Why I am Additcted to Jack Bauer

I stole some of these from various other places but every single one is EVERY SINGLE THING...cause Jack Bauer is the MAN...MY MAN...and if you mess with me, I'll sic Jack on you and have him torture your dumb azz with a ball point pen.

I am addicted because:

- Jack can convince just about anybody to show up with a weapons package & survelliance kit with no questions asked. That is the kind of Top Mafia I want.

- Jacks Top Mafia consists of some of the smartest, finest BADAZZES in the world: Cloe - computer tech extrodinarie; Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce; Tony Almeida...and there are some many others.

- Jack NEVER misses. If he didn't hit you then he was trying to hit another terroist 12 miles away.

- If Jack wanted you DEAD, you would already BE DEAD and unable to read this. So sit the eff down.

- Killing Jack Bauer does NOT make him dead. It just makes him VERY angry.

- When you open a can of Whoop Ass - Jack Bauer jumps out.

- If you send someone to kill Jack, the only thing you accomplish is giving him an new arsenal of weapons to kill YOU with.

- Jack was never addicted to Heroin - Heroin was addicted to Jack. PERIOD.

- Jack NEVER needs to sleeps. He takes care of that when he is knocked out or temporarily dead.

- Superman (and for that matter, ALL superhero's) wear Jack Bauer pajamas.

- Jack thinks faster under pressure than a speeding bullet, is smarter (and also has a rugged chexiness) than James Bond, and has access to more technical/electronic gadgets than Bill Gates.

- Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours and Ben would have BEEN dead in the first 2 hours. Probably Jack Sheppard too for being such a pussy when it comes to Ben and getting off the island. He also would have given Sayid tourture pointers.
I'm addicted, so sue me.