A New Preamble

A couple of posts ago (see "What I Deserve"), I ranted about the concept of what we "deserve" or have a right to. I received this email today that kind of wraps up my thoughts on the matter....I didn't write it but sums it up pretty good and to the point.

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

River Hill vs Reservior High - We win Again!

River Hill wins again but it was a close one. We were up 6 to 1 and then we got a little cocky and the score was 6 to 5 at half time. OOOOH, the sweat was dripping. The team rallied to a victory 9 to 5. Whew.

I'm have also been asked to be the Team photographer. The Lacrosse Mom at work.

River Hill vs. Mt Hebron

Today was Jordan's first lacrosse game as the starting goalie on the River Hill JV Lacrosse Team. River Hill wins-HOORAH- 10-6.I'm officially a Lacrosse Mom now. I have to man the concession stand at one of the games and I purchased my car magnet, sweatshirt (I'm wearing it now), and polo shir today. Jordan thinks I'm cool and that is ALL that matters now.

Believe - A Hilarious Movie About Network Marketing

Believe - A Hilarious Movie About Network Marketing -www.believethemovie.com

Coming from someone who spent 12 years building a relatively successful Network Marketing business, this satire is some hilarious stuff. I have been laughing my but off on how close to home some of the trailers from the movie were to my actual experiences. Now understand, I'm not going to sit here and bad mouth network marketing as a whole. We had a lot of fun along the way, met a lot of interesting people and parlayed some of those relationships and the network we developed over the years into a extremely successful real estate asset and development business. As a result of "keeping our minds open" to other possibilities (we were always considered heretics), we were able to become very successful and financially well off in a way other than "the business". NO WAY, you say. I know, I know. There is not supposed to be any other way to make money and become financially free besides network marketing and if you are not "building the business" then you are a LOSER! WHATEVER! You can make a lot of money in network marketing, it is possible and I've been close enough to people who have, but - sportsfans - don't let the hype fool ya - it ain't the only way.



Ron says that someone in our upline or organization is going to read this and try to burn me at the stake. Isn't it a shame that I should have to worry about what my alledged "friends" in the business would do or say to me because I found something satirical and funny (usually there is some truth in the joke when it is really funny) about network marketing. SO BE IT. It really doesn't matter anyway because almost all of our upline stopped calling, stopped inviting us to their social events, stopped talking to us - basically stopped being friends - because we were no longer "building the business". We found out who our real friends were then. Interesting. As far as I'm concerned, the truth of the matter is that it was probably just too negative to be around us if we were not out "showing the plan" every night. Oh well, their loss. We miss ya, but life goes on and the residual check keeps coming - JUST LIKE YOU SAID IT WOULD - if we built a stable, successful business. I thought we were supposed to be able to "retire" when we wanted to? Ha, rhetoric. You really are not supposed to EVER stop. Why would you want to?



Enough of my droning on. You've got to check this site out - www.believethemovie.com - read the movie synopsis and watch the trailers for a great laugh and inside looking into the network marketing industry. I'll keep a watch out for the witch burning crew....

What is Your Hidden Talent?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.And while this may not seem big, it can be.It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

West Point Founders Day

Founders Day at West Point March 16, 1802
On March 16, 1802, Congress approved legislation establishing the United States Military Academy at West Point, one of the oldest military academies in the world. The site, on the west bank of the Hudson River 50 miles north of New York City, is the oldest continuously run military post in America.

Ron and I went to one of the Annual Founders Day Celebrations hosted by the West Point Society of Annapolis.It was one of the most BOOORING functions I have been to in a very long time. Ron and I couldn't wait till wesang the Alma Mater so we could run screaming from the building. The "key note speaker" was a Former Commadantof Cadets and he entire commentary was based on a list of talking points that he was given by the Military Academy.If he said "and the next item I'll talk about is..." I was going to throw my dinner roll at him. I woke up from mybob and travel when he started talking about how the corp of cadets was getting plenty of cultural sensitivity andawareness training by all of the workshops at the UN and 2 week trips to Europe. SPARE ME! He actually thinks thatthe corp is going to be prepared to deal with different cultures and backgroups by a field trip to the UN or anothercountry where they all look like each other? Whatever.

