Just When You Thought...

Just when you thought you were the too big to be wearing a two piece bathing suit cause of the dunlaps and back fat there is someone who will definitely think that they are still a super model and put it on. How many back fat rolls do you see? Do people just not look at themselves in the mirror and NOT see the 3-4 rolls of fat caused by you tying your bathing suit top SOOOO tight to hold up the jugs in the front that you induce back fat rolls? And don't even ask me about what the front view was. JESUS help my eyes. I almost went blind.

Now I don't really care if your are fat/overweight/obese - whatever. That's your business. What does bother me is when you are clearly a size 16+ and you are still squeezing your behind in a size 10 or smaller. WHY? Do you really believe that you are one sexy mama wearing a pair of jeans that are 5 sizes too small with your muffin' top hanging over the front and the crack of your ass hanging out the back. AND YES - the thong underwear you thought looked sexy on the hanger at Victoria Secrets should have stayed there cause it looks like you are wearing butt floss. That HAS to hurt.

Put some gosh damn Spanx on and/or get a freakin body shaper. Yeah they cinch everything in and give you a smooth line - which can be a tad uncomfortable. Take small shallow breaths. But you won't look like you have 8 breasts and 3 butts from all the too mfn' tight/small crap you are wearing. STOP THE MADNESS. It is not the bathing suit/dress - whatever - that makes you look fat...Its the mfn' FAT that makes you look fat. Come to grips.

Please world - wear your size or lose weight. You CAN look good at any (well almost - the 1000lb man does NOT look good). Whew...I'm going to go eat some damn celery.

Fat Chick Beat Down Update-Week 1

The initial report is at the bottom of my site. This is my update from week one of the beatdown... Stay tuned as the Fat BEEACH beatdown progresses towards the first major milestone - April 13th Bahama's Trip!

No Lisa, It's the Fat that Makes You Look Fat

At what point do you realize that you really ARE FAT? Is it when you get on the scale and the dial almost does a complete 360? Is it when you look down and you can't see your toes because you stomach is in the way? Is it when you also realize you can't see you coochie without moving that stomach ball out of the way? Is it when you notice that you have BACK FAT. Did you even realize that there is such a thing?

I'll tell you what broke the FAT LISA STRAW! I'm trying to pull together a week of outfits to go to my training class and several signs hit me like a ton of bricks:

• I decided to weigh myself - THE HORROR, THE HORROR - 183 - F**K
• I decided it would be best to try on what I'm planning on taking. Wouldn't want to find out that you outfit doesn't fit when you in a hotel room. PITIFUL, SAD
• After the first couple of - Well, Damn, that's too tight! - I decided to try on all of my clothes and set the ones that didn't fit anymore in a separate part of my closet. Why is this section getting so large?

Well, after it was all said and done, I am looking at over $3,000 worth of clothing - beautiful suits & dresses - that I can't wear without looking like a stuck pig. That made me snap. The FAT GIRL IS GOING DOWN! I'M TAKING THAT BEEACH OUT. I'll be damn if my 20th Anniversay and 20th Class Reunion is celebrated as a FAT FREAKIN' DIVA.

To parapharase Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind - As God is my witness, I'll never be [FAT] again.

I may be hungry, but so be it. This Diva is takin' the COW out!