GI Jane Running

Getting in a good run while on a business trip in a city that you are NOT EVEN REMOTELY familiar with is, well…CHALLENGING. Remember this run in Nashville? Yeah. That.


Well, tonight I was all like ambitious and ish and decided that I would run on this trail ALLEDGEDLY near my hotel. I look up the a map of the trail and realize – AH! an entrance is only about a mile away. I memorize the map – yeah, a skill I picked up as a Quartermaster Officer, you gotta know where to go and steal pick up those supplies – and I was off.


I decided to do a jog/walk to the park as I had to get to this entrance via one of those damn side highways in Dallas – like WTF – and I wanted to avoid the dreaded HWR (hit while running). Now, during my research on this trail, this is the picture I was greeted with:


All nicely paved. Friendly looking. Welcoming. Ahhh! The joy of running. UH HUH.

Not so much.


I managed to find the park…not via the entrance that was on the map in my head, but by looking it up again on my phone and stumbling up on it via a side street. Ok. I get on the path and start off. Ummmm, What?


Underpass. Mkay. I'mma give those two vagrants guys sitting/leaning on the concrete underpass thingy a wide berth. I run past as they whistle and say something in Spanish. No biggie, they didn’t budge from their spot and I was past and gone before they could.


I keep running and I’m thinking to my self…Where da hell is that pretty picture you see above, cause this is what I am really seeing:


This picture actually doesn’t do what I was seeing justice. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop and take a picture. I felt like I was running into some scene from Deliverance. Lots of “woods” creeping up onto the “path” if you want to call it that. Lots of make shift bridges to get over the not so aromatic stream running along the path, lots of trash and more. I went around one bend, ran across this bridge and was about to go around another bend when I realized – FUG THAT – I can’t see what’s around that corner, it’s starting to get dark, I’m running alone in the woods of a city I don’t know. SHIIIIITTTT! I’m turning my azz around. I make an abrupt u-turn and notice that there are “PEOPLE” living under the bridge I just crossed.


I’m DONE. All I can think about is I’m going to have to fight my way outta the city wilderness.


And that turned out to be pretty damn close to the truth.


I picked up the pace and decided to run back the way I came and make a bee-line to what I THOUGHT was the end of the trail that would put me back on the road leading to my hotel.




I run to the end of the trail and it runs dead smack into a wall with a fence in front of it. Hell. It turns out that this was to be a “proposed” crossing and it must have been still in the thinking about it phase. Well, since when did a fence stop me. I figure I jump the fence and I’ll be on the road that leads back to the hotel. I climb the fence all like GI Jane and good thing I decided to peek over instead of just vaulting over cause I would have either landed on top of a car or been run-ded over. The plan must have been for a tunnel in the future cause I would have jumped right over that fence onto the freeway.


I go back a ways and start walking through a parking lot. Surely this must take me out to the street.




It starts taking me all the way back the way I came. Ummm…getting dark…must do something. I start running again. I come across a staircase that LOOKS like it leads up to this hospital. Good place to get killed near. I bound up the stairs. DEAD END. Another fence. I’m not EVEN going there this time. I walk along the fence for a while, going right back to the point I started at, find another trail down –into the woods but I can see street & CARS! - and FINALLY I am out into civilization. I had to climb a hill so I could try and see my hotel (which is 28 stories) and get my bearings. I see the top of the hotel off in the distance and start jogging in that general direction.


I make it back to my hotel safe and sound. Famished. Thirsty. I think I did about a 10K orienteering course trying to get da hell out of that fugging trail/park.


The moral/lesson to the running adventure…I’d rather run the city streets and play dodge a car, dodge a bus before ever trying to take on Freddie Kruger again.


Oh, and you ask – why don’t you just use a treadmill? Ever go to a meeting with 3000 people (the majority that actually workout cause we all are in healthcare and we see death & mayhem & don’t wanna take any of the shyt we sell) and try and get one of the 2-3 treadmills in the hotel. NOT HAPPENING. I run outside or I don’t workout at all and THAT is just NOT an option.


Besides, where is the fun in running to nowhere?