To top off the boring part, this $60/person celebration also had a freakin' cash bar even for a SODA! Who was on the planning comittee for this fiasco. I could have set this up at the Captial Grill and had the soda and wine inlcudedin the price. The shoved 10 people at tables that really couldn't handle more than eight and put one bottle of redand one bottle of white ...and a pitcher of water. Okay. No soda or juice and if your table wanted more wine, theanswer was no...see if you could get some from another table. WOW!

Anyway - I won't be doing that again. All dressed up for the ball and hung out there like the ugly duckling. The best part of the evening was when we sang the Alma Mater. I love that song. Here are the lyrics:

Hail, Alma Mater dear,
To us be ever near,
Help us thy motto bear
Through all the years.
Let DUTY be well performed
HONOR be e'er untarned.
COUNTRY be ever armed,
West Point by thee.

Guide us, thy sons, aright,
Teach us by day, by night,
To keep thine HONOR bright,
For thee to fight.
When we depart from thee,
Serving on land or sea,
May we still loyal be,
West Point, to thee.

And when our work is done,
Our course on earth is run,
May it be said, "Well done;
Be thou at peace."
E'er may that line of gray
Increase from day to day
Live, serve, and die, we pray,
WEST POINT, for thee.

Become an M-n-M

What type of M-n-M are you. Create your favorite candy alter ego at www.becomanmm.com

What I "Deserve"

I've been having a discussion with one of my classmates from West Point about our struggle to lose weight and what we are doing about it. My last conversation was about my alter ego - Unique-Qua - my fat Backyardigan sister-girlfriend that I am about to give the beat down of her overweight, grocery eatin' life. Like I've said before - that Beeyatch is going down. Finally!

Well, I just got a message back and it started out like this:

"First of all, change all of that negative self-talk. You are not a cow nor a Beeyatch. You are a beautiful wife,mother, daughter, friend...a beautiful you. You must remember that and remind yourself."

Yeah, Yeah. I know all of that already. Any self-respecting Diva would be absolutely convinced of her inner and outer beauty. This is where I started getting a tad irritable and even more motivated to beat that cow Unique-Quaback:

"Tell yourself over and over that you deserve to have a fit and toned body. You deserve to look fabulous in your clothes. You deserve to look as great as you really are. I tell myself I deserve to feel good in my clothes and I deserve to have a fit and toned body. If there was something I needed to do for (my husband) or the kids, I would make it happen. I am trying to understand why I am not committed to making this happen for me. I really do want to lose weight, so why am I not losing weight? One of the ladies in the office lost 23 pounds on the Body for Life program.I am inspired by her success...and a bit envious...and motivated."

Wow. This made me think for a bit. Something about it bothered me and I couldn't put my foot on it right away. Finally,it came to me- it was the DESERVED psycho-babble thing. Here is my response:

"Hey (Girlfriend),
I don't think I am being negative. Finally, I took an honest self-assessment and started holding myself accountable for what I did to myself. When you can honestly look in the mirror and say "yes, it is the fat that makes you look fat" and not blame it on your busy day, your kids, your husband, your life, then you can have a breakthrough to action. I've already wasted too much time psycho-analyzing why I am not motivated or why I am still fat (overweight-whatever you want to call it) and just accepted that I am this way cause I ate, drank, didn't exercise, and did just what I felt like.Guess what - I got just what I earned for that laziness. A BIG FREAKIN BUTT, 2 extra dress sizes and 30 lbs lumbering around my middle. I got exactly what I deserved and I finally decided to call a spade a spade. I took responsibility for my actions and now I'm going to do something about it.

