The Usual Suspects - Sex & The City Opening Night

The Usual Suspects went out last night for an evening on the town to see the Sex & The City Movie. We started with drinks and tapas and Monnie made us guzzle down our Sangria-coolaid so we didn't have to fight nobody for seats. We marched up the hill to the theater in our SATC-like shoes (at least most of us), jockeyed with other women to get our pre-ordered tickets, ordered up our milkduds, raisenettes, popcorn and other assorted "NON-high fructose corn syrup" items and waited in line. "Instratin" was the comment of the line waiting moment...WHY, if you are a fan of SATC do you show up at the premier wearing your momma's house dress? I even saw a few scrunchies - and you KNOW that no self respecting woman would be caught dead in public with a srunchie in her hair (they are only for when washing your face - remember the Burger Book episode)

The line surges forward and we snag some seats. I will have you know that we were not the only group of women who were taking pictures in the theater. Monnie collected comments from the ju-ju-bee gallery for her blog which I am reprinting (stole) here:

I'm with the Usual Suspects and I've already laughed so hard I'm crying! I MISSED THEM SOOOOOO MUCH! CreoleInDC

Just because you cup your hand around your mouth doesn't mean you're whispering - we can still hear you! - Sissy

I didn't realize there are still movie theatres that haven't transferred to stadium seating. -Honest

Aight, quiet down people. I'm ready to get Carrie-d away Crystal

There is even a whole row of cute men. Now, where is my flask filled with cosmos. - TravelDiva

I want some high fructose corn syrup and a cosmo Onefromphilly

I am not drunk enough and these previews are getting on my damn nerves!! Shawn

I can not believe this girl in front of me. Her hair looks like a bird's nest. Tsiporah

I m tryin to watch da movie. Gee

There r a few men n here...I wonder if they r as fab as us. Hostess

The movie was fabulous. Instead of rewriting The Usual Suspects Review - check it out here (or don't if you don't want it spoiled for you). All I'm going to say is that some people need to stick to singing or get some more acting lessons, there were great moments of love & romance, there moments of complete idiocy & moments where (if it was up to me) people would have been laying dead in the street. Good times.

After the movie, a few of us went over the Ruth's for drinks and appetizers. I think that there ought to be a law against laughing so hard that you need a kidney transplant. Between stories of Warren The Crack Head, service by Muhammed The Dead Waiter (Monnie killed him with her tazer for spillin 2 bowls of chips down her back - and then telling us that he couldn't get more - WTH), and entertainment by The Flyer Totin' Lounge Singer - I thought I was gonna die. Two SideCars & some crabcakes later, we parted ways until the next adventure of The Usual Suspects.

Great to see all you ladies.

P.S. When I got home, I let Ron play with my box of Crayola's and color out of the lines.


Keith Olbermann Rant on Bilary Assasination Comment

Well, I'm done. If I didn't think the woman was a self serving, power hungry, lying through her teeth political nightmare, then I certainly do now. The woman is unapologetically rude, insenstive and (the way she throws her comments around) a racist. My pantyhose get all in a bunch just thinking that this crazy woman could even remotely become President. Bilary's latest comments about assasination and her bullshyt, flippant apology is the last straw.

I could rant on it some more, but after listening to Kei.th Ol.ber.mann's Rant on the Countdown - that just sums it up for me. 'Nuf Said. If you haven't heard his rant, take a listen. It's long but damn good and on point. The last 4 minutes of his commentary is what clinched it for me. Apology NOT accepted. We are DONE forgiving you for your bulldookey and boldface lying. Get out and shut the F up before you totally destroy what little political clout you have left for good. From my mouth to God' ear.


Another Dependant

I've decided that in order to have peace of mind and to not feel guilty anymore for the life my sister chooses to live, that I would from now on consider her a dependent....another child that I need to take care of...another mouth that I need to feed. At 42 years of age, she shows no forward movement towards independance, towards self-sufficiency, towards adult-hood.

Another holdiay has come and gone with family drama - my sister at the forefront AGAIN - and I've had enough. This time, she calls to say that she needs to come over to take a shower and that she need enough money to cover her "room" for two days until her "check" comes. The reason she needs to shower is that she has been sleeping in a park for two days cause she didn't have anywhere to stay. SOB SOB. BOO HOO. Or so you would think. She shows up at the house with all of her "stuff" in the back of some guys pickup. I thought she was sleeping in a park for two days? Hmmmm. She is awful clean for someone who's been sleeping outside for two days? Uh Huh. I'm so sick of this ish.

Fine. After extorting a c-note from our mother, our mother and I decided that we just need to come up with a way to be done with the weekly extortion. I decided to put my sister on a monthly allowance and that's that. I ordered her a Visa Buxx Card (just like the one I got for my son) , put an initial amount on it and set up a monthly allowance. I'm done. Don't ask me for another freakin' dime. Learn to manage that money with your "check" or suck it up and live in the park. We've had it here at the Steptoe Ranchero.

