On Anger

I've been searching around for blogs that I would enjoy reading and sharing thoughts with...people with like interests, ethnicity, likes/dislikes and so on. My search has led me to many african-american or black sites that I thought would be fun and interesting; however, what I have found is a whole lot of angry black people. It made me think...is my life boring and unintersting? Do I really live some kind of surreal wonder life where stuff just don't happen? Am I an empty headed Diva that just has nothing to say about the world and daily events? Why are so many of my brethern angry and ranting against the world?

I know that my life is anything but boring and unintersting. Like I've said many times before...The Steptoe are TNT - WE ARE DRAMA and we got plenty of drama goin on. Perhaps we do live in lala land...yep - we've done well. We have had a measure of success and wealth in our time. But we've paid the price 10x over. Of course, I didn't have a blog until after a lot of the major drama...

• 12 years in an MLM where we worked like a damn DOG for the same amount of money that we could have earned with a part time job at Target - but that is another story
• Almost losing our house when our "architech"...a member of our church...turned out to be nothing that he said he was and abandoned the project. Still havent' heard BOO from him.
• Raising 2 of my sisters children after she went to jail for robbing her OWN family.

Shall I go on? And for my friends who know me- I may look like an empty headed Diva but ya don't graduate top of your class from the United States Military Academy being an empty headed idiot. I may be beautiful but I do know how to kill ya. There are plenty of people around me who could use an "OPEN PALM SLAP TO THE MOUTH" on a regular basis.

So why can't I find the time or inclination to write more intense, angry, deep posts. Now don't get me wrong...I get plenty angry about the world and people in general. There is plenty to get angry about. It's just that I have so much more stuff going on in my daily life that I can't work up the energy it takes to get all deep and angry...

• A new baby - my sisters - and there hasn't been a baby in our house in 14 years
• A new job - after being fired from Pfizer after 15 years of service
• My husbands company & business partners - I now have to get on the calendar for an appointment for sex - and the last time he stood me up for two appointments. DAMN.
• President of the DC/Baltimore Chapter of NSN - where I wonder if I just walk away, would the chapter still stand?
• Lacrosse Mom
• Beating back the fat chick within me...and feeling like I'm losing.

Shall I go on?

Maybe that is why I don't have a lot of readers besides my closest friends and family. So Be It. Don't you just want a break from all the hate and anger out there? If you hang around long enough, you'll occasionally get a really funny episode in the Adventures of The Steptoe's. Occasionally, it will just be ordinary stuff.

Enjoy the bland.

ONE FLAW IN WOMEN

One Flaw In Women - I thought this was a really nice poem that was sent to me via email....


Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are ha ppy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

It Would Just Be Easier- Part 2

It would just be easier to deal with my sister if she really was a crack addict. If she was high all the time, I could just chalk up her lies & manipulations to her being high - BUT NO! She is just plain ole crazy. Here is her latest escapade...

I put her on a very limited cell phone plan ($60/month, 0.18 cents/min) because she would constantly go over her monthly rate ($59/month 600 anytime, unlimited nights/weekends) so that the bill would eventually be $100+. I had had enough. When she went two months like this and ended up not having phone service since she would use up her $60 pretty quick, she decided to call up Virgin Mobile and just change back to monthly rate. Then when I found out about it, she lied and said she didn't do it. When I asked Virgin-Mobile how she could change the plan without the vkey, I was told that she knew the security questions. I just can't believe the audacity. Time to cut her totally off since she thinks I am a Got Damn BANK!

Then she asks me if she could give me her new food stamp card for me to use and give her the equivalent value in cash. Has she lost her Cotton Pickin' Mind. So, how's it gonna look with me pulling up in a Hummer, wearing a St. John suit, Stuart Weitzman shoes picking up my allotment of government cheese, milk and eggs. Like I want to go to jail for welfare fraud...and she got mad when I told her I didn't particularly want to do a stint at the Maryland Correctional Institute for Women. Go Figure.

To top off the day, her parole officer called my house wanting to reach Laura. Apparently she needed to sign some papers or a warrant was going to be issued for her arrest. VOP - violation of parole.  And this is my problem how?  I asked why he called my house and he said my number was down for emergencies. Is this an emergency? No, Ma'am...but do know where she is? I am not my criminals keeper.

It would just be easier if she was a crack head. It would explain a lot.

Neptune Mediashare

I just received an email reminding me that my Neptune Mediashare account was about to automatically renew. This is the place where I host the video slideshows that I like to put together of all of my trips and adventures. I love creating them - even though they can be time consuming - but it is a great way to capture the mood, feelings and thoughts from a vacation of a lifetime.

I was checking the gallery - a place where you can submit your video for consideration for rating - and found that two of my videos (Italy 2005, Tahiti 2006) are still among the "Most Popular" viewings. AWESOME!

If you have some time, visit my Neptune Mediashare account and check out Italy 2005 & Tahiti 2006. I think you will really enjoy them.

In The Beginning...

A new way of looking about how we got fat...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.

....go figure. I always knew my fat was "of the devil, Bobby Buche"

Splatter Art

" Bounce" - a jacksonpollock.org creation by TravelDiva
Sometimes I find the most interesting things visiting other blogs. I was reading "Fear And Loathing - The Gonzo Papers" and he had the most interesting looking "art" on there. Well, I just got addicted to creating my own splatter art. I really should get back to work. Have fun creating your own.

