Happiness Consultant

So, I'm hanging in my chaise, catching up on my Google Reader & Tweets (all at the same time, with like 4 windows open at once) and I catch this this from - @CreoleInDC: HOLLARING! http://www.happinessconsultants.com/.

I'm not doing anything so I go and check it out. Here is the video from the website.

At first, slow me is like ARE THEY SERIOUS...and then it dawns on me that this is about the new show "Hung" on HBO. However, even though I know that curiosity killed the cat, I had to dial the number and call to get a consult. I want to be "happy" too.

Bwaaaaahaaaahaaa! The number actually works. Now you get an answering machine but here is some of the hilarity you get to listen to:

Beep...Go!

Hi, This is Ray, but you can call me whatever....BEEP

I know you a woman of discriminating taste...this is silly...BEEP

If you like em hung, you'll like how I'm hanging...this is really stupid (no, you're doing great)...BEEP

I perform Sexual Acts (you're reading it wrong)....BEEP

I offer, you recieve...BEEP

Moaning guaranteed...BEEP

I can meet you this Sunday @ 10pm on HBO...BEEP

TWO DROPS OF PEE FUNNY. I now HAVE to tune it. HEEEE-LAAAAR-IOUS!!!!!

The Weekend In Random Thoughts Review

The past week has been just a whirlwind of fun, adventure and hijinks...

I wrote a post on MLM and the things that irritate me about it. I'm just gonna say these last few things:
- I don't care that people might read it and get the "wrong" impression about MLM and make it hard for you. I say what I want here and what I said is the gospel according to The TravelDiva.
- It is your THING so you do the explaining and change behaviors.
- A couple of you need to get a life...seriously, I'm not the cause of all your troubles. Stop following me on Twitter, stop sending me emails, stop trying to "convince" me that I'm wrong. I'm not and all of your posturing, posting/sending me quotes from famous people and/or the bible as if that is going to make me want to "get in" and taunting with "you're life sucks-you're a loser-you don't want to help people -you have no ambition" bullshyt only makes my case.

I'm just saying.

I went to my daughters corporate bbq on Friday. Great spread, nice people. She works at an economic think tank in DC. These people are really smart with like 20 PhD's and whatnot. They can write papers on how running outta bbq sauce will lead to global warming and the collapse of the banking system as we know it. Unfortunately, I think that being super smart must age the hell out of you. Those dudes looked OLD.

Like hair hanging out of your ear old. Like wearing shorts, black socks to your knees and white tennis shoes (or worse Birkenstocks) old.

Made me want to rethink working on my BrainAge...I don't want to look that old just to be smart as Einstein.

They may have been aged, but they sure did drink and do line dances like college students.

As an aside, if your bellybutton is big enough for me to put my fist into, then your gut is GYNORMOUS and wearing a fitted tshirt is just WRONG. I have spoken.My birthday twin, Debbi, came home from teaching in Africa (she is going back) and the CrimeFightingFriends got back together for cocktails. We fight crime (or will at least call 911 if we see your azz getting beat down in the street) where ever we find it.

Debbi is blaming me (or rather the Rum Punch) for making her deathly ill. HUMPH. I think she brought one of those African skeeters with her and she was shaking off the cooties. But if you must, go ahead and blame it on the alcohol.

So, LisaA...what ARE we gonna do about our Facebook stalkers?

Saturday, Val, Debbi, Terri & I went to see The Color Purple at the Kennedy Center with Fantasia playing Celie. She did a wonderful job. That girl can sing. The woman they had playing Shug Avery wasn't as good as I have previously seen; however, the play was great.

Some observations from the theater:
- Wearing what you wore to mow the lawn is not appropriate for the theater...and neither is wearing what you wore from your job at the strip club.
- All of your fussing, shifting in your seat, sucking your teeth during the play over what somebody else is doing down the row is such a waste of time and annoying to the person on your left & right. If you paid more attention to the STAGE and not what some youngster is doing 4 seats away, you wouldn't even notice. (I was sitting 2 seats away from said kid and I didn't hear a thing - go figure.
- It is not worth standing in line for 20 min to pay $10 for 3 oz of wine only to have to swig it down because the lights are going on & off indicating it is time to return to your seats. Just wait.
- I am also NOT paying $6 for a box of sourpatch candy...but I have no shame in asking to share yours..."Gimme a Sourpatch!"
- Really...why not take your group photo in the Opera House instead of the garage parking lot. Seriously...and aren't we just a little too old to be posing like we in the club in your Sunday Best.

