Live Beyond It

Yesterday, around 5pm, I received a text from my manager that I needed to cancel all appointments with customers and stay home by the phone. More information would be forth coming. I’ve heard that before. Twice. And each time I was laid off from my job during that “wait at home for the phone to ring” period. This would be the third time in 6 years that I had to do this. All I could think about was that I needed to get the HELL out of this industry (pharmaceuticals) and move on to something else. I held on to the fact that I was moving on and I couldn’t wait for classes to start so I could get these pesky pre-requisites out of the way and MOVE ON!

 

I then got a message from a friend to check out the “Daily Message” and it was RIGHT ON TIME. I’m disappointed, I’m worried. I’m afraid…but I’m going to LIVE BEYOND IT!

Don’t live with the disappointment. Live beyond it.

You cannot stop what has already happened. However, you can let it make you stronger and more determined.

Instead of dwelling on the pain or injustice of what has happened, imagine the best possible outcome. Then get busy moving yourself steadily and passionately toward that outcome.

Life has the power to disappoint. Yet you have the power of life, and the power to move on to bigger and better things.

When you have been disappointed, it means you truly care, and that’s a very positive thing. Zero in on what you care about, and put your energy into advancing those things in your life.

Look ahead, and look at all the good and valuable things you can do. Look ahead, and step confidently forward with a renewed sense of purpose and determination.

— Ralph Marston

I sat home today with a friend and colleague, drinking mimosas and chatting it up, trying to laugh our way through till the phone call came. At 10am I to the call…"You have been retained.” Then I was told to hang around for the message about a webinar at 4pm that would give me more information on the transformation. Seriously? My friend, she had to wait till 3pm (she was part of the contract field force so things are done differently) to hear what was happening with her. At 3pm, in a less than 5 min call, she was told – along with around 300+ other contract reps- “thanks for your service, but your contract has been terminated effective December 31st. We expect you to give the same commitment previously until December.” Really?

 

LIVE BEYOND IT. We honestly have no choice. I have cried for my friend and then got on the phone and started working that rolodex on her behalf. While I was retained, today was just a further wake up call that I need to continue looking ahead; stepping confidently forward toward my new goals/purpose…

 

Physician Assistant License and Masters in Public Health

 

I’m putting my energy into advancing bigger & better thing in my life. LIVING BEYOND my disappointments. LOOKING AHEAD!

SuperSTAAAAARRRR!

My company selected me to participate in the making of a sales training video around “Advancing The Sale” and, of course, I was a natural…as described in the feedback sent to my regional & district managers:

On behalf of ______, _______ the Brand team, and the crew, thank you for participating in the video shoot Friday!  You were such a pleasure to work with and professional too - it was amazing how you could cry on queue to deliver that riveting emotional component we were looking for in script 7.  Kidding aside, we had an amazing 3 days of filming –11 videos over 3 days and everything went off without a hitch.  This could not have been possible without great talent such as yourself, so again thank you.

I’m just saying.

 

 

 

So, if need a gorgeous (yeah, I don’t have a self-esteem problem AT ALL) yet professional “actress” for your film, video or tv production…I’m available. How about a reality show – “Real Working Girl of DC”? I have great comedic timing.

 

I’m ready for my close up!

                 

Meeting Madness

…The random stuff that goes through my head about the shyt that happens/is said at meetings.

Why do they always thank you for coming to the meeting…”I appreciate you coming. Thank You.” As if it was optional to attend. Seriously.

 

That blond, slim (almost anorexic) look for a pharma rep is still alive & well.

 

I’m not JUST a sales rep…I’m a Change Agent. *insert eye roll*

 

“Hyper Focused Strategy”…Explain to me how to be HYPER and FOCUSED at the same damn time. SIGH.

 

I can already tell from the way my District Manager is looking at me that I have not fixed my face enough to “look engaged.” Oh well. I’m a work in progress.

 

What exactly is the point of being “very” knowledgeable about the disease state and process if you are not allowed to EVER use that knowledge to compare & win (competitively sell vs. competitors)? Anybody can be taught to read a damn script and saying “I dunno” get’s real old…even to your clients. Just sayin’.

 

Us old school change agents are one sentence away from being a compliance/HR nightmare, but we are some change agent sell our azz off mofo’s though. WINNING!

