New Limited Edition "Baltimore" Barbies

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Baltimore market (If you're not from this area, you won't get it, but I'm sure there is a limited edition for your city coming soon):

The question is...which Barbie group do I belong to? I think I'm a combo Barbie (Roland Park/Columbia/Greenspring Valley Barbie). Is that possible? Soooooo, which Barbie (or combo) are you?

And...no ish, the Barbie's are white, don't even start...this is a humorous post, like funny - okay...don't get your panties all in a bunch. Yes, my daughter plays with dolls and barbies - all from one of the Royal Courts (Cindarella, Ariel, Bess and so on) and guess what, I don't think she'll be ruined for life. I played with Barbies...and Ken (and made them do all kinds of Law and Order: SVU offenses) as well as GI Joe's, Wheebles, and Legos. I kinda turned out okay. Yeah, I got issues, but my shoes are FIERCE, I'm beautiful AND I do know how to kill with my hands as well as assorted weapons!

N.E.Way...check out these new line of Baltimore Barbies:

'Roland Park Barbie'

This princess Barbie is sold only at Cross Keys. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags,a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
'Columbia Barbie'

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
'Eastern Avenue Barbie'

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

' Greenspring Valley Barbie'

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

'Glen Burnie Barbie'

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NAS CAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

'Canton Barbie'

This collagen-injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard-print outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

'Pasadena Barbie'

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Glen Burnie Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

' Mt. Vernon Barbie'

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long, straight brown hair, arch-less feet, little or no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Wil! low &nb sp;. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Mt. Vernon Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free. Of course, the femme version wears lots of makeup, alluringly coiffed hair, and colorful attire. So, you really can't tell. It's all fun in Mt. Vernon.

'Dundalk Barbie'

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

'Catonsville Barbie'

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.


  1. Anonymous8:34 AM

    Chica...a few months ago (like 5) I got an email from a friend of mine in Tulsa with the same thing....the Tulsa line of Barbies and it was freakin hilarious!

  2. Anonymous1:21 PM

    What about Hampden Barbie? :-O

  3. Cute- next time they need to add a Woodlawn barbie, hehe. And I agree no barbie collection is complete without a Hampden "Hon" Barbie!

  4. Anonymous7:31 PM

    No, no, Catonsville Barbie and Ken are both wandering the aisles at Home Depot looking for ways to get rid of the rabbits eating the garden, while smugly congratulating themselves on being Catonsville rather than Arbutus or Halethorpe.

  5. Anonymous7:49 PM

    And Arbutus/Halethorpe Barbie comes with a giant, inflateable, lighted lawn snowman.

    Parkville Barbie comes with three lawn snowmen, 18 strings of lights, four reindeer moving their heads, and a plywood santa.

    Pikesville Barbie comes with four kids, baggy clothes, a library card, and several Trader Joe's shopping bags, and Pikesville Ken comes with a yarmulke.

    Catonsville Barbie does come with a Home Depot charge card and a smug expression, but also with front porch furniture and wine glasses and a bottle of cheap white wine. Her Balto. County school district employee ID is in her jeans pocket.

  6. Anonymous7:04 PM

    Did you hear about the new Catonsville Barbie??

    She comes with all of Ken's things.