...AND glad that I do not have to date anymore.
Let's talk about that. I was hanging on the cell with CreoleInDC and she was asking me about my Anniversary weekend. I originally had planned on going to NYC for a chexy weekend in the city with my Knight - The FireMarshall - but our plans got put aside due to graduation, senior week and just plain family stuff. Not a big deal. We have 22 of these milestones under our belt, so hanging with each other over some BBQ and catching a movie was just fine. Of course, CreoleInDC done told the world that we were jet setting. That's my girl (give me a minute..we are off to Cancun in July)! Then we get to talking about some of the crazy ish that people - married & single - say to me about being married & with the same man for-like-EVER and we just laughed. I have long ago just *blinked* at that stoopit mess and kept it movin.
She then told me to check out Hostess's post - Red Ribbon The Finger - for it was an interesting and provocative essay on the way some (very negative, ignorant, miserable) married women behave & talk to single women. I guess the battle is still being waged between married & single women; however, this married woman, really doesn't have a beef with single women AT ALL. I want my single friends to be happy and find their own Knight - if that is what they want. If you don't then I just want you to be happy. PERIOD.
I was very glad that Hostess put the disclaimer at the top of her post, because at first glance, I was a tad irritated. I almost took it personal cause I am certainly not one of those insecure, byatchy, negative, miserable married women that she was addressing.
HOWEVER, I AM glad that I am married...to my Knight, my man, the one who is perfect for me, complements me. And if a single woman(men) asks/or says to me any of the following:
- How could you be with the same guy for so long? (How could you keep dating the same losers over and over and over? Hmmmm)
- Are you still happy? (Yes, are you?)
- Has he ever stepped out on you? (WTF - I don't dwell on what if's. I deal with the here and now, silly woman. Besides, I made sure through my standards that I didn't marry a dawg)
- Don't you ever wonder what it would have been like to be with someone else (BEEN THERE DONE THAT - No, I do not. Perhaps that is why you are still single, cause you are looking for the greener grass on the other side)
- How can you talk to him like that? (Perhaps if you had some standards/requirements and checked the bullshyt at the door then you wouldn't be crying about what he said or how he treated you. Just saying)
I give them some variation on the answers above or I just smile, blink and hope that they have an epiphany. Do the FireMarshall and I fight. DAMN Skippy. We even had words on our anniversary - OMG! Is every day a bed of roses. NOPE. Like I have said before, I married MY KNIGHT. Sometimes his armour is shiny, sparkling in the sun. His white steed is well groomed and he rides in with his Standard flying high and makes my fairytale come true. Other days, the armour is dented & rusted, he stinks, the horse is muddy and I want him outta my damn sight. That's called marriage - a work in progress. I CHOOSE each day to love & cherish.
So, if single chick starts off with a dumb comment then I'm going to respond (or not accordingly). I AM GLAD I AM MARRIED...TO MY HUSBAND. I am not saying that to make anybody feel bad, worthless, insecure or to act like I am imparting some kind of knowledge from on high. I am simply stating a fact. I AM GLAD I AM MARRIED...TO MY HUSBAND. If that makes you feel some kind of way, sounds like that is YOUR problem, not mine.
...AND...I'M GLAD I DO NOT HAVE TO DATE ANYMORE...cause there would be some dead MF's out there with all the crazy shyat that I hear goes on while dating. I hear it from my daughter, her single friends, and from my own single friends. LET ME TELL YOU!...I wouldn't put up with not even 1/4 of that mess, not one damn minute - and I would stab, shank, taze - basically call a man out by his name for any of the bytchassedness that I hear about. I wouldn't for one minute, let some man treat me like shyt, talk to me any ole kinda way and beg him to stay with me. The first tear that I shed over some man - who treated me badly - would be the last. You see, I have dated my fair share of playa's & dawgs. It was exciting & new...come aboard...they were expecting me. HUMPH. I was a bit of a playa myself. However, there came a time (actually I decided my first year at The Point) when I drew a line in the sand and I decided that I would not settle for bytchassedness not a minute longer. I had experienced bad and pushed away from the table and said "NO MORE BAD FOR ME."
I set standards for what was acceptable and what was not. I decided that I would judge a man by his character. I would listen to his words & watch his deeds. I decided that I would not be so quick (I ain't even gonna say I didn't get me some) to drop da drawers for a man I didn't have a ken for. I was also not interested in any projects - I was not going to try and knew that I couldn't ever do it, so why bother - CHANGE A MAN. Let his character speak for itself or begone.
I married me a winner. I will not apologize for it. PERIOD.
I AM glad that I do not have to date, for I am sure I have saved lives. I AM glad that I do not have to date and I do not say that to single women as the first topic of conversation. But if you call me for the umpteenth time crying, upset, out of sorts, depressed cause your boo is an azz, I really don't have anything to say AGAIN - unless you ask (and if you ask my opinion/thoughts on the matter, I'm sure gonna give it) and I just might end the conversation with a sigh and say "Whew, girl, I'm sure glad I'm not in that dating game." I don't say it out of maliciousness or cause I want to wave my happiness in your face. It is not cause I forgot what it was like to be single. OH, I remember. I simply made different choices. I decided I loved myself more and operated accordingly.
I want my daughter to have a wonderful, happy, successful marriage. I want the same for my single friends. Good & Bad. Better or Worse. When I listen to her stories, am I hard on her? Perhaps. I am sympathetic to a point, but I feel it is my duty as a mother and a woman who married well to remind her that she deserves better than some of the punk azz shyt she occasionally puts up with. I honestly believe she knows that all my advice & comments are in her best interest.
BTW - yep, the statistic is true that 50% + of marriages end in divorce. However, perhaps if we didn't go into a marriage with the end game as an option; perhaps if we didn't marry punks, playa's, dawgs & byatches; perhaps if we examined a mans character (and our own) instead of just settling; perhaps if you believed that "LOVE" was an action verb and worked on your relationship/marriage instead of being on an emotional roller coaster - then there wouldn't be so many marriages ending in divorce.
I'm just saying.
I am GLAD I am not in the dating game AND I have been Happily Married for 22 years and counting.
P.S. Misery loves company. I can spot miserable a mile away and will eliminate that influence in my life PDQ. I don't want that kind of company.
I have spoken. No go forth and be happy.
