it. A complete pain in the add. The attached video is from my favorite Squirrel - Foamy. This is his rant about utilizing Tech Support and is indicative of exactly what happened to me today. Check it out.


My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Empress Lisa the Imaginary of Lardle St Earache
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My girlfriend, Terri, found this website where you can get your Aristocratic Title. I like mine...EMPRESS LISA. As if it should be anything else.

Package Insert

I have spent the past 2 weeks studying all new products by reviewing and testing on package inserts. I'm about brain dead at this point; however, to entertain myself while sitting through another workshop, I started to think about what a package insert for Lisa would look like. Here it is:

Lisa's Package Insert

Lisa is a beautiful diva-like carbon based life form. Her chemical structure is complex and genetic code unique.
Mechanism of Action:
Lisa achieves diva status by increasing the action potential at the diva receptor sites in the brain.

Pharmacokinetics/Pharmacodynamics (Metabolism, Absorption, Distribution, Elimination):
Steady State for Alcohol Consumption is achieved in <2 hours following consumption of 1 bottle of wine or 3 martinis.
Peak Plasma concentrations for food is acheived in 7-10 days following continuous eating and outside dining establishments.
Half-Life (the time it take to eliminate half of the drug from body) is 6-12 hours for alcohol, depending on amount consumed and never for food since Lisa's body has 100% protein binding to the hips, thighs and abdomon. This effect is know from linear & exponential distribution of fat throughout the entire body.
Primary route of elimination is renal (urine); however, there are occasional eliminations through hepatic (feces) elimination.

Drug Interactions:
Milk Based Products. It is not recommended to combine Lisa with milk based products due to possible GI disturbances that can be offending to surrounding patients.

Adverse Events:
The most common adverse event experienced when with Lisa is shock & awe, low bank account balances, and possible kidney damage from laughter.

Lisa has been known to have short bursts of aggression and violence against stupid and otherwise non-diva like substances. Does not hold grudges but will clear offending objects in a direct & firm manner via white blood cell infiltration to the site. Caution should be used.

You should not hang out with Lisa if you have a hypersensitivity to divaness.

Rare occasions of overdose with Lisa has been seen in patients who can not "shop till they drop" or with female patients who's husband can't afford or don't want their wives to participate in a Diva in Training Workshop. If overdose occurs, patient should be immediately removed from Lisa's presence or get a new man.

Lisa is indicated for numerous items that confer significant benefits. Listed are a few but she is not limited to these indications:

  • Shopping, Buying, Fashion Tips (ie. no crocheted boots at mall)
  • Hostess with the Most-est
  • Rip Roaring Fun & Laughter
  • Getting the Job Done & Stopping Global Whining

Dosing: Recommended starting dose is one day of shopping followed by tea at the Ritz per month. Increase frequency as needed (see Overdose)

How Supplied: Lisa comes in a 5'2" unique gorgeously plump body. Attempting to split the dose is not recommended. Regular maintenance (hair, nails, spa appointments) is required for maximum performance.

Pricing: Priceless.


Happy Valentines Day

Happy Love Day! Nothing special happened today for me. It was another day at the job. Sat all day in a training class that we had to move from HQ to the hotel we were staying in due to the snow storm. Didn't want anyone of us crashing and burning on the Garden State.

I did get an interesting call from one of my former colleagues at the blue football today. One of the National Account Managers called to ask me about the status of Lipitor on the formulary at Johns Hopkins. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I told him that I was no longer with Pfizer and couldn't help him. I wanted to tell him that it is now my mission in life to have Lipitor removed from every formulary associated with Johns Hopkins, but it IS the day of LOVE, so I just let him go about his merry way. Figure it out for yourself - buddy boy!

Two more day left of the training class and then I'm back home for a week. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed - Sleep Number 60 (at the moment)


Bobbing & Traveling

Well, its been a bit since I've chimed in with a daily adventure; however, I have been held captive at a training class for the last week and have to leave home to go back for another week tonight. I have finished the first week of training and while a lot of it is extremely interesting and "need to know", I have been doing the classic "bob & travel" around 2 pm each day. Perhaps its the lunch but more likely it has been some of the material. I was sure at any given minute my forehead would slam onto the desk and/or I would just bust my head on the giant 4" 3 ring binder that's open to some page describing Physiology and Normal Hemostasis - WHATEVER! Who the hell am I gonna talk to about platelet aggregation to. NOBODY. Nice to know. Not need to know. I am up to drinking about 3-4 XS energy drinks a day, trying my darndest not to eat another mf'n M&M and I still can't stay awake. I have resigned myself to standing up in the back of the class and praying that I just don't' pass out. Standing in 3" heels for an hours seems to be working thought.

I did have one extremely embarrassing but hilarious moment last week - Another Bathroom Hi jinks. I think the toilets in the women's bathroom are lower that the baby toilets at Cara's school. You practically have to do the Kimshe (sp?) squat to even get near the damn thing. Well, in a rush to get back to class after the break, I executed the ultimate hover maneuver without exactly ensuring that all clothing was out of the way of the impending stream. Well, to my horror we had a little splash area on the back of my damn BRAND NEW ST. JOHN SLACKS! SH*T!!!! Okay. What does a Diva do? I finished my business and waited till everyone had hustled back to the class. I removed the slacks, rinsed out the offending splash area, and proceed to use the hand dryer to dry my slacks. Envision this picture...I'm standing in my suit jacket, pantyhose and pumps, drying my pants by the hand dryer. THANK GOD nobody walked into the bathroom during this time. I was 15 min late getting back to class - nobody said anything and the secret is safe with you and me.

Only in my life.

Gotta get ready to catch my train back to NJ - don't ask...I don't know what exit. Somewhere near Newark.


No Lisa, It's the Fat that Makes You Look Fat

At what point do you realize that you really ARE FAT? Is it when you get on the scale and the dial almost does a complete 360? Is it when you look down and you can't see your toes because you stomach is in the way? Is it when you also realize you can't see you coochie without moving that stomach ball out of the way? Is it when you notice that you have BACK FAT. Did you even realize that there is such a thing?

I'll tell you what broke the FAT LISA STRAW! I'm trying to pull together a week of outfits to go to my training class and several signs hit me like a ton of bricks:
  • I decided to weigh myself - THE HORROR, THE HORROR - 183 - F**K
  • I decided it would be best to try on what I'm planning on taking. Wouldn't want to find out that you outfit doesn't fit when you in a hotel room. PITIFUL, SAD
  • After the first couple of - Well, Damn, that's too tight! - I decided to try on all of my clothes and set the ones that didn't fit anymore in a separate part of my closet. Why is this section getting so large?

Well, after it was all said and done, I am looking at over $3,000 worth of clothing - beautiful suits & dresses - that I can't wear without looking like a stuck pig. That made me snap. The FAT GIRL IS GOING DOWN! I'M TAKING THAT BEEACH OUT. I'll be damn if my 20th Anniversay and 20th Class Reunion is celebrated as a FAT FREAKIN' DIVA.

To parapharase Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind - As God is my witness, I'll never be [FAT] again.

I may be hungry, but so be it. This Diva is takin' the COW out!