We must do better or at least try to fake it.

We all went over to Co Co Sala after the play for some drinks. Yes, the food & drinks are pricey and the serving size on the plates are SUPER SMALL, but I was having a great time with the ladies.

Let me tell you what...if your man gets so stoned faced drunk that you have to practically carry/drag him out of the restaurant...then it is time to get a new man. Pathetic.

It is NOT cute to be walking around the streets of DC in your bare feet. That is just nasty. If you know you are going to be doing some walking, I suggest you bring another pair of shoes to change into or just leave the stilettos at home. Come on now.

I got a call on Friday about going to an interview on Monday. Went to interview on Monday - knocked it out the park as usual - and had an offer of employment at 10:30 am on Tuesday. After a long search, a short stint at a job I did not enjoy AT ALL, this opportunity dropped in my lap and went down so fast. I feel blessed.

Just have to pass a background check...good thing they cleared that mess up with my sister...and pass a drug test....hmmm, do you think that Makers Mark will show up?

@DrRarePearl83 stopped by last night. I made quesadilla's, nachos and RUM PUNCH...and she DID talk, but I had to put her under a bright light & slowly drip water on her forehead to interrogate her. Her stories about dealing with the kids she teaches makes her a Saint in my book. I'd have killed some of those heathens.

Whipped out the griddle this morning and made pancakes & eggs for breakfast...my kids came out of the woodwork like roaches at the smell of food. Even Prince Jordan was up before 1pm. Shock & Awe.

How was your weekend? How is your week shaping up.

Just not the one in question

Roxanne, originally uploaded by Jeppestown.

I recieved a copy of my sisters warrant & statement of charges this past week.

WHY, you ask? Well, because I was "involved" in her latest escapade and needed to have my name cleared. Interestingly enough, the PoPo have added to her charges of engaging in working girl behavior...they added "did engage in assignation by any means & did hinder a Police investigation"

Good for them.

However, I was amused by the Application for Statement of Charges where the officer outlines his case and all of what his investigation revealed. It was a relief to know that the officer "was able to determine that [my sister] was the [working girl he] contacted" and was able to determine from photographs and other identifying material that I submitted "that [TheTravelDiva] was not the [working girl] he contacted."

Ummm. Okay...so I was not the one "contacted" in the initial arrest, but that doesn't mean that I'm still not actually a working girl.

I was just not the one in question. What a relief.

Be it known that if I am going to be known as a possible working girl, I AM IN MANAGEMENT. Now get your red lights and get to working, mkay.

MLM & Social Networks - Why That Ish Irritates Me!

As a lot of readers already know, The FireMarshall and I have built a moderately successful MLM in the past. We spent 12 years at it. I will not rehash any of that here, so if you want to get some history then click in the topic cloud under Network Marketing and you will find our view point on this subject there.

What I want to vent about today is about how MLM & Social Networks (Facebook, Twitter, Blogs ect) have collided and how some of the status updates & tweets just get on my everlasting nerves with the rhetoric & invitations.

I completely understand how Social Networks can help in a tremendous (and very fast) way with sharing information on your business, promoting your business and prospecting (aka - contacting & inviting) for new "business partners" and customers. I get it.

What I don't get...what pisses me off are my alleged FB, LinkedIn, Plaxo, Twitter friends & associates that take that mess so damn far...it is outrageous and annoying as hell.

Consider This:

