15 Years...

Five days have past since I was "Separated" from Pfizer and last night the first wave of grief or mourning shall we say, hit me like a huge wave at the beach and then passed. Since last night, the emotions ebb and flow just like waves at the beach. I was at a Marketing seminar last night, getting paid $150 for giving my opinion on new credit card offers. When it was all over, I was walking through the lobby of the hotel and started thinking about all the meetings that I used to go to with Pfizer there and that all of that is over. I thought about how casually the company just cast aside 15 years as if it was no big deal, no loss to them and I sat in my car and cried for the loss of part of my life - 15 years, award winning years, performance years, hard work & sacrifice years - and the best they could say was "Here's your hat, don't let the door hit you on the way out."

The worst part is, I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. Most of my friends who were retained feel awkward around me; others who were separated as well are dealing with their own issues - some where not as well positioned as I, some are just down right (and rightly so) angry; and everybody else is trying to get me a job immediately and don't understand why I'm not in a rush.

I tried to talk to Ron about it but he has a way of trying to come up with either a solution or of minimizing/dismissing your reaction/feelings/emotions by comparing your situation to something that happened with him and this is how he deals with it. Baby - it ain't all about you and your perfect world you reside in all by yourself. Don't get me wrong. Ron is a wonderful and compassionate man; however, sometimes I just wish he would stop finishing my thoughts, fixing my thought process (as if his is the only way), and dismissing everything that comes out of my mouth. Irritating. I know he means well, but damn - give a Diva a minute. Just this morning he thought I was depressed, so he decided I need to watch a video called "The Secret" and all my problems would be solved. Without saying a word, he pops it in the DVD player in our bedroom. I just turned around and marched out the door. Time for some coffee and blogging. Pissed me off.

Anyway, I'm fine with what happened and I'm looking forward to the future. I don't think it is unreasonable; however, to have a moment or two to grieve for the loss of an entire section of your life. This too shall pass.

Off to Master Step class...that will burn it out of me!

1 comment:

  1. I love you Lisa. I don't have any advice, but you can talk to me anytime you want.

    I'm sorry you felt so bad leaving that hotel. I kinda figured that might happen, though. Even when something you want to happen happens, it can still cause a certain amount of grief.

    As for Ron...well, he's a man, isn't he? They always have an answer. He loves you though and you know he is trying (in his manly way)to make you feel better, because his heart hurts when you do.

    Call me if you need me. Or come visit. I'll take you to the Muddy Cup...or we can check out The Spotted Dog. (they sell books and beer!!!)