1983 June 6,1987 June 2012
2013
What an incredible journey.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
Happy Anniversary, my love…
June 6,1987 June 9, 2012
A friend of mine recently wrote an interesting article entitled – The Death of the Golden Anniversary. He made some good points. People are getting married older and life expectancy – well – isn’t as long, especially for the black male (DO BETTER – LIVE LONGER). Most people of this generation and going forward just aren’t going to make it to 50 years of marriage.
The FireMarshall and I are the Last of the Married Forever Mohicans. We are an anomaly. We got married young. Ten days after graduation from West Point. I was 21, he was 22. We didn’t get married for the historical reasons mentioned in the article: “to secure economic stability and to procreate". Nope. We actually married each other for “Love and Happiness”. We loved each other and we figured out the money, career, procreation along the way or rather, as we grew up together.
1983 1987 2007
Are we old souls? I don’t know. We often hear the trials & tribulations of our single, as well as married friends and raise an eyebrow ~ it just ain’t that serious. Pick your battles ~ win the war.
We made it to our Silver Anniversary this past June. Has it been tough? HELL TO THE YEAH! We have been to the mountain top, cast down into the valley, walked our 40 years in the wilderness, climbed back up and so on and so forth. Just like an ECG. Riding that QRS wave like the rollercoaster of life. Anything else is a flat line…and DEAD.
I firmly believe we will make it to our Golden Anniversary, God willing. {FM better start moving dat ass} You see, after all that we have been through, I can’t imagine ANYTHING/ANYONE that would separate us.
Besides, it’s cheaper to love me at this point.
I hope that our lives, our marriage is an example of what love & commitment look like and can be. For my author friend is correct – “After all, it’s not about reaching 50 years of marriage just to say you did. It’s about living the life one has with one’s spouse like it’s golden.”
So many of our friends and family joined us in what had to be one of the greatest celebrations EVER!!
From all of the friends & family, the food (which was delicious if I don’t say so myself), THE RUM PUNCH! (let me give credit to Ila Gator- girrrrllllll), the rum punch replenishment crew of Bert & Misty, the entertainment crew of Seth & Mirella who brought a moon bounce for the kids (the laughing & screaming could be heard 20 miles away) AND produced the FIREWORKS display – WOW, JUST, WOW! …
…to the SURPRISE of the century! (Ron is just way to good at that keeping secrets stuff) – my classmate, my differential equations buddy, bestest friend & WP Gospel Choir Director extraordinaire – Walter Cunningham & his partner Eric – flew down from Dartmouth to celebrate with us. What a most incredible gift!
Sunday was fantabulous as well! We had BIG BREAKFAST with all of our overnight guests - Jeff & Regina Thor, Walter & Eric, Val & Manny (and my baby Maia) & Darren Blackwell who came back over & provided champagne support for the morning mimosa’s.
GLORIOUS WEEKEND.
Enclosed is a video from the Vow Renewal Ceremony! Thank you to our very own Pastor Robby Davis from our church home – Celebration Church –for blessing our day.
Today is 25th Wedding Anniversary of the Emperor & Empress Steptoe, rulers of the True Blessing Estate Empire. We have had a wonderful journey together - more peaks than valleys, more joys than sorrows, more sunshine than rain.
All this week the #LiveWithKelly Show will present each couple's story and then America decides who deserves this tropical honor.
Ron & I believe that Kevin & Eileen deserve this honor. We have been with Kevin since Beast Barracks at WP. Ron & Kevin played Army Basketball together and were Co-Captains of the team 86-87. Kevin stood as groomsman in our Wedding and we were there when Kevin married his childhood sweetheart, Liz. We supported and loved on Kevin & Liz, as she endured the ravages of Scleroderma and we Gripped Hands at her passing. I remember spending a weekend with Kevin & Liz during her illness and I stood with her for 2 hours at her son’s basketball game (for she could not sit in the bleachers and she didn’t want to start relying on a wheelchair yet). During that time, she shared with me her concern for Kevin’s happiness after her passing – she wanted his friends (and Kevin) to know that it was okay for him to let go and move on. Her strength and beauty moved me beyond words. And… Ron and I were there as Kevin moved forward with his life with his 3 kids…and we were never more excited to see Kevin with a sparkle in his eye – again – with the possibility of new love.
Kevin & Eileen deserve this honor.
