Girlfriend -"Girl, would you ever have plastic surgery?"
Lisa - "Hell Yeah! Beauty CAN be bought."
Girlfriends - "That's so vain. You are already beautiful."
Lisa - "Yep. Already knowed this. But a nip and tuck here and there would be the ultimate."
I already spend a small fortune on beauty refinement... as I did today at the nail "place"... pedicure, gel fill w/french manicure & a little nail art work, COMPLETE face wax (damn I can get hairy) - $100 bucks. And as a side note - I really hate not knowing what they are saying about my hands/feet/face when I'm there - they seem to hover around and all speak Vietnamese. Makes me freakin crazy! Anyway, then there is the spa visits. Gotta get that hot stone massage (if you haven't had one - well what the freak are you waitin' on!), body wrap, scrub, facial evray now and den.
Well, the whole consult thing was NOTHING like the TV show "Nip & Tuck." My doctor did not ask me "Soooo, what do you hate about yourself?" Like damn. No, this doctor read through my packet, looked up and said "What can I help you improve upon." I liked him already. I told him my droll sob story of working out like a freakin mad woman, the roller coaster weight loss/gain/loss, the major abdominal surgery (to remove HUGE fibroid) and the fact that my tummy just won't go back despite my best efforts. He didn't even flinch. "Okay, why don't you put on a robe and lets take a look together." Alrighty. Now the robe was to die for. I brought this small cute handbag with me and I (for the life of me) could not figure out how to get this like brushed silk robe in my bag. DAMN IT. I take off my clothes (cept for the undies) and WE take a look.
I think for sure that he has some of those carnival mirrors in the exam rooms. I KNOW MF WELL that I didn't look that foooked up before I got there. He rolls down my underwear - are you feelin me on this - ROLLS down - OVER the TUMMY BLOB! and sits back on the chair and starts telling me what he can do. Lipo alone ain't gonna fix this blob baby! You gonna need an extended abdominoplasty and then to get your "contours" correct, I recommend that we do liposuction of the rear, back and flanks. OKAY. "Is there any other areas of concern?" I almost laughed. I said, "While your at it, can you take a little off the inner thigh?" I was kinda jokin ya know. He said, "No problem. I can't guarantee that your inner thighs won't touch at all, but we can definitely fix that."
WHERE DO I SIGN?
Now this man is not the finest in the land, but I have to give it to him. He has wonderful bedside manner, a dry sense of humor that I like (same as Ron), and he seemed to me to be a perfectionist - very meticulous. I liked him immediately,
WHAT's YOUR FIRST OPENING?
"Please step into the office next door and Diane will help you schedule your surgery."
I couldn't get on the schedule until Sept 4th, but I signed on the dotted line, paid my deposit. I'm in like flint. I can't freakin' wait.
So, here are some of the questions/comments I've received so far:
"Your cheating! No Fair!" - damn skippy! Life ain't fair.
"What if something happens" - then something happens...God has a plan for me.
"BEEYATCH" - already knew that - what's a diva to do
"I wouldn't spend my money like that." - I ain't spendin yo money. I'm spendin MINE!
"Are you scared, this is major surgery." - Nope (okay, maybe a little). I've had major surgery before. Like I said, God has a plan for me. No need to be scared (fear is the devils work) - I just pray.
"Your boobs will be too big/out of proportion." - GOOD! I like my boobs (my girls as I call them). And they still stand up cause of all those push ups.
No worries. Right now, I'm having the time of my life and I'm gonna enjoy the ride while I can. I'll keep ya posted along the way. Haven't decided on the before and after pics yet. I don't even want to see em. Might be too much.
You can see some incredible before and afters of Dr. Markmann's work at his website http://www.discoverthebeauty.com/
Right now he is in the Carribean somewhere. I think he is still in St. Lucia working on a resort deal with his partners. Building the dream and making a Diva's dreams come true. I gave him his first real MP3 player (an iPOD) and some new threads on Sunday with the family. We had ice cream cake (one of his favorites) and champagne and we sent him on his merry way. He says he's workin but he pictures he sent from St. Lucia were just too beautiful for words.
Anyway, I hope he reads this and knows that he is loved. HAPPY 42nd BIRTHDAY.