"Intersecting Bodies - a jacksonpollock.org creation by TravelDiva

Atlantis Redeemed

So, I raised holy hell, complained to anyone that would listen and after awhile a hush fell upon the resort wherever I went. Red carpet magically appeared, drinks suddenly became free, dinner reservations were already made, beach chairs with sunshade were immediately found. You could hear whispers of..."There goes the Steptoe woman...be on your toes." We have a sit down with the Starwood people to talk about our experience as an "Owner" and I laid it out my strikes (see previous blogs). I suddenly have a free casino credit - $50 - but it was our last night; free pictures & frame; discounts for other stuff and a limo to the airport.

AS IT SHOULD BE!

Just When You Thought...

Just when you thought you were the too big to be wearing a two piece bathing suit cause of the dunlaps and back fat there is someone who will definitely think that they are still a super model and put it on. How many back fat rolls do you see? Do people just not look at themselves in the mirror and NOT see the 3-4 rolls of fat caused by you tying your bathing suit top SOOOO tight to hold up the jugs in the front that you induce back fat rolls? And don't even ask me about what the front view was. JESUS help my eyes. I almost went blind.

Now I don't really care if your are fat/overweight/obese - whatever. That's your business. What does bother me is when you are clearly a size 16+ and you are still squeezing your behind in a size 10 or smaller. WHY? Do you really believe that you are one sexy mama wearing a pair of jeans that are 5 sizes too small with your muffin' top hanging over the front and the crack of your ass hanging out the back. AND YES - the thong underwear you thought looked sexy on the hanger at Victoria Secrets should have stayed there cause it looks like you are wearing butt floss. That HAS to hurt.

Put some gosh damn Spanx on and/or get a freakin body shaper. Yeah they cinch everything in and give you a smooth line - which can be a tad uncomfortable. Take small shallow breaths. But you won't look like you have 8 breasts and 3 butts from all the too mfn' tight/small crap you are wearing. STOP THE MADNESS. It is not the bathing suit/dress - whatever - that makes you look fat...Its the mfn' FAT that makes you look fat. Come to grips.

Please world - wear your size or lose weight. You CAN look good at any (well almost - the 1000lb man does NOT look good). Whew...I'm going to go eat some damn celery.

Atlantis Bahamas - More Strikes

I decided to let the personal vacation slights go and just try to immerse myself in the experience or just abandon the Atlantis side and stay over at the Harborside Resort when we have two more incidences...

Stike 6: Modified Meal Plan - just don't do it. It is a complete WASTE of money but a big profit center for the resort. ($80/person per day which included breakfast and dinner meals). I signed us up for the the MMP, picked the restaurants we were going to go to for breakfast and dinner and received a confirmation. Once here, I was a little disappointed in the few dining establishments we were allowd to chose from after I saw all the other restaurants. The final straw came when we showed up at a restaurant that I was confirmed for, waited 20 min for a table, got us all situated and was told that they were no long a MMP restaurant. Here are my choices, pick everybody up and try to find a seat at another restaurant that does take the MMP or just pay for this dinner separately. We stayed and after dinner went back to the front desk to complain. They were tired of seeing me. We had them remove the MMP from our bill. Turns out that we spent less money per day just eating when and where we wanted then if we had kept the MMP. Go Figure.

Strike 7: I call to make reservations at Nobu (sushi place), get a confirmation for dinner and right before I'm about to hang up and go my merry way, the lady asks what the age of my kids are. Okay, I have a 3 year old with me. "Well, sorry ma'am, that restaurant doesn't accept kids under 6 years old. I will keep the reservation for you, but you will have to see the restaurant manager at 4pm to ask for an exception." I ain't askin for permission to do squat. But guess what, every other restaurant in the place was booked for dinner until 9pm. I'm really getting pissed. After a lovely day in the spa, I go see the manager of Nobu. No Way - Jose. No rugrats allowed. HOWEVER, this strike will be a recall (DO OVER) since the mangaer of Nobu called the manager of SeaFire Grill (a really nice steak house) and got us in at 7:30pm - circumventing the reservation natzi. Way to go Stepahnie.

What's Mine?

We have been told that Cara is language delayed and has a limited vocabulary for a child her age. Well, she may have trouble saying "milk" (but after intense vacation therapy, she now pronouces it "mil-kah") and forming complete sentences for ordinary, everyday stuff; but when it comes to what is important - she's got no problem telling you what is her's.

During our little vacation to Atlantis, Cara has been caught telling us the following phrases:
1. My Yacht (can't say milk, but can say yacht just fine).
2. My Ocean - that's my girl...it's all her stuff
3. My Money and the famous line - "PopPop, give me MY money" - and she says it with such conviction.
4. My Starbuk (pronounced - Staaar-bukah)
4. My Toys, My Ice Cream and so on.

Basically, whatever you have is Cara's. What ever looks expensive is Cara's. Whatever she wants is Cara's. I thinks she's bluffing on the special ed stuff just to get attention.

Atlantis Bahamas

This is the first trip that I have taken in a long time that did not have some kind of drama involved in getting there - no TSA or security foul ups, no reservations mix ups - just plain ole travel to your destination.

