The FireMarshall and I were up until about 1:00am Friday night talking & catching up with one of OUR Top Mafia (*side note - do you and your husband have any Top Mafia together/in common?) that is GOING THROUGH IT!!!!...like Through the Fire going through it. For all of the upheaval, drama, uncertainty, heartbreak and just uggggaaahhh! - he is still standing.He sounded strong. He is going to survive...and what a testimonial he will have.
There was a lot of introspection and if hind sight were 20/20 yet he is moving past that woulda, coulda, shoulda and moving forward. It is a sight to behold.
Now, I don't know how the conversation steered toward what was going on in my head (yeah I do - The FireMarshall wanting to fix/solve/repair anything that he thinks might be amiss - and I appreciate the effort), but it did. Guys - I'm good. I'm not going to all of a sudden become some sullen, bitter woman and run off and do something irrational because I've harbored this feeling too long and it went all sinister. If that was the case, I've have gone Lizzy Borden a LOOOONNNG time ago. Seriously, I'm fine. Just because I express my thoughts out loud does not necessarily mean that I need y'all to immediately find a solution. Everything can't be fixed with a man-aid. Listening, empathy, head nodding, some positive affirmations - that part is good. The "Baby, let me tell you what you need to do" - Not so much.
I appreciate the concern, but I know my role. I play my position and for that I generally get to do whatever the hell I want, when I want. I'm good. Sometimes a Diva just wants more.
I'm a work in progress.
I really didn't know what else to say after all that solution finding-here's what you should do advice I was being given. I appreciated the thought from both of these men...I did...but I don't need fixing. A group hug, doh, that would be great. N. E. Way...I was left with my thoughts, yet felt a little bummed that I had nothing left to add to the conversation.
Until Saturday evening. I was straightening up my desk in my bedroom and I found a "Reflections & Meditations" sheet I had saved from a trip I took to Green Valley Resort & Spa in Nevada a few years back. (I am NOT a hoarder). It was entitled Smoke Signals:
A lone shipwreck survivor on an uninhabited island managed to build a rude hut in which he place all that he had saved. Every day he prayed to God for deliverance and anxiously scanned the horizon in hopes of seeing a passing ship.
One day while he was cooking breakfast in his little house, he saw on the horizon the outline of a ocean liner. Frantically he ran to the beach and jumped up and down excitedly, waving his arms and screaming at the top of his lungs. Alas, the ship just kept going and made no movement in his direction.
Dismayed and dejected, the man turned back to his hut and found that it had caught fire. Within the hour it burned to the ground; all that he had was gone. The man sat on the rock and cried -- surely this was the worst day of his life.
The next morning the ship arrived to rescue him. He was elated beyond word.
"How did you know I was here"? he asked the captain. "We saw your smoke signal." the captain answered. - Adapted from Walter A. Heiby
What is the lesson from this story? What is the message I want to leave with my friend?
Never judge an experience on face value alone. Sometimes what seems to be the worst thing that could happen turns out to be the best. A setback is really a setup (didn't we talk about that?) and behind every tragedy awaits a gift. If you are open to the gift, it will be revealed.
I'm open. I can see the horizon. How about you, my friend? From what I heard - I know you are.
I love you always....