 

Only a half day in on the two day meeting and I’m already losing the “give a shit” battle.

 

I love team building activities.

 

When all methods of persuasion fails…inserting fear, doubt, uncertainty into the the mix works. Really..it does (but it probably isn’t “compliant”).

 

It’s funny how you all of a sudden become like E.F. Hutton when your sales numbers are kicking the AZZ off of every body else in the district.

 

Best get your umbrella cause I’m raining KNOWLEDGE down on ya’ll. (But only the “compliant” stuff mind ya.)

 

…and just when I thought I was fakin’ the give a shyt funk, my Regional Manager sits down next to me.

 

Look engaged. Look engaged. Look engaged. Look engaged.

 

It's 5 o’clock in the PM

Meeting nuttin’ but mayhem

You said it’d be over soon

So I snuck out to the break room

And I thought I’d just wait there

Until time for the team dinner affair

I’d pretend I was interested and I was dreaming…

 

What psychedelic drug was the marketing team on when they came up with the name for our new combo product? I can’t even pronounce that mess. SMDH.

 

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning…

 

We are going to do a “DEEP DIVE” into the data. o_O …vs. a shallow one?

 

WTF is a Secret Sauce (Best Practice) Mentor. These names for shit is NOT cute.

 

Recognition/Award Time!!!

-Biggest jump in regional rank #35 to #6 (TRx MS .3 to 3.5) post launch

- Top TRx product volume in District

- Tied for Top Overall NRx product volume

- Most strategic approach with routing & teamwork coordination

- Managed care lead

 

HOW BOUT THAT PLASTIC TROPHY! I got a hug too!

 

 

 

Nothing makes the day go by faster than to get a call for the final interview on a dream job/opportunity.

 

THANK YOU JESUS for that text from Ms.Pattey…it came just as my forehead was about to dent the table.

 

Holy Smoke! The President might stop by the resort for the DNC Meeting also being held here! WHAT! Oh, I can’t go down that hallway. Oh okay. Yeah. Those Se.c.r.et Service people are NO JOKE. They look like if you even breathed in their general direction I would have an appointment with a marble floor, gun muzzle and some latex.

 

Yep. I’m moving along. Nothing to see.

 

AST (Advanced Sales Training)…okay…good info. SOOOOOOoooo, when your trainer AND DM admit they were “poor sales people” until they went through the training (AS A TRAINER & DM) o_O, does that mean that poor performance is how you get promoted in these streets? {{{{O_O}}}} HARD DAMN STARE.

 

Seriously!? So now we are Change Management Consultants?

 

I think I’m bleeding from my eyes.

 

Only things worth “taking away” from the meeting:

- Be interested NOT interesting.

- Stay in the moment.

- Seek First to Understand.

 

Do you ever want to drink straight from the bottle after company meetings?

Training Torture Tidbits

I spent that past 10 days in Minnesot-AH! at a training class for a new gig I took (taking it for the Kingdom – playing my position to ensure that Camelot is still lined in Gold & Silver). The only saving grace was The Mall of America where I spent the entire Saturday (9 hours) shopping with my new friend & playmate, Nat from Montana. I LURVE that girl. We hit it off famously. Go figure. Without here, there might have been a “goin’ postal” moment.

 

- I found it amazing that sales reps with so much experience and tenure were wigging out over taking a product certification exam…ESPECIALLY when the trainer gave us a study guide and was telling us exactly what was on the exam to review. o_O

 

- I so wanted to pass out my Xanax.

 

- Just cause you WERE formerly a District Manager does NOT make you the resident expert of EVERY SINGLE THING. Keywords: FORMERLY. You are just like the rest of us…and old dog put out to pasture given an opportunity to excel elsewhere.

 

- STOP TYRING TO BE TOP TRAINING REP! None of us really care nor are we competing for the title. Seriously.

 

- If you already know that question you are asking is off label, not indicated or out of compliance…THEN DON’T FUGGING ASK THE TRAINER THE DAG ON QUESTION. She can’t answer it. You are wasting time.

 

- Also, stop beating that dead horse to death.

 

- Perhaps I will bring some Xanax down and spike the coffee. The hysteria is killing me.

 

- Looking over the top of my glasses with THAT look…brings me immense joy. I see why it has been so effective for The FireMarshall.