We arrive at Atlantis - Harborside. Harborside is the villas you can stay in if you own in the Starwood network of properties. It is nice but nothing like The Westin St. John Villas - not even close. This is more like a suite at the Marriott or something with an efficiency kitchen. It will do.
Now for the disclaimer. I am a travel snob. Period. I want what I want for the amount of money that you pay to go to these places. Atlantis is beautiful and I am "trying" to relax and enjoy myslef, but Atantis IS NOT the place to go if you are trying to relax. If you are thinking you are going to get upscale, exlusive treatment and service (cause you paid a damn pretty penny for that belief) then you are going to be sorely disappointed (as I currently am).

Stike One: You give me a really nice coupon book for all the store and some of the services at the resort. Go on and on about it and how I really should make use of it. Come to find out at my first attempt to use the damn book that all of the coupons expired on April 1st. When I called about it, they said "Oh, we apologize for the inconvenience. We will have to destroy all of the other books." No other offers, no nothing.

Strike Two: "Why, of course, we have wireless internet available." A lie of omission. What they left out in that statement was that they have wireless in 2 lounges over in the Atlantis Hotel and at all of the pool decks. Why the F--K would I want to take my laptop to a location surrounded by water when Laptops and Water have never previously gotton along. What sense does that make. Well, they do have another option - dial up access at $0.50/minute ($30/hour). Have you lost your everlasting mind. Your telling me that you can't afford to put the wireless in the mf room especially in the freakin' villas where people pay for ownership. That really pisses me off.

Strike Three: The place is just TOO MF BIG. It is a great big amusement park with a 15+ story hotel plopped down in the middle of it. The most annoying thing about the place is how long it takes to get to anywhere. 15 min walk to the only decent cup of coffee at the place (Starbuks - everything else looks and tastes like piss water), 20 min to the main hotel, 25-30 min to the danm beach. You can wait 20 min for the shuttle to take you from Harborside to the one end of Atlantis and then you still got a 15 min walk to get down to the beach. The place is ENORMOUS. And I can't stand it. There are people everywhere. There is not one danm thing relaxing about this place since you are constantly walking and hauling your stuff to get to anything worth your time. AND HEAVEN FORBID that you forget anything in your room or have to go back. You just lost an hour in the process, regardless of whether you are staying in the main hotel or you are at the villas. RIDICULOUS.

Strike Four: MF WRISTBANDS. What the Freak is the damn deal with the wristbands. If you are caught on any of the water "adventures" without the wristband of the day - you are summarily ejected from the "adventure." No questions asked. Erin had a run in today and will be submitting a complaint. After telling him that she was a owner at the resort, he still ejected Erin and Ashley from the lazy river. They had floated to the other side of the resort and had to walk (30 min) back to their stuff. No excuese. Come to find out, you are required to stop at a pool kiosk (good luck trying to find one) and get the wristband of the day. BULL. Why don't you just issue a pass/wristband to everyone WHEN THEY MF CHECK IN! Why didn't you say anthing to us AT CHECKIN about the damn wristbands and the the pool natzis that are lurking aobut. I don't have time for that nonsense. I'm supposed to be on a "Exclusive Tropical Vacation." MY BUTT. Like I said before...A freakin' amusement park for the masses.

Strike Five: I expect things to cost more (soda, drinks, water, food) when I travel to resorts and what not. I completely understand the concept of making a profit, profit centers, cost centers and the like. We are building a resort ya know. But DAMN! ...A small bottle of water should NOT cost $4 - the same as a freakin case of water at Giant. The cost of things here is outrageous. To make it even worse...they only have a free shuttle on ONE day for you to go into town to the grocery store to purchase food for your villa. They no longer have the grocery delivery service. At this point, I'd rather starve than to continue to pay these prices.

This is only day 2 of our stay. I'm sure I'll be back with more Strikes against this monolith. Warning - spend your hard earned vacation dollars elsewhere.

National Girlfriends Day

National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and
shopping, lunching, and traveling girls? Let's celebrate each
other for each other's sake!

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with
the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her
rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture
them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,we are aware that we
will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence
because they aren't listening anyway.
Dare to Dream,
Lisa L. Steptoe
http://salesdiva.blogspot.com

This Weeks Funny MLM Story - Contest Winner

I won. I won! I can't believe it - this is just too damn funny. I recently did a post about Believe: The Movie - www.believethemovie.com - and while playing around the website, I stumbled upon the contest to send in a funny MLM story. Well, I went ahead and submitted one - AND I WON! - they cut the story off, but here is what you will see at the website under "Contest"....

Lisa Steptoe of Ellicott City, MD sent this amusing story about her 12 YEARS in the business and one of her more unique convention experiences:

My husband and I got in "The Business" back in 1991 and because my husband was really excited, I was a "supportive wife." We drove to our first function 4 days after signing up with our upline. My concern, of course, was where we were going to stay. No worries, we were told.

Everything is taken care of. We arrive at the hotel and, to my surprise, we were sharing a room (2 double beds) with 2 other couples and 2 babies under the age of 2. I immediately had a diva fit and sat in the corner until it was time to leave for the convention center.

At the convention center, it was complete pandemonium with everyone jumping up and down, spraying breath spray in the air and acting possessed.

They left off the rest of the TRUE story due to space. Here it is for your amusement (since I didn't save it as I originally typed it, I'm retelling it here)...

