The Good Wife's Guide

This was an actual article in Good Housekeeping (Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May 1955) - written to give the house wife (a woman who works in her home...and as far as I'm concerned...that's some hard azz work) some "tips" on being a good wife and keeping a happy home. WOW! I got to thinkin...(I know, it's dangerous)...what if you have a house husband (a man who works in his home...like I do) HMMMMMM.....

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for [her] return. This is the way of letting [her] know that you have been thinking about [her] and are concerned about [her] needs. Most [wo]men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially [her] favorite is part of the warm welcome needed.
- I got nuttin when I got home...dinner WAS NOT READY!...and I was hungry.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when [s]he arrives. Touch up your makeup (your 'fro), put a ribbon in your hair (put some cologne on) and be fresh looking. [S]he has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
- Damn skippy...I had just been with a lot of work people I don't want to be around. UGGAAAH! He was wearing a sweatsuit and didn't come out of his office. HUMPH!

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for [her]. [Her] boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
- Nothing AGAIN! He was not a little gay or even interesting. He was in the same place that I left him...holding his crackberry. My boring day in the hospital was not met with a lift. HUMBUG!

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your [wife] arrives.
- The house-keeper did it for him. He did start a load of laundry.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables.
- The house-keeper did this for him too! He did take out the trash & brought the mail in.

6. Over the cooler months of the year (like now) you should prepare and light a fire for [her] to unwind by. Your [wife] will fee [s]he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for [her] comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
- No fire, no nothing. But I can't say that he doesn't cater to my personal comfort. He does treat me like the Diva that I am, but I not quite sure about that "immense personal satisfaction" thing. More like resigned "If mama's happy, everybody's happy" HMMMMM...

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to was the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and [s]he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of [her] arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacum. Try to encourage the children to be quite.
- Okay, I gotta give this one up. He did pick Cara up from school and immediately put her in the bath...to buy him 30 min of peace...but he did it. He even put the rascal to bed while I hung out over on my mom's side of the ranchero. DAMN.

8. Be happy to see [her]. - Again...Okay...he seems to always be that way or is it the look of "it's cheaper to keep her"? Another thing that make ya go HMMMMMM...

9. Greet [her] with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please [her].
-I've never seen him flinch. He's sincere - mostly.

10. Listen to [her]. You may have a dozen important things to tell [her], but the moment of [her] arrival is not the time. Let [her] talk first - remember, [her] topics of conversation are more important than yours.
- Oh Yeah! He listens...hearing is a whole 'nother matter. I pointed this tip out to Ron and he responded with "Huh?"

11. Make the evening [hers]. Never complain if [s]he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand [her] world of strain and pressure and [her] very real need to be at home and relax.
- I've never heard a word of complaint out of him...of course, I rarely ever go anywhere without him unless it is some work event. I'm not sure if he understands my "world of strain and pressure" though.

12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your [wife] can renew [herself] in body and spirit.
- Well, I know my home is a place I love to be, but I doubt that it is Ron's GOAL in life. He provides the means to the ends. That's good enough.

13. Don't greet [her] with complaints and problems.
-That's not a man's (or my man's) style.

14. Don't complain if [s]he's late home for dinner or even if [s]he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what [s]he might have gone through that day.
-BULLSHYT. I double dare ya to stay out all night without so much as a by your leave. Better be on a business trip...use that damn crackberry to dial some digits. This game works both ways. It wouldn't cross my mind to do such a thing.

15. Make [her] comfortable. Have [her] lean back in a comfortable chair or have [her] lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for [her].
- If he gets me to lie down in the bedroom...well, imma be comfortable alright. UMMM, probbly with my clothes off. He could be more diligent about pouring me a glass of wine. He knows I NEED it.

16. Arrange [her] pillow and offer to take of [her] shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
- HMMMM....in Ron's eyes, that would all be considered foreplay. If he starts messing with my pillows and removing my shoes and speaking in a low soothing voice, he's got plans...

17. Don't ask [her] questions about [her] actions or question [her] judgement or integrity. Remember, [s]he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise [her] will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question [her].
- Does it count that he doesn't question my judgement or integrity on the 200th pair of shoes that I bring through the door or that dress I "just HAD to have?" Oh, that's right...he had NO RIGHT to question me. HA!

18. A good [husband] knows [his] place.
-Right behind that crackberry, bringin home the bacon & getting the job done...Just as he is! Make it so Number One!


  1. Now you KNOW he adores you...so Number 8 is a done deal!

  2. This was pretty funny! ;)