 

- I’m gonna need this woman who just had a baby; whose husband told her NOT to go back to work to stop all the whining and complaining and slow her roll. Go home.

 

- You insisted on taking this job against your husbands wishes so SUCK it up. I don’t want to hear anymore about your stress level, how much you miss your baby (I miss my grown children, dammit) or anything else when you were given the opportunity to stay at home.

 

- OH! You went back cause you didn’t want to “fall” behind in your skills. Sigh. Let this old lady tell you…you will regret NOT staying home with your kids if you financially can way more than you will ever regret falling behind your “corporate” peers in skills. Trust me.

 

- Wanna know how to tell when your skirt is too short – for professional/business duty ?…When your 40+ years old, you sit down and your thigh high hose shows to the entire room. Chile Please! Cottage Cheese don’t look chexy no matter HOW skinny you are. PERIOD.

 

- WORST TRAINER EVER!!! If you don’t know who to use all the features of the damn tablet or where shit is, what makes you think we will. FUBAR!

 

- By day 9, my “give a shyt factor” was at ZERO! I just didn’t give a damn.

 

- Passed the exam, razzle dazzled them with my presentation skills (as I knew I would – it just ain’t that hard) and went to Off Fifth Saks and shopped to get The FireMarshall new duds for our trip to The Breakers. That’s how much time I had to kill before we had to be back for grins, giggles & goodbyes.

 

- I practically knocked people out of the way and did the OJ Simpson to the bus and in the airport to get da hell outta there.

 

There is NO PLACE like HOME!

Total Compensation

I find it amusing when talking to colleagues in my industry (medical sales) that scoff at what some companies are offering as a base salary these days for management level jobs. I just kinda stare & smile as they go on about what they use to make in base, and what position they used to have, and how they won’t accept anything less. Sometimes I might ask how long have they been laid off on the market or (if feeling bold) how many weeks/months of severance they got. Sometimes. Usually those who throw their nose in the air at the District Manager job with the base that is at least 40% lower than their previous base haven’t been optimized long or still have their severance kicking in & medical subsidized.

 

They haven’t been out there long ON THEIR OWN DIME. It hasn’t hit them yet that they now have to pay for their own internet service, cell phone, car (note, insurance, maintenance & GAS). They haven’t received that notice that they are now on COBRA to the tune of $1800/month for a family of 4 and/or haven’t had to try to get their own private medical insurance (try paying those premiums your damn self- GRUESOME). Their severance hasn’t ran out yet and they haven’t had to apply for unemployment benefits – YET. They probably also don’t have a spouse that is building a company (self-employed) and thus can’t just shift over to their medical/dental coverage.

 

ON YOUR OWN DIME.

 

I am of the firm belief that some people just don’t do the math. They have never had to. It’s just easy to NOT think about the TOTAL COMPENSATION package that you had/have until you actually ARE that package & have to come out of pocket. It hurts. There is suffering & noshing of teeth. Sacrifice. When it hits you square up in the face with bills that don’t go on an expense report (phone, internet service, MFn GAS), with having to get a car since you have always had a “fleet vehicle or car allowance”, with paying COBRA or your own premiums, THEN you will actually find value and calculate TOTAL COMPENSATION when you are given an offer.

 

Been there. Doing that. Starting your own company & building it successfully is awesome, rewarding AND expensive. I decided to go back to work for an employer recently to take some of the pressure off of the coffers (I’m tired of cat food; gives you hella bad breath – Just Kidding) as we build the Empire. No biggie. I have always played my position on the team.

 

I just accepted an offer from a company and I tell you, I had a moment of PURE GLEE when I got an email about making arrangements to have my “fleet car” delivered.

 

PURE, UNADULTERATED, GLEE!

 

Outside of my base salary & bonus/commission, the FM and I sat down and calculated the “value” of the rest of my offer (car, gas, cell phone, medical/dental/vision, internet, PTO)  to make sure that it was worth accepting. We calculated together the value…and it came to over $25K. FIX YO FACE. Yep.

 

DO THE MATH.

