Nip & Tuck - The Consult

SoooOOO, I went for my free consultation (Mother's Day Gift from my daughter) at Erin's Plastic Surgeon (see http://www.discoverthebeauty.com/). I was sitting in the waiting room, filling out the mounds of psycho analysis and other paperwork - just for a looksie - wondering am I nervous or excited. I decided that I was about to burst from excitement. This was something I talked about around the table with girlfriends...

Girlfriend -"Girl, would you ever have plastic surgery?"
Lisa - "Hell Yeah! Beauty CAN be bought."
Girlfriends - "That's so vain. You are already beautiful."
Lisa - "Yep. Already knowed this. But a nip and tuck here and there would be the ultimate."

I already spend a small fortune on beauty refinement... as I did today at the nail "place"... pedicure, gel fill w/french manicure & a little nail art work, COMPLETE face wax (damn I can get hairy) - $100 bucks. And as a side note - I really hate not knowing what they are saying about my hands/feet/face when I'm there - they seem to hover around and all speak Vietnamese. Makes me freakin crazy! Anyway, then there is the spa visits. Gotta get that hot stone massage (if you haven't had one - well what the freak are you waitin' on!), body wrap, scrub, facial evray now and den.

Well, the whole consult thing was NOTHING like the TV show "Nip & Tuck." My doctor did not ask me "Soooo, what do you hate about yourself?" Like damn. No, this doctor read through my packet, looked up and said "What can I help you improve upon." I liked him already. I told him my droll sob story of working out like a freakin mad woman, the roller coaster weight loss/gain/loss, the major abdominal surgery (to remove HUGE fibroid) and the fact that my tummy just won't go back despite my best efforts. He didn't even flinch. "Okay, why don't you put on a robe and lets take a look together." Alrighty. Now the robe was to die for. I brought this small cute handbag with me and I (for the life of me) could not figure out how to get this like brushed silk robe in my bag. DAMN IT. I take off my clothes (cept for the undies) and WE take a look.

I think for sure that he has some of those carnival mirrors in the exam rooms. I KNOW MF WELL that I didn't look that foooked up before I got there. He rolls down my underwear - are you feelin me on this - ROLLS down - OVER the TUMMY BLOB! and sits back on the chair and starts telling me what he can do. Lipo alone ain't gonna fix this blob baby! You gonna need an extended abdominoplasty and then to get your "contours" correct, I recommend that we do liposuction of the rear, back and flanks. OKAY. "Is there any other areas of concern?" I almost laughed. I said, "While your at it, can you take a little off the inner thigh?" I was kinda jokin ya know. He said, "No problem. I can't guarantee that your inner thighs won't touch at all, but we can definitely fix that."

WHERE DO I SIGN?

Now this man is not the finest in the land, but I have to give it to him. He has wonderful bedside manner, a dry sense of humor that I like (same as Ron), and he seemed to me to be a perfectionist - very meticulous. I liked him immediately,

WHAT's YOUR FIRST OPENING?

"Please step into the office next door and Diane will help you schedule your surgery."

I couldn't get on the schedule until Sept 4th, but I signed on the dotted line, paid my deposit. I'm in like flint. I can't freakin' wait.

So, here are some of the questions/comments I've received so far:

"Your cheating! No Fair!" - damn skippy! Life ain't fair.
"What if something happens" - then something happens...God has a plan for me.
"BEEYATCH" - already knew that - what's a diva to do
"I wouldn't spend my money like that." - I ain't spendin yo money. I'm spendin MINE!
"Are you scared, this is major surgery." - Nope (okay, maybe a little). I've had major surgery before. Like I said, God has a plan for me. No need to be scared (fear is the devils work) - I just pray.
"Your boobs will be too big/out of proportion." - GOOD! I like my boobs (my girls as I call them). And they still stand up cause of all those push ups.

No worries. Right now, I'm having the time of my life and I'm gonna enjoy the ride while I can. I'll keep ya posted along the way. Haven't decided on the before and after pics yet. I don't even want to see em. Might be too much.

You can see some incredible before and afters of Dr. Markmann's work at his website http://www.discoverthebeauty.com/