• The ONLY things you EVER post on your wall is about some MLM meeting you went to and how you met so & so and so & so and that if YOU really wanted to make a difference in someones life you would have been there and/or you would be checking out this opportunity. REALLY. The only way I can make a difference in the world is if I do your business? SERIOUSLY. Whatever.
• And do you have ANYTHING else going on in your life besides that MLM? Do you do ANYTHING else besides go to meetings and work this business of yours? Must not cause that is all you ever talk about. What kind of life is that. Perhaps that is why The FireMarshall and I often got the side eye from our upline because we would have the audacity to go on vacation to South Africa and miss Dream Weekend. BITE ME. We were busy living our dreams along the way of building them.
• I'm sick of reading the taunts that these alleged friends post, like "If you already have plenty of money & time, then don't check this opportunity out. If this is you, then please share how you are doing it. Enlighten us." DA HELL!!!! I’m so sick of that MLM psychobabble mumbo jumbo. If you don’t do, read, attend all their stuff, essentially you are a loser. You couldn't possibly be happy, content, well off, financially secure if you not doing their particular brand of MLM.
• Poke me in my fuggin eye & miss with with that bullshyt.
• I'm grown sick and tired of being friended by HS & college alumni under the pretense of staying in touch and at the first sign of me showing absolutely NO interest in joining your business, they ain't got ish to say to you anymore. EVER. Yet they continue to invite you to "opportunity meetings" and every once in a blue moon they IM you wanting to tell you about the latest sale and could you refer some people to them. STOP THE MADNESS.
• Those of you in the above category about to be on my list of de-friending. What is the point? We have nothing in common but a diploma.
• And while I'm on the subject of "Friends"...you wanna yank my chain for sure with that LIE about when you get into "business" with whoever, you will have friends/family for life. That is the biggest crock of tomfoolery ever! When we walked away after 12 years to pursue much more lucrative opportunities, all those so called friends - GONE. I'm still saddened over the loss of so many people I thought were friends. The only propaganda that I bought over the 12 years was the "friends for life" stuff. What was always left off and I never saw it coming was that what they really meant was "friends for life...ONLY if you are actively building the business." There were some people that I thought I got really close to...one was the daughter of my upline and she pretty much spat me out and said "screw you" (her husband seems to still be a decent person). The only people we are still on a speaking basis with is our immediate upline and a few of the people we personally sponsored. That part of the business...the relationships you "think" you've built...it's all a lie and I've still haven't gotten over it yet. As long as your productive...you've got "friends" after that, they have to move their attention onto the rest of the organization and since you are not a part of that anymore - you can't be friends or hang cause you are just getting in the way of building their empire. HUMPH!
• I'm gonna tazer the next person on FB who, offline, asks me "Don't you want to be free?" to my negative response to wanting to build a business with them. BULLSHYAT again. Free to do what? Nothing? You are never Free or Retired as MLM’rs are wont to tell you all the time. With the money comes more and more responsibility to your organization. You actually will have to spend MORE & MORE time with your team, developing and training them, attending each and every meeting known to man. My idea of freedom is the ability to do absolutely nothing whenever the heck I please. I would only consider it freedom if I could rise to the top level of that said business and then just walk away without so much as a by your leave. If I can’t (cause you always have to keep your group growing & motivated) then I’m not FREE. I will be forever working to keep that money and so called TIME. My time would not be my own as it would belong to the people I brought into the business and I ain’t into all that kind of obligation & babysitting anymore…EVER

MLM does work for some. It is a way for a lot of people who have no other means of starting their own business to do so. It is a great training ground for learning a certain business acumen. However, there are a lot of people in MLM that are straight up drinking the Koolaid. They are almost tantamount to a religious zealot. You can build a successful business/company or rise in ranks in Corporate America without losing yourself. You can have a life & friends...you can socialize outside of your MLM circle and still be a success. Everybody is not a failure cause they don't want to do "YOUR" thing. Seriously.

Jack out of the Matrix every once and a while...you just might see the forest for the trees.

Nintendo's Girlfriend's Gaming Guide Party

originally uploaded by NintendoGirlfriend'sGuide4.

While there can be a lot of drama going on here on these innernets, there are a lot of great things that happen too.

A blog and twitter friend, LivitLuvit, invited me to a Girls Guide to Gaming Party hosted by Nintendo. I had wanted to tryout the new Nintendo DSi and play those Brain Teaser games (gotta keep the mind sharp, ya know) and this was just my opportunity...I might even get some free stuff.

The GGG was held at a gallery/loft kind of a place that was very spacious and open. It was set up with four stations (couch areas) that were decorated with the theme of the game we were supposed to test out. While we were playing the games, we were served YUMMY hors d'ouvres, wine, champagne and other assorted beverages.

We picked a station and then played the game for a while giving glib and/or insightful commentary that was taken down by these cute "Nintendo" Ladies all dressed in black. They were just so nice and KEEEUUUTE and made sure that everyone was having a great time. After you finished a station, you received a cold coin...kinda like the ones you had to get when playing SuperMario or DonkyKong. When you got all four coins then you went to the "red chair" area where you learned about the WiFi, PictoChat, Picture capabilities and online shopping features on the new DSi.

You then turned in your 4 coins and WHALA! They gave you a brand new DSi system with 1000 coins on it..I downloaded two games. Why was I the only one squealing like I just got let loose at a St. John 75% off clearance sale. Yep, I acted da fool.

But that's not all...after the group photo the Nintendo Ladies came out with gift bags with a game - BrainAge & a bracelet...the VERY game I wanted so bad - WHY - cause my damn BrainAge is 64 - DA HELL. I gotta get in some work.