...I thought for sure that I was in an episode of Twilight Zone or something. We get back to the hotel room and sleep on the box spring since WE WERE SHARING A ROOM WITH SO MANY ADULTS and INFANTS. Definitely NOT a Diva Moment. We wake up the next morning and I "assume" we are going to get some breakfast before returning to the Matrix. I ask about where we are going to get some breakfast and my upline wife asks me if I would like a food bar since we are going to go directly to the convention center. BULLSH---! What I heard her say was, "Do you want a "FOOBAR?" I went OFF - like snapped. "What the FU-- is a FOOBAR? I ain't eatin' nothing I can't identify. What the FU-- is that SH--?" My upline wife is/was a nice, quite lady - unaccustomed to a wild card as myself. She responds with her usual two responses to a confrontational situation - "Well, Alright" OR "Yes, Indeedy". Since I was still an un-indoctrinated hussy, I responded with - "What the MF does that mean?" NUF SAID. I was hustled to the nearest "kiosk" where I could partake in a danish and coffee... FOOBAR my BUTT!.

Ron and survive the weekend and of course he is "FIRED UP." Twelve Years later - yep, I admit it. Twelve Years later and I finally get him to take the pill that jacks him out of the MATRIX. We did do okay in the business, but along the way we realized that you can make a helluva lot more money (and a lot faster) other ways. Thank GOD.

We never did anything too stupid (like invest in too many tools or functions) that would put us in debt - if it was going to be a financial burden - SCREW YOU! We didn't do it. Thus, the typical woes that you might hear about from other long time business builders about incurring a huge amount of debt and so forth - just didn't happen to us. Like I said before, we were always considered HERETICS. SO BE IT. Our residual checks are awesome and keep coming. Let's see how long that happens before someone gets wise and tries to figure out how we can get cut out from our line of sponsorship.

Anyway, I think this whole thing is just too funny for words. What makes it even more hilarious is that it is an true story. If you want to know more - email me. I've got not problem telling it like it is.

Happy Easter - A Day Late

Happy Easter from The Steptoe Clan.

Let Me Be Clear

So...My sister was alledgedly homeless last Tuesday. Yesterday, she is riding around in a car - from where she got it from, I don't know - and asking me where she can get a tire for free since she just got a flat. Well, I'll be damned. Which part of the profile of a sociopath should we catagorize this on.

 

Since she has used my name and drivers license essentially as her alias on several occasions in the past, I was very irrate about this use of a car that she couldn't possible get registered, doesn't have a license to drive, no insurance etc.  Thus I sent her a text message on the phone that I am paying for telling her that if (and when) she gets pulled over and if she uses my name/drivers license to get out of trouble, I will turn her in and violate her back to the Maryland Correctional Institute for Women. Oh Yeah!

 

She promptly calls me back and DEMANDS for me to explain myself. The Audacity. She wants me to explain to her shack up, 60 year old, 5 teeth LOSER why I would say such a thing. She can't understand why I would be concerned about her using my identity after I almost got arrested for trafficing in cocaine and prosititution - something SHE did in my name. And wants me to make it CLEAR to the prune what I mean. I don't have to expain crud to that village idiot. As far as I am concerned she is going ....SKRATE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET WITH GASOLINE DRAWERS.  All I can do is shake my head. I'm off to the State Police and the DMV to ensure that anything that happens while she is illegally driving a car is not done in my name.

 

WE KNOW DRAMA!

It Would Just Be Easier...

It would just be easier to deal with my sisters bullshyt if she was really a crackhead. It might explain all of the horrible, stupid, illogical mess she does and lives on a regular basis. BUT NO! She is just a plain ole SOCIOPATH. No doubt about it. As my mother has so eloquently put it...my sister has a "mangled moral compass."

 

Let us review the profile of a Sociopath and slap it up against my sisters life and see what we get...

Profile of the Sociopath

• Glibness and Superficial Charm - Yeah, that's her alright. She calls me the other day to ask if she can stay for 2-3 weeks so she can get on her feet. BOO HOO, SOB SOB. When I ask her to give me one reason why I should help her when every time I do - she screws me... She laughs, asks me if I know someone who has a basement they would rent her, and then hangs up when I say I don't.
  
• Manipulative and Conning
  They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims. - When I asked her (several years ago) why she would steal not only all of my money but that of her daughter too, she said "I needed it and you had it. What's the problem." DAMN.
  
• Grandiose Sense of Self
  Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." - As far as my sister is concerned. If you have "it", she is entitled to "it". It is her due for her "suffering."
  
• Pathological Lying
  Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests. - NUF SAID. She can LIE LIKE A RUG. Period. The lies are so elaborate and malipulative that you don't know if you are coming or going. After 20 years of her crap, I've finally figured out that if she is talking real fast (to the point where you can barely keep up)...It's ALL a lie...just hang up.
  
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
  A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way. - A police officer showed up at my house to execute a warrant for the arrest of yours truley for trafficing in drugs and prostitution. After a lengthy discussion, we realize that my sister has been using my name, address, etc as her alias. It takes a week to get the warrant reissued in my sisters name and I have to help the police hunt her down. When I asked her (while visiting her at the detention center), why would she do such a thing...are you even going to apologize, she, once again, told me that she was NOT sorry and she did and would continue to do whatever it took to survive.
  
• Shallow Emotions
  When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises. - She will call at 3:00am (there is never a crisis during normal business hours) asking for me to come to the motel she lives at and bring $65 or she is going to get kicked out. Like right - the owner is even up to ask you for the money and why only $65? When I won't do it, she starts screaming in the phone that we never help her (I've just been raising 2 of her children) and hangs up. CRAZY BEEYATCH!
  