How much are we supposed to do for you to get you on your feet before we cry uncle...
  • 3 Cars bought - 3 Cars totaled
  • Full Scholarship to Coppin - Full Scholarship flushed down toilet
  • Government Job Aquired - Fired from Government Job
  • Thousands in rent, utilities, clothes, furniture & more - can't find it now.

And that is not to mention the fact that she stole her sisters (ME) idenity and then had the police issue a warrent for MY arrest for YOUR crimes.

I'm crying uncle, my arm is twisted and you have your monthly allowance. Now leave me and my family (yeah - they are MY children now) alone.

Have a Blessed Life

Happy Memorial Day!

I pray that everyone had a wonderful and relaxing Memorial Day Weekend. The Steptoe Clan finished the weekend with a mini-crab feast and then went to see the new India.ana Jo.nes Movie.

It was a beautiful day.


Sunday: Are you There God? It's Me Lisa

I thought I would start a regular post on Sunday's to reflect on the week, give thanks for the blessings bestowed on my family, and to have a regular dialog with God.

I've been just sitting her in my bedroom lounging with Cara, watching TV & contemplating my naval. Am I being shiftless & lazy? Should I be doing something, accomplishing something? Is it okay to just sit around and relax? I wonder sometimes.

We are all going to the movies tonight to see Iron Man. I guess I'll wash my hair and take a nap before we go.

Another lazy Sunday. I'll start my random thoughts tomorrow, save it and post on Sunday. I promise to be more relective next week.

Nap time.

Ron's 43rd Birthday BBQ

Yesterday was Ron's birthday and I threw him a BBQ Extravaganza. We had a great time (at least I did). We ate 2 bins full of ribs that I got from the Amish Market, drank 2 pitchers of Pomegranate Martini's, ate ALL of Ron's birthday cake, and had a fireworks display that rivaled the 4th of July display at the lake.

Wish you could have been here. You missed a great time.

Check out the fireworks display. I thought for sure that the police were going to come and haul us all away. Definitly an OOOOOOH, AAAAAAAH moment.


Flights of Fancy Friday

Me & Romeo
Thank God it's Friday. I am looking forward to a relaxing & festive weekend. Ron's Birthday is tomorrow and I'm throwing my baby a Birthday BBQ complete with a Firework Finale. I am looking forward to seeing some friends we haven't seen in a while and just hanging. Sunday, Imma try for a movie night out with Ron and leave Cara with J-man for a couple of hours. I don't have to be back to the grind until Tuesday and then it is a 7 day countdown till I get to run away from home with my girl KarenS - (aka the Diva Travel-or) for our jaunt to Italy. I CAN'T WAIT. And you want to talk about spoiled ROTTEN...I'm leaving from Philly and Ron has arranged for a car service to drive me to Philly and pick me up on my return. He wanted me to be totally relaxed and enjoy myself - to not have to drive, park & haul luggage. I SOOOOO love being the Queen in my man's Kingdom. Yes, Lawd.
I've been trying to catch up on SATC since I'm going with a bunch of axe murderer (innanet) friends to the premier at the end of next week. I've never watched it before and I wanted to have some semblance of a clue as to what is going on in the movie. WEEEELLLLL. I think I'm a prude or a one man-closet freak, cause I can't believe half the ish these women do - 'specially that garden implement Samantha. Whew! Even in my really scandalous days (and yes I've had some) I didn't even come close to the number of men these girls bump uglies with. I still have enough digits to count all my conquests. Miranda needed a yellow legal pad (at least 2 pages) to write all her's down in one episode. I'm entertained though. Love the shoes - yes lawd - the shoes and all the martini's - YUMMY.
I'm off to create myself a pomagranate martini to watch a couple more episodes. Have a great weekend.


Charlee's Sweet 16 Birthday

Despite the fact that there was some ghetto fabulous happening at my neice's party, my mother and I managed to keep it under control, despite the fact what some of the kids did, said, wore etc. had me clutchin' my pearls.

Charlee and her friends managed to have a good time and I survived another teenager party. I'm definitly too old.


Old Fashioned and/or a Prude?

Ron and I hosted my neice's 16th Bday party at our house today (it is still going on...sigh) and there were a few things that just set me back on my heels and/or made me go freakin' off...

1. The daughter of my neices' fathers girlfriend (do you got that?) arrived with her newborn and 3 year old in tow. I didn't know her, so I go over to introduce myself. It was all pleasent like until she pointed out "her baby's daddy" (quote, unquote). Ahhh, I say. Are you together? No, he's just my baby's daddy. mmmmmkay. Imma get this trash off the ground right here.

