I Think I Needed Detective Benson - SVU

Was I violated? Was I massage molested? Did I almost have spa se.x right in front of my girlfriend? I think it was so close, so borderline, as to warrent raised eybrows from the detectives from La.w&Or.der:S.VU.

Soooo, I arranged for Terri and I to have a Body Polish & Hot Stone Massage at the alledged 4 star spa at Star Island Resort. This was Terri's first spa experience and, of course, I wanted ti to be perfect & awesome. While the actual treatments themselves were fine, the spa itself ahs a LONG way to go. Call me what you want - elitest, snob, bougie - WHATEVER - I've been to enough world class spas to know friggin' better and to expect certain things for the amount of money we were going to spend.

1. I should NOT have to walk out inf ront of other guests in a friggin town to get ot the shower area to rinse off the body scrub. POOR SPA DESIGN!

2. I should have been given a SPA ROBE as a minimum... A ROBE, not a hairdresser smock doing double duty as a robe. WTF?!!!!

3. The spa slippers were those pedicure thin azz slippers. R U KIDDING ME!!!!!!!

4. I have NEVER, EVER had my treatment specialist (not EVER - even in a WAY superior spa) use latex gloves...and she didn't even ask me if I was allergic. WHAT DA HELL?!!!!!

5. When having multiple treatments, I have NEVER, EVER had to gather up my clothes and ish and move to a different treatment room; having to walk past other guests AGAIN in my SMOCK. RIDICULOUS!!!!!!

In the spa ambiance category, this spa is a high ZERO!

After our body polish, Terri and I were moved into the joint (couples) massage room. We were to have our Hot Stone Massage together. Fine. Terri gets the lady, I get the guy. No biggie.

Well now, this Latin Lover laid the Hot Stone Massage of my life on me. He starts by saying, "Take a deep breath." mmmmkay....All Imma say was there were a few moments when I thought if he just went a 1/2" further his fingers would end up where only 2 people have access to on a regular - my husband and my GYN. Surley, he wouldn't do anything wehre (naked or not) I'd have to mule kick this sucker; I mean really, my friend is right there. I dunno, he was awful close to having a need for some dental work.

Despite a close call with violence, the massage was actually pretty good. The spa itself SUCKED. If you ever are at Star Island Resort and plan on some spa treatments...Go somewhere else. You can do WAY better for your money.

The TravelDiva Has Spoken....