Views from the Emerald Princess

Romantic Tip of the Day from the Emerald Princess

Each day we get a newsletter in our stateroom mailbox called the “Princess Patter”. It is your daily guide to cruise activities aboard the ship – also known as your formal extortion guide. They do list the entertainment for the day but they also list all of the “deals” that are happening in the “Boutiques Onboard”, the “Lotus Spa” (where I did purchase a small country), the “Gatsby Casino”, the “Photo Gallery”, the “Art Gallery” and last but certainly NOT least…the Drink of the Day! If you are planning a cruise, it is not the price of the cabin/stateroom that you get that will kill you, it’s the alcohol, internet, cappuccino, spa, photo portraits, & shore excursion bill that will nearly bankrupt you. Buyers Beware.

One of the interesting things that I found in the Patter was the Romantic Tips of the Day.

· Always have a bottle of champagne on hand so you can celebrate anything (or nothing) at the drop of a hat (Ron and I have decided that we MUST adopt this one – my non-alcohol drinking husband has acquired a taste for champagne – I wonder how?)
· A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. (Look it up)
· Love is a process. Adjust your daily schedule in some small way to advance the process of love in your life. (ABSOLUTELY. Didn’t make it this long without this tip)
· Identify one pivotal event that brought the two of you together and celebrate that event every year. (Well, I’m not sure how we celebrate going to a Military Academy each year, but we do celebrate the Army-Navy Game each year – does that count?)Romantics do not put their partners first by ignoring their own needs and wants. Rather they put their relationship first. (Nuff said)

Renewal of Vows

Wednesday, we were at sea, so it was a very relaxing day. I went to a Pilate's class that turned out to be a lot harder working those core muscles (they are under there somewhere) than I thought it would be. Laid out by the pool and watched a Movie at Sea (Click)...it was amazing how good you could see and hear the movie while getting your black on, and then went to the spa for a seaweed wrap before the main event......

The Renewal of Vows Ceremony

Ron and I got all gussied up and went to the chapel and had a beautiful (yet quick) ceremony recommitting ourselves to each other. Ron called it renewing his contract for another 20 and the terms were tougher this time. He said I wasn't so naive this time and know where all the money is. He is just hilarious....but oh so right. The rest of the evening we felt like movie stars as we walked around the ship. Everybody wanted to talk, take pictures etc. It was a lot of fun and with the girlfriends hanging out the front of the dress (picked by my daughter Erin). I was oogled, whistled at...and several men told Ron that he got a beauty. My Diva Ego (Unique-qua) is good for at least a month. It was a great and romantic evening.

Escape to Rome

Ron and I are up at 5am ready to bust out of confinement. By 6am we were in the buffet line for breakfast. We spend some time exploring the ship trying to get our bearings since we barely know where anything is, and the go to the meeting point for our "Rome on Your Own" tour. My know it all self figured that since I've been here before, I can show Ron around. What the hell was I thinking.

We go yo the gangway and stick our card iin the machine to check off the ship. Can you believe that a small alarm went off with a message about Ron and I. This burly security guard reads the message and passes us through. I guess it said we were clared of medical isolation otherwise there was going to be some major drama....even though you DO NOT want to mess with the security team on a cruise ship. On each and every cruise we have been on, the security teams all appear to be from India from some kind of warrior caste. Our TSA need to take some serious lessons from these people. Even the women look intimidating. I didn't wan to get billy clubbed by one of them.

Anyway, I didn't realize that it was gonna take 1 1/2 hours to get to the Vatican. We get to the drop off point and we have 5 hours to see the entire city of Rome. It took my mother and I 4 days. We hustle from St Peters square (Ron's comment - that's nice), to the Novana (it was under repair), to the Pathenon (Ron wants to know why there' a hole in the ceiling and what the big deal), to Trevi Fountain (Ron would not do the coin thing), finally to the Spanish Steps. We had our portrait done at the top of the steps and then we walked a few blocks over to the Westin Excelsior (we knew we could get a taxi there). Whiile standing in the lobby of this beautiful hotel we notice that Pfizer (my former employer) is having their VPMC award trip - a bit of irony.

Ron announces he don't want to see no more monuments, he wants Italian pizza. We hop a taxi back near the meeting point and have a wonderful pizza and beer. My ass is gettin broader by the very second. Alas.

I did find a small shop in a side street and bought Erin a beautiful handmade leather purse...she is gonna flip. I also picked up some items to give to my friends. Not tellin...I've got 9 more days of shoppin for my peeps AND of couse mi and mi casa. I got Jordan some new bling.

Back on the ship, we go to dinner and then club hopped to map out a party plan. After some fun in Naples, we are lined up for Ballroom Blitz (gotta work those dance lessons), followed by Motown Hour, and then finish the evening with the 80's Dance Party. Freedom has its moments.

No pictures cause the wireless is down on the ship. Until it gets back up, I have to type these notes out on Ron's crackberry.

