9 Hours, 37 Min, 45 Sec & 1457 Calories Later...

I walked Karen through Rome for 9 1/2 hours with only a 20 minute stop yesterday. Our adventure begain with a trek to find some coffee. We endd up at the Tea Room at the bottom of the Spanish Steps. Since finding a restroom that is decent is a rare commodity, Karen utilized the facilities in the restaurant. For the attendant, Karen leaves her Turkish coins as a tip. (She gonna get in truah-ble).

We decide to do some shopping on this rodeo drive of Rome and did some serious damage in a leather glove shop, where they have you place your elbow on the leather lined counter as they place the gloves on your hands. After an hour of pure delicious hand fantabulousness, Karen decideds that her coffee has kicked in and needs to revisit the restroom. We go back to the Tea Room, where Karen was promptly called out by the attendant about the change she left....

Attendant: Is this the money you gave me before? What is it?
Karen: (Embellishing) I don't know, but that's not mine.
Attendant: Uh Huh. Don't you just have doollars or something?

BUSTED. A scream.

We started zig zagging our way down Via Condotti with stops in Prada, Louis Vuitton, Bvlgari and more. THE HOTNESS! As I have a shoe fetish, my feet were in orgasmic heaven; Karen was diggin' the purses...we looked like two women on shopping crack. An experience in bringing sexy back....commercial deliciousness.

We had to move on as we had to meet our tour guide for our Roman Forum & Colosseum tour. The directions to meet our guide were not ideal, but after much deliberation and map wrangling we foudn the spot. The tour was long but awesome. The Forum was huge and magnificent. The tour even went over my walking limit and we desperatly needed sustainance. We stopped for some repast at a nice cafe called The Royal which had a beautiful view of the Colosseum. I woofed down a pepperoni pizza - Karean a chicken hamburger (?) and we enjoyed the view.

We commenced on our walkabout again heading back to the hotel. Stopping along the weay to purchase the picture book our tour guide used, I was accosted by Achmed (real name - Milan). I refuse to use his real name since he reminded me of Achmed- The Dead Terrorist and sounded like him too. Achmed seemed to not be able to take his eyes off my girls and offered Karen a "special price" on the book without even looking at her. He never even took his eyes off my abundance, even when he took Karen's money. Achmed offered to tak us out "all night for de dance moosic."...

Achmed: You are sooooo boootiful
Me: Well, thank you. How much for book.
Achmed: You want goo time? No probleem. I pick u up at 'otel and take you dance music. No probleem. I strong. I go all nigh long. No probleem. Give me address to 'otel, I have ca, pick you up. No probleem. 8:30?
Me: Thanks for the offer, but we have plans.
Karen: (pulling me from the breast death stare). Okay, we'll see you there. 830. No problem.
Me: (walking away) Da Hell we will, Achmed. I'll be damned if me and my girls get sold into bondage.

Why do I attract these jokers? The girls are like a dude magnet. Imma have to strap these suckers down better.

We make it back as far as the Trevi Fountain and I stop for a gelati. Tastebud Heaven. We sit on a bench and amuse ourselves with the humanity going by. But the true real life drama was watching the guys who were selling knock off handbags run from the police. I've never seen some guys snatch up a tarp of 30 bags in one fell swoop and run so fast in my life. What was really hilarious was watching these guys come back to the SAME EXACT SPOT they just got ran off from and resume business. It was like they were saying "I don't care what they say, chase me if you want, this is MY SPOT (my business location) - I will sell my ish HERE and that's that." They would lay these bags out on a tarp and start hawking their knock off Prada's. here comes some liensed vendors or the police and - SNATCH & RUN. Hilarity.

9 hours, 37 minutes, 45 seconds & 1457 calories later (yeah, Karen was wearing her heart monitor) we were back at the hotel where we promptly collapsed in a heap and relaxed for a hot second before we headed off for dinner at Harry's Bar.

Legendary Harry's Bar is the unique place that evokes tbc "Dolce Vità' as if it were a clip from the film, creating a vivid flashback to the golden era of the Via Veneto, when Frank Sinatra sang at the piano and all the stars made their appearance in this bar/restaurant full of glamour and style. As in the roaring sixties, you can still sip an aperitif, enjoy the live piano bar every evening and dive into tbc magic of the Via Veneto from the exclusive and fascinating Harry's Bar.

It was another great day!