I don't know how LivitLuvit pulled this off, but it was a big hit. I was the oldest woman in the room and told the Nintendo Gaming Ladies that they needed to come back to DC and let me pull together a whole new demographic for them to test the machine and games on...35/40 and up. I bet you the crew I pull together would give them some good marketing material.

Bottom line, I think Nintendo has it going on with the Wii and this new DSi. Keep up the good work with making gaming fun for not only the guys but the ladies too!

Here is a link with more pictures from yesterday:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/39589822@N03/sets/72157621592651841/

Usual Suspects @ John Legend Concert

Last night, some of the Usual Suspects met up at Merriweather Post Pavilion for the John Legend/India Arie Concert. We all got lawn tickets and OneFromPhilly got there early enough to stake out a pretty good plot of land with a great view.

There was a moment or two when I didn't think we were going to pull this off due to the threat of rain; (I ain't sitting in the rain on a mud soaked hill for nobody) however, the rain gave up the ghost and by concert time there was some sun and blue sky to be seen.

Let it be known that we don't roll anywhere all half baked. We all showed up with both barrels loaded with enough food to feed all of us AND our surrounding lawn mates. If you didn't get any, it wasn't cause it wasn't offered. OneFromPhilly had ravioli, chips & spinach dip and strawberries. I had two bags stuffed with Roasted Chicken Sandwiches, sesame noodles, grapes, strawberries, chips & hummus & fruit tarts. CreoleInDC rolled up with chicken & potatoes from the Amish market AND a bottle of wine. We was ready to get our grub on.

Merriweather needs to get their act together on the rules of engagement for the lawn seats. On their website it states you can bring food in "clear, disposable containers". The sign outside one of the gates states "no food". I didn't have any problem at the gate with the minor looksy they gave of our bags, but we did see and hear about people at another gate having to dump all their food in the trash. R U SERIOUS. They would have KNOWN something had they told me I couldn't bring my food in after I packed it just like it states on the website I could.

Straight up GI JANE on de azz fo sho.

John Legend's brother (can't remember his name) opened the concert with a few songs. He sounded pretty good and looked good too, but dancing around with your shirt off with your ecru boxes showing out the top of you hanging too low jeans just doesn't do a damn thing for me. I'm not impressed and I don't find it chexy AT ALL. Guess he was trying to appeal to some of the ladies that came dressed for the "club". Merriweather, stiletto heels and a shiny version of daisy dukes just don't go together...can you say outdoor concert venue.

India was fantastic - in looks & sound. She had the crowd all in an uproar when she pulled off her wig to show her close cut fro. She looked beautiful right up to the point she put on the Party Party Party Store Costume Wings...well, she didn't suddenly become ugly...but the wings were a tad cheesy. Next time, Indie, get some of those Vic.tor.ia Se.cret wings. At least they look real and, if so inclined, you could bedazzle them.

The older I get, the more I want to bedazzle everything - ya, know - like THAT grandma that always sparkles. The more rhymi-stones...the better. LOL.

In between each set, Merriweather played MJ music and had people dancing all over the place...including the bedazzled birthday woman & her crew who all had one sparkly glove on. They were having the time of their life and even got a MJ electric slide going at one point. It was her birthday, and she can act a bedazzled crazy if she wants to. As you can tell from the video that a few of us were not that far off with us jumping up and dancing...trying our damnedest not to lean to far forward and roll down the hill.

Tuck & Roll. Tuck & Roll.

My favorite concert fan was the woman in a full burkah who was JAMMING. She was waving her arms in the air like she just didn't care and the only thing you could see were her eyes. SHE WAS JAMMING, I tell ya, in full head to toe black. Get it, girl.

John Legend came out and played what VivrantThang called a perfect mix of old favorites, new releases and "mash ups" (mixes of well known songs). He had to be hot in that purple leather jacket, but he sure did sound good. The FireMarshall dozed off. Hmmmm....and when he decided it was time to go, he was packed and steppin. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to everyone for fear of losing Ron in the crowd. He was gone and I had to get to stepping to keep up.

I had a wonderful time...but how could you not when your with...The Usual Suspects.

Hump Day Randoms

After 12 years of faithful and dedicated service, our beautiful stainless steel gas grill with the side burner, smoker and rotisserie, DIED, on Sunday, July 12th at approximately 3:35pm. Services were immediately held and arrangements made for its removal from its place of honor in the back yard. SIGH.