I made a video slide show for his 40th birthday, but its still a good one...check it out at one of these links:
Ron's 40th Birthday Video or just go to http://salesdiva.neptune.com and choose Ron's 40th Birthday Video for grins and giggles.
Love Ya Babe.
I am a sci-fi junkie. I honestly believe that I was born in the wrong century. I would love to be boldly going where no one has gone before. The absolute ultimate. My favorite shows are the Star Trek franchise, particularly "Enterprise". The adventures of the first star ship into outer space. Just fuels my imagination and keeps me reaching for the stars. I also could be that the theme song is my personal anthem. Everytime I watch the show (I'm currently watching all the seasons on my Blockbuster Online subscription) I sing the the song loud and at the top of my lungs. The lyrics are written below. Take a listen. HAVE FAITH.
ENTERPRISE THEME SONG LYRICS
["Faith of the Heart"][Performed by Russell Watson]:
It's been a long road, Getting from there to here,
It's been a long time, But my time is finally near,
And I will see my dream come alive at last, I will touch the sky,
And they're not gonna hold me down no more,
No they're not gonna change my mind,
Cause I've got faith of the heart,
I'm going where my heart will take me,
I've got faith, to believe,
I can do, anything,
I've got strength, of the soul,
But no one gonna bend or break me,
I can reach, any star,
I've got faith, I've got faith,
Faith of the heart.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as if as soon as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.
The mother filled three pots with water.
In the first, she placed carrots.
In the second she placed eggs,
And in the last she placed ground coffee beans.
She let them sit and boil without saying a word. About twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots, eggs and coffee out of each pot and placed them in separate bowls.
Turning to her daughter, she said, "Tell me what you see."
Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied (With that certain tone of voice)
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that the felt soft.
She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling of the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg inside.
Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The dauther smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked, "So, what's the point, mother?" (Same tone of voice - you know that inflection)
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same ADVERSITY - boiling water - but each REACTED differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid center. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its insides had become hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however, After they were n the boiling water...the had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
THNK OF THIS: WHICH AM I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable hear, but changes witht he heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, ahve I become hardened and stiff? Does my outer shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened hart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - ther very circumstances that bring the pain. Wehn the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of the bean. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you instead of letting it change you.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you eleveat to another level? How do you handle adversity?
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
Happy Mother's Day! I hope all my friends & family had a wonderful day.
Despite all the drama and intrigue, I had a great weekend. This seems to be the year of blessings...
1. I was layed off from Pfizer. Yep, it was a blessing.
2. Within 12 days (see post "On the twelth day of Christmas") I got a better, higher paying job with Schering-Plough
3. My house (after 3 years of construction) is complete
4. I'll have been married for 20 years (to the same guy) on June 6th.
5. My 20th Class Reunion from West Point is coming up in October.
6. My collection of beautiful jewelry from my husband is growning.
and then there is today..
My daughter threw a BBQ at the house for my mother and I. My husband has agreed to sign a contract for an inground Swim Spa by Anthony Sylvan Pools. Lord have mercy. I'll never get out of it once its complete. I won't even want to go to work. My mother gave a gift certificate to the Spa at Lifetime Fitness. Yeah Baby!
And the best...My daughter gave me a consult at one of the best plastic surgeons in town for a tummy tuck and a little lipo...and my knight told me that if this is what I want - then schedule it. That's when I know there was a Gawd. I can't wait! I have been exercising like a mad man and dieting (I'm sick and tired of eating salad) - without a whole lot of results. It's a long sob story. I can't wait for my consult. I know everybody will have their two cents...WHATEVER. It's what a girl wants - and what this girl is gonna get.
WHAT AN AWESOME DAY. I know that I am blessed.
1. My step-brother from my father's second marriage (don't even ask cause it is one hell of a long story) calls Friday night to say his wife's brother (his wife is from Thailand) died and that he needs a loan of "about" $5k to get there and to cover incidentals while there. Now I'm all about helping family...I'm not about giving loans. If you don't have it, can't get it from the bank, don't have enough credit (or are maxed) to get it from your credit cards and your own mama won't give it to you - then what makes you think I should loan you some money. What is my guarantee that I'm gonna get my money back? None. So, I'm of the philosophy that if I have it to give, then I'll give only what I won't miss. I don't want to have to hunt you down, get into fights, ruin family events cause I'm looking to get my money back...and don't get it twisted...I'd be lookin to get it back and lickity split. The Steptoe's don't play when it comes to money.