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Day 2 of Captivity

OMG- you have no idea how crazy I am sitting in the cabin right now - day 2 of incarceration. Even if it is a suite w/balcony (pics later-I can't send them from rons blackberry), it is still torture with the imminent threat of being disembarked permantly lurks over your head. They call and check on you (making sure you are STILL not having symptoms), everytime I open the door, Roberto, is standing there with this shyt eating grin on his face...waitingg for me to violate the quarentine. Every now and then I open the door just so I can slam it in his face. Like it makes any difference to him as long as I don't cross the hermetically sealed threshold-sicko. I have watched every movie on the ship TV twice over, slept, ate like a pig, and being generally miserable. Tonigt I'm planning on ordering a bottle of wine just to drink myself into oblivion hopiing the time til 6am (when our captivity ends) will come quickly.

Ron finally awoke from his drug induced stupor to have an intelligent conversation. The part where he starts pshyco analyzing the situation loooking for the rainbow (and he would find great qualities in Attilla the Hun) makes me a tad insane, but then he can be downright hilarious. I'm not mad at him anymore but I told him he had 2 days of absolutely nothing - just the way he likes it- which means if I so much as hear a snivel out of him for the next 10 days, then it is gonna be a swift "crackow" to the back of his head. "You're my vacation slave now." If I say climb to the top of the Colloseum, then I best not even see his eyes look askance. Not a peep mister.

Ron wanted to add a few of his comments to the blog about our captivity...
1. After 30 hours of captivity, we decided to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and go out into the yard (the balcony) and amuse ourselves with a few hours of watching the deck hands practice "man overboard" drills with the tender. Only problem is, they keep running over the life ring, so they save the dummy but he is either has a concussion or a broke neck. Our situation could be worse, Lisa, we could be the dummy. (See what I mean about psycho babble)
2. No matter what size your suite is (100 sq ft or 330 sq ft like ours) there is still a 3 ft door you can't get through on pain of death or thrown off the ship at the next port.
3. Threats from the senoir doctor do have a nullifying effect on your attitude problem, and yet, threats of legal action from my lawyer will get them to clean your room in a timely manner by the hazmat team. See, Lisa, a carefully placed threat does produce results more than a hizzy fit. (I'm bout to put my foot in your ass). Ron's mantra..."Don't make me get on my blackberry and bring down the rath.."
4. I know why you can't get the ship doctor to come to your cabin...cause women like my wife would have hurt a mf. He'd have come down to our cabin and said some crazy shyt bout putting her off the ship, and she would have opened a no. 10 size can of whoopass on him. They probly learned it messin with someone before. Somebody has gotton huurtt before and that's why they only check on you over the phone. Not cause your contagious, but because the staff might get sucker punched by an irate black woman.

(As a side note, there are 3000 passesngers on this cruise ship and so far I have only counted 4 African American - or black people in general - on board including us. WHERE ARE MY PEOPLES? Ron says they are vacationing in the Caribbean and they don't give a rats ass bout no Europe.
THEY (THEM) ran from Europe to explore and conqure some shyt, picked up some brothers and sisters along the way, took us to the knew world that THEY claimed was theirs, and made us make it habitable for THEM for free. Welcome home. Ron added dor effect...Why in the hell do black folk want to go to Europe to see where THEY came from and THEIR ruins and shyt. Black folk don't give a damn bout THOSE peoples, THEY history and stuff so why should black folk spend a small fortune to subsidize THEY shyt. I'm just pllayin devils advocate babe. He's got a point. So the question remains...why the hell are we on this ship, I ask. Ron mischieviously looks at me over the top of his glasses and says "cause my half white woman wife wanted to go get some "culture" and see how her white half conqured the world. He just slays me sometimes.)

Anyway, we are sittin out in the yar killin time... Ron has visions of gradure of how we can kill 2 hours. I'm willing to at least try.

Tommorrow we bust outta her and are off to run the streets of Rome.

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I Would Like to Declare a Medical Emergency

...And wish to GOD I hadn't.
After a wonderful embarkation day, we go to dinner, do the lifeboat drill and go to a Welcome Aboard Show. Just as we are about to pull out of port, I start to feel sick to my stomach. Rut Row. I toss and turn all night long dealing with a bout of diarrhea when about 3am I upchuck my entire dinner. Whew. I feel so much better. Must have been something I ate. Unfortunately, must have been something we both ate cause Ron was sick too and lost his cookies around 6am. Ron insisted I call the ship doctor "cause it hurt"...no shyt Sherlock...he hasn't thrown up in about 20 years and he said he felt like he was having a heart attack. Okay, whatever.

I call the medical service. It takes them an hour to get here and Ron and I are abiut ready to eat some breakfast...we are feeling better see. NOPE. You are a nogo at this station. Mounds of paperwork and we are told that we are quarantined for 24 hours. DAMN. No problem. We can do a day. They will refund us for our tour in Mareille. About 10 hours later, another person calls to tell us "oh no...we are sorry but you will be in isolation for 48 hours. BULLSHYT! "We are sory, but if you don't' comply then we will disembark you at the next port. I snapped. You are telling me that I am confined to my stateroom for 48 hours. Yep.