Their story will be featured TOMORROW - Tuesday, January 17 on #LiveWithKelly (@LiveKelly). Now, the important part: Starting on Friday, January 20, at 10am, people can vote once a day for their favorite finalist up until Sunday, January 22 at 3pm. That would mean each person can vote 3 times from one log in. In order to vote, you need to go to www.livewithkelly.tv. It appears that you can vote 3 times from each separate email address, so if you have more than one.... keep voting :) VOTE EARLY! VOTE OFTEN!
Forgive me for how long this post is, but enclosed below is the letter Kevin wrote that got them to the finals. Please read and vote for my friends. I sincerely – they sincerely appreciate it.
To fall in love once and marry your best friend is an amazing feeling, a dream come true. Falling in love a second time, after all of your dreams are tragically shattered, and marrying the love of your life is even more amazing. That is the story of us, Eileen Bellew and Kevin Houston.
In January 2005, Eileen’s world was turned upside down in an instant. Her husband of 10 years, John Bellew, one of New York City’s Bravest, lost his life in a catastrophic fire, which became known as Black Sunday. Married in July 1995, Eileen and John had a life full of love, and four beautiful children who were 6, 3, 2, and 5 months at the time of John’s death. She was on maternity leave from the job she dearly loved as a science teacher in Pearl River, NY. Eileen not only raised her own children as a working mom, but she inspired and encouraged children throughout the community as a teacher, and the positive impact she left on many students is still evident today, even though she has been unable to return to the classroom. Eileen was at home on January 23, 2005, a freezing cold, snowy winter day, when her attention was drawn to a special report on TV broadcasting news of a horrific fire in the Bronx, NY, and serious injuries to firemen who responded to the blaze. She was chilled by what she was hearing, but was unable to get further information on John’s status, who she knew was at the fire. Fearing her worst nightmare, Eileen was soon on her way to St. Barnabas hospital, pictures of her four young children in hand. When she arrived, the terror and uncertainty she feared gripped and shook her to her core. A short time later, John succumbed to his injuries, and their life’s plans and dreams were immediately and irrevocably shattered. In an instant the wonderful world she had known just hours before was thrown into complete chaos. She returned home, devastated and heartbroken, but still had to face another unimaginable hurdle - telling her children that their daddy would not be coming home again. One by one she delivered the message to each of them and began to prepare for the seemingly impossible future that awaited her in that instant. Inspired by her four young children, her little angels, Eileen kept her family moving forward despite the difficulty, sadness, and emptiness that surrounded her on a daily basis. Over the last six years, she has watched her two daughters and her two sons grow and mature into wonderful, well adjusted children, all the while reminding them of John’s courage and bravery, as well as the many great traits he displayed as a father.
In January 2009, Kevin’s world was also toppled. Immediately following his graduation from the United States Military Academy in 1987, Kevin married his high school sweetheart, Elizabeth. Kevin and Liz were married for 21 years, when Liz succumbed to a long term illness, a rare autoimmune disease called Scleroderma that eroded her quality of life over a five year period. Kevin and Liz also lived a charmed life, full of love and happiness, with three fantastic children who were 20, 16, and 13, when their world crumbled. Over the course of five years, prior to her death, Kevin was Liz’s primary care giver as she steadily lost her independence and her ability to do the everyday tasks we all take for granted. He was beside her throughout and offering encouragement even when various medical options failed. But he was not alone; his children were also excellent caregivers. The sacrifices each of them made over that five year period contributed to Liz maintaining a positive attitude and happy disposition despite the limitations Scleroderma placed on her and her family. Liz, too, was also a teacher and worked with children at summer camps for many years, but her illness made it impossible for her to continue doing what she loved, being around children. On January 3, 2009, the physical toll that Scleroderma took on Liz proved too much. Kevin’s worst fears had arrived. He gathered his children at the hospital, and sat on the floor before them – the task – telling them that all medical options were exhausted and the miracle they had wished for all week was not going to be realized. Their mother was dying. A short time later they gathered at her bedside to be with her as she peacefully passed away. Kevin, too, drew inspiration from his children, and collectively they have moved forward in the midst of the same difficulty, sadness, and emptiness that the Bellew family endured. In that time Kevin’s oldest daughter completed college and her master’s degree, while his son earned an athletic scholarship to college, and his youngest daughter is near finishing high school. There are everyday reminders everywhere of Liz’s courage and the great attributes she embodied as a mother.