I already know that I am beautiful. God didn't make a mistake. But God also gave me free will to do what I wanted with the gift He gave me and I abused it. I will not sit here and tell myself that "I deserve" to have or get anything, just cause I think I'm entitled to it by some divine right. I "DESERVE" exactly what I've got. IMHO, that mentality is exactly why people don't have the things, the job, the husband, the life, the happiness, the spirituality, the Whatever...is because we think we DESERVE it or are ENTITLED to it. I simply don't think so. If you want it then you have to EARN it, WORK for it.

• - You wish you had a bigger house like you neighbor. You think you deserve it and you ask yourself why not over and over. Have you saved for that mortgage? Have you developed a plan to get it? Are you taking steps toward getting the house you want? Or are you just waiting for it to fall in your lap cause you deserve it?
• - You sit at your desk at work and complain (you know these people) that you didn't get the promotion, it went to BobbyJo. you think you deserved that promotion. Really? Did you put in the time? Do you have the proven performance? Educational requirements? Did you do what you needed to do to get considered for the promotion or did you just think you were going to get it cause you deserved it? Interesting.
• - You dream of once again being fit, tone and phfine. Your envious of the co-worker who went out and lost 23 lbs in your face. You think you deserve the same. So what the heck are you going to do about it? Wait till that entitlement check for thinness comes in? If you want it, we gotta go get it!

The only thing I have the right to is Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness. I think pursuit is a key word. It is an action verb.I have decided that I am not happy with this weight. I've decided to give my 30 lb person hanging onto me a name an WHOOOP up on her.Unique-Qua (my round Backyardigan sister-girlfriend) IS going down. It motivates me. Gives me someone to holler at on the treadmill or in Bootcamp when I think I'm too tired. When I reach for that cookie, I can slap Unique-Qua's hand and say "Oh, Hell Naw, BEEYATCH." Beating Unique-Qua down is MY motivation and is keeping me on track.

Now, Girlfriend, you can sit around waiting for what you deserve or you can go and TAKE IT. I say stop trying to understand why and JUST Do!The devil is in the details and over analysis."

Well, that how I feel about it. That's it. PERIOD. STOP GLOBAL WHINING NOW!

My Visual DNA

This is a pretty cool personality profile test. I found it intesting. check out my profile: SALESDIVA VISUAL DNA. You take a test, and Imagini calculates your VisualDNA, and then hooks you up with like-minded users (only if you want). Use the widget Imagini provides so you can share your results on your blog or network. Please click on one of the links below to explore more..http://dna.imagini.net/friends/

The Creation of a Diva

The creation of a diva is no easy task. It requires dedication, focus and certainly money (wasted on a 3 year old). Anyway, we have started Cara's indoctrination early with an outing to the MALL...Starbucks, Nail Salon, the kid Jewelry Store, and the Merry-Go-Round.

The rules are simple:

1. START YOUNG.

2. Introduce them to the spa concept early.

3. Teach your diva apprentice how to sit quietly with your nails in "the light" so as not to ruin our polish.

4. Sitting quietly is best achieved with a Frappachino Mocha Light ONLY from Starbucks.

5. Shopping must follow immediately after with a Dora necklace, bracelet and matching purse (Heaven Forbid they don't match)

6. Daddy MUST "Sit Down" on horsey for two whirls on the Merry-Go-Round (Ron looked like someone shot him in the head as his horse went up and down and round and round).

7. Grocery Shopping can ONLY be accomplished if you have your own car.

You will know that you succeeded in you Diva Training when a new set of vocabulary words dominates vs the basic ABC's & 123's: Shopping, Amex, Nordstrom, NOW, Nails, Paint feet etc. The true test is when your budding Diva can point out the shoes she wants from the Nordstrom spring catalog. I believe I've created a monster.

Fat Chick Beat Down Update-Week 1

The initial report is at the bottom of my site. This is my update from week one of the beatdown... Stay tuned as the Fat BEEACH beatdown progresses towards the first major milestone - April 13th Bahama's Trip!