• Incapacity for Love - it just isn't there.
  
• Need for Stimulation
  Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common. - If you call living in a roadside motel, hanging at the truck stop to "make some money", hanging out with actual crackheads despite being on parole as Living On The Edge - my sister is right there...and she did have a warrant out for prostitution. NUF SAID.
  
• Callousness/Lack of Empathy
  Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. - Like I said earlier - MANGLED MORAL COMPASS. She is never sorry for any of the stuff she does. Actually told me that "It serves me right" for having to take custody of her latest offspring. "If I had just given her the money for the abortion when she asked for it, I would not be in this situation. WOW. If that don't beat all.
  
• Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
  Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others. - Well, her behavior and lack of impulse control has landed her in the Maryland Correctional Institute for Women twice now...she is definitly working on getting violated back.
  
• Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
  Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc. - Has been in and out of Sheppard Pratt (psycho hospital) a couple of times, barely graduated highschool by going to a special school for troubled teens, mom got her into Coppin State and she lasted 1 week.  Really could use some Lithium but refuses to take it - even when she had medical insurance.
  
• Irresponsibility/Unreliability
  Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
  See all the comments above. Don't count on her to do anything. Always promising to come and see her 3 year old - never shows...and it is probably best that way.
  
• Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
  Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. - She has had more men in her coochie than most of us even dream about. Out of 4 children that she has had, we are only sure of the paternity of 2 of the 4. At least she batting .500
  
• Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
  Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively. - Expects me to let her move in my house and let her destroy my life so she can do whatever she wants. Over my dead body.
  
• Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
  Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily. - Probably why she is having such a hard time getting social service benefits since she has used so many last names and identities. She barely knows who she is at any given time.

My sister is a manipulative sociopath. She will charm the pants off of you but you will not have your purse or wallet later. Trying to apply rational thinking and logic to her pathetic life only makes me crazy and exhausted. It is just so sad that I have to turn my back and walk away to stay sane. It would just make it easier it she really WAS just a crackhead.

 

A New Preamble

A couple of posts ago (see "What I Deserve"), I ranted about the concept of what we "deserve" or have a right to. I received this email today that kind of wraps up my thoughts on the matter....I didn't write it but sums it up pretty good and to the point.

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

River Hill vs Reservior High - We win Again!

River Hill wins again but it was a close one. We were up 6 to 1 and then we got a little cocky and the score was 6 to 5 at half time. OOOOH, the sweat was dripping. The team rallied to a victory 9 to 5. Whew.

I'm have also been asked to be the Team photographer. The Lacrosse Mom at work.

River Hill vs. Mt Hebron

Today was Jordan's first lacrosse game as the starting goalie on the River Hill JV Lacrosse Team. River Hill wins-HOORAH- 10-6.I'm officially a Lacrosse Mom now. I have to man the concession stand at one of the games and I purchased my car magnet, sweatshirt (I'm wearing it now), and polo shir today. Jordan thinks I'm cool and that is ALL that matters now.

Believe - A Hilarious Movie About Network Marketing

Believe - A Hilarious Movie About Network Marketing -www.believethemovie.com

Coming from someone who spent 12 years building a relatively successful Network Marketing business, this satire is some hilarious stuff. I have been laughing my but off on how close to home some of the trailers from the movie were to my actual experiences. Now understand, I'm not going to sit here and bad mouth network marketing as a whole. We had a lot of fun along the way, met a lot of interesting people and parlayed some of those relationships and the network we developed over the years into a extremely successful real estate asset and development business. As a result of "keeping our minds open" to other possibilities (we were always considered heretics), we were able to become very successful and financially well off in a way other than "the business". NO WAY, you say. I know, I know. There is not supposed to be any other way to make money and become financially free besides network marketing and if you are not "building the business" then you are a LOSER! WHATEVER! You can make a lot of money in network marketing, it is possible and I've been close enough to people who have, but - sportsfans - don't let the hype fool ya - it ain't the only way.



Ron says that someone in our upline or organization is going to read this and try to burn me at the stake. Isn't it a shame that I should have to worry about what my alledged "friends" in the business would do or say to me because I found something satirical and funny (usually there is some truth in the joke when it is really funny) about network marketing. SO BE IT. It really doesn't matter anyway because almost all of our upline stopped calling, stopped inviting us to their social events, stopped talking to us - basically stopped being friends - because we were no longer "building the business". We found out who our real friends were then. Interesting. As far as I'm concerned, the truth of the matter is that it was probably just too negative to be around us if we were not out "showing the plan" every night. Oh well, their loss. We miss ya, but life goes on and the residual check keeps coming - JUST LIKE YOU SAID IT WOULD - if we built a stable, successful business. I thought we were supposed to be able to "retire" when we wanted to? Ha, rhetoric. You really are not supposed to EVER stop. Why would you want to?



Enough of my droning on. You've got to check this site out - www.believethemovie.com - read the movie synopsis and watch the trailers for a great laugh and inside looking into the network marketing industry. I'll keep a watch out for the witch burning crew....

What is Your Hidden Talent?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.And while this may not seem big, it can be.It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

West Point Founders Day

Founders Day at West Point March 16, 1802
On March 16, 1802, Congress approved legislation establishing the United States Military Academy at West Point, one of the oldest military academies in the world. The site, on the west bank of the Hudson River 50 miles north of New York City, is the oldest continuously run military post in America.