Although Eileen and Kevin grew up in the same small town, and were only five years apart, they had not previously met. Both knew full well the tragedies each other and their children endured as a result of losing a spouse and a parent. In late 2009, Eileen and Kevin subsequently met and enjoyed each other’s company over a casual dinner, unaware something very special was happening. They soon thereafter fell in love. They have had the overwhelmingly awesome experience of finding in each other, the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, despite the enormous losses each had endured. In each other they found soul mates with whom to build new dreams with, and to spend Happily Ever After with. They also found in each other that the future was once again something to embrace and look forward to with happiness and excitement, instead of something to fear. Their’s is the ultimate love story and they sealed their commitment to each other this past May when they got engaged.
Eileen and Kevin, and their families, frequently look to the skies for mindful and loving signs from John, who sends Rainbows, and Liz, who sends soaring Hawks. Those are the loving signs telling them that John and Liz are always nearby, looking out for all of them, and reminding them of happy times, past – present – and future. They often remind each other, sometimes through tears, how lucky they were to have had John and Liz in their lives, even if it was for too short a time.
Eileen and Kevin are most deserving of a Dream Wedding in Hawaii. Despite the horrible tragedies that befell them and their families, and sent them into emotional free falls, they have rallied, collected themselves, stayed positive, and risen up to dream again. Smile on them and send them soaring in the Rainbow state, Hawaii, for the Wedding of a Lifetime.
If you haven’t been over to Think Pretty Smart’s site to read this guest post Winter is Coming then run over there real quick and read up on this synopsis of Game of Thrones regarding how:
Black women’s viewership of this series is like none I’ve seen before for this genre. Why is this so? Because every man they’ve ever dated and every relationship they’ve ever had are captured in Game of Thrones characters. What is strikingly obvious to those of us with too much wine and free time is that Game of Thrones is the perfect dysphemism for black relationships.
I miss T.E.D so much…the whole post brought me joy. Go ahead. Catch up. I’ll wait…
Ok. Got it? Good.
I was all down with it, head nodding & laughing – co-signing the whole post until I got to the part about us “got a man” women:
Sir Jamie and Queen Cersai Lannister – They are brother and sister… just like you and your man.
Oh yes I did.
You do realize that men and women often fall in love with and/or marry people that remind them of family members they either idolize or have a subconscious yearning to fix, right? Freud isn’t just how the British pronounce this word --> fried.
I was still laughing & head nodding but wait…I didn’t marry my relative. Seriously. Naw. The FireMarshall ain’t like none of the men in my family. Then I had to pull up and mull that over for a minute. There were technically only two men around that I knew while growing up – my Dad & his Father. The FireMarshall isn’t anything like my father, but I’ll be damn if he, when I sat back and recalled all the memories of my grandfather, isn’t just like my GPa Richard. Well, I’ll be damned. I did marry someone “that reminded me of a family member they idolized”…and I worshipped my Grandpa.
GPa Richard was a quiet, man’s man. I looked up at him in awe. He didn’t say much, but when he did – it was the law, the TRUTH. He took care of his Kingdom and the Queen (GMa Willie) like nobody’s business. I lived with my grandparents for a year or two while I was in grade school and I remember fondly how he used to pick me up from school and take me to McDonalds almost everyday for a treat and I often used to get the apple pie (remember when they came in that red box with the rectangle hole down the center) and then wear the box on my feet like a shoe. Why? I dunno. But he used to help me with them on all the time with the amused look on his face. I remember him laying on this white chaise lounger (it is gosh awful ugly now…and GMa Willie still has it) reading the paper and he would let me lie there on his chest and pretend read with him. I found out years later, that when he knew he was dying, that he made sure everything (and I mean everything) was in his name, insured against or covered so that when he passed, GMa Willie would want for nothing. The house, the car, the everything was paid in full and she had some money to boot. SECURITY. PROTECTION.
KING OF HIS REALM.
And I married a man just like him. I could make point by point comparisons but, suffice it to say…I married my Grandpa.
Winter may be coming…but my man is on The Throne with protectors on The Wall. Let it come.
As many of you already know, our very own TiffanyInHouston is getting married soon and she recently posted a question on her Fac.e.Bo.ok profile for Valentines Day. The question and the responses made me smile and touched my heart so I asked if she would be willing to write a post (cause she still doesn't have a blog - although she should and we know it would be great) on what she learned from her question.
The first time I saw you, I somehow knew you'd be important in my life.
In my eyes, you were beautiful in so many ways, there was no doubt that I wanted to spend forever with you.