My sister called me and asked if I would use my frequent flyer miles to get her a ticket to go to...now follow along...her alledged baby daddy's brothers funeral. How many times do I have to say CRACK KILLS!

I'm just a tinge of jealous that Pattie & Sozik are hanging together this weekend. Just a little, cause they are supposed to be discussing our girls weekend trip. RIIIIIGGGGHTTT????!!!! I expect the plan of action NLT Monday by noon. Mkay?

I am looking forward to the concert on the lawn at Merriweather Post Pavillion on Friday with a few of my "axe murderer" friends. Even the FireMarshall is in on this activity.

My cat, Socks, is acting a tad psycho after we left him at home for a week while we were on vacation. He did have someone looking in on him, but still...I think he has some abandonment issues.

Sooooo, this woman thinks her life suck with her husband...he's not "performing" anymore. She steps out and plays cougar to a few gym jocks. Tells her husband she wants out, and is willing to give up everything...and I mean everything. Doesn't want the house cause "she can't afford it". Took her debt with her too. When husband has the quick claim deed served at her job, her lip is poked out that she now has nothing but debt to show for all her years.

Can you say VILLAGE IDIOT?!

Angry White Woman (my mother) is going to Alaska on a cruise. We are just a little concerned that she won't come back cause she is on the prowl for some Alaska Glacier Man. I'm skerred...for him.

I'm back in the running game...Army 10 miler here I come.

I was asked to test out a product and write about it. This should be interesting

So...How is your Hump Day?

Country Living

I guess I do live a tad out in the country if this is the view I saw while running today - just around the corner from the house. Beautiful.

The Look of Absolute Vacation Joy

Princess Cara
The Look of ABSOLUTE VACATION JOY!

The Westin Lagunamar Ocean Resort

We are finally back from our vacation to Cancun, Mexico...all safe and sound back at home. We thouroughly enjoyed our time at the Westin Lagunamar Ocean Resort. This is the first year that it is open and they have done a wonderful job with the resort.

It was peaceful, beautiful and everyone treated us wonderfully. The staff was on top of their jobs in ensuring that you had a wonderful stay. My concierge, Lugi was always knowledgable and very helpful.

We had reserved 2 - 2 bedroom suites since there were a total of 8 people in our party (for most of the trip) and it turned out perfect. Beautifully decorated and appointed - you just can't go wrong with an abundance of heavenly beds....and how about the whirlpool bathtubs in each room.

It was great having full kitchens in each section and after our Costco Mexico run, we were in business and only had to go out to dinner 2x...and that was of our choosing. There is a mall directly across the street with a mini-market and the hotel has their own market for small incidentals --which I didn't find too overly priced.

The Westin Lagunamar Ocean Resort turned out to be a perfect resort for a family vacation.

Vacation Variables

Traveling with family and/or friends can be daunting and it is easy to get annoyed. As a frequent traveler with this crew there are some things that you just gotta let roll of of your back like water or you are going to end up one pissed traveler and end up ruining your vacation.

If you have a lot of pet peeves, idiosyncrasies and/or you are a "my way or the highway" kind of person...I suggest your travel by yourself. Or at least don't go anywhere with me cause I'll leave yo azz.

The best way to find out if you love someone or hate them is to travel with them - Mark Twain.

He's got that right.

Your drama is all yours. I will ignore you and go about my happy go lucky, having a good time way.

For the most part, while at a major resort, you can be a complete anal retentive, demanding azz (if you so desire). But once you are out and about, I would recommend having some understanding of the local culture & customs and adjusting accordingly. When in Rome, do like the Romans. I'm not saying to accept or tolerate rudeness or poor service, but your lack of acceptance/tolerance of the way things are done (this really pertains out of the country) actually makes YOU look like a village idiot (AKA - ignorant American). Seriously. Just stay at home then.

There were a few times that I got a tad irritated with my son, who this trip was in honor of. You see, I completely understand going on vacation and doing absolutely nothing; however, sitting in the suite all day playing Warcraft on the computer, sleeping until 2pm, and/or watching movies (in Spanish) does NOT require that you go out of the country. You can do that shyt at home and save me a boat load of money. I'm just saying.

To avoid being completely annoyed, I swam up to the pool bar and ordered another drink. HUMPH.

If you can't stand the sun or the heat, then WHY DA HELL do you come (and always want to go) to resorts in the friggin Caribbean WHERE IT IS HOT. I'm just asking...I'm not saying anything...just swimming back up to the bar again.

