The Invisible Disability: A Mental Health Crisis in Children

Not your child, right?

How could a child that has “everything” – a loving family, 3 hots and a cot of their own, opportunity, nurturing, camps, sports, ipad…blah, blah, blah…be depressed, have anxiety and think about hurting themselves? How is that possible?

When we adopted our youngest (now 11) she was 18th months old with a myriad of issues from nutrition to delayed speech. We enrolled her at a private Christian daycare where we found out at about 2 1/2 that her ears were fully occluded – she did hear barely at all for the first 2 years of her life. We had tubes placed and had her work with a speech therapist. We were told she had a language delay. We got her into an early intervention program, worked with a speech therapist and started on an IEP (individual education program). We tried anything and everything that would help her overcome and catch up. We thought we were making progress. We got through elementary school and she was doing well. There were the mood swings, the sulking, the refusal to talk and instead of just chalking it up to puberty we decided that over the summer we would get her a counselor to work with her to quell her anxiety about going to Middle school among other things.

…and then it happened. The shock and awe. Our beautiful, smart, athletic, kind girl had (Thank You GOD!) turned herself in to the school psychologist that she was thinking about hurting herself, that she didn’t want to live anymore. Everybody hated her, she didn’t deserve to be here. THE SHOCK. The numbness when you get a phone call from your husband from the ER and the recommendation was she needed inpatient intervention. WHAT!!??

Not my child, right?

Now, I know what you are thinking…”why are they sharing this?” Why are they putting their business out on the street?”

We are sharing our story because we want you to know:

• Yes, I could be your “perfect” child
• It is not your fault. Yes, your child that has everything, has that privileged life could have – GO AHEAD AND SAY IT OUT LOUD – a mental illness
• Parents – you are not alone and don’t have to do it alone
• Every situation is different – every child is different. The triggers/stressors that precipitated our child’s depression might be totally different that what is going on with yours: however…
• WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER GET THROUGH IT

So…what was going on with our daughter? Pull up a chair – this might take a minute.

Our Princess doesn’t just have a language delay, she actually has a Language Impairment Disability and it was only the years of intervention and attention that we got her that she wasn’t worse.

What is a Language Impairment Disability?

The developmental period known as adolescence is generally described as beginning at about 11–12 years of age and continuing until 18–21 years of age, depending on which theory of adolescent development is being used. During these years, considerable cognitive, physiological, emotional, social, and educational changes occur. Language changes too, and the changes in language are affected by and affect other areas of development. When an adolescent experiences a language impairment, whether the impairment is severe, or whether it is less severe so that the adolescent’s language is more likely to be shaky, the teenager is at risk for problems in all areas of development.

Much about adolescents with language disorders remains either unknown or empirically unvalidated, especially for those adolescents whose language problems exist in the absence of other conditions known to affect language, such as specific language impairment (SLI) with regard to preschoolers. This more limited information has some not so positive implications for those professionals trying to provide valid and accountable assessment and intervention services for these adolescents. Many adolescents with language disorders remain unidentified, unserved, underserved, and neglected.

 

A Neglected Group with Significant Problems

Socioemotional difficulties are a significant issue for adolescents with language disorders. Problems with social interactions and even socioemotional difficulties are associated with specific language impairment in preschool years and language-learning disabilities in the earlier school years.

 

There are some indications that these students have difficulties with emotion regulation, a psychosocial issue that could be expected to affect interpersonal relationships , as well as other evidence that has begun to document a decline in their self-esteem as they mature and progress in school. Along with the language disorder, these can persist across childhood and into adolescence. In fact, emotional, behavioral, or mental health issues, such as “mood disorders often escalate during or immediately after puberty”

 

I took the liberty to paraphrase and cut and paste directly from this source:

http://catalogue.pearsoned.ca/assets/hip/ca/hip_ca_pearsonhighered/samplechapter/0205420427.pdf

 

What are some of the signs of language disorders (this list goes up through high school students) I’ve highlighted some of the issues we had/have with our girl.