2. Another girl shows up with her infant (bout 18 years old). **Sigh**

3. A white boy comes dressed like he's a member of the some street gang. I asked him was he confused. He told me no, that the clothes he had on were really comfortable. (despite the fact that his pants were hanging down round his ankles)

4. Some of the kids just threw their trash in the yard (despite the fact that I had 4 trash cans dispersed amongst the festivities). I snapped and made a few of them grab a trash bag and start police-ing the yard for every scrap as I mumbled under my breath "have these kids lost thier ever lasting minds."

5. I had to ask a few of the girls if they brough sweaters or something to go over the skimpy azz outfits they were wearing. I was concerned that a few would put someone's eyes out if we had a wardrobe malfunction.

I am exhausted. I'm aggravated. There is more, but I'm so tired right now from policing young folk that I can't give you any more detail. Pictures later. Ugaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

Pet Peeve #1001

I have a lot of pet peeves (idiosyncrasies) in my crazy life, but one that set me off today was....MUSIC on blogs. For some reason it absolutely makes me crazy and I hate it. If I can't figure out how to turn it off right then and there as I'm looking at the page (without turning my speakers off), I'm gone...moving on to the next blog...and prolly won't return to yours until that music is GONE.

I don't know why it irritates me, but it does. Even if I like the song, I can't seem to read the posts and listen to the incessant music at the same time.

Drives me mad. Sorry, I just can't do it. Goodbye.


Happy Mother's Day

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day! Mine started with a beautiful card from my man:

My Friend...My Wife: You're All I'll Ever Need

You're my friend-
The one I turn to when I need somebody there
To laugh with and to talk with,
To understand and care...
You're my sweetheart -
You're the one I need to kiss and hold me tight,
To say the words "I love you"
Every morning, every night...

You're my wife -
The one I need to have forever by my side,
The one I can depend upon,
In whom I can confide...
You're all I'll ever need to have a full and happy life,
My special friend, my sweetheart,
My dear and loving wife.

I love him so much.

Later this afternoon, my daughter Erin arranged a dinner for all of the mommies (her greatgrandmother, grandmother & mother) at The Cap.it.al Gr.i.ll in Baltimore. It was lovely.

I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day.


Believe - The Movie: Available on DVD

I written twice about Believe - A Hilarious Movie about Network Marketing - when only the trailers for the movie were available....



Well, the actual movie is out on DVD and Ron and I got our copy in on Friday. We watched the movie yesterday afternoon and it was absolutely HILARIOUS...just like they said it was going to be. I had goosebumps from how eerily similar it was to our days in Am.wa.y/Qui.xta.r. Ron and I sat there roaring at how the actors said the same things, how the meetings were the same and how we could put a name (someone for our organization) to every single person portrayed in that movie. Hilariously uncanny. I told Ron that I went through a little of what each and every wife in that movie experienced - except I'm a little disappointed that I didn't end up writing my own MLM - Wives Survival Tips Book like one of the wives did in the movie. That would have been classic.

If you get a chance, go check out the website at www.believethemovie.com and watch the trailers. An absolute scream!...and guess what? My Funny MLM story is still up on the website. The only reason it is so dang hilarious is cause there is a huge amount of truth behind this mocumentary. You have to see it to BELIEVE.

An Elegant Affair

Last night, Ron and I attended the G.W.Can.c.er C.en.ter Ga.la. My company sponsored a table at the event. It was a very elegant affair. Everything was absolutely beautiful. There was huge silent auction and we bid on a trip to the Dominican Republic; however, during the last 5 min of the auction, people got a little (LOT) crazy with the bidding and jacked up the cost (bids) out of what we were willing to pay. Alas!

One of the big highlights of the evening was when they served dessert. It was a mini cheesecake thing with a chocolate dome on top. The waiter came over and poured hot raspberry sauce on top and WHALA! I took a video of it for your viewing pleasure. It was DELISH!

And finally, it is always a pleasure to get all dolled up with my man. He sure do look yummy in a tux. I was just a swoonin'.

Introducing The Future Iron Chef - Cat Cara



Bon Voyage Party!

Last night, G-Baby organized a Bon Voyage Party for the CreoleInDC Princess who is about to embark on a journey to Cannes, France with her Film School. We are all so excited for Monnie and we certainly demonstrated our excitement last night. We were so loud in our enthusiasm (or maybe it was just me & Michelle "Sissy" Ob.am.a) that we were asked several times to take it down a notch. WHATEVER. The complainers were just jealous cause they were not having as fabulous time as were obviously were.

I meant it when I said that there ought to be a law against having so many beautiful and fabulous women all in one place. It was criminal. Nobody else had a chance.

I hope everyone got home with the correct purse since there were so many fabulous bags at the table. You know you are a purse-crack/head when you clutch someones bag and start rubbing on it & smelling it like you just scored a fix. Shameful.

Have a wonderful trip Monnie - we look forward to reading & hearing about your adventure. Have we set the date for the "Welcome Back" Party?



Tina is going on tour! Tickets go on sales May 15th, 1st location: Kansas City. I'm going to the first location that I can get tickets to. DONE! I'm so there. I can't wait.