TSA RANT!

I am all for some homeland security and for creating a safe environment for traveling. I travel a lot and like knowing that I'm not going to have to be the one who jumps up from my seat and says "Let's Roll" cause I gotta take some idiot out who wants to set his freakin' shoes on fire or some crazy nonsense like that. Thank you federal government for trying to make it safe for law abiding citizens to travel. Rah Rah. Keep America Free and all that!

What I am sick and mf-in' tired of to the point that I just want to up and slap the sh*t out of somebody, is the fact that our government sees fit to hire barely high school educated, gum crackin', bad weave wearin', size 18 wearin' a size 10 women with an ATTITUDE cause their lot in life is just shitty and they don't think or won't do anything about it. What they are looking for is someone that they can terrorize in the line and try to make that persons life just as miserable as theirs. WHY THE HELL IS IT ALWAYS ME THAT GETS THIS CRAP!

I am minding my own business. REALLY! I've already learned my lesson from the time I had to go to a side room and strip down to my underwear because when they wanded me, it went off BETWEEN MY LEGS and I might have something metal shoved up there. DO I FREAKIN' LOOK LIKE A WOMAN WHO WOULD SHOVE A METAL OBJECT (maybe plastic w/batteries -but not as a storage location) IN MY COOCHIE AND GO TO THE AIRPORT! Not happening. Anyway, that is another story. Sooooo, I took off my new chain belt that I bought from Nordstroms, took off my St. John sweater, my pumps and put my computer in the damn tray like I was freakin' told. I walk forward through the scanner ONLY WHEN DIRECTED with my boarding pass in hand and the thingy still goes off. BEEEEEP! DAMN. Okay. This woman, in between crackin' her gum tells me to take my hair down. I'm thinking- have you lost your mind BEEACH! Do you know how long it took me to curl this hair and get it pinned in an up swept coif? Obviously NOT. So, here is how the conversation goes:

Lisa: "No, I don't want to do that."
Screener Idiot: "Crack, Crack - then go over there - Crack - and get wanded then."
Lisa: "Fine"
Screener Idiot - Hands on hips: "You should just take the pin out of your hair."
Lisa: "No, I'm not doing that."
Screener Idiot: "Crack - You don't be tellin me what you are and are not gonna do. You have an attitude. Go back over though the metal detector and wait for a supervisor."
Lisa: "WHAT! I'm not the one who has the attitude. You are - stop screaming at me."
Screener Idiot: "SUPERVISOR! I'm not talking to this woman anymore."
Lisa: "Fine! SUPERVISOR!"
Supervisor: "Ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"
Lisa: "Chris, I don't know what her problem is? I do not want to take the hair clip out and she refuses to wand me. Please tell me why it is okay for your employee to have an attitude, scream and generally treat passengers poorly."
Supervisor: "Would you mind taking off your bracelet and watch to see if that is setting off the detector and if that doesn't work we will hand wand you?"
Lisa: "That will work just fine."

I did as the non-gum crackin' supervisor with appropriately fitted clothing requested without incident. Screener idiot just scowled at me. How bad do you think I wanted to turn around and stick my tongue out at the idiot. Ha Ha. Your still a LOSER! No, I just put on my sweetest Diva B**tch smile and went to my gate.

I would like to implement a new hiring screening tool for TSA.
1. Make sure they actually have a diploma from somewhere other than the prison library.
2. They must wear clothing that doesn't cut the circulation (that is already got some blockages) off to the brain.
3. Yank on the weave. If it comes out in clumps - NO DICE.
4. BAN GUM CHEWING.
5. NO GOLD TEETH.
6. They must have a mastery of Kings English - NOT Ebonics

Okay, I have finally calmed down from my Foamy Rant. It really believe the squirrel would have a good one with this subject. Happy Travels.

