4/18/08

Self-Censorship

I got a call this morning (7am) from one of my bestest friends who's council I trust implicitly. She didn't even say hello, but started with "Girl, you gotta get up and clean that post from last night up." I sit up and am like "WHAAAAAAT? (all innocent like). Why. What I do?"

My girl tells me that my blog is not even about "that" mess - that "all the cursing was extra"...and you know, in general, she is right. I rarely ever have a full blown DIVA RANT here. I usually am all happy go lucky, sharing my adventures and all the good, fun stuff that goes on with me, my family and friends. I never (or very rarely) share some of the God awful, depressing, bad, negative stuff that actually does happen or the horrendous stuff that people say or do to me. When I do, I discuss it in the abstract or I may mention something all reflective and what not and move on to the good stuff. Only those closest to me may know that something is going on with me and they usually call me up and ask "Are you okay? I sensed from your post that something was wrong." They are usually right. I just don't really talk about it here in blog land.

HOWEVER, there are times that I just get SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. I get weary of self-censoring what I really am thinking or feeling. I get sick and tired of people thinking they can just do or say what ever they want to me and that I won't roll up on them and call them out. I get tired and weary of self-censoring myself at work all in the name of "Emotional Intelligence". I get tired and weary of self-censoring myself out in public so as to not get shanked by someone for bringing their ignant behavior to their attention. I get tired and weary of just pacing around my kitchen, ranting at the world about some injustice, pouring a glass of wine.

I am especially tired of people behaving badly, saying ignant stuff, backstabbing, sabotaging, just plain HATING and thinking that because I am generally a decent, polite person that I'm not gonna say or do something about it. OR people think that because I have tough skin and know that I can drop, shoot, and roll - that nothing will phase me or make me cry. WRONG.

I will admit that I snapped last night. A lot went down last night and I am not going to speak on all of it. I snapped and needed to vent. I NEEDED to get it out. I wrote down exactly what I was thinking - VERBATIM. Yep, I curse a lot in my head. I am polite (mostly) out loud. This (my blog) is the very place for me to have a full blown hissy fit...and I even censored the hissy fit to protect the guilty. There is no way for anyone to know who the individual(s) I was speaking of unless you were there and saw everything go down or heard the whole story personally from me or from someone involved. If you think I'm talking about you...then own your mess...you know the truth of the matter...and if your feelings are hurt (the only thing that you should be upset about is that I cursed you)- too bad. The truth will set you free.

I will own my words & curses and not edit the post. Like I said at the end of the last post "It is what it is. I am what I am."

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

2 comments:

  1. Cursing is good for my soul. But you? You nice. Sweet even. Don't be like me. Me evil.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12:20 PM

    Yo ASS is crazy...

    ReplyDelete