Party Hopper - Cancun Day 3

3 clubs. One Night. VIP Treatment - whatever that means in Mexico ( but Daniel - our guide - did hustle his behind off to ensure that we had a great time and never had an empty glass). We had to, once again, catch the bus form hell to get to the meeting point for our night out on the town. Later that night we found out just where hell was...Coco Bong..but more on that later.

We spent 1 1/2 hours in the Congo Bar where they had mini-stages for people to dance and shake their stuff on (which the young ladies did), a stripper pole, and women walking around with bottles of tequila hanging from their hips so you could do shots. Yeah Right. After the Congo Bar, we were road marched down to Senor Frogs. Over stimulation is all I can say. They had an ankle harness where they hung female volunteers upside down by their ankles. Once they got the STOOPIT girl up there, they used an air hose to try and blow/blast their underwear off. What baffled me was why did these women get mad when the guy tried to snatch their thongs off or pull off their dress. You VOLUNTEERED. Your dress is already hanging over your head and everyone in the bar has seen your drawers, why not the rest? DAMN - mize well go head and get neck-id. There was an indoor pool and a water slide that ejected the victim out of a window and into a logoon in the dark. Can you say WTF?!!! We drank margaritas out of these glasses that were bout as tall as I was. Lord have mercy. Pace yourself. We had one more club to go.

At midnight, we gathered around our guides and humped (all drunk, loud and stupid - well not us - just everyone else) to the last club of the night called Coco Bongo. We found out almost immediately that we had found Hell on Earth. Three stories of wall to wall people. It was absolute pandemonium. I had to turn around to this girl in our group and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she pushed me one more time (so she could get closer - to what? - you couldn't see anything) I was going to slap the taste out her mouth. Startled, she replies - "I'm so sorry." Uh Huh - no problema - just so ya know.

We found Daniel IMMEDIATLY and told him we wanted out. He had to pratically have us lock arms single file and escorted us out a back door. We had to decend 2 stories through jumping, gyrating, drink spilling, drunk azz people to get to this exit. I never wanted to escape someplace that bad in my life. That is where the Cancun City Bus from Hell comes from - Coco Bongo - we are sure of it.

Walking to catch the bus, Pattey was approached by some man who wanted to know if she wanted to smoke with him. We she said no he then asked, " Would you like a Mexican Boyfriend instead?" UGGGGGAAAAAHHHHH. EEEEEUUUUUWWWWWWAH. You've got to be kidding. You are sitting in an alley smoking weed. Definitly Pattey's life aspiration. That would be a HELL NO!!!!!

We rode the bus away from Hell on Earth, where we were joined by some women who had just finished their partying. They asked us where we were staying. When we said, "The Westin" she went off with her drunk ig-nant self and said "Damn you bitches are all brand name and shyt." WHATEVER, drunk azz heffer. Get off the mfn bus before we toss you out. And as a side note....

Just because you can wear it, doesn't mean you should....

Nuf Said.

1 comment:

  1. Looks like fun. I have that exact same blue terry dress you are wearing.