Cara's 3rd Birthday Party

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me! It's my party and I'll get drunk if I want to!
I spent the day doing total beauty immersion - nails, spa treatments, hair appointment. Then I came home to the family and Ron ordered out Chinese food from Asean Bistro (it was very yummy) and we drank an entire bottle of Alize and Champagne. All in all a good day for someone celebrating their 21st Birthday for the 20th time.

Technical Support

I have spent all day today on the phone with Microsoft Technical Support trying to fix a problem with my upgrade to MS Office 2003. After 2 hours of playing with it, they finally had to totally uninstall the program, remove the registry and reinstall...only to totally screw up my Active Sync. It took them two hours to unistall Active Sync, download the upgrade, and reinstall it. A complete pain in the add. The attached video is from my favorite Squirrel - Foamy. This is his rant about utilizing Tech Support and is indicative of exactly what happened to me today. Check it out.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Empress Lisa the Imaginary of Lardle St Earache Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My girlfriend, Terri, found this website where you can get your Aristocratic Title. I like mine...EMPRESS LISA. As if it should be anything else.

Package Insert

I have spent the past 2 weeks studying all new products by reviewing and testing on package inserts. I'm about brain dead at this point; however, to entertain myself while sitting through another workshop, I started to think about what a package insert for Lisa would look like. Here it is:

Lisa's Package Insert

Lisa is a beautiful diva-like carbon based life form. Her chemical structure is complex and genetic code unique.
Mechanism of Action:
Lisa achieves diva status by increasing the action potential at the diva receptor sites in the brain.

Pharmacokinetics/Pharmacodynamics (Metabolism, Absorption, Distribution, Elimination):
Steady State for Alcohol Consumption is achieved in <2 hours following consumption of 1 bottle of wine or 3 martinis.
Peak Plasma concentrations for food is acheived in 7-10 days following continuous eating and outside dining establishments.
Half-Life (the time it take to eliminate half of the drug from body) is 6-12 hours for alcohol, depending on amount consumed and never for food since Lisa's body has 100% protein binding to the hips, thighs and abdomon. This effect is know from linear & exponential distribution of fat throughout the entire body.
Primary route of elimination is renal (urine); however, there are occasional eliminations through hepatic (feces) elimination.

Drug Interactions:
Milk Based Products. It is not recommended to combine Lisa with milk based products due to possible GI disturbances that can be offending to surrounding patients.

Adverse Events:
The most common adverse event experienced when with Lisa is shock & awe, low bank account balances, and possible kidney damage from laughter.

Warnings:
Lisa has been known to have short bursts of aggression and violence against stupid and otherwise non-diva like substances. Does not hold grudges but will clear offending objects in a direct & firm manner via white blood cell infiltration to the site. Caution should be used.

Contraindications:
You should not hang out with Lisa if you have a hypersensitivity to divaness.

Overdose:
Rare occasions of overdose with Lisa has been seen in patients who can not "shop till they drop" or with female patients who's husband can't afford or don't want their wives to participate in a Diva in Training Workshop. If overdose occurs, patient should be immediately removed from Lisa's presence or get a new man.

Indications:
Lisa is indicated for numerous items that confer significant benefits. Listed are a few but she is not limited to these indications:

• Shopping, Buying, Fashion Tips (ie. no crocheted boots at mall)
• Hostess with the Most-est
• Rip Roaring Fun & Laughter
• Getting the Job Done & Stopping Global Whining

Dosing: Recommended starting dose is one day of shopping followed by tea at the Ritz per month. Increase frequency as needed (see Overdose)

How Supplied: Lisa comes in a 5'2" unique gorgeously plump body. Attempting to split the dose is not recommended. Regular maintenance (hair, nails, spa appointments) is required for maximum performance.

Pricing: Priceless.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Love Day! Nothing special happened today for me. It was another day at the job. Sat all day in a training class that we had to move from HQ to the hotel we were staying in due to the snow storm. Didn't want anyone of us crashing and burning on the Garden State.

