Training Torture Tidbits


I spent that past 10 days in Minnesot-AH! at a training class for a new gig I took (taking it for the Kingdom – playing my position to ensure that Camelot is still lined in Gold & Silver). The only saving grace was The Mall of America where I spent the entire Saturday (9 hours) shopping with my new friend & playmate, Nat from Montana. I LURVE that girl. We hit it off famously. Go figure. Without here, there might have been a “goin’ postal” moment.



- I found it amazing that sales reps with so much experience and tenure were wigging out over taking a product certification exam…ESPECIALLY when the trainer gave us a study guide and was telling us exactly what was on the exam to review. o_O


- I so wanted to pass out my Xanax.


- Just cause you WERE formerly a District Manager does NOT make you the resident expert of EVERY SINGLE THING. Keywords: FORMERLY. You are just like the rest of us…and old dog put out to pasture given an opportunity to excel elsewhere.


- STOP TYRING TO BE TOP TRAINING REP! None of us really care nor are we competing for the title. Seriously.


- If you already know that question you are asking is off label, not indicated or out of compliance…THEN DON’T FUGGING ASK THE TRAINER THE DAG ON QUESTION. She can’t answer it. You are wasting time.


- Also, stop beating that dead horse to death.


- Perhaps I will bring some Xanax down and spike the coffee. The hysteria is killing me.


- Looking over the top of my glasses with THAT look…brings me immense joy. I see why it has been so effective for The FireMarshall.


- I’m gonna need this woman who just had a baby; whose husband told her NOT to go back to work to stop all the whining and complaining and slow her roll. Go home.


- You insisted on taking this job against your husbands wishes so SUCK it up. I don’t want to hear anymore about your stress level, how much you miss your baby (I miss my grown children, dammit) or anything else when you were given the opportunity to stay at home.


- OH! You went back cause you didn’t want to “fall” behind in your skills. Sigh. Let this old lady tell you…you will regret NOT staying home with your kids if you financially can way more than you will ever regret falling behind your “corporate” peers in skills. Trust me.


- Wanna know how to tell when your skirt is too short – for professional/business duty ?…When your 40+ years old, you sit down and your thigh high hose shows to the entire room. Chile Please! Cottage Cheese don’t look chexy no matter HOW skinny you are. PERIOD.


- WORST TRAINER EVER!!! If you don’t know who to use all the features of the damn tablet or where shit is, what makes you think we will. FUBAR!


- By day 9, my “give a shyt factor” was at ZERO! I just didn’t give a damn.


- Passed the exam, razzle dazzled them with my presentation skills (as I knew I would – it just ain’t that hard) and went to Off Fifth Saks and shopped to get The FireMarshall new duds for our trip to The Breakers. That’s how much time I had to kill before we had to be back for grins, giggles & goodbyes.


- I practically knocked people out of the way and did the OJ Simpson to the bus and in the airport to get da hell outta there.


There is NO PLACE like HOME!