There are Vagrants Everywhere...

...and other Lisaness Travel Incidents:

There are Vagrants Everywhere...
Sometimes when I out on my adventures, I tend to get oblivious to my safety surroundings and just wander with this attitude of awe and wonder and a bit of "What? I don't belong here? Why?" That bit of I can go anywhere I want, touch anything I want, do anything I want where ever I go, tends to get me in a bit of trouble (on occasion). Luckily, I rarely travel alone which is usually how I get saved from myself. One evening after dinner in Dominica, I decided I wanted to go for a walk in the opposite direction of town (since I've been there done that) and perhaps get a close look of the shore line under the mountains. We are walking along and are beginning to get in this residential district when we are stopped by one of the locals. He asks in a very kind, gentle manner - "Where are you trying to go to?" The conversation goes like this:
Lisa: "Oh, we are just walking and looking around."
Local: "Well, miss, you really would have a better time in town, see the shops, the bay."
Lisa: "I've already see all that, I want to go this way" Pointing down the road
Local: "Pretty Lady, you really want to go in town."
Ron: "Yeah, Lisa, lets go back in town."
Lisa, pouting: "I've already been there."
Local: Sir, there are vagrants everywhere."
Ron, guiding me back up the hill: "Thanks for the time man."
Lisa, pouting again: "Okay, but I'm really disappointed."

We relate this story to our host later that evening and he tells me that I just have a sign on my back saying "Rob me, please." What do I know.

Shock & Awe..(or maybe just downright disgust)
Monday afternoon, after getting back from my hike, Ron and I go back into town to pick up a few souvenirs. We are standing at this craft booth (AKA: tourist trap) looking at this cute little dress made in China but "from Dominica" when a homeless man with no legs in a wheel chair, wheels up behind me and starts saying something in Franglish. When he doesn't capture my attention, he rears up on his stumps, whip out his wee-wee and proceeds to piss in my general direction. Ron has to snatch me out of the back splash area. It was unbelievable. After he waters down an entire block of the street (I didn't know that such a small instrument could produce so much pee), he says to me "Lady, give me" GIVE YOU WHAT? You piss in my general direction, almost splash my bare skin (the very thought make me want to hurl) with local pee AND you want me to give you something. WOW!

Travel Dont's That Everyone Should Adopt:
1. Body Odor. You should always travel with your armpits enclosed in a shirt, no matter how hot it is. Especially me. NOBODY wants a birds eye view of a man's hairy armpits when putting your luggage in the overhead bin - EVER. It's disgusting and no matter how much deodorant you put on, that hair abomination is going to smell after a few hours of air travel.
2. Personal space - don't violate it. DON'T lean over into my seat. DON'T try to look out my window from the aisle seat. DON'T fall asleep on me - my shoulder is not your pillow unless you are married to me and then I'll have to think about it. Short, small bursts of conversation - me and my book, iPod, video machine are going to become one - I don't want to chit chat the entire trip. There's more personal space violations but this could go on forever.
3. Eating - Don't smack your gum on the plane, don't suck your teeth (Ron does it and it drives me insane). Don't bring smelly food (tuna fish sandwich, Chinese food, the local delicacy - spices and all) on the plane - unless of course you would like for me to use the airsick back and pass it your way. DO bring gum - YES your breath stinks after eating a bag of Doritos and falling asleep.

These are just a few violations I've experienced on my recent trip. I keep you posted on other Travel Violations as the year progresses. We are hanging out in the Puerto Rico airport waiting for our connection. Check ya later.

Middleham Falls Hike-Dominica

Today I took a hike up to Middleham Falls. It was beautiful. I'm just tuckered out so enjoy the pictures.

Lazy Sunday in Dominica

It was a beautiful Sunday. We went to a Methodist Church for Sunday Service. It was very nice; however, I did not know how rigid and ritualistic a Methodist Church could be compare to how I'm used to worshiping. Just as an example, here is an excerpt from the preface of The Prayer Book of the Methodist Church...

..."for use in the Methodist Church in the Caribbean & the Americas will hopefully help to arrest current tendencies toward disorder in Methodist worship. It will please God, restore the proper balance between joyful spontaneity and holy decorum which was once the hallmark on piety among people called Methodists."

So there you have it. Whatever...it was a nice service, but it wouldn't become my Church home. Also, there was a bug problem. The church had cockroaches SOOOOO big that I was sure the antenna's on the damn thing could tune into XM satellite radio. I swore I heard XM Comedy Central tuning in.

I then went to lunch with Ron and his business partners and after lunch we changed clothes and embarked on a tour of the island. If you think driving in a NYC taxi cab is a harrowing experience, then try driving with someone from the island on one of these mountain roads. It was the longest and scariest roller coaster ride I have ever been on. My life flashed before my eyes on numerous occasions and I thought for sure that we were going to take out any number of indigenous life forms. You could here me yelling at Ellerton - "Chicken!" "Oh, my God - Goat"!, "Watch out, Person!", "Damn, you almost hit that dog". He just laughed, dodged and weaved, honked his horn and kept on going.

We were slowed down on our journey when we caught up to the local jungle Ice Cream Man. Go figure. Guess ya gotta have some Good Humor Ice Cream where ever you are in the world.

We went to visit the Carib Indian Reservation. Descendants of the original Island Cribs live on 3,700 acres in the Carib Territory. Dominica is one of the few places where these Indigenous people have survived. Apparently, Dominica was the last island to be colonized because the Carib "kicked butt" and beat invaders back on a regular basis. Did you know that the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest" was filmed here? Well now you do.