* Problems with speaking and listening:

• seems unable to follow verbal instructions
• reluctant to speak
• talkative, but talk contains little real substance
• tells stories badly
• more grammatical errors than peers
• stereotypes - clichés and overuse of certain words and phrases. May use a lot of slang and swear words - vernacular language
• problems explaining the whys and wherefores of things - can't put the complex grammar together
• only deal well with concrete and here-and-now matters. Abstract language and ideas are very problematic
• taking a long time to respond; problems processing the information
• shows word finding difficulties; uses lots of 'ums' searching for words, lots of fillers e.g. 'you know', 'its the, oh the, that, um', and non-specific words, e.g. 'thing', 'that', 'stuff'. |
• doesn't follow jokes, puns, sarcasm, metaphors. Takes ambiguous language seriously
• says the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong tone of voice; can't hold a conversation following normal expectations
• doesn't pick up non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions or gestures - doesn't know when people want to end a conversation or doesn't recognize the emotional content of people's talk.

 

Problems with school work:

• can't complete homework
• participation in class discussion is badly handled or non-existent
• has trouble gaining information from class lectures and from books
• following the rules of the classroom is inconsistent or does not understand them or the need to follow them
• poor at tests
• can't explain what the problem is, or give reasons and excuses for failure or behavior
• has trouble with the school routines - can't remember the timetable, loses the rooms, can't use a diary well. Poor at working independently
• concentration and attention appear poor

 

Behavioral Problems

• poor self-esteem
• problems making and maintaining friendships
• lost motivation, cumulative sense of failure
• depression, anger, frustration, withdrawal, aggression
• reluctance to participate, including in remedial work
• inappropriate coping mechanisms, e.g. bullying, clowning, copying (cheating), delinquency and truancy

( Sources: McKinley & Larson, 90; NSW Dept. School Ed, 89; Bashir, 89; Buttrill et al, 89.)

 

What was the diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder with Anxiety; Language Impairment

 

What do we do now? Medication, Psychologist, Psychiatrist, School Counselors, Tutors…and ever watchful parents that will bring every resource & brain cell to bear to give our baby a fighting chance at an awesome life.

As for the Mental Health System – that is another blog post. It is abysmal – especially for children where treatment should begin but more often than not doesn’t and then they fall through the cracks to poor outcomes, incarceration, homelessness or dead. If it wasn’t for my “good” insurance and our complete understanding of our benefits and how the system works (there is 30+ years of medical/healthcare sales & management experience between Ron and I) we might not have had the positive outcome that we did. If it wasn’t for the Steptoe Clan that rallied – it was all hands on deck Tribal Council – and the tight group of Prayer Warriors we recruited in the first hours of crisis – Ron and I might have buckled. I imagine that Ron and I were a sight to behold. Ron with his armor on, calm and cool ready to do battle. Me, with my broom, fierce in the fight of taking no shit; give it to me straight.

 

I hope that sharing our story and being transparent helps is some small way if you, as a parent, are in the struggle.

 

It takes a village.

TriForce Family does Nation”s Triathlon Sprint Relay

Momz and I did our 1st race together on Sept 7th at the Nation’s Triathlon. We did the Sprint Relay as the TriForce Family Team. It was my mother’s first race of any kind after picking up cycling just this past year.

 

Here is a little background…my mother retires about two years ago and one day last fall (rather fall of 2013) she up and says lets go bike shopping. Ummm…say what. We get the bike and then she goes all in and signs up for Spin90, joins a senior ride group, and asks for a trainer for Christmas so she can ride indoors. Seriously?! Cool. How about we do a race together, I say? She doesn’t object (except when I tried to make it an Olympic distance) and tells me that I have to put a training plan together for her. Ummm…okay, den. We train, we spin90 and even after some falls during outdoor spin90, I managed to get her back outside on no/low traffic roads as long as I was with her. She was RET TA GO!

 

A week before Nation’s she is getting the heebe geebees about how fast she is going to be able to go and how long it is going to take her, so I snatched her cadence, gps & milage meters off her bike and said, “JUST RIDE AND HAVE FUN”. She was going on and on about how she wouldn’t be able to put down more than 8 mph. HUMPH.

She crushed it with an average of 11mph and was cruising at 12.5mph for the 1st 12 miles until we ran out of a little steam heading out and back over the “bumpy” 14th street bridge stretch.

SWIM – NO SWIM (cancelled due to sewage run off from storm the night before)

Nevertheless, everyone had to run into transition as if they were coming off the swim and either go to their bike in transition or meet their relay team member in the relay pen, trade off the timing chip, and then the cyclist goes into transition to get started.

