15 Years...

Five days have past since I was "Separated" from Pfizer and last night the first wave of grief or mourning shall we say, hit me like a huge wave at the beach and then passed. Since last night, the emotions ebb and flow just like waves at the beach. I was at a Marketing seminar last night, getting paid $150 for giving my opinion on new credit card offers. When it was all over, I was walking through the lobby of the hotel and started thinking about all the meetings that I used to go to with Pfizer there and that all of that is over. I thought about how casually the company just cast aside 15 years as if it was no big deal, no loss to them and I sat in my car and cried for the loss of part of my life - 15 years, award winning years, performance years, hard work & sacrifice years - and the best they could say was "Here's your hat, don't let the door hit you on the way out."

The worst part is, I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. Most of my friends who were retained feel awkward around me; others who were separated as well are dealing with their own issues - some where not as well positioned as I, some are just down right (and rightly so) angry; and everybody else is trying to get me a job immediately and don't understand why I'm not in a rush.

I tried to talk to Ron about it but he has a way of trying to come up with either a solution or of minimizing/dismissing your reaction/feelings/emotions by comparing your situation to something that happened with him and this is how he deals with it. Baby - it ain't all about you and your perfect world you reside in all by yourself. Don't get me wrong. Ron is a wonderful and compassionate man; however, sometimes I just wish he would stop finishing my thoughts, fixing my thought process (as if his is the only way), and dismissing everything that comes out of my mouth. Irritating. I know he means well, but damn - give a Diva a minute. Just this morning he thought I was depressed, so he decided I need to watch a video called "The Secret" and all my problems would be solved. Without saying a word, he pops it in the DVD player in our bedroom. I just turned around and marched out the door. Time for some coffee and blogging. Pissed me off.

Anyway, I'm fine with what happened and I'm looking forward to the future. I don't think it is unreasonable; however, to have a moment or two to grieve for the loss of an entire section of your life. This too shall pass.

Off to Master Step class...that will burn it out of me!