We stopped along the way to look at some of the local art work and crafts. They make wonderful baskets and I picked up two.

Unbeknownst to me, we were also on our way to pick up the site planners from the airport and I got a tad bit bummed. I did not want to wait at the airport for more of Ron business. I realized that I should have made plans for myself, because now the day was getting away from me and I was going to have to spend the rest of it waiting in the airport. Not my idea of a relaxing getaway. Ron picked up on my frustration and arranged for a cab back to the hotel - which would take 45 min. We arrived back at the hotel just in time to watch the sunset and a cruise ship pull out of the berth right outside our hotel.

Tomorrow, I'm off on my own while Ron and his partner make presentations to various government officials. I'm going on a hike to Middleham Falls and perhaps throw in massage.

Ovwa (Antillean Creole for - Goodbye). At least until tomorrow or so.

Cooties in the Carribean

The Steptoe's just can't go anywhere without drama tagging along for the ride.

We leave for a trip (business for Ron, relaxation for me) to the island of Dominica on Friday morning and it seems like this is going to an uneventful trip. However, about an hour into the flight to Puerto Rico, I started experiencing a little GI disturbance. Of course, the woman sitting next to me was like a bag lady for San Juan. She didn't put any of her gear in the overhead compartment, so she was in her seat with a heavy coat on her lap, a backpack under her feet, a purse under MY chair, a soda and cup in her hands. GET UP NOW! I thought I was going to die waiting for her to get situated again so I could be ill in the privacy of an airplane bathroom. Just when I thought Ron would send the flight attendant to rescue me, I emerged feeling queasy and looking like Casper. Although I'm not Catholic, I spent the rest of the time rocking back and forth saying a few rosaries and Hail Mary's - it worked for my girlfriend Terri when I tortured her at a Spin Class.

We landed in Puerto Rico and I felt like death warmed over. Having some foresight, I took a couple of airsick bags with me off the plane - just in case. I just didn't feel right. I stumbled off the plan and trailed behind Ron who was making haste for the Admirals Club in hopes of getting some help for me. Just outside the Admirals club, I started breaking out in a perfuse sweat - the know precursor to hurling - and loose my cookies. It was DEFINITELY NOT a Diva Moment. I did the best I could to maintain Diva Dignity with not a drop missing the airsick bag or getting on anything else. I did all of this wearing 3" heels and a dress. Ron was kind enough - or understood that this was not a proud Diva Moment - to shield e from the eyes of other travelers as I lean against the wall and hurl into a white bag. Spare me, Oh Lord. Once the main event had passed, he hustled me into the Admirals Club, where everyone was very kind and helpful. The bar tender assured me that the "tummy tody" he would make me would make me right as rain. What the hell did he know. It was kinda gross tasting but I did feel a little better. It was not to last. They even brought me a wheel chair to take me to our connecting gate. Turns out that chair was a blessing in disguise as it was a damn long way to gate 1. Whew!

We boarded the plan to Dominica and I resumed my praying. Hail Mary, Mother of God...I don't know the rest so I just reverted back to...Lord Jesus hear my prayers. I was hoping the direct line to God would work. God was busy at the time with more pressing matters - world hunger, war, Darfur - stuff like that - He'd get back to me real soon, so two hours and two more airsick bags later, we finally landed. KILL ME NOW! Well, it's over, RIGHT? What more could happen to us/me. Why haven't I learned NOT to ask that question.

We get the rental car an due to my barely settled stomach, decide to take the scenic (long) route to the hotel vs. going overland thru/over mountains on unpaved roads. Thus we make our way around the entire island, driving like a bat out of hell when all of sudden we gt a flat tire. You've got to be kidding. Lisa, your not in Kansas anymore.

We get our flat tire out in the middle of nowhere, with just 2 cynderblock shacks up on the hill, blasting explicit rap music. It was surreal. Some guy come out of the jungle (you can't really call it woods) and offer to help. Ron jumps at the chance for help cause he didn't want to get dirty and asks our host, Ellerton how much we should give him. $50? Ellerton tells Ron he's crazy and for $10, Ellerton would do it himself. The rasta guy gets the donut on and Ron gives him $20. Anything was worth it to Ron as long as he didn't have to do any manual labor. While I am waiting for the tire to be changed and our replacement care to arrive, I watch a couple of the locals come out of the cynderblock houses.

One guy scooped up a dead cat and threw it into the jungle. Okay. Then two others went out to mess with a dog they had chained up in the yard. The dog was just trying to eat and they were antagonizing it. I was like "HEY, STOP IT." They ignored me and continue hitting at the dog. Finally, I said to the dog "BITE EM." Ron looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me to leave the natives alone before I end up like the cat - thrown in the jungle. Wow. We get the tire changed and just hang on the side of the road waiting for another car, when a taxi van pulls up. Out jumps this guy that had to be 3 sheet to the wind drunk and carrying a beer in his hands. He taunted us about needing a ride and that "it don't look like you got much choice" Hell no! I'd rather sit here with the dog and cat torturers then get in the cab with a drunk guy on these roads. Ten minutes later, the car arrives and we are back on our way. It was allegedly a very beautiful ride and awesome sunset. I missed it all - I passed out in a sick stupor and woke up only when we pulled up to the hotel.

We arrive at the hotel at 7pm. A total agonizing travel time of 14 hours. We got settled in the hotel which is very nice, ordered some soup from room service and passed out, praying that tomorrow would be a better day.

Woke up feeling like myself again and now we are off and running to a breakfast business meeting and a tour of the island and land site where the resort will be built. Stay tuned for more adventures - DRAMA IN DOMINICA.