I had had just about enough of Princess Cara's fraidy cat routine. She was just scarred of every friggin thing...and I mean just about everything. So much so that there were times I just had to walk away so as to not slap the drama queen right out of her. I had to walk away from her and her co-conspirator & enabler - The FireMarshall.

However, just when I was on the brink of madness, thinking that they don't really have social services down here; The FireMarshall takes her on the water slide and....ooops...drops her. She got royally dunked. From then on, Princess Cara was fearless in the water. Now she is a regular Jacques Cousteau...Go figure.

If you haven't figured it out, I like to travel. I like to experience new things. I am adventurous. I would rather see it, do it, go there myself and live to tell the tale. I'm not much for sitting in my house and learning about the world from my TV or my computer. Live it; Experience it. At home - Safe - yes...But BOOOORRRRRING.

I love to travel, but HATE the getting there and back business:

• I find it a bit absurd that I have to give blood & subject myself to a potential cavity search to get on a friggin plane, but can board a train or bus with gallons of liquids & carry any ole type of potential weapons - like a mean lookin nail file - without anybody saying so much as BOO. That is just some STOOPIT ish. Not safe at all. Just a stupid and wasteful policy if you ask me...but you prolly didn't.
• Come on...my nail clippers and tweezers pose a significant threat? However, the case of Tequila (flammable, I'd say) that I dragged onto a train doesn't worry anybody. Mmmkay.
• I gotta take my shoes off to be screened anywhere in the US but leaving Mexico and just about anywhere else in the world....ahhhh, shucks, just leave em on. I guess only a fool in the US tried to lite the soles of his shoes on fire. Sometimes I just think we Americans have cornered the market on Village idiots.

I'm just saying.

You have to love a good flea market in any country...but the one in Cancun (while it still pales in comparison to the haggling you would experience at the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul) was a marvel of hawkers, haggling and....wait for it...honesty.
- "Please, mama, just give me one Mexican second in my store."
- " Best junk of any both, best prices too."
- " Oh, por favor senorita, you gave him a look, my just is much better."
- " I'll give you best price of all on my just."

STOP THE MADDNESS. I hollerd the whole time.

My iPhone is da BOMB. There is nothing like having free wifi at the resort and being able to Twitter, FB and kick azz in some Scrabble by the pool with frosty drink at your side. I loved being able to watch CreoleInDC's new video creations and practically falling out of my lounge chair laughing so hard. I had to quit her, ya know.

What happens in Mexico, should stay in Mexico.

White women, cornrows done by Mexican women & beads. I'm done. More nail art please.

Tell me some of your Vacation Variables....I'm tuckered out.

Dinner at Paloma Bonita

The family went out to dinner at Palomoa Bonita's on Monday to celebrate Prince Jordan's graduation from High School. We had an absolute fabulous time at this restaurant. We took my BFF Pattey to this same restaurant when we came down October of 2007. The same exact people & staff were there and they made sure that Jordan had a rip roaring good time (as you can see from the video).

If you are ever in Cancun, Mexico and want a great dinner along with awesome entertainment then you HAVE to go to Paloma Bonita's...it is definitly the whole kit & kaboodle.

ParaSailing

Stop Actin Like You Don't Know...

Dear FireMarshall's Cousin's,

You know who you are. The Black people who are not related to me, but to somebody else (like the FireMarshall) because my people would not behave this way...they have to be YOUR COUSINS.

Imma need you to STOP THE BULLSHYT. Get your friggin nose out the air and stop acting like you don't know anybody - especially other people of color - when you are traveling. We are not trying to shake you down. We are not trying to embarrass your stanky azz. We are not trying to steal your shyt. We ARE NOT trying to do whatever it is you think we are trying to do when you get your face all twisted as if someone just cut a smelly in your presence when another person of color speaks to you on the beach, at the pool, in the hotel lobby...WHEREVER...while on vacation.

I have had just about enough of that gas face I have received from YOUR COUSINS whenever I have said hello, offered to take your photo with the whole family for you, or tried to offer directions or something. You must think you have arrived or whatnot cause you on a wonderful vacation at a beautiful resort...MUST BE NICE...I know it is; I'm here too.

I know there are some that would say, come on TravelDiva, it must just be this particular spot, this particular vacation. NERP. I have written about this before on other trips and it chaps my azz every friggin time. What da hell is wrong YOUR COUSINS cause I know for a fact that my friends of color - my Black friends - just wouldn't behave in that manner.

I can strike up a converstation with complete strangers who are white or foreign or something other than Black and have a lovely time. I try and strike up a converstation with YOUR COUSINS and...gas face. DA HELL is wrong with you!