What is relly pissing me off is that they treat you like a leper while in isolation. It took Ron threatening the Purser to get someone to clean our stateroom. It took another threatening phone call to get them to allow us to eat something other than broth. We can't get anybody to speak with us on the phone, let alone come to the room to check us out. They just confine you to your room and leave you there. Screw youm if you are caught outside your staterom, they will throw you off the ship. That guy how spread TB across the world was treated better than we are. It doesn't matter that people come in and out of the room without gloves or masks, touchin shytm if we are SOOO mfn contagious, then why aren't those people quarantined too? Everbody is so mfn worried that we are going to spread some damn disease, but they don't give a rats ass that Paco was just in my room delivering inedible food and taking away trays that we touched. What about the damn nurse that treated us wiithout a mask or gloves...is she quarantined? HELL NO. She's running around the whole damn ship giving out shots that allegedly keep you from throwing up, but is really some kind of knock out juice in a syringe to keep you from leaving your stateroom. After my shot, I was passes out til 4pm. BEEYATCH.

Right now I am going bat freakin crazy. I donajt know how I am supposed to sit inthis room another whole mfn day while everyone is gallivanting around Florence. I just want to scream. Ron doesn't seem to mind at all. This is his kind of frakin vacation. He just sits around sleeping and reading about the port he is SOOO freakin glad he doesn't have to walk around. Not a complaint out of himm I HATE HIM!!!

If I had known that we we going to have 2 days of the cruise flushed down the toilet literally and figuativelly, I would have never called the bastards. I am obviously not that mfn contagious since they got nurses and staff running in and out of here and they don't get thrown in isolation. SCREW EM! The very second this is over, I am out of this cabin and I'm gonna run amok on this ship...touching EVERYTHING.

I feel fine and am not harboring some disaster at sea. Perhaps if they treated us more like passengers and not lepers, I wouldn't be so angry. I hate the entire ship staff, I hate
Ron and his silent indifference, I hate this ship and the way they selectively apply their policy.

I'm gonna drink this champagne that came with breakfast and pass out. Maybe I'll be calmer tomorrow...but I seriously doubt it.

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Welcome to the Emerald Princess

We made it aboard! Rumor has it that 200 passengers (I think that number is a little high) didn't make it - I think it was several though - as Ron and I watched from our balcony as a taxi came about 100 miles an hour and dropped a couple right as the ship was pulling up the anchor. They barely made it.

We had a relaxing day of embarkation. Scheduled our spa appointments, signed up for spin and pilates classes, made arrangements for our renewal of vows ceremony and just layed around while the crew tried to upsell you on everything from unlimited soda to private access to the "Sanctuary" and "Thermal Therapy Spa" They got Ron on it all...he doesn't drink so unlimited soda was right up his alley, they had him on the tour of the "Sanctuary" when they told him that no kids under 18 could enter the private pool deck and that when he noticed that they had unlimited shade, and the heated stone therapy chairs had him as soon as his back hit one. SUCKER. Don't get me wrong now, I didn't turn down a thing.

Ron is already in the bed, now that he realized that this is an European Cruise and he would have to walk and stuff.

Time for some relaxation in the cabin. Talk to you from France tomorrow.

The Night Before...

The night before any long trip is always the worst. The day drags on and on and then there is the issue of packing. Packing for a long trip has always been an ordeal and I finally invested in a travel scale to weigh my bags (don't want to really pay $25 cause my bag weighs 51 lbs).

After all of these years of traveling, I still have not mastered the art of packing light. I just don't think it is scientifically possible. How in the world do you only take 2 pairs of shoes on a 12 day cruise. There are outfits & events to consider...2 formal nights, shore excursions, spa days, pool/beach events. Narrowing it down to a few outfits and coordinating shoes (an OF COURSE, the appropriate undergarments - the girls must be appropriately harnessed or somebody could get killed). And then there is the jewelry to consider.

The worst part is the hair and toiletries issues. Since I recently had my hair highlighted, I had to go and get some new HIB (hair I bought...so when a rude person asks you "is that your hair." you can answer, "yes, darling, I have a receipt) cause I just can't be bothered to press and curl every day. HIB is a miracle of modern science and sisters who travel. 15 total days away from home...there is body lotion, wash, hair care, makeup, etc. How to minimize all this down to something that doesn't weigh a ton. DAMN.

Now I am sitting here watching Ron pack. There has to be supervision or I'm not sure what all I would find and we are not (at least he isn't) gonna buy a new wardrobe along the way in the Mediterranean. There are other things we are gonna HAVE to purchase.

Anyway, we leave tomorrow for Barcelona, Spain, which is where the ship will be leaving from. Be sure to check in as there is always bound to be some travel drama/adventures. Friends who have traveled with us before call it "The Bonus Package...The Steptoe Entertainment Package".

Talk soon.