And when we got married, things were every bit as good as I'd hoped. I didn't want anything to change. But...life is full of changes, and not every day can be paradise.
Together we've faced reality, the day-to-day "bumps in the road" that test every couple's patience. I've seen you in many challenging situations, and the miracle is...you're even more beautiful than I thought possible!
You're sweet, thoughtful, strong, supportive, and a partner anyone would want on his side. Not only are you the woman of my dreams, but you're also my best friend, and as time passes, I fall more deeply in love with you. - Linda Lee Elrod
Lisa - My Love,
How do I begin other than to say I love you more than you will ever know.
The recent pain and disappointment you have experienced does profoundly impact
me. I know that you feel as if I am insensitive and am not fully acknowledging the deep wounds and gashes you feel in your spirit and soul. However, the reality is that I feel and take on every tear, anxious moment, and fear you express....I know and will forever be in awe at how you have stood up and carried the weight of the world on your shoulders (home, kids, job, finances, friendships, and support of me)....I value what we have invested our lives in (each other)....
Please know, each day I wake to work to provide you the best. Not just good, but the best.
I love you and want you to be happy and at peace.
Last night the FireMarshall and I went to Stat.ion.9 to help celebrate our GodNeice's 21st Birthday and we both sat there with our mouths hanging open - me clutching my virtual pearls & the FM scowling and ready pull off his belt and begin to azz whoppin on the whole club.
I got engaged over 20 years ago while in college. My engagement ring was some little thing that you needed a magnifying glass to see the diamond and cost maybe a little over $100 from the JC Penny jewelry counter.
I didn’t give a rats azz AT ALL. We were college students and we didn’t have any money. I really didn’t even give a damn. I had the man of my dreams and all it was to me was a token of his love & commitment to me. A TOKEN. The size, cost, cut did not reflect on the size, cost, cut of his love for me. It was just a token and I wasn’t about to get my face all twisted, question his love (or his character) over a ring…
…a ring that could be upgrade/replaced [if I so chose to do so]. And in fact, I’ve been “upgraded” twice since then as well as been given more “tokens” of his love in the form of diamonds, pearls etc over all these years.Personally, I find all this jocking, snickering, bitchiness over the engagement ring distasteful & disrespectful. If women would spend half as much time being as critical over their chosen man’s character as they do the ring, then perhaps more would marry well & stay married.
...AND glad that I do not have to date anymore.
Let's talk about that. I was hanging on the cell with CreoleInDC and she was asking me about my Anniversary weekend. I originally had planned on going to NYC for a chexy weekend in the city with my Knight - The FireMarshall - but our plans got put aside due to graduation, senior week and just plain family stuff. Not a big deal. We have 22 of these milestones under our belt, so hanging with each other over some BBQ and catching a movie was just fine. Of course, CreoleInDC done told the world that we were jet setting. That's my girl (give me a minute..we are off to Cancun in July)! Then we get to talking about some of the crazy ish that people - married & single - say to me about being married & with the same man for-like-EVER and we just laughed. I have long ago just *blinked* at that stoopit mess and kept it movin.
She then told me to check out Hostess's post - Red Ribbon The Finger - for it was an interesting and provocative essay on the way some (very negative, ignorant, miserable) married women behave & talk to single women. I guess the battle is still being waged between married & single women; however, this married woman, really doesn't have a beef with single women AT ALL. I want my single friends to be happy and find their own Knight - if that is what they want. If you don't then I just want you to be happy. PERIOD.
I was very glad that Hostess put the disclaimer at the top of her post, because at first glance, I was a tad irritated. I almost took it personal cause I am certainly not one of those insecure, byatchy, negative, miserable married women that she was addressing.
HOWEVER, I AM glad that I am married...to my Knight, my man, the one who is perfect for me, complements me. And if a single woman(men) asks/or says to me any of the following:
I give them some variation on the answers above or I just smile, blink and hope that they have an epiphany. Do the FireMarshall and I fight. DAMN Skippy. We even had words on our anniversary - OMG! Is every day a bed of roses. NOPE. Like I have said before, I married MY KNIGHT. Sometimes his armour is shiny, sparkling in the sun. His white steed is well groomed and he rides in with his Standard flying high and makes my fairytale come true. Other days, the armour is dented & rusted, he stinks, the horse is muddy and I want him outta my damn sight. That's called marriage - a work in progress. I CHOOSE each day to love & cherish.
