Guest Post: What You Can Learn About Marriage from FB

As many of you already know, our very own TiffanyInHouston is getting married soon and she recently posted a question on her Fac.e.Bo.ok profile for Valentines Day. The question and the responses made me smile and touched my heart so I asked if she would be willing to write a post (cause she still doesn't have a blog - although she should and we know it would be great) on what she learned from her question.


What you can learn about marriage from your FB friends...

We have all heard and seen the parodies that float around FaceBook about people becoming addicted to Facebook, how Facebook has been cited in divorce proceedings and generally how social networking and media has devalued relationships to the point where people break up via text. We have all witnessed status updates that dissolve into flame wars, questionable pictures that are posted and tagged up for all to see, and folks sharing questionable quiz answers (do we all NEED to know your favorite sexual position??). We should have never turned some of ya’ll loose on FB/Twitter cause ya’ll don’t appreciate shhhhhh…well you should know the rest by now (hat tip to Dave Chapelle) LOL!!!!!!

But the flip side of social networking is meeting some really cool people, who share like interests and who discuss interesting topics and are pretty engaged with the world around them and I have been fortunate to have some of folks as my FB friends. The Saturday before Valentine’s Day I posted a status on my profile asking my friends to tell me how long they had been married and to give me and my fiance some married people advice.

I was very pleasantly surprised at the number of responses I got (nearly 30) and the sheer quality and thoughtfulness of the responses.

Here are a few examples:

From Dana:
We will be married 2 years this May. The best advice I can give is to just live your life and let him live his. Talk to him with love and respect (and vice versa) and always put each other first. Have fun together. You two seem like you are on the same page from day 1 and that is CRUCIAL. I've been married 2 years to a man who I'm pretty similar to (values, income, morals, outlook on life, goals, etc.), so, SO FAR we haven't had to "work" on too much. I guess if we reach an impasse we'll take it to the bible! Live and let live. Love the things that make your man unique.

From Carolyn:
Well, it will be 41 years in August I think. LOL. Open communication with each other. Talk about everything, finance, children, etc. Placing God first, then everything should follow: each other, family and friends. Remember after you are married you become one, so hanging out with your single friends will not work. Hang out together!! Store etc. :) Some people say don't go to bed angry mmmmmm, maybe but if you go without being angry with each other, you do sleep better!!!

From Jaimee:
I'm still a novice at this being married only 8 months. My advice would be to keep each other's family out of your business. This goes with friends as well. A side will always be picked and the other will be made out to be the villain in the situation. So talk it out between each other; because if you pull others in, they will have ammo to divide your home.

From Fred (the lone man who dared to respond..LOL!):
Been together 4 1/2 years..my only advice is give in to each other and appreciate each other's quirks.In a society that prides itself on being SOOOO individualistic and somewhat insular (read self centered and/or navel gazing), not only does it take a village to raise a child but sometimes it takes a village, albeit a virtual one, to educate a grown up from time to time.

And while quite obviously I don’t know the ins and out of my FB friends marriages, it was interesting to note a lot of commonalities amongst the comments I got: put your spouse first, speak in love, fight fair, keep God in your marriage, continue to date your spouse, keep your sex game tight, do not let family/friends interfere and perhaps the shortest comment that packed the most punch from Amani: ‘Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s. Find out what works for you! ‘
I got more comments but those are the ones that spoke to most to me. My fiancé has been married before and has one up on me in terms of experiencing married life but I am a total newbie. And seeing how I want to get it right on the first go round, it was interesting to get perspectives from my cyber and real life buddies. Who says posting on FaceBook is a total time suck?? LOL!!!

I learned a lot about what it takes to be married...on Facebook of all places. Just goes to show, that if you ask the pertinent questions, often times folks will take the time to give answers that go beyond fluffy stuff. I’m glad they chose to take the time. And I eagerly await the day to become his missus and come up with the rules that will best suit OUR marriage as well.