Ron once had an acquaintance ask for $4k to cover a mortgage payment or his house would
go into foreclosure. Ron asked him what he had to offer as collateral if he was going to loan
him money...DAMN. We did not loan him the money.
Well, after discussing the situation with my honey, we we going to give $1000. Okay, he'll call us on Saturday to organize a bank transfer, but he still wants to pay us back - doesn't want to fell obligated. Yep. Well, he call at 4pm on Saturday to see if I can make a transfer...he got another friend to put the airline tickets on a credit card...he just need money to cover "incidentals" while they are in Thailand for two weeks. HUH? I am unable to do the transfer online and the banks are closed. I'm not hip to using Western Union since they want almost 10%+ fee to transfer money. So, alas, no money exchanges hands. Things got a little dicey in my mind when he offered another option... he will get his mom to give him the money, if I will write a check and send to her to cover it until he gets back when he can get a loan from his job. Why would I do that? Why don't you just get the money from your mother and pay HER back when you get back and can get a loan from your job? It immediately sounded fishy to me...meaning I probably wasn't going to get my money back. The wire transfer didn't work out, banks were closed, no western union and I'm not mailing no check to anyone. He'll call me when he figures something out. It's Sunday 6:00pm. Haven't head anything...guess I get to keep my moola.
2. My niece is at the mall hanging with some girl and they get tagged for shoplifting at JC Penney. A stupid $12 shirt that was also on clearance. PAALEEESE. Can you get any more stupid. If you gonna steal something, then go ahead and DO THE DAMN THING! She calls her mother (since you gotta call a parent) - the one from the "It Would Just Be Easier" blogs - who in turn calls us to ask us what we can do to help. Well, her heroin using father showed up to pick her up. Now she has to go to some kind of hearing and she has been banned from JC Penney for a year. Today is her birthday and we were planning a party for her next weekend. Party cancelled. We were going to get her a new cell phone. Current service suspended for 90 days.
And this is her second time round this corner. Guess she might end up a chip off the ole block unless she makes some serious course corrections.
3. My sister calls again during the shoplifting crisis and wants to discuss something serious. Okay...she wants to know if in 2-3 years I would consider adopting Cara. Honey, we already got paperwork in place for that. Done deal. Laura starts to have a hissy fit saying she thought we only had temporary custody. GET A FREAKIN GRIP. I tell her that READING IS FREAKIN FUNDAMENTAL. I paid $125 to have every set of papers served to her. If she chose not to read them, understand them, or show up for court dates....then too dag-on bad for you. I've got paper, Cara (to my occasional chagrin) belongs to me. So then my sister asks me if I would at least consider keeping Cara's alleged father's last name or hypenating it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You didn't see fit to put her alleged father's name on her birth certificate - what makes you think I'm gonna keep it at all. NO. It will be Cara Steptoe. PERIOD. Laura then asks me if we can at least let bio-dad know of our intentions. GIVE ME A BREAK. Has another village lost their idiot. HELL NO! I'm not explaining a damn thing to a man who doesn't give a rats ass about his daughter (no visits, no money, no calls, no nothing). Let him figure the mess out himself. READ THE COURT PAPERS you were served. The both of them get on my mf'n nerves.
4. Today, we get a call from my sisters 60+ year old, skinny, 3 tooth sugar daddy who lives at the roadside motel (I wouldn't let my worst enemy spend the night there). He claims that he gave $100 of his rent money to Laura 'cause she said my mother would give it back to her and he wanted to know if my mom could bring it by. DUMMY. HELL NAW! If you were dumb enough to give a $100 to a known theif and liar, then that's yo mess. Don't come lookin to us for that. You on your own, bubba.
And to top this off...come to find out that my sister is on the run. There is a warrent out for her arrest AGAIN...for what, I don't know. Probably some kind of violation of parole. Bound to have a return trip to to the pokey.
Just another day at the Steptoe's - We ARE Drama.
HAWKS BOYS JV LACROSSE 2007 SEASON VIDEO SLIDE SHOW.
If you'd like to see some of my other video slide shows - go to http://salesdiva.neptune.com
1. What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?
My answer: I dunno...I'm busy accomplishing all the time that a diva just wants to express herself.