So, if single chick starts off with a dumb comment then I'm going to respond (or not accordingly). I AM GLAD I AM MARRIED...TO MY HUSBAND. I am not saying that to make anybody feel bad, worthless, insecure or to act like I am imparting some kind of knowledge from on high. I am simply stating a fact. I AM GLAD I AM MARRIED...TO MY HUSBAND. If that makes you feel some kind of way, sounds like that is YOUR problem, not mine.
...AND...I'M GLAD I DO NOT HAVE TO DATE ANYMORE...cause there would be some dead MF's out there with all the crazy shyat that I hear goes on while dating. I hear it from my daughter, her single friends, and from my own single friends. LET ME TELL YOU!...I wouldn't put up with not even 1/4 of that mess, not one damn minute - and I would stab, shank, taze - basically call a man out by his name for any of the bytchassedness that I hear about. I wouldn't for one minute, let some man treat me like shyt, talk to me any ole kinda way and beg him to stay with me. The first tear that I shed over some man - who treated me badly - would be the last. You see, I have dated my fair share of playa's & dawgs. It was exciting & new...come aboard...they were expecting me. HUMPH. I was a bit of a playa myself. However, there came a time (actually I decided my first year at The Point) when I drew a line in the sand and I decided that I would not settle for bytchassedness not a minute longer. I had experienced bad and pushed away from the table and said "NO MORE BAD FOR ME."
I set standards for what was acceptable and what was not. I decided that I would judge a man by his character. I would listen to his words & watch his deeds. I decided that I would not be so quick (I ain't even gonna say I didn't get me some) to drop da drawers for a man I didn't have a ken for. I was also not interested in any projects - I was not going to try and knew that I couldn't ever do it, so why bother - CHANGE A MAN. Let his character speak for itself or begone.
I married me a winner. I will not apologize for it. PERIOD.
I AM glad that I do not have to date, for I am sure I have saved lives. I AM glad that I do not have to date and I do not say that to single women as the first topic of conversation. But if you call me for the umpteenth time crying, upset, out of sorts, depressed cause your boo is an azz, I really don't have anything to say AGAIN - unless you ask (and if you ask my opinion/thoughts on the matter, I'm sure gonna give it) and I just might end the conversation with a sigh and say "Whew, girl, I'm sure glad I'm not in that dating game." I don't say it out of maliciousness or cause I want to wave my happiness in your face. It is not cause I forgot what it was like to be single. OH, I remember. I simply made different choices. I decided I loved myself more and operated accordingly.
I want my daughter to have a wonderful, happy, successful marriage. I want the same for my single friends. Good & Bad. Better or Worse. When I listen to her stories, am I hard on her? Perhaps. I am sympathetic to a point, but I feel it is my duty as a mother and a woman who married well to remind her that she deserves better than some of the punk azz shyt she occasionally puts up with. I honestly believe she knows that all my advice & comments are in her best interest.
BTW - yep, the statistic is true that 50% + of marriages end in divorce. However, perhaps if we didn't go into a marriage with the end game as an option; perhaps if we didn't marry punks, playa's, dawgs & byatches; perhaps if we examined a mans character (and our own) instead of just settling; perhaps if you believed that "LOVE" was an action verb and worked on your relationship/marriage instead of being on an emotional roller coaster - then there wouldn't be so many marriages ending in divorce.
I'm just saying.
I am GLAD I am not in the dating game AND I have been Happily Married for 22 years and counting.
P.S. Misery loves company. I can spot miserable a mile away and will eliminate that influence in my life PDQ. I don't want that kind of company.
I have spoken. No go forth and be happy.
Our bestest friends had their 19th Wedding Anniversary on March 31st. I remember when they got together. I didn't know Terri from adam but Ron & Joe were good friends and in the same unit...and Joe was happy. The FireMarshall loved his friend, was happy for Joe and wanted me to share in that. Good enough for me.
The FireMarshall is one of the hardest working men I know. Ambitious, strategic...a visionary. I have been on a journey with him for almost 22 years now...actually, we sat down and made a plan for our lives, what we envisioned it would look like, where we would be and then we started marching hand in hand; side by side towards that plan. If something got in the way or doing something was going to get us off track, we simply didn't do it. Life happens. It happens to us all, but if you have a plan/a mission and stick to it, then you won't let "Life" get in the way.
The Firemarshall went and got me a cup of coffee and one of my chocolate covered strawberries and presented it to me in bed this morning. Here is the conversation that ensued:
MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