 

So when my leg is ready to go, I ran as fast as I could into transition into the relay pen. Hand off the timing chip and momz was off…

BIKE – By my momz account…she had a good ride. She was smiling every time I saw her and later told me that the hardest part was the last 4 miles across and back over the 14th street bridge. Those ramps and bumps got to her but she hung in there and brought it into transition with a smile and laughter. I’m still giddy with pride for my mother’s accomplishment. I hope she is too.

 

RUN – C is for Cookie

I was so damn excited to see my mother come back into transition all happy and ish (prolly cause it was over) that I took off out of transition and made it my mission in life to run down (as much as I could to my ability) the last of the last of the pack. I caught and passed 6 even at my pace of 12:30/12:45. Pure joy and adrenaline carried me through to the finish line.

 

It was a great day to race with my momz.

 

 

I put this slide show together from the race. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed ourselves.

Roots: Going Home w/Momz

At the beginning of this month, I went with my mom to her hometown, Honesdale, PA, to hang out, visit some old “haunts'” and go to the 151st Wayne County Fair – where Monster Trucks, 4H w/giant zucchini and pig races are the major highlights and fun.

 

I remember a many visit to my grandparents house WAAAAYY up the hill from the town proper in Bethany (I suppose you could call that a suburb or development – kinda). Grandpa wasn’t all that thrilled about my parents getting married, but he sure did love his granddaughters.

 

He would bundle us up and take us to his favorite bar each night we were there and we would have chili burgers and drink “soda” (sometimes we had beer) out of those old Welches Jelly jar/glasses and listen to old soldiers, factory workers and coal miners tell stories and dote on us.

 

 

I remember hiding in the library, which was a little house that didn’t look big enough to hold more than 50 books. When I was a little girl, the house/library was huge, smelled of old books, newspaper and wood and was the most magical place in the world to me. I hid under the entry hall table with a book and read all day. The library is still there.

 

I remember Day’s Bakery and the special holiday treat of Lebkuchen cookies. Guess what! Day’s Bakery is still there and they had Lebkuchen’s available in AUGUST! GO US!

 

I remember shopping on Main Street and going to the movie house. The only movie I remember seeing there was Fantasia. The movie house is gone but we still found great shopping on Main Street, although we had no idea how all those consignment, antique and nic-nak shops stayed in business there.

 

I remember the giant star on the top of the hill that was lit up every night. The Star is still there and is now a memorial park.

 

It’s funny that now that I am doing triathlons that I look at roads in a different light. How difficult would that ride/run be? What is the incline or elevation I would have to climb? I came to the quick conclusion that there was NOT.ONE.PLACE in Honesdale or any of the surrounding area that I would dare ride my bike as the climbs are IMHO damn near impossible. If you need a HEMI truck to get up the hill, then my bike certainly aint gonna make it under LisaLeg power.

 

It was a blast of a trip down memory lane with my mother. We had a great time and just so you know…you have not lived until you have YEEEEE HAAWWED at a Monster Truck Show or bet on your pig to win in a pig race. Good Times!

 

Check out the video slide show for grins and giggles.

 

Race Report: Maryland Women’s Sprint Duathlon

This right here is EVERY. SINGLE. THING!

The race report – WHATEVER! The fact that Princess Cara wanted to race too and worked at it to earn her bling brought me sheer joy.

Watching all the kids pour their hearts out on that course was the highlight of the day. To see these kids hustling out there without fancy bikes (how bout that ToysRUs Barbie Bike with the basket on front or the SpiderMan “mountain bike” that looked like it just got its training wheels taken off), running shoes or heart rate monitors was AMAZING. Just getting some fitness in and having a blast doing it. Happy Happy Joy Joy!

This was my second year doing the Maryland Women’s Sprint Duathlon and it was the Inaugural RipItEvents Youth Sprint Duathlon. The Women’s Sprint went off first at 7:00am and Princess Cara insisted in coming with me at O Dark 30 to hang with mom and cheer me on until her race started at 10:15am.
 
Cara and I racked our bikes, got marked and hung out with a bunch of ladies from LiveNowTriNow and SoleTriSisters. Finally, it was time for us to line up and get the party started.
This was the first race since the dramatic (and depressing) performance 3 weeks before and 2 weeks into workouts with my new coaches – Suzy & Dany Serpico. Those two weeks of pretty damn intense workouts and focus had me feeling I was getting my mojo back.