I did get an interesting call from one of my former colleagues at the blue football today. One of the National Account Managers called to ask me about the status of Lipitor on the formulary at Johns Hopkins. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I told him that I was no longer with Pfizer and couldn't help him. I wanted to tell him that it is now my mission in life to have Lipitor removed from every formulary associated with Johns Hopkins, but it IS the day of LOVE, so I just let him go about his merry way. Figure it out for yourself - buddy boy!

Two more day left of the training class and then I'm back home for a week. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed - Sleep Number 60 (at the moment)

Bobbing & Traveling

Well, its been a bit since I've chimed in with a daily adventure; however, I have been held captive at a training class for the last week and have to leave home to go back for another week tonight. I have finished the first week of training and while a lot of it is extremely interesting and "need to know", I have been doing the classic "bob & travel" around 2 pm each day. Perhaps its the lunch but more likely it has been some of the material. I was sure at any given minute my forehead would slam onto the desk and/or I would just bust my head on the giant 4" 3 ring binder that's open to some page describing Physiology and Normal Hemostasis - WHATEVER! Who the hell am I gonna talk to about platelet aggregation to. NOBODY. Nice to know. Not need to know. I am up to drinking about 3-4 XS energy drinks a day, trying my darndest not to eat another mf'n M&M and I still can't stay awake. I have resigned myself to standing up in the back of the class and praying that I just don't' pass out. Standing in 3" heels for an hours seems to be working thought.

I did have one extremely embarrassing but hilarious moment last week - Another Bathroom Hi jinks. I think the toilets in the women's bathroom are lower that the baby toilets at Cara's school. You practically have to do the Kimshe (sp?) squat to even get near the damn thing. Well, in a rush to get back to class after the break, I executed the ultimate hover maneuver without exactly ensuring that all clothing was out of the way of the impending stream. Well, to my horror we had a little splash area on the back of my damn BRAND NEW ST. JOHN SLACKS! SH*T!!!! Okay. What does a Diva do? I finished my business and waited till everyone had hustled back to the class. I removed the slacks, rinsed out the offending splash area, and proceed to use the hand dryer to dry my slacks. Envision this picture...I'm standing in my suit jacket, pantyhose and pumps, drying my pants by the hand dryer. THANK GOD nobody walked into the bathroom during this time. I was 15 min late getting back to class - nobody said anything and the secret is safe with you and me.

Only in my life.

Gotta get ready to catch my train back to NJ - don't ask...I don't know what exit. Somewhere near Newark.

No Lisa, It's the Fat that Makes You Look Fat

At what point do you realize that you really ARE FAT? Is it when you get on the scale and the dial almost does a complete 360? Is it when you look down and you can't see your toes because you stomach is in the way? Is it when you also realize you can't see you coochie without moving that stomach ball out of the way? Is it when you notice that you have BACK FAT. Did you even realize that there is such a thing?

I'll tell you what broke the FAT LISA STRAW! I'm trying to pull together a week of outfits to go to my training class and several signs hit me like a ton of bricks:

• I decided to weigh myself - THE HORROR, THE HORROR - 183 - F**K
• I decided it would be best to try on what I'm planning on taking. Wouldn't want to find out that you outfit doesn't fit when you in a hotel room. PITIFUL, SAD
• After the first couple of - Well, Damn, that's too tight! - I decided to try on all of my clothes and set the ones that didn't fit anymore in a separate part of my closet. Why is this section getting so large?

Well, after it was all said and done, I am looking at over $3,000 worth of clothing - beautiful suits & dresses - that I can't wear without looking like a stuck pig. That made me snap. The FAT GIRL IS GOING DOWN! I'M TAKING THAT BEEACH OUT. I'll be damn if my 20th Anniversay and 20th Class Reunion is celebrated as a FAT FREAKIN' DIVA.

To parapharase Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind - As God is my witness, I'll never be [FAT] again.

I may be hungry, but so be it. This Diva is takin' the COW out!