What I "Deserve"

I've been having a discussion with one of my classmates from West Point about our struggle to lose weight and what we are doing about it. My last conversation was about my alter ego - Unique-Qua - my fat Backyardigan sister-girlfriend that I am about to give the beat down of her overweight, grocery eatin' life. Like I've said before - that Beeyatch is going down. Finally!

Well, I just got a message back and it started out like this:

"First of all, change all of that negative self-talk. You are not a cow nor a Beeyatch. You are a beautiful wife,mother, daughter, friend...a beautiful you. You must remember that and remind yourself."

Yeah, Yeah. I know all of that already. Any self-respecting Diva would be absolutely convinced of her inner and outer beauty. This is where I started getting a tad irritable and even more motivated to beat that cow Unique-Quaback:

"Tell yourself over and over that you deserve to have a fit and toned body. You deserve to look fabulous in your clothes. You deserve to look as great as you really are. I tell myself I deserve to feel good in my clothes and I deserve to have a fit and toned body. If there was something I needed to do for (my husband) or the kids, I would make it happen. I am trying to understand why I am not committed to making this happen for me. I really do want to lose weight, so why am I not losing weight? One of the ladies in the office lost 23 pounds on the Body for Life program.I am inspired by her success...and a bit envious...and motivated."

Wow. This made me think for a bit. Something about it bothered me and I couldn't put my foot on it right away. Finally,it came to me- it was the DESERVED psycho-babble thing. Here is my response:

"Hey (Girlfriend),
I don't think I am being negative. Finally, I took an honest self-assessment and started holding myself accountable for what I did to myself. When you can honestly look in the mirror and say "yes, it is the fat that makes you look fat" and not blame it on your busy day, your kids, your husband, your life, then you can have a breakthrough to action. I've already wasted too much time psycho-analyzing why I am not motivated or why I am still fat (overweight-whatever you want to call it) and just accepted that I am this way cause I ate, drank, didn't exercise, and did just what I felt like.Guess what - I got just what I earned for that laziness. A BIG FREAKIN BUTT, 2 extra dress sizes and 30 lbs lumbering around my middle. I got exactly what I deserved and I finally decided to call a spade a spade. I took responsibility for my actions and now I'm going to do something about it.

I already know that I am beautiful. God didn't make a mistake. But God also gave me free will to do what I wanted with the gift He gave me and I abused it. I will not sit here and tell myself that "I deserve" to have or get anything, just cause I think I'm entitled to it by some divine right. I "DESERVE" exactly what I've got. IMHO, that mentality is exactly why people don't have the things, the job, the husband, the life, the happiness, the spirituality, the Whatever...is because we think we DESERVE it or are ENTITLED to it. I simply don't think so. If you want it then you have to EARN it, WORK for it.

  • - You wish you had a bigger house like you neighbor. You think you deserve it and you ask yourself why not over and over. Have you saved for that mortgage? Have you developed a plan to get it? Are you taking steps toward getting the house you want? Or are you just waiting for it to fall in your lap cause you deserve it?
  • - You sit at your desk at work and complain (you know these people) that you didn't get the promotion, it went to BobbyJo. you think you deserved that promotion. Really? Did you put in the time? Do you have the proven performance? Educational requirements? Did you do what you needed to do to get considered for the promotion or did you just think you were going to get it cause you deserved it? Interesting.
  • - You dream of once again being fit, tone and phfine. Your envious of the co-worker who went out and lost 23 lbs in your face. You think you deserve the same. So what the heck are you going to do about it? Wait till that entitlement check for thinness comes in? If you want it, we gotta go get it!

The only thing I have the right to is Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness. I think pursuit is a key word. It is an action verb.I have decided that I am not happy with this weight. I've decided to give my 30 lb person hanging onto me a name an WHOOOP up on her.Unique-Qua (my round Backyardigan sister-girlfriend) IS going down. It motivates me. Gives me someone to holler at on the treadmill or in Bootcamp when I think I'm too tired. When I reach for that cookie, I can slap Unique-Qua's hand and say "Oh, Hell Naw, BEEYATCH." Beating Unique-Qua down is MY motivation and is keeping me on track.

Now, Girlfriend, you can sit around waiting for what you deserve or you can go and TAKE IT. I say stop trying to understand why and JUST Do!The devil is in the details and over analysis."

Well, that how I feel about it. That's it. PERIOD. STOP GLOBAL WHINING NOW!