Ron and I went to one of the Annual Founders Day Celebrations hosted by the West Point Society of Annapolis.It was one of the most BOOORING functions I have been to in a very long time. Ron and I couldn't wait till wesang the Alma Mater so we could run screaming from the building. The "key note speaker" was a Former Commadantof Cadets and he entire commentary was based on a list of talking points that he was given by the Military Academy.If he said "and the next item I'll talk about is..." I was going to throw my dinner roll at him. I woke up from mybob and travel when he started talking about how the corp of cadets was getting plenty of cultural sensitivity andawareness training by all of the workshops at the UN and 2 week trips to Europe. SPARE ME! He actually thinks thatthe corp is going to be prepared to deal with different cultures and backgroups by a field trip to the UN or anothercountry where they all look like each other? Whatever.

To top off the boring part, this $60/person celebration also had a freakin' cash bar even for a SODA! Who was on the planning comittee for this fiasco. I could have set this up at the Captial Grill and had the soda and wine inlcudedin the price. The shoved 10 people at tables that really couldn't handle more than eight and put one bottle of redand one bottle of white ...and a pitcher of water. Okay. No soda or juice and if your table wanted more wine, theanswer was no...see if you could get some from another table. WOW!

Anyway - I won't be doing that again. All dressed up for the ball and hung out there like the ugly duckling. The best part of the evening was when we sang the Alma Mater. I love that song. Here are the lyrics:

Hail, Alma Mater dear,
To us be ever near,
Help us thy motto bear
Through all the years.
Let DUTY be well performed
HONOR be e'er untarned.
COUNTRY be ever armed,
West Point by thee.

Guide us, thy sons, aright,
Teach us by day, by night,
To keep thine HONOR bright,
For thee to fight.
When we depart from thee,
Serving on land or sea,
May we still loyal be,
West Point, to thee.

And when our work is done,
Our course on earth is run,
May it be said, "Well done;
Be thou at peace."
E'er may that line of gray
Increase from day to day
Live, serve, and die, we pray,
WEST POINT, for thee.

Become an M-n-M

What type of M-n-M are you. Create your favorite candy alter ego at www.becomanmm.com

What I "Deserve"

I've been having a discussion with one of my classmates from West Point about our struggle to lose weight and what we are doing about it. My last conversation was about my alter ego - Unique-Qua - my fat Backyardigan sister-girlfriend that I am about to give the beat down of her overweight, grocery eatin' life. Like I've said before - that Beeyatch is going down. Finally!

Well, I just got a message back and it started out like this:

"First of all, change all of that negative self-talk. You are not a cow nor a Beeyatch. You are a beautiful wife,mother, daughter, friend...a beautiful you. You must remember that and remind yourself."

Yeah, Yeah. I know all of that already. Any self-respecting Diva would be absolutely convinced of her inner and outer beauty. This is where I started getting a tad irritable and even more motivated to beat that cow Unique-Quaback:

"Tell yourself over and over that you deserve to have a fit and toned body. You deserve to look fabulous in your clothes. You deserve to look as great as you really are. I tell myself I deserve to feel good in my clothes and I deserve to have a fit and toned body. If there was something I needed to do for (my husband) or the kids, I would make it happen. I am trying to understand why I am not committed to making this happen for me. I really do want to lose weight, so why am I not losing weight? One of the ladies in the office lost 23 pounds on the Body for Life program.I am inspired by her success...and a bit envious...and motivated."

Wow. This made me think for a bit. Something about it bothered me and I couldn't put my foot on it right away. Finally,it came to me- it was the DESERVED psycho-babble thing. Here is my response:

"Hey (Girlfriend),
I don't think I am being negative. Finally, I took an honest self-assessment and started holding myself accountable for what I did to myself. When you can honestly look in the mirror and say "yes, it is the fat that makes you look fat" and not blame it on your busy day, your kids, your husband, your life, then you can have a breakthrough to action. I've already wasted too much time psycho-analyzing why I am not motivated or why I am still fat (overweight-whatever you want to call it) and just accepted that I am this way cause I ate, drank, didn't exercise, and did just what I felt like.Guess what - I got just what I earned for that laziness. A BIG FREAKIN BUTT, 2 extra dress sizes and 30 lbs lumbering around my middle. I got exactly what I deserved and I finally decided to call a spade a spade. I took responsibility for my actions and now I'm going to do something about it.

I already know that I am beautiful. God didn't make a mistake. But God also gave me free will to do what I wanted with the gift He gave me and I abused it. I will not sit here and tell myself that "I deserve" to have or get anything, just cause I think I'm entitled to it by some divine right. I "DESERVE" exactly what I've got. IMHO, that mentality is exactly why people don't have the things, the job, the husband, the life, the happiness, the spirituality, the Whatever...is because we think we DESERVE it or are ENTITLED to it. I simply don't think so. If you want it then you have to EARN it, WORK for it.

• - You wish you had a bigger house like you neighbor. You think you deserve it and you ask yourself why not over and over. Have you saved for that mortgage? Have you developed a plan to get it? Are you taking steps toward getting the house you want? Or are you just waiting for it to fall in your lap cause you deserve it?
• - You sit at your desk at work and complain (you know these people) that you didn't get the promotion, it went to BobbyJo. you think you deserved that promotion. Really? Did you put in the time? Do you have the proven performance? Educational requirements? Did you do what you needed to do to get considered for the promotion or did you just think you were going to get it cause you deserved it? Interesting.
• - You dream of once again being fit, tone and phfine. Your envious of the co-worker who went out and lost 23 lbs in your face. You think you deserve the same. So what the heck are you going to do about it? Wait till that entitlement check for thinness comes in? If you want it, we gotta go get it!