 

Take your cell phone bill, internet service, car note, insurance, average gas spend/month, medical premiums (guess or pull it off your paycheck since you don’t pay it yourself), multiply it by 12 and see what you come up with. (Now, if you are in a different industry you will have to use other things that you get COMPENSATED for at your company that you take for granted cause it doesn’t really come out your pocket – THINK)

 

So, here’s the deal. Before you just up and jump ship to go to another gig, before you refuse an offer cause the “base” salary seems a tad low or not what your accustomed to – calculate your TOTAL COMPENSATION PACKAGE. You might also want to put a number on the cost of your 401K, Life Insurance and other bennies that your company gives you to that over & above base calculation. Once you have the total VALUE of your compensation – you can then make a informed (and financially savvy) decision about what to do or not do.

 

I’m just sayin

Let the Blood Bath Begin

Three years ago (Dec 2006), I was layed off from this illustrious company in what was one of the largest pharma layoffs seen. NOBODY in the industry thought that "The Blue Football" would layoff anybody, let alone 3000 people, but they did and many large pharma companies followed suit. If P.fi.zer could do it, why not the rest of us.

Well, today began a new Blood Letting at P.fiz.er. Between today & tomorrow, a good majority of the sales force is getting the ole heave ho! A total of 8000 people. I heard from some of my friends over there, some great individuals who got optimized today. While most of them are pretty non-plussed about it (great severance packages), there are still a few wandering around in shock in awe with a deer in headlights look about them. "Why me..how did this happen to me." Happens to the best of us. Seriously. Happened to me twice in under 3 years.

To add a little insult to injury - Not one Black District Manager in the DMV was retained. Hmmmm. How you gonna represent the company in one of the most heavily populated areas for physicians of color and you don't have anybody of color representing/leading the way. I'm just saying. Interesting to say the least. Let see how many of the sales reps of color are left after tomorrows 11am calls begin.

You know what else I find interesting, Pf.iz.er doesn't have money to hold onto their sales force, but they have money to buy another company...and then the audacity to say that once the purchase is complete, they are going to cut some of those people too. Wow.

So, those of you who are part of the downsizing, right-sizing, field force optimizing - WHATEVER they are calling it - best get to dusting off those resumes and re-kindling that network you might have been neglecting. You'd be real amazed at how fast you will run through that severance.

God Bless to all of my Pfired colleagues.

When Life Just Blows....

On the Fifth (Month) of Unemployment, My True Love Gave to Me...

Reeasons to Sing....

Yesterday I had the priviledge to experience the Grace of God for the umpteenth time. I am always surprised, but am so glad that I recognize it when it happens, so that I can give credit (honor & glory) to the One its due to.

I was offered a job. A small, growing Biotech company. Sales Manager, MidAtlantic. The total compensation for the average manager is about the same as with my previous position, however, commission & bonus is uncapped (top rep makes 30% more) - and I plan on being a top manager. The caveat is that, as with most device/capital equipment companies, the base is low (and that is realtive) and the commission is extrodinarily high. If it was another big pharma company offering me a similar package....I would have to say hell no. I have been with big pharma companies for 18 years, watched these companies start to contract and implode on themselves, survived 2 restructurings/layoffs and am watching these same companies continue to reorganize/layoff/restructure in order to stay competitive. You don't have to hit me over the head for me to know to not get back on a sinking ship.

Now for the bonus...Do you think this is fortuitous or an glimpse at part of the Divine Plan for my life?.....Remember this post from December 20th, 2006......

On the Twelth Day of Unemployment

Well, on December 20th, 2008, it happend again...I got a new job with a new company. I happened TO THE DAY.

God is Great...His Delays are not His Denials...He is always Right on Time. I know I said it before...but I think THIS is going to be the best Christmas ever (or perhaps one of the most blessed).

Your Services Are No Longer Needed

Bee Newz, originally uploaded by wvdirtboy (ilikegooglebetter).

At approximately 10:30am this morning on a conference call (cup of coffee in hand), 13 people in my division were simulaneously told "Due to unforseen events in the market & other dynamics, [this company] can no long fund or support [your team]. Therefore, effective now, your positions terminated."

That is the second time in less than 3 years that I have ended up on a severance plan. Last time I ended up with 14 months of severance after 17 years with the company; this time I got 10 months for only 2 years. Not bad, Not bad.

So, what am I gonna do? My knight said, "Woman, will you sit down for a minute? Take the summer off and then, if you want to work, I got plenty of stuff for you to do with our companies. Everything is going to be fine."

He is right, of course. I'm gonna work on those round2it items, be a full fledged lacrosse mom, go on all the field trips with Cara, do lunch with my friends & just hang.