The JOY WAS BACK. Three weeks previous and even before that, I stopped having fun at what I loved and it was sucking the life from me. JOY WAS BACK. I was having fun again.

RUN                           BIKE                               RUN

….and collect the BLING!!

Sooooo, how I’d do?

Despite the foot issue, I knocked off 5:39 min off of last years time.

GO ME!!!!

Where did I get the time. TRANSITION and a few min on the bike mostly. TRANSITIONS DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE and I am a big time piddler in transition. Which Suzy gave me the side eye on during our 1st meeting. “No more piddling around, Lisa. Get moving, keep moving.” Yes, ma’am.

                   2012 Results                                                2013 Results
Run             23:53:91  (11:57 pace)                                 25:54:51  (12:57 pace)
TI                  3:36:23                                                     2:14
Bike             1:08:57   (11.3 mph)                                    1:03:42   (12.3 mph)
T2                 3:31:95                                                      3:11
Run              30:46:51   (15:24 pace)                                30:02   (15:01 pace)
Total           2:10:45                                                      2:05:06

I was thrilled. I felt pretty good during the entire race and I realized that maybe, just maybe I’m not going backwards with all this work. I AM moving forward and improving. Am I getting faster as quickly as I’d like – no – but I am getting better and I’m still having fun.

As for Princess Cara…she RIPPED IT!!!!
               
She came in 10th overall out of 52 in her age group and the 5th girl. I’m so proud of her! She wants to get into a youth running group to work on her running and she is looking for the next race. I’m glad she finds JOY in the fitness too…but who doesn’t like to collect the bling.

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Wordless Wednesday: The College Graduate

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Acknowledging Your Blessings

A family friend and business associate sent us a message today…a reminder that even in our lowest moments; even at our darkest hours we should not just count our blessings but also acknowledge them.

 

Say thank you!

 

I am thankful for all of the blessing – big & small – that we have been graced with and for all of my friends and family that I so gladly and humbly share these blessings with. I love you.

 

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN WHEN WE PRAY?

  I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received. I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

 

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them." I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

 

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section, my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed. "How is it that there is no work going on here?, I asked. "So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments"

 

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked..

"Simple," the angel answered. Just say, "Thank you, Lord."

"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world.

 

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy."

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness .. You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day."

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

 

"If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world."

"If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare."

 

"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair."

Ok, what now? How can I start? Have a good day, count your blessings

"Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people with whom to share it. I thank God for everything, especially all my family and friends!”

Race Report: A Royal Family Weekend

It was a Fit Family Birthday Weekend at Disney. The 26th celebration of my 21st birthday was on February 21st and Princess Cara’s 9th Birthday was on the 22nd, so we decided to celebrate our birthday by playing the Mickey & Minnie and ALL of the other Princesses, Princes and assorted characters at Disney.

 

We had a blast.

 

But let me tell you, it’s a racket and Disney has this business down to a science. From shuttle buses to the expo (since parking was limited at the resort where the expo was) to brochures outlining where to park, where to spectate down to the CHear Squad (EXTORTION, but well worth it for your Spectathlete crew that gets up with you at 2am) – where for a mere $100/person you can have private seating, buffet breakfast etc etc. Mmmm Hmmm. We also went to the Pre-race Pasta Dinner at Epcot where for $40/person (cash bar) you got a pretty decent meal, DJ, dancing, activities, pictures with the princesses (we saw Cinderella, Tiana and Belle), access to the park just in time for the fireworks & light show. Princess Cara was in Disney heaven.

 

Ron and Princess Cara ran the Royal Family 5k on Saturday morning. Princess Cara had a stellar performance for her first 5k running the 1st 1.5 miles non stop, doing intervals for the next mile and running it in like a champ for the last .6.  The FireMarsall refused all attempts to get him in costume opting for the all black secret service look as Princess Cara’s Royal Guard.

             

After the race, we made it back to the hotel in time for our free breakfast which was included in my hotel package and the Princess was ALL ABOUT going to the pool. At the pool she made fast friends with a lovely girl named Evie and fanangled her way into going to SeaWorld with Evie and her mom. That required me to get up off my lounge chair and play meet the mom, break bread & libations while talking about our daughters all the while both girls are floating to the edge of the pool with “Please, Please, Please!” every 5 seconds.