The only thing I have the right to is Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness. I think pursuit is a key word. It is an action verb.I have decided that I am not happy with this weight. I've decided to give my 30 lb person hanging onto me a name an WHOOOP up on her.Unique-Qua (my round Backyardigan sister-girlfriend) IS going down. It motivates me. Gives me someone to holler at on the treadmill or in Bootcamp when I think I'm too tired. When I reach for that cookie, I can slap Unique-Qua's hand and say "Oh, Hell Naw, BEEYATCH." Beating Unique-Qua down is MY motivation and is keeping me on track.

Now, Girlfriend, you can sit around waiting for what you deserve or you can go and TAKE IT. I say stop trying to understand why and JUST Do!The devil is in the details and over analysis."

Well, that how I feel about it. That's it. PERIOD. STOP GLOBAL WHINING NOW!

My Visual DNA

This is a pretty cool personality profile test. I found it intesting. check out my profile: SALESDIVA VISUAL DNA. You take a test, and Imagini calculates your VisualDNA, and then hooks you up with like-minded users (only if you want). Use the widget Imagini provides so you can share your results on your blog or network. Please click on one of the links below to explore more..http://dna.imagini.net/friends/

The Creation of a Diva

The creation of a diva is no easy task. It requires dedication, focus and certainly money (wasted on a 3 year old). Anyway, we have started Cara's indoctrination early with an outing to the MALL...Starbucks, Nail Salon, the kid Jewelry Store, and the Merry-Go-Round.

The rules are simple:

1. START YOUNG.

2. Introduce them to the spa concept early.

3. Teach your diva apprentice how to sit quietly with your nails in "the light" so as not to ruin our polish.

4. Sitting quietly is best achieved with a Frappachino Mocha Light ONLY from Starbucks.

5. Shopping must follow immediately after with a Dora necklace, bracelet and matching purse (Heaven Forbid they don't match)

6. Daddy MUST "Sit Down" on horsey for two whirls on the Merry-Go-Round (Ron looked like someone shot him in the head as his horse went up and down and round and round).

7. Grocery Shopping can ONLY be accomplished if you have your own car.

You will know that you succeeded in you Diva Training when a new set of vocabulary words dominates vs the basic ABC's & 123's: Shopping, Amex, Nordstrom, NOW, Nails, Paint feet etc. The true test is when your budding Diva can point out the shoes she wants from the Nordstrom spring catalog. I believe I've created a monster.

Fat Chick Beat Down Update-Week 1

The initial report is at the bottom of my site. This is my update from week one of the beatdown... Stay tuned as the Fat BEEACH beatdown progresses towards the first major milestone - April 13th Bahama's Trip!

TSA RANT!

I am all for some homeland security and for creating a safe environment for traveling. I travel a lot and like knowing that I'm not going to have to be the one who jumps up from my seat and says "Let's Roll" cause I gotta take some idiot out who wants to set his freakin' shoes on fire or some crazy nonsense like that. Thank you federal government for trying to make it safe for law abiding citizens to travel. Rah Rah. Keep America Free and all that!

What I am sick and mf-in' tired of to the point that I just want to up and slap the sh*t out of somebody, is the fact that our government sees fit to hire barely high school educated, gum crackin', bad weave wearin', size 18 wearin' a size 10 women with an ATTITUDE cause their lot in life is just shitty and they don't think or won't do anything about it. What they are looking for is someone that they can terrorize in the line and try to make that persons life just as miserable as theirs. WHY THE HELL IS IT ALWAYS ME THAT GETS THIS CRAP!

I am minding my own business. REALLY! I've already learned my lesson from the time I had to go to a side room and strip down to my underwear because when they wanded me, it went off BETWEEN MY LEGS and I might have something metal shoved up there. DO I FREAKIN' LOOK LIKE A WOMAN WHO WOULD SHOVE A METAL OBJECT (maybe plastic w/batteries -but not as a storage location) IN MY COOCHIE AND GO TO THE AIRPORT! Not happening. Anyway, that is another story. Sooooo, I took off my new chain belt that I bought from Nordstroms, took off my St. John sweater, my pumps and put my computer in the damn tray like I was freakin' told. I walk forward through the scanner ONLY WHEN DIRECTED with my boarding pass in hand and the thingy still goes off. BEEEEEP! DAMN. Okay. This woman, in between crackin' her gum tells me to take my hair down. I'm thinking- have you lost your mind BEEACH! Do you know how long it took me to curl this hair and get it pinned in an up swept coif? Obviously NOT. So, here is how the conversation goes:

Lisa: "No, I don't want to do that."
Screener Idiot: "Crack, Crack - then go over there - Crack - and get wanded then."
Lisa: "Fine"
Screener Idiot - Hands on hips: "You should just take the pin out of your hair."
Lisa: "No, I'm not doing that."
Screener Idiot: "Crack - You don't be tellin me what you are and are not gonna do. You have an attitude. Go back over though the metal detector and wait for a supervisor."
Lisa: "WHAT! I'm not the one who has the attitude. You are - stop screaming at me."
Screener Idiot: "SUPERVISOR! I'm not talking to this woman anymore."
Lisa: "Fine! SUPERVISOR!"
Supervisor: "Ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"
Lisa: "Chris, I don't know what her problem is? I do not want to take the hair clip out and she refuses to wand me. Please tell me why it is okay for your employee to have an attitude, scream and generally treat passengers poorly."
Supervisor: "Would you mind taking off your bracelet and watch to see if that is setting off the detector and if that doesn't work we will hand wand you?"
Lisa: "That will work just fine."

