The Engagement Ring

I have been reading/hearing a lot lately about engagement rings and their importance & significance - particularly what to do if you don't like the ring you are given.
To be perfectly honest, some of the questions and answers just chap my azz and make my shake my head. I makes me say "No wonder". No wonder so many women scratch their head and call their girlfriends complaining that their man is no good & contemplating divorce so soon.

Perhaps it is because a lot of women spend so much time discussing, fixating on, negotiating about, shopping for the engagement ring INSTEAD OF doing the same about goal setting, discussing their future with potential mate (for life -but, of course, nobody even plans on till death do us part anymore), setting financial expectations and checking character - matching words w/actions.

I'm just saying.

Is it okay for a woman to tell her fiance that she doesn't like her ring? If that is the hill you want to die on - GO FOR IT. IMHO, that just sets the tone - it sets your attitude & value system - for your marriage right there. So, your alleged Prince Charming - the man of your dreams - only gets you 1 1/2 carats, or the stone is shaped like a heart instead of a pear. He is down on one knee at some fancy dinner or something he planned special; he proposes, you see the ring - Ewwwwwaaaahhhhh. It is not EXACTLY like you imagined. Do you throw the baby out with the bath water? Do you say "No, I won't marry you until you get me a stone size/cut/clarity that reflects my worth" (didn't know your love had a price tag). Do you say yes, and then go around pouting, being ashamed to show your friends your ring and finally essentially slapping your man in the face by handing him back the ring, telling him that you want something different cause you don't like the one you got?

HUMPH! Mkay. Go right ahead. Like I said before, it would indicate to me what you value most and that your love actually has a price tag.

I recently commented on this subject on another post about engagement rings. Here is what I said:

I got engaged over 20 years ago while in college. My engagement ring was some little thing that you needed a magnifying glass to see the diamond and cost maybe a little over $100 from the JC Penny jewelry counter.

I didn’t give a rats azz AT ALL. We were college students and we didn’t have any money. I really didn’t even give a damn. I had the man of my dreams and all it was to me was a token of his love & commitment to me. A TOKEN. The size, cost, cut did not reflect on the size, cost, cut of his love for me. It was just a token and I wasn’t about to get my face all twisted, question his love (or his character) over a ring…
…a ring that could be upgrade/replaced [if I so chose to do so]. And in fact, I’ve been “upgraded” twice since then as well as been given more “tokens” of his love in the form of diamonds, pearls etc over all these years.

Personally, I find all this jocking, snickering, bitchiness over the engagement ring distasteful & disrespectful. If women would spend half as much time being as critical over their chosen man’s character as they do the ring, then perhaps more would marry well & stay married.

I was told that I was taking the post and some of the comments too serious. I would agree. I take the subject of love, marriage and what it takes to do it well and stay married very seriously. This topic of telling your fiance & future mate that you hate his ring - the attitude & values that you are bringing into a marriage - falls into that category. An additional comment made my eyebrow raise...- ....after all, it's the ring she is supposed to wear forever. I would beg to differ.

It is the man you are supposed to keep forever.

Imma need you to think on that for a minute. If you were really developing a relationship with a man over time, getting to know him (he getting to know you), exploring his character & actions to find out if he is the right one that matches your value system then I would suspect that you would know each others preferences and it wouldn't be such a huge disappointment when it came to ring time.

Maybe the ring he chose is what he could afford. Maybe it is the one he wanted to look at on you for the rest of his life. Maybe it was his mothers and it had sentimental value. WHATEVER. Did you or did you not get a PROPOSAL from the man of your dreams. THE MAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY WITH FOREVER.

Or did you just want the proposal so you could have the ring you would keep forever, no matter what happened between the two of you. Especially when he turned out to be a complete and utter azz.

Don't get me wrong. I like bling just like the next woman. I have my preferences for the type of jewelry I like. However, the difference is that I didn't and don't put a price tag on my love. I valued my husband's character & potential WAAAAY more than the ring he gave me. I was much more interested in making sure that I chose wisely - for I considered marriage a covenant - a promise - that wouldn't be so easily tossed aside. I can honestly say that I didn't care about the ring and I didn't care what other people thought about it.

The ring was just a symbol...a token. It can be replaced.

I would hope that your husband could not.