 

Off to SeaWorld the girls went and once back…inseperable. Quick to change, dinner and then we HAVE to go to the poolside movie. The FireMarshall is such a good sport as I had no interest in seeing Hercules with a bunch of kids.

 

Early to bed, early to rise as I had to be in Epcot for the Disney Princess Half Marathon NLT 4:30am to park (for free) and get into my corral by 5:30am. Team Spectathletes were AWESOME and up with me at 2:30am with not nary a complaint. Of course I got them a CHEar Squad package, so once they dropped me off, they were off to get their viewing seats and hot cocoa at the 5.3 mile mark in Magic Kingdom

                

9000 – NINE THOUSAND RUNNERS – mostly women almost all in costume (and some AWESOME MANLY guys dressed as Princesses, Mr. Incredible and I saw a couple of Princess Leah’s and Wonder Men – LOVED IT) lined up to run 13.1 miles. I was, of course, adorned in fairy wings, tiara and glitter ready to see if I could get ‘er done despite not running for the prior 2 weeks trying to heal a foot injury.

 

At 6 am the first corral was off…corral E probably got going around 6:30am and at 3 miles in I knew I was in trouble. That bruised bone or whatever it is in my foot started up with shooting pain and I was hobbled into a shuffle. I kept moving though, bummed that I was not keeping a pace that would allow me to stop for all the photo opps with all the Disney characters out. It was so cool. To be honest, this is not a race to get a PR on. This is a run for fun, grins, giggles. Definitely a race to do with a bunch of friends and just have a great time.

 

I had a terrible time in this race because I had to walk a lot and stopped at the med tent to get some more Tylenol and BioFreeze, but I finished, walking away with some awesome BLING!

After the race, we went back to the hotel to hang out and I immediately scheduled myself some spa time at the Ritz Carlton Spa followed by max pool side time with some frozen umbrella type drinks. My version of relaxing and hydrating!

 

I put together a little video slide show from the weekend.

Have you ever done any of the Disney Races? What’s your favorite? Which one’s would you recommend?

Fit Family Foto Friday

The Adventures of Molly Chicklet–Elf On The Shelf

2012 was our first year participating in this fun Christmas adventure with our Elf On The Shelf Scout. It turned into a very serious look into the psychological warfare that can be done on an 8 year old that BELIEVES there is a Santa and NOTHING you can tell her will sway her for that belief.

Princess Cara is all bout Santa Clause. She knows we get her presents too, but Santa always brings her stuff too. This year, we introduced Elf on the Shelf and from the moment we read the book and named our scout (which gives her her magic to get back & forth from the North Pole to your house), Princess Cara was all about it and (obviously) I had BETTER be about my job too.

 

Our Scout Elf was named Molly Chicklet  and from that moment, just looking at that face and mischievous side eye, I knew I had best be a tad creative. Not “bad elf” creative – that is not how I wanted PC to see Molly Chicklet – just good ole fashioned fun. All was well until I had to go out of town for a training class and The EOTS Daddy-gate debacle, where Molly Chicklet appeared to get violated by one of our cats and was found laid out on the kitchen floor. HYSTERIA!!! Molly had lost her magic - SOB; Santa wasn’t going to come – WAIL; CALL MOMMIE – she’ll get Santa to understand. 911 call from the FireMarshall and I had to, on my feet, come up with a restoration of Molly Chicklets Magic plan. I had to make a “call” to Santa to get instructions and then Skype back with the plan of action…all before the school bus came.

 

Jesus be a fence.

 

I was able to convince PC that the plan (put Molly back in her box, sprinkle cinnamon & sugar over the box while saying her name 3x, put her back in the first place we set her – mantle place and all would be set right) would work and she got on the school bus satisfied that all was right in the world again.

 

WHEW CHILE! However, the FireMarshall was a BIG FAT FAIL and I had to supervise from New Orleans EVERY.SINGLE.DAY till my return. SIGH.

 

Christmas Eve was Molly’s last day with us. She fly’s back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve until next Christmas time. Princess Cara woke up to find a note from Molly Chicklet and Santa (who ate all the pizza we left out – Santa is sick of all those damn cookies and want some real food) and the absolute joy and excitement on her face was PRICELESS!

 

So, here are some of the Adventures of Molly Chicklet…

                 

                     

 

                

Did y’all know about this Elf on the Shelf business? Did you get an Elf Scout for your family this year? I hope you had as much fun as we did.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS