There are Vagrants Everywhere...

...and other Lisaness Travel Incidents:

There are Vagrants Everywhere...
Sometimes when I out on my adventures, I tend to get oblivious to my safety surroundings and just wander with this attitude of awe and wonder and a bit of "What? I don't belong here? Why?" That bit of I can go anywhere I want, touch anything I want, do anything I want where ever I go, tends to get me in a bit of trouble (on occasion). Luckily, I rarely travel alone which is usually how I get saved from myself. One evening after dinner in Dominica, I decided I wanted to go for a walk in the opposite direction of town (since I've been there done that) and perhaps get a close look of the shore line under the mountains. We are walking along and are beginning to get in this residential district when we are stopped by one of the locals. He asks in a very kind, gentle manner - "Where are you trying to go to?" The conversation goes like this:
Lisa: "Oh, we are just walking and looking around."
Local: "Well, miss, you really would have a better time in town, see the shops, the bay."
Lisa: "I've already see all that, I want to go this way" Pointing down the road
Local: "Pretty Lady, you really want to go in town."
Ron: "Yeah, Lisa, lets go back in town."
Lisa, pouting: "I've already been there."
Local: Sir, there are vagrants everywhere."
Ron, guiding me back up the hill: "Thanks for the time man."
Lisa, pouting again: "Okay, but I'm really disappointed."

We relate this story to our host later that evening and he tells me that I just have a sign on my back saying "Rob me, please." What do I know.

Shock & Awe..(or maybe just downright disgust)
Monday afternoon, after getting back from my hike, Ron and I go back into town to pick up a few souvenirs. We are standing at this craft booth (AKA: tourist trap) looking at this cute little dress made in China but "from Dominica" when a homeless man with no legs in a wheel chair, wheels up behind me and starts saying something in Franglish. When he doesn't capture my attention, he rears up on his stumps, whip out his wee-wee and proceeds to piss in my general direction. Ron has to snatch me out of the back splash area. It was unbelievable. After he waters down an entire block of the street (I didn't know that such a small instrument could produce so much pee), he says to me "Lady, give me" GIVE YOU WHAT? You piss in my general direction, almost splash my bare skin (the very thought make me want to hurl) with local pee AND you want me to give you something. WOW!

Travel Dont's That Everyone Should Adopt:
1. Body Odor. You should always travel with your armpits enclosed in a shirt, no matter how hot it is. Especially me. NOBODY wants a birds eye view of a man's hairy armpits when putting your luggage in the overhead bin - EVER. It's disgusting and no matter how much deodorant you put on, that hair abomination is going to smell after a few hours of air travel.
2. Personal space - don't violate it. DON'T lean over into my seat. DON'T try to look out my window from the aisle seat. DON'T fall asleep on me - my shoulder is not your pillow unless you are married to me and then I'll have to think about it. Short, small bursts of conversation - me and my book, iPod, video machine are going to become one - I don't want to chit chat the entire trip. There's more personal space violations but this could go on forever.
3. Eating - Don't smack your gum on the plane, don't suck your teeth (Ron does it and it drives me insane). Don't bring smelly food (tuna fish sandwich, Chinese food, the local delicacy - spices and all) on the plane - unless of course you would like for me to use the airsick back and pass it your way. DO bring gum - YES your breath stinks after eating a bag of Doritos and falling asleep.

These are just a few violations I've experienced on my recent trip. I keep you posted on other Travel Violations as the year progresses. We are hanging out in the Puerto Rico airport waiting for our connection. Check ya later.