2. Are you a spiritual person?
My answer: You betcha! You don't have all the blessing that we've experienced in our lifetime to think that the universe centers on you...but at times a Diva acts like it does.
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three things would you want to have with you?
1. A way to beat the living crap out of "The Others" especially the rat bast--d "Ben" and just make them go away. Kill em all and who cares about the secret of the island.
2. My man toy.
3. A flat stomach, an abundance of bikini bathing suits and some sun screen.
4. What's your favorite childhood memory?
My answer: The care free days playing wood-tag at the tot-lot(you had to be there), kickball in the field in front of my town house & hot-peas & butter. No worries.
5. Is this your first meme?
My answer: Like I said...I'm new at this. What the heck is a meme? Since I don't know, I guess it is. I've lost my meme virginity.
I gonna tag the only other person that I know that will play (who also has a blog). Is this how it is supposed to be done?
Home at Last Farm....YOUR IT!!!
I know that my life is anything but boring and unintersting. Like I've said many times before...The Steptoe are TNT - WE ARE DRAMA and we got plenty of drama goin on. Perhaps we do live in lala land...yep - we've done well. We have had a measure of success and wealth in our time. But we've paid the price 10x over. Of course, I didn't have a blog until after a lot of the major drama...
- 12 years in an MLM where we worked like a damn DOG for the same amount of money that we could have earned with a part time job at Target - but that is another story
- Almost losing our house when our "architech"...a member of our church...turned out to be nothing that he said he was and abandoned the project. Still havent' heard BOO from him.
- Raising 2 of my sisters children after she went to jail for robbing her OWN family.
So why can't I find the time or inclination to write more intense, angry, deep posts. Now don't get me wrong...I get plenty angry about the world and people in general. There is plenty to get angry about. It's just that I have so much more stuff going on in my daily life that I can't work up the energy it takes to get all deep and angry...
- A new baby - my sisters - and there hasn't been a baby in our house in 14 years
- A new job - after being fired from Pfizer after 15 years of service
- My husbands company & business partners - I now have to get on the calendar for an appointment for sex - and the last time he stood me up for two appointments. DAMN.
- President of the DC/Baltimore Chapter of NSN - where I wonder if I just walk away, would the chapter still stand?
- Lacrosse Mom
- Beating back the fat chick within me...and feeling like I'm losing.
Maybe that is why I don't have a lot of readers besides my closest friends and family. So Be It. Don't you just want a break from all the hate and anger out there? If you hang around long enough, you'll occasionally get a really funny episode in the Adventures of The Steptoe's. Occasionally, it will just be ordinary stuff.
Enjoy the bland.
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are ha ppy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
It would just be easier to deal with my sister if she really was a crack addict. If she was high all the time, I could just chalk up her lies & manipulations to her being high - BUT NO! She is just plain ole crazy. Here is her latest escapade...
I put her on a very limited cell phone plan ($60/month, 0.18 cents/min) because she would constantly go over her monthly rate ($59/month 600 anytime, unlimited nights/weekends) so that the bill would eventually be $100+. I had had enough. When she went two months like this and ended up not having phone service since she would use up her $60 pretty quick, she decided to call up Virgin Mobile and just change back to monthly rate. Then when I found out about it, she lied and said she didn't do it. When I asked Virgin-Mobile how she could change the plan without the vkey, I was told that she knew the security questions. I just can't believe the audacity. Time to cut her totally off since she thinks I am a Got Damn BANK!
Then she asks me if she could give me her new food stamp card for me to use and give her the equivalent value in cash. Has she lost her Cotton Pickin' Mind. So, how's it gonna look with me pulling up in a Hummer, wearing a St. John suit, Stuart Weitzman shoes picking up my allotment of government cheese, milk and eggs. Like I want to go to jail for welfare fraud...and she got mad when I told her I didn't particularly want to do a stint at the Maryland Correctional Institute for Women. Go Figure.
To top off the day, her parole officer called my house wanting to reach Laura. Apparently she needed to sign some papers or a warrant was going to be issued for her arrest. VOP - violation of parole. And this is my problem how? I asked why he called my house and he said my number was down for emergencies. Is this an emergency? No, Ma'am...but do know where she is? I am not my criminals keeper.
It would just be easier if she was a crack head. It would explain a lot.