I am not going to say it again. STOP THE BULLSHYT cause the next time I get that friggin gas face, I'm going to taze you azz with a few choice words and then you will know something.

I'm just sayin.

The "Jungle Tour"

The "Jungle Tour" should have really been called the "Lagoon Tour" or just the "Ride the Speed Boat" tour because there was really no "Jungle" to be seen at all. Unless you call these big mangroves in the water a jungle, then the tour was not named appropriately. A bit of false advertising if you ask me.

Now don't get me wrong, we had a wonderful time driving our own personal speed boat and snorkeling in the ocean; however, I am glad that we paid at a discounted rate as Starwood Owners or I might have been a tad pissed about how much it was for the NOT Jungle Tour. By the way...our tour guide was in his own speed boat and we just followed so there wasn't much of a tour either.

Cara loved the boat - hated the pirannah sized fish. Nemo my azz she said. Sarah made all of us almost burst a kidney when she sported her shower cap as her swim cap. The FireMarshall was always trying to give safety "boat driving tips". Nobody could hear him over the engines. Stop the madness.

Despite the fact that the tour was a tad bit off in its advertisement, we had a great time.

Guest Blogger - Princess Charlee's Thoughts On Her Cancun Adventure

Charlee --- Cara --- Erin

Hi TravelDiva Fans.... my name is Charlee Paye.

I know this may seem strange being the middle neice to the TravelDiva, but this is my first time traveling out of the country, and I did it alone. I got on a flight out of BWI alone and managed to transfer planes and arrive alive in Cancun, Mexico.

Once I got across the border my adventure began. As soon as we got to the resort the first thing we did was go to the beach. I must not get out much because I have never seen water so blue in my entire life. Cara and I built a sand castle...well, I did most of the work...and we splashed around in the waves. You know you are living the life when you can sip margaritas while swimming in an Olympic-sized pool.

After a couple long hours at the pool we went to Planet Hollywood for some dinner. I devoured a rack of ribs, Cara literally inhaled her spaghetti and Jordan terminated the “Terminator Burger.” Dinner was good despite the fact that the Austin Powers wanna be kept trying to shagg my little sister. After browsing some of the shops, and taking two shot of Tequila at a gift shop with Erin, my first night in heaven had ended.

Early the next morning I woke up to my little sister jumping on my bed ready to go back to the beach. I sat back and watched with an American flag in my hand. We just hung out at the infinity pool all day and after a power nap, it was time to party. Erin was going to take us to the club, Senor Frogs, for the night to celebrate the fourth. After a tall margarita, and a couple beers for Jordan, the dancing began. We got low to the floor on the cha-cha slide, watched the waiters do the stanky legg, cranked that souljah boy, took shots on the soul train line, walked it out all over the stage, and sang Journey. Me and my right-hand man were definitely the life of the party.

We took a cab home, and of course, Jordan loses his wallet. End of night 2.

This morning we prepared for the “Jungle Tour.” There wasn’t really much jungle besides the huge water bushes and the locals jumping off the highway bridge and swimming in the..uhh was it even a lake?? I got to swim with the fishies, which was an amazing experience, and speed raced back to shore on the motor boats. And of course when we got back to the resort it was back to the beach and the pool! Hopefully I will have Cara somewhat swimming by the time we get home.

I played mom (aka TravelDiva) in an extreme game of chess, and she kind of let me win. I’m so excited to see what the rest of this trip brings, besides my crucial tan.

4th of July in Cancun, Mexico

Happy 4th of July!

I hope every one is having a wonderful Independence Day. We are currently enjoying a family vacation in Cancun, Mexico - a graduation present for Prince Jordan. I'm sure I will have plenty of stories to regale you with shortly. Till then...light the BBQ and get the fireworks ready! Have a great day! God Bless America!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

It's A Beautiful Day

Wi-Fi OnBoard

We left at before the crack of dawn (4am) to catch our flight to Cancun, Mexico for Jordan's graduation trip. The only saving grace to this whole traveling thing...I HATE the getting there part...was that there was Wi-Fi aboard our flights.

Now, I don't know why I would think that the wi-fi might be free after spending a small fortune on the (5) tickets & $75 to check 5 bags. And do you know that the check in agent even broke out a friggin tape measure for one of our bags? Made my eye damn twitch cause had it not be within the limit - there would have went another $55 on top of the $75. I would have been PISSED.

