Atlantis Redeemed

So, I raised holy hell, complained to anyone that would listen and after awhile a hush fell upon the resort wherever I went. Red carpet magically appeared, drinks suddenly became free, dinner reservations were already made, beach chairs with sunshade were immediately found. You could hear whispers of..."There goes the Steptoe woman...be on your toes." We have a sit down with the Starwood people to talk about our experience as an "Owner" and I laid it out my strikes (see previous blogs). I suddenly have a free casino credit - $50 - but it was our last night; free pictures & frame; discounts for other stuff and a limo to the airport.

AS IT SHOULD BE!

Atlantis Bahamas - More Strikes

I decided to let the personal vacation slights go and just try to immerse myself in the experience or just abandon the Atlantis side and stay over at the Harborside Resort when we have two more incidences...

Stike 6: Modified Meal Plan - just don't do it. It is a complete WASTE of money but a big profit center for the resort. ($80/person per day which included breakfast and dinner meals). I signed us up for the the MMP, picked the restaurants we were going to go to for breakfast and dinner and received a confirmation. Once here, I was a little disappointed in the few dining establishments we were allowd to chose from after I saw all the other restaurants. The final straw came when we showed up at a restaurant that I was confirmed for, waited 20 min for a table, got us all situated and was told that they were no long a MMP restaurant. Here are my choices, pick everybody up and try to find a seat at another restaurant that does take the MMP or just pay for this dinner separately. We stayed and after dinner went back to the front desk to complain. They were tired of seeing me. We had them remove the MMP from our bill. Turns out that we spent less money per day just eating when and where we wanted then if we had kept the MMP. Go Figure.

Strike 7: I call to make reservations at Nobu (sushi place), get a confirmation for dinner and right before I'm about to hang up and go my merry way, the lady asks what the age of my kids are. Okay, I have a 3 year old with me. "Well, sorry ma'am, that restaurant doesn't accept kids under 6 years old. I will keep the reservation for you, but you will have to see the restaurant manager at 4pm to ask for an exception." I ain't askin for permission to do squat. But guess what, every other restaurant in the place was booked for dinner until 9pm. I'm really getting pissed. After a lovely day in the spa, I go see the manager of Nobu. No Way - Jose. No rugrats allowed. HOWEVER, this strike will be a recall (DO OVER) since the mangaer of Nobu called the manager of SeaFire Grill (a really nice steak house) and got us in at 7:30pm - circumventing the reservation natzi. Way to go Stepahnie.

What's Mine?

We have been told that Cara is language delayed and has a limited vocabulary for a child her age. Well, she may have trouble saying "milk" (but after intense vacation therapy, she now pronouces it "mil-kah") and forming complete sentences for ordinary, everyday stuff; but when it comes to what is important - she's got no problem telling you what is her's.

During our little vacation to Atlantis, Cara has been caught telling us the following phrases:
1. My Yacht (can't say milk, but can say yacht just fine).
2. My Ocean - that's my girl...it's all her stuff
3. My Money and the famous line - "PopPop, give me MY money" - and she says it with such conviction.
4. My Starbuk (pronounced - Staaar-bukah)
4. My Toys, My Ice Cream and so on.

Basically, whatever you have is Cara's. What ever looks expensive is Cara's. Whatever she wants is Cara's. I thinks she's bluffing on the special ed stuff just to get attention.

Atlantis Bahamas

This is the first trip that I have taken in a long time that did not have some kind of drama involved in getting there - no TSA or security foul ups, no reservations mix ups - just plain ole travel to your destination.

We arrive at Atlantis - Harborside. Harborside is the villas you can stay in if you own in the Starwood network of properties. It is nice but nothing like The Westin St. John Villas - not even close. This is more like a suite at the Marriott or something with an efficiency kitchen. It will do.
Now for the disclaimer. I am a travel snob. Period. I want what I want for the amount of money that you pay to go to these places. Atlantis is beautiful and I am "trying" to relax and enjoy myslef, but Atantis IS NOT the place to go if you are trying to relax. If you are thinking you are going to get upscale, exlusive treatment and service (cause you paid a damn pretty penny for that belief) then you are going to be sorely disappointed (as I currently am).

Stike One: You give me a really nice coupon book for all the store and some of the services at the resort. Go on and on about it and how I really should make use of it. Come to find out at my first attempt to use the damn book that all of the coupons expired on April 1st. When I called about it, they said "Oh, we apologize for the inconvenience. We will have to destroy all of the other books." No other offers, no nothing.

Strike Two: "Why, of course, we have wireless internet available." A lie of omission. What they left out in that statement was that they have wireless in 2 lounges over in the Atlantis Hotel and at all of the pool decks. Why the F--K would I want to take my laptop to a location surrounded by water when Laptops and Water have never previously gotton along. What sense does that make. Well, they do have another option - dial up access at $0.50/minute ($30/hour). Have you lost your everlasting mind. Your telling me that you can't afford to put the wireless in the mf room especially in the freakin' villas where people pay for ownership. That really pisses me off.

Strike Three: The place is just TOO MF BIG. It is a great big amusement park with a 15+ story hotel plopped down in the middle of it. The most annoying thing about the place is how long it takes to get to anywhere. 15 min walk to the only decent cup of coffee at the place (Starbuks - everything else looks and tastes like piss water), 20 min to the main hotel, 25-30 min to the danm beach. You can wait 20 min for the shuttle to take you from Harborside to the one end of Atlantis and then you still got a 15 min walk to get down to the beach. The place is ENORMOUS. And I can't stand it. There are people everywhere. There is not one danm thing relaxing about this place since you are constantly walking and hauling your stuff to get to anything worth your time. AND HEAVEN FORBID that you forget anything in your room or have to go back. You just lost an hour in the process, regardless of whether you are staying in the main hotel or you are at the villas. RIDICULOUS.

Strike Four: MF WRISTBANDS. What the Freak is the damn deal with the wristbands. If you are caught on any of the water "adventures" without the wristband of the day - you are summarily ejected from the "adventure." No questions asked. Erin had a run in today and will be submitting a complaint. After telling him that she was a owner at the resort, he still ejected Erin and Ashley from the lazy river. They had floated to the other side of the resort and had to walk (30 min) back to their stuff. No excuese. Come to find out, you are required to stop at a pool kiosk (good luck trying to find one) and get the wristband of the day. BULL. Why don't you just issue a pass/wristband to everyone WHEN THEY MF CHECK IN! Why didn't you say anthing to us AT CHECKIN about the damn wristbands and the the pool natzis that are lurking aobut. I don't have time for that nonsense. I'm supposed to be on a "Exclusive Tropical Vacation." MY BUTT. Like I said before...A freakin' amusement park for the masses.

Strike Five: I expect things to cost more (soda, drinks, water, food) when I travel to resorts and what not. I completely understand the concept of making a profit, profit centers, cost centers and the like. We are building a resort ya know. But DAMN! ...A small bottle of water should NOT cost $4 - the same as a freakin case of water at Giant. The cost of things here is outrageous. To make it even worse...they only have a free shuttle on ONE day for you to go into town to the grocery store to purchase food for your villa. They no longer have the grocery delivery service. At this point, I'd rather starve than to continue to pay these prices.

This is only day 2 of our stay. I'm sure I'll be back with more Strikes against this monolith. Warning - spend your hard earned vacation dollars elsewhere.