I did as the non-gum crackin' supervisor with appropriately fitted clothing requested without incident. Screener idiot just scowled at me. How bad do you think I wanted to turn around and stick my tongue out at the idiot. Ha Ha. Your still a LOSER! No, I just put on my sweetest Diva B**tch smile and went to my gate.

I would like to implement a new hiring screening tool for TSA.
1. Make sure they actually have a diploma from somewhere other than the prison library.
2. They must wear clothing that doesn't cut the circulation (that is already got some blockages) off to the brain.
3. Yank on the weave. If it comes out in clumps - NO DICE.
4. BAN GUM CHEWING.
5. NO GOLD TEETH.
6. They must have a mastery of Kings English - NOT Ebonics

Okay, I have finally calmed down from my Foamy Rant. It really believe the squirrel would have a good one with this subject. Happy Travels.

Cara's 3rd Birthday Party

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me! It's my party and I'll get drunk if I want to!
I spent the day doing total beauty immersion - nails, spa treatments, hair appointment. Then I came home to the family and Ron ordered out Chinese food from Asean Bistro (it was very yummy) and we drank an entire bottle of Alize and Champagne. All in all a good day for someone celebrating their 21st Birthday for the 20th time.

Technical Support

I have spent all day today on the phone with Microsoft Technical Support trying to fix a problem with my upgrade to MS Office 2003. After 2 hours of playing with it, they finally had to totally uninstall the program, remove the registry and reinstall...only to totally screw up my Active Sync. It took them two hours to unistall Active Sync, download the upgrade, and reinstall it. A complete pain in the add. The attached video is from my favorite Squirrel - Foamy. This is his rant about utilizing Tech Support and is indicative of exactly what happened to me today. Check it out.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Empress Lisa the Imaginary of Lardle St Earache Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My girlfriend, Terri, found this website where you can get your Aristocratic Title. I like mine...EMPRESS LISA. As if it should be anything else.

Package Insert

I have spent the past 2 weeks studying all new products by reviewing and testing on package inserts. I'm about brain dead at this point; however, to entertain myself while sitting through another workshop, I started to think about what a package insert for Lisa would look like. Here it is:

Lisa's Package Insert

Lisa is a beautiful diva-like carbon based life form. Her chemical structure is complex and genetic code unique.
Mechanism of Action:
Lisa achieves diva status by increasing the action potential at the diva receptor sites in the brain.

Pharmacokinetics/Pharmacodynamics (Metabolism, Absorption, Distribution, Elimination):
Steady State for Alcohol Consumption is achieved in <2 hours following consumption of 1 bottle of wine or 3 martinis.
Peak Plasma concentrations for food is acheived in 7-10 days following continuous eating and outside dining establishments.
Half-Life (the time it take to eliminate half of the drug from body) is 6-12 hours for alcohol, depending on amount consumed and never for food since Lisa's body has 100% protein binding to the hips, thighs and abdomon. This effect is know from linear & exponential distribution of fat throughout the entire body.
Primary route of elimination is renal (urine); however, there are occasional eliminations through hepatic (feces) elimination.

Drug Interactions:
Milk Based Products. It is not recommended to combine Lisa with milk based products due to possible GI disturbances that can be offending to surrounding patients.

Adverse Events:
The most common adverse event experienced when with Lisa is shock & awe, low bank account balances, and possible kidney damage from laughter.

Warnings:
Lisa has been known to have short bursts of aggression and violence against stupid and otherwise non-diva like substances. Does not hold grudges but will clear offending objects in a direct & firm manner via white blood cell infiltration to the site. Caution should be used.

Contraindications:
You should not hang out with Lisa if you have a hypersensitivity to divaness.

Overdose:
Rare occasions of overdose with Lisa has been seen in patients who can not "shop till they drop" or with female patients who's husband can't afford or don't want their wives to participate in a Diva in Training Workshop. If overdose occurs, patient should be immediately removed from Lisa's presence or get a new man.

Indications:
Lisa is indicated for numerous items that confer significant benefits. Listed are a few but she is not limited to these indications:

• Shopping, Buying, Fashion Tips (ie. no crocheted boots at mall)
• Hostess with the Most-est
• Rip Roaring Fun & Laughter
• Getting the Job Done & Stopping Global Whining

Dosing: Recommended starting dose is one day of shopping followed by tea at the Ritz per month. Increase frequency as needed (see Overdose)

How Supplied: Lisa comes in a 5'2" unique gorgeously plump body. Attempting to split the dose is not recommended. Regular maintenance (hair, nails, spa appointments) is required for maximum performance.

Pricing: Priceless.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Love Day! Nothing special happened today for me. It was another day at the job. Sat all day in a training class that we had to move from HQ to the hotel we were staying in due to the snow storm. Didn't want anyone of us crashing and burning on the Garden State.

I did get an interesting call from one of my former