So, we start the evening at the Hotel Monaco where we are all supposed to meet for drinks before going to dinner. We are tee-heeing, laughing and sharing stories. I go to the bar to get a martini, come back and put my purse on this long table that people are gathering at. Since I never turn my back on my stuff, I'm facing my purse while talking to the ladies. We are in the midst of good story, when this lady opens my purse and starts to look through it. WHOOOOOAH! Hold up, wait a minute.
Diva: 'Scuse me! What do you think you're doing?
Crazy Lady: Uhhhh...I lost my cell phone and was just looking for it.
Diva: Well, it didn't just jump off you and into my purse.
CL Friend: Hey, no biggie, she's a Police Sergeant.
Diva: Well, then she should know better.
CL: What ya drinkin'? Can I buy you a drink?
I turn my back to the Crazy Lady and relate the incident to my friends...who, of course, got my back. The alleged "police" and her accomplice made a bee-line for the exit when they noticed that 'bout 6 black women were gonna whoop up on her ass right there in the bar. I don't know what she thought she was gonna get away with, but she picked the wrong purse and the wrong sista. I may look like a diva but I will whoop you ass without so much as breaking a nail and Lord help you if I do - IT IS ON!
We move on to our dinner reservation at Zaytinya's...and I use the word "dinner" lightly. Eleven of us show up for dinner. We are all laughing and talking, celebrating Val's engagement, showing the ring around....having a great time....when all of a sudden, the restaurant manager comes
Manager: It looks like you guys are having a great time. We are glad you're having a great time and we want you to continue; however, would you mind keeping it down so as to not disturb the other customers? Thanks....(walks away)
Table Diva's: SILENCE. (for a hot second)....then BAAAHAAAAHAAAA. Yeah right, beeyatch. When you can quiet down the whole freakin' restaurant, we might listen. WHATEVER!
Then the waiter finally comes over and starts to tell us how to order from the menu - 'cept we can't hear him over the dull roar.
Diva: "Scuse me, could you you speak up louder, like pop-off, from the diaphragm?"
SongBoy: "No, I can't. I'm a singer and I'm preserving my voice."
Table Diva's: Total look of perplexity...We didn't hear a word he said.
So like where are you a singer at? You so off Broadway, you in another state. Stop the madness. Where was my "NO Bullsh..t" card when I needed it.
He comes back to take our order. I signal for him to come around to the other side of the table (it was round)..."Cause I'm preserving my voice for the evening." If looks could kill, I would have been a bloody mess, but he still came around to my side of the damn table.
We ordered a million of these "small plates" and acted like savages trying to get a piece of what ever was on the plate. It was just not enough. You do not come to Zaytinya's for "dinner". This is really a place you just come for drinks and a snack and then move on for a real meal. $500 later, we are still starving and pissed....on the hunt for some real grub and and some un-watered down drinks.
We mosey up the street to a bar next to the MCI center where the waiter said we could be as loud as we want to and proceed to hook us up with the appropriate amount of snackage and drinks. He brought me a margarita that had so much RITA in it that it looked clear. Now that was a great drink.
We wrap it up at the bar and are trying to decide where to go next. We are standing on the street in front of the MCI center, saying goodbye, cutting up a bit when we notice this man sitting on a window ledge with a megaphone. He was just sitting there, very still, when all of a sudden he decided that he was going to be louder than us by starting a diatribe on his megaphone. And why did LisaA have to egg him on by doing a street dance to his bible rap?STOP THE MADNESS!!! We decided that we are going to just "walk away" and he proceed to follow us all the while rapping in his megaphone a combination of gangster-"you a ho" rap and intertwining it with Bible scriptures. I tried fighting him back with my umbrella (tried to stab him with it), he just jumped back and kept following up. Finally a police car pulled up and stopped him. Whew! Wasn't sure how we are going to get rid of our mega stalker.
But no sooner than we round the corner to the car, do we witness this guy slammin' a woman up against a concrete wall by her neck.
Diva: HEY! Stop what you are doing right NOW!!!! I've got a camera and I'm calling 911.
Deb: Don't get involved in their business...call 911
Val: Call 911...AND KEEP WALKING LISA!!!!
Deb: walking up the street and dialing 911.
Diva: Yes, I'm calling from the corner of...... and a man is beating a woman on the street.
Woman Getting Beat: Please don't call the police. I'm okay...as the man shoves her in the car.
Diva: The license plate is...hold on...I gotta get a better look (approaching the car)...Virginia plate xxx-yyy.
Val: GET IN THE CAR!!!!!
Diva: jumping in car trying to figure out the video feature on my phone in case...
We pull off and the perpetrators are still sitting there in the car. Police come down the road and we flag them down as they are about to pass the abuser. I doubt that they could do anything since the girl kept saying that she didn't want help. WOW!
The last of the gang is bopping down the road jammin' to music from Zanzibar's so we decide to go for a little dancing. We get there and out in front of the club is this woman stone cold passed out being held up on the steps of the club. Some guy is holding her head up trying to keep her airway open. The ambulance pulls up and like a dead weight they throw her on the stretcher (there was a slight wardrobe malfunction that she is definitely gonna regret when she wakes up). The drama was just on going. We find out that the club closes in an hour and we ARE NOT gonna pay $20 to dance for an hour, so we just stand there for a while watching as people leave the club. I thought I was going to go blind. WHAT IS UP WITH BOOTIE SHORTS, STILETTOS HEELS and CELLULITE. EEEEEEWWWWWWAH. NASTY.
We decide to blow that scene and go back to the hotel and raid the minibar....YEAH. Hotel party! We get back to the Willard and they have a mini bar that charges your room the minute you pick it up. Pat & Deb are picking up EVERYTHING and examining it. STOP. PUT IT DOWN. We listen to some music while munching on minibar snacks and finally realize it is 3:00 am.
Time for nite nite! I had such a great time! I'm still recovering.
...And all of that happened in one night.