It's all good.

I Might Be Toast

Bread Toasts, originally uploaded by FrancoisRoche.

Tomorrow I find out if I am officially toast at my current company. My money is on my whole division (13 of us) will be getting our walking papers tomorrow.

You know what's funny. I'm not all that broke up about it. It will be nice to have the summer off and to not have to fret anymore about what we are supposed to get accomplished in this newly created position...a concept that, while awesome on paper, did not really have the support of the company (not really) nor the resources to accomplish the vision. We were referred to once by a SVP as a "theoretical experiment." We will see tomorow what the consensus is on this "experiement".

I have already pulled out my "round2it" list, now that I might have time to actually get to it.

Stay tuned...

Imagine There Are No Drug Reps...

I've been in the Pharmaceutical Industry for more years that I want to really discuss and so many of my friends are in the business as well. We've seen a lot, haven't we. I thought some of you would get a kick out of this little ditty of a song....

Imangine There are No Drug Reps

Ya know that is what so many would like to see happen. To tell you the truth, I'm SOOOOOO glad I'm out of the day to day selling part of it. Times have changed.

Package Insert

I have spent the past 2 weeks studying all new products by reviewing and testing on package inserts. I'm about brain dead at this point; however, to entertain myself while sitting through another workshop, I started to think about what a package insert for Lisa would look like. Here it is:

Lisa's Package Insert

Lisa is a beautiful diva-like carbon based life form. Her chemical structure is complex and genetic code unique.
Mechanism of Action:
Lisa achieves diva status by increasing the action potential at the diva receptor sites in the brain.

Pharmacokinetics/Pharmacodynamics (Metabolism, Absorption, Distribution, Elimination):
Steady State for Alcohol Consumption is achieved in <2 hours following consumption of 1 bottle of wine or 3 martinis.
Peak Plasma concentrations for food is acheived in 7-10 days following continuous eating and outside dining establishments.
Half-Life (the time it take to eliminate half of the drug from body) is 6-12 hours for alcohol, depending on amount consumed and never for food since Lisa's body has 100% protein binding to the hips, thighs and abdomon. This effect is know from linear & exponential distribution of fat throughout the entire body.
Primary route of elimination is renal (urine); however, there are occasional eliminations through hepatic (feces) elimination.

Drug Interactions:
Milk Based Products. It is not recommended to combine Lisa with milk based products due to possible GI disturbances that can be offending to surrounding patients.

Adverse Events:
The most common adverse event experienced when with Lisa is shock & awe, low bank account balances, and possible kidney damage from laughter.

Warnings:
Lisa has been known to have short bursts of aggression and violence against stupid and otherwise non-diva like substances. Does not hold grudges but will clear offending objects in a direct & firm manner via white blood cell infiltration to the site. Caution should be used.

Contraindications:
You should not hang out with Lisa if you have a hypersensitivity to divaness.

Overdose:
Rare occasions of overdose with Lisa has been seen in patients who can not "shop till they drop" or with female patients who's husband can't afford or don't want their wives to participate in a Diva in Training Workshop. If overdose occurs, patient should be immediately removed from Lisa's presence or get a new man.

Indications:
Lisa is indicated for numerous items that confer significant benefits. Listed are a few but she is not limited to these indications:

• Shopping, Buying, Fashion Tips (ie. no crocheted boots at mall)
• Hostess with the Most-est
• Rip Roaring Fun & Laughter
• Getting the Job Done & Stopping Global Whining

Dosing: Recommended starting dose is one day of shopping followed by tea at the Ritz per month. Increase frequency as needed (see Overdose)

How Supplied: Lisa comes in a 5'2" unique gorgeously plump body. Attempting to split the dose is not recommended. Regular maintenance (hair, nails, spa appointments) is required for maximum performance.

Pricing: Priceless.

Bobbing & Traveling

Well, its been a bit since I've chimed in with a daily adventure; however, I have been held captive at a training class for the last week and have to leave home to go back for another week tonight. I have finished the first week of training and while a lot of it is extremely interesting and "need to know", I have been doing the classic "bob & travel" around 2 pm each day. Perhaps its the lunch but more likely it has been some of the material. I was sure at any given minute my forehead would slam onto the desk and/or I would just bust my head on the giant 4" 3 ring binder that's open to some page describing Physiology and Normal Hemostasis - WHATEVER! Who the hell am I gonna talk to about platelet aggregation to. NOBODY. Nice to know. Not need to know. I am up to drinking about 3-4 XS energy drinks a day, trying my darndest not to eat another mf'n M&M and I still can't stay awake. I have resigned myself to standing up in the back of the class and praying that I just don't' pass out. Standing in 3" heels for an hours seems to be working thought.

I did have one extremely embarrassing but hilarious moment last week - Another Bathroom Hi jinks. I think the toilets in the women's bathroom are lower that the baby toilets at Cara's school. You practically have to do the Kimshe (sp?) squat to even get near the damn thing. Well, in a rush to get back to class after the break, I executed the ultimate hover maneuver without exactly ensuring that all clothing was out of the way of the impending stream. Well, to my horror we had a little splash area on the back of my damn BRAND NEW ST. JOHN SLACKS! SH*T!!!! Okay. What does a Diva do? I finished my business and waited till everyone had hustled back to the class. I removed the slacks, rinsed out the offending splash area, and proceed to use the hand dryer to dry my slacks. Envision this picture...I'm standing in my suit jacket, pantyhose and pumps, drying my pants by the hand dryer. THANK GOD nobody walked into the bathroom during this time. I was 15 min late getting back to class - nobody said anything and the secret is safe with you and me.

Only in my life.

Gotta get ready to catch my train back to NJ - don't ask...I don't know what exit. Somewhere near Newark.

4 Days Old

So, I'm now a 4 day old baby at Schering-Plough and my brain is looking like that commercial - "This is your brain...This is your brain on drugs." Here it is for your review...


Hell, I feel like the information came straight through a fire hose. But it is all good. I haven't had this much fun and enjoyed myself at work (as well as the people around me) IN FOREVER! I have met and will be working with some of the brightest, interesting, and fun people. Just in my group we have

• A physician who still holds an academic position in TX
• An RN who lived in Saudia Arabia with her husband who was a pilot for a Saudi prince and she also taught Business English in Thailand
• A woman who was in hospital sales for 21 years with the same company before they gave her the "bend over and take it dry treatment"
• MBA's, PhD's, Black Belts, 45 year old snowboarders and a woman who rescues Boxers (Terri - I thought you would love this woman)
• And then there is just ordinary ME!

I know these things have nothing to do with work but they are some of the most interesting people that I've met in a long time. Most of the people I was working with at Pfizer were brain dead and/or useless, self-serving, backstabbing, CYA-ers. It was so refreshing. Even more interesting were the Regional & National Directors that were SOOOOO young. I looked at one of the National Directors for Hospital Systems and thought he looked right out of college. It was nice to see young people in leadership positions. One drawback is that Schering is pretty Lilly white - at least at the Managers Meeting. I was sitting in the room with our group and was wondering if anybody else noticed that I was the only "Colored Girl" in the room. I don't think so. We went to a Hospital Division Meeting and out of approximately 85 in the room - only two. Not much different from Pfizer in that respect.

I have a week of home training (while they finish getting us on payroll and "on-boarded") and then off to formal training the 1st two weeks in February. Gotta mail my Separation Information in and call HR to tell them I'll be official next week with another company and SEND ME MY DAMN CHECK. I don't want to hear that bullsh*$ that the check is in the mail. FEDEX it damn it. They use FedEx for everything else. Oops. I digress.

Let me share with everyone so more travel drama that only can happen to The DIVA....I'm on the plane from LAX to Denver minding my own business when this homely lady sits down next to me and VIOLATED A TRAVEL RULE!!!! - DON'T BRING SMELLY FOOD ON THE PLANE. For cryin' out loud woman - did you have to get the sandwich that was mostly made of onions and some spicy smelling dressing. JESUS, please. She proceed to consume the thing before takeoff and I wanted to say so bad "If you don't shut the lid on that thing, I'm gonna hurl all over it and in your lap." This time I just turned to the windowand practically press my face up against it in hopes that some fresh air is coming thru the cracks. She didn't get the hint when I turned on all the air vents above us - just looked at me puzzled with her mouth full. STOP the MADNESS. So, I managed to doze off and we arrive in Denver (the plan is not delayed - YEAH) and I hustle to the bathroom. I pick the large stall since I have my industrial size Franklin Planner Purse/Luggage and a carry-on. I get everything situated in the stall and proceed with the hover maneuver -

• engage thigh muscles, assume the squat position
• look down and make sure you got the right angle (don't want to miss and hit your shoes)
• hold your undies out of the way (you can't pull 'em all the way down, I don't know where the floor has been- and you don't want to miss on those either)
• proceed with the extraction of fluids

Just as I was about to let the fluid go, this lady practically kicks in the door to my stall and stands there. She had to go BAD and was now in a quandary. I look up, startled yet calm, and say "can you give me a minute?" She backs out of the stall (leaving the door open - it's really tough when your in hover position to also close the door without starting again) and goes her merry way to another stall. No apology. No nothing. What is a Diva to do? I manage to recover and we board the plane to BWI. Once again, I am in the middle seat of the last row of the plane. I've got my NON-OFFENSIVE plain garden salad and water in my lap, trying to mediate and calm my nerves since I'm not in 1st Class and I don't have $5 dollars to buy a drink. I look up and there is this young girl with a 8 month old baby who is going to sit right next to me. OH LORD, PLEASE JUST KILL ME NOW! We start the take-off and what does this baby do? SCREAM at the top of her cute little lungs for the next hour. At this point, I'm practically hyperventilating - trying to drum up some empathy again - and its not working. I snatch my iPod headset out of my purse and turn the volume up so high that I was sure my eardrums were gonna explode. At least I could not hear the screaming. I would have KILLED someone for a pair of Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones. Travel Tip: Don't leave home without them.

I'm back home safe and sound and trudging through 100 emails and snail mail. Whew!

Repo'd - The Pfizer Way

The past two days have been a whirlwind of repossessions. Computer, SecurID, Corporate Amex, Corporate ID badge, Infocus machine, CAR, etc. etc. I suppose this means that I am officially a Pfizer has-been if I have had all of my official equipment repossessed - uh, I mean collected. Pfizer, in their infinite wisdom, decided that it would be too stressful and would distract from the mission of acheiving 23.9 Billion again in 2007 (23.9, 24/7) if they had the retained managers check out the kicked to the curb managers. Whatever. Pfizer hired a couple of differend companies and subcontracted the dirty work out...so, this rather nice lady comes over yesterday to collect all of my permanent equipment (computer, printer, IPAQ, ID cards, Amex). She was very quiet and polite and touched everything as if it was made of gold OR as if I would smack her silly if she messed up anything. She did her deed, made me sign a million copies of stuff, and carried it all out to her car herself...as if I was going to help her. I did open the door.

Tonight, a really gregarious guy with a tow truck pulls up to the house, stands in the middle of the driveway and says "Wow, this place is like a castle. My apartment would fit in one of your garages. Doesn't look like this layoff is hurting you much." and then proceed to jack my Chrysler Concord Company Car onto the tow truck. "No need to sign anything, ma'am. Have a great night."

And there you have it. I have so much space in my office now I'm thinking of redecorating - well, at least putting some paint on the walls. We will see. We have our "Official Notification" conference call on the 17th. Stay tuned.

On The Twelth Day of Unemployment my True Love Gave to Me...

...A job with a new company! I try not to chuckle at the loss that my old company (yeah the big blue football people) is getting by throwing me out and the fact that a new company is not only willing to pick me up put pay more in the doing. But I can't help myself. HE HE HE. HA HA HA. I'm not starting until the end of January 'cause my official termination date is not until the 20th and out of "respect for people", my new employer does not want to jeopardize my severance package that I am entitled to. I thought that was very considerate. I don't want to jeopardize it either. It's going straight into the bank while I mull over what to do with it. I think I want to roll around in the interest a bit and see what it feels like. Champagne is on me tonight.

Anyway - God is great and always RIGHT ON TIME!!!! This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

Thanks Pfizer 2006 Layoff Gear

This requires no more words from me except what was on the website - edited here--

Welcome!Thanks to the SPEED, AGILITY, and NIMBLENESS of the Internet, (CafePress) showcase of 2006 Pfizer LAYOFF Gear is available just in time for the holidays. (CafePress)offers a number of products, fun for the entire Pfizer Pfamily! Whether your happy, sad, mad, or glad about the 2006 layoffs…you will feel extremely satisfied when you send some layoff gear to your fellow ex-colleagues! Sending a Kindler’s List “You’re Fired” or a "Say Hello To My Little Friend" mug to your favorite CEO at headquarters, might be a great start to the Christmas Holiday.

Absolutely HILARIOUS!

15 Years...

Five days have past since I was "Separated" from Pfizer and last night the first wave of grief or mourning shall we say, hit me like a huge wave at the beach and then passed. Since last night, the emotions ebb and flow just like waves at the beach. I was at a Marketing seminar last night, getting paid $150 for giving my opinion on new credit card offers. When it was all over, I was walking through the lobby of the hotel and started thinking about all the meetings that I used to go to with Pfizer there and that all of that is over. I thought about how casually the company just cast aside 15 years as if it was no big deal, no loss to them and I sat in my car and cried for the loss of part of my life - 15 years, award winning years, performance years, hard work & sacrifice years - and the best they could say was "Here's your hat, don't let the door hit you on the way out."

The worst part is, I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. Most of my friends who were retained feel awkward around me; others who were separated as well are dealing with their own issues - some where not as well positioned as I, some are just down right (and rightly so) angry; and everybody else is trying to get me a job immediately and don't understand why I'm not in a rush.

I tried to talk to Ron about it but he has a way of trying to come up with either a solution or of minimizing/dismissing your reaction/feelings/emotions by comparing your situation to something that happened with him and this is how he deals with it. Baby - it ain't all about you and your perfect world you reside in all by yourself. Don't get me wrong. Ron is a wonderful and compassionate man; however, sometimes I just wish he would stop finishing my thoughts, fixing my thought process (as if his is the only way), and dismissing everything that comes out of my mouth. Irritating. I know he means well, but damn - give a Diva a minute. Just this morning he thought I was depressed, so he decided I need to watch a video called "The Secret" and all my problems would be solved. Without saying a word, he pops it in the DVD player in our bedroom. I just turned around and marched out the door. Time for some coffee and blogging. Pissed me off.

Anyway, I'm fine with what happened and I'm looking forward to the future. I don't think it is unreasonable; however, to have a moment or two to grieve for the loss of an entire section of your life. This too shall pass.

Off to Master Step class...that will burn it out of me!

Farewell to Pfizer

Praise God! The blessings of my Lord & Savior are upon me. It is with a glad & joyous heart that I announce my separation from Pfizer. The past 15 years with Pfizer presented me with many opportunities and challenges and I made numerous friends within the organization. Although I will miss the day to day interactions with my Pfizer colleagues and clients, it is now time for me to embark on a new set of professional and personal opportunities.

This blessing has given me the time, opportunity and most importantly - finances - to pursue my true interests, dreams and desires. I always prayed of being in a position to chase my dreams by the age of 40. Well, PRAISE GOD, this has come to pass. "Blessed is the man who perseveres through trials, for once he is approved, he shall inherit the kingdom of God. "James 1:12.

I wish all of my Pfizer colleagues that have been "retained" the best and as a Pfizer stock holder, I will continue to fully support you and the company in your mission to be the most valued company in the world.

Until we meet again...

What is your status?

Tomorrow is the day I (and all of the Account Managers at Pfizer) find out thier "STATUS" Kinda sounds like I'm sitting around waiting to get the results of my HIV or HepC test. I suppose I'm supposed to be depressed an anxious waiting to hear if I've been "retained. Not in the least. Haven't missed a minute of sleep. All this week the senior leadership was finding out what their status was. No big surprises except for one SVP that got slapped from VP of a sales division back to VP of Learning & Development. Sales is where the money is at and how you get to move up in the company. L&D is pure overhead. SAD. Several others were close to retirement and just decided to go now. My regional manager found out his "status" yesterday but hasn't said anything to us yet. Tomorrow morning is when I'll get my phone call and - God Willing - I'll get the "I regret to inform you that you are not being retained" message. What an opportunity it would be to have the generous severance package and have the time to do some soul searching to find out what your next adventure in life will be. Either way, it's okay.

I'm going to the gym in the morning, coming home to wait for my call, off to Let's Dish to prepare some meals for the family (awesome concept) and then out to dinner with Ron to celebrate either way. Of course we are going to our favorite Restaurant - the Iron Bridge...and I promise...I'll be eating the dessert.