Grown Women Gone Wild

This past weekend Swaz and I flew our girlfriend in to celebrate her 50th Birthday. I can best sum up the fun, drama & good times with a few key statements heard (or rather exclaimed) from us at some point during the weekend:

  • "Travel Diva...I'm Lost...it's HORRRRIBLE!!!!"
  • "WOOOOW. All I can say is WOW!"
  • "Bwahaaahaaahaaaaaa....!!!"
  • "Ladies, you are at a Level 10...let's try Level 7."
  • "Let's see if my face will fit in the glass. HEY! It does."
  • "I think I have alcohol poisoning."
  • "Jesus, be some water & aspirin."
We had an absolute blast. It was a short weekend; however, I don't think we could have taken much more since it took until today (at least for me) to fully recover.

Friday, Swaz and I picked up Pattey at the airport (after The FireMarshall & I managed to talk Swaz to my house in the dark..."OMG, it was HORRRRIBLE!!!!) and we toasted her arrival with the biggest martini in the world. We found out later in the evening that you COULD, IN FACT, fit your face into the martini glasses. AWESOME!

We went to a restaurant called Bistro Blanc for dinner where we polished of a champagne toast, a bottle of wine, chocolate martini's for dessert & a B&B. The food was so damn good...but that Flat Bread...We had relations with the flatbread.

Our designated driver, a fellow West Pointer (Class of 2007) staying with us while he recovers from surgery, drove us to and from...and his gallantry as our personal driver & gofer was a girls dream. from insisting on opening any & every door, to fetching stuff, to scrubbing a bathroom for me "with chemicals" means he is going to make someone a great catch someday. That boy is going places. Our hero.

After dinner (rather after we shut down the place) we went back to the house and headed up to "The Retreat" where we had more martinis & cut up like fools.

  • Why did Swaz challenge my drunk azz to a head stand face off?
  • Why did she wear the red bowl on her head & then face as she chanted redrum, redrum?
  • Why did I challenger her to do some Bikram Yoga poses. Do you know how hard it is to balance on one leg 5 sheets to the wind? HARD. Shoot, it is hard stone cold sober.
  • How come you dancing like you having full body spasms to "Play that funky music?"
We laughed so hard, I think we ruptured our spleens. We collapsed in a heap around 3 am and these heffa's were up talkin ish & fixin coffee at 7am. DA HELL!

We were ou the door on Saturday morning by 10:30am and we proceeded to shop our way from Maryland to Virginia and back. We (or rather Swaz - I was just a navigator - I'm innocent) got pulled over by the PoPo and OHHHHH!!! She sure was mad about it. The PoPo said we were speeding. Wanna know how he knew we were speeding? He said that he was doing 10 mph over the limit and since he was behind us we had to be doing at least 15 over. Seriously? We were trying to get outta his speeding azz way...looked like he had places to go. Then when Swaz asked him weather he used a radar gun, he said no, he used his "calibrated odometer."


Well, Swaz was fussin with him and I thought for sure when he said, "Ma'am, I'm not going to argue with you on the side of the highway" that we was going to jail...AND if he had gotten a good look at the Birthday Girl sporting the drunk eye in the back seat...we was definitely going to the pokey. Mr. PoPo gave Swaz a ticket and we went on our way knowing Swaz would be going to court.

Too Funny...(although for most of the day, Swaz didn't find it funny AT ALL)

We shopped for 12 hours straight (mainly for household, decorating, tablescaping items). We did stop for Tea at the Ritz Carlton in Tysons which, since we had starved Pattye to damn near death, was a complete...ummm...let's just say...completely NOT satisfying. We managed to be entertained by a woman who wore Spanx Footless Pantyhose as tights. Just one of numerous glamour don'ts we say that day.

At the 9 hour mark, when we got to Tyson's II, we had to practically carry the Birthday girl into the mall because her feet were swolt and about to 'splode. You know you have shopped till you dropped officially when you stop to buy sneakers so you can keep going. And keep going we did. We shopped till we shut down the Mall and almost got locked into Macy's. We pulled back into my house at 1030pm...promptly collapsing into a heap.

Sunday, I got up and made THE BIG BREAKFAST (Sunday breakfast is becoming a family tradition around here) and regaled the men folk and my kids with stories & re-enactments from the weekend.

That was one of the best girlfriend weekend ever.

...SOooo when is our next trip....I'm thinking Grown Women Gone Wild - Vegas. Enjoy the Video