N. E. Way...the wi-fi was not free. It was $9.95 for the day. Fine. I whip out the computer and get to working. Ummmm....well I quickly figured out that this was not going to work as my batter was not fully charged so I only got to play for about 30 min. HUMPH. I put my computer away and pull out my iPhone and WHA-LA! I'm back in business. That too was short lived cause after about another 30 min of fiddling around and getting in a couple of games of Scrabble with my FB friends - BAM - no service. I get a message that says the wi-fi service if only available in the Continental USA and that I must be out of the service area. NO SHYAT SHERLOCK. I crossed over to international waters and thus I'm out of the service area.

Whatever. I'm on vacation.

We land, run the customs guantlet only to have to run a guantlet of timeshare and activities hawkers...and those people are RELENTLESS. I actually had to get ugly to just make it through the crowd.

Whatever. I'm on vacation.

We made it to the Westin Lagunamar Ocean Resort and it is beautiful. The water is a tourquoise blue and there is an infinity pool with a swim up bar.

I'm on vacation and life is grand.

Random Ramblings from the TravelDiva

I have had a lot of things to talk about, but I've been way too busy and moving way too fast to sit down and elaborate so here ya go with some more random thoughts....

- I don't know about anybody else, but I am so glad that I can watch a movie for pure mind numbing enjoyment...to just watch stuff get broken, blown up, and/or killed and not look for every continuity, plot, or racism issue lurking around every corner.

- Honestly, most times, I just don't care. Pleasure for the pure pleasure of it. Anything else makes my head hurt and I certainly ain't paying to do the analysis...Imma need to get paid for that.

- I also don't look for racism around every corner - and especially not in two friggin ROBOTS!!! - Seriously. Whattheeffever.

- And what makes it even more STOOPIT is that the same people who got their panties in a bunch over the fact that the "Twin" robots in Transformer were stereotypical or created with a racist intent, cosigned the fugnuckery that was on BET. Was not the behavior, dress, attitude (just the whole damn thing) a hot damn stereotypical, racist, live up to the myths mess?

- I'm just saying.

- And Joe Jackson need to SIT THE EFF DOWN SOMEWHERE. Nobody cares. At least I don't.

- I quit Mafia Wars. I have had enough. It was becoming a complete waste of my time, it was boring and I was just sick of all the "stuff" clogging up my newsfeed.

- Move along...nothing to see here people...move along.

- I hate it when people say "must be nice". Guess what - it friggin IS nice.

- If I don't accept your invitation to be a fan of your MLM page on FB for the 5th time, if I decline your invitation to a MLM meeting for the 20th time - THEN STOP FRIGGIN SENDING THEM TO ME! I am NOT coming. I am NOT joining your business. I have plenty of "friends for life." I will still be a success even if I don't join you in your venture. GET OVER YOURSELF.

- You know what else I don't care about...What your color is, What MJ song you are, What computer you are....NONE OF IT. NOBODY CARES. Why do people still publish that mess on FB. SKIP please.

- It still amazes me to no end what women will put up with in the name of/hope of love. All I can do is SMH. When are we ever gonna learn.

- That scenario that CreoleInDC put up regarding DontDateHim.com made me ill. Another reason why I am glad I'm married to my Knight and don't have to deal with that kind of mess. Let me tell you, I would be an episode of Law & Order:SVU cause that fool would for sure be a SPECIAL VICTIM.

- I don't believe you. I have an excellent memory and I don't recall anything like that EVER happening. As far as I'm concerned, it never did. I don't believe you.

- It is NEVER gonna happen. Don't even ask, hint, insinuate. I will crush you like a bug.

- I may seem like a really "nice lady" but, truth be told...I can be pretty damn harsh. You've been warned.

- I took "Baby" into the Mercedes dealership to have the oil changed. I felt like MJ's Liberian Girl as I walked through the dealership. Perhaps it was because I was wearing my Yoga clothes (I did have a cover up on though). I think I was changing some worlds.

- While wating on the car, this rather handsome man sat down next to me and I swooned...Not because of his good looks, but because he poured the entire bottle of cologne over his body. I couldn't breath.

- My mother (aka - Angry White Woman) slays me. She is funny as shyat and I was absolutely positive that we were going to get shanked while we was hanging at National Harbor. She is a loud whisperer..."Hey! There is Starbright!"...as she point at a chick wearing cammo tights and a sequined top. I would like a new mother please.

- I've been cleaning like a fanatic cause I hate coming home from vacation to a messy house.

- Passports...Check. Travel Documents...Check. Luggage....Check. One more day and we will be chilling on the beach...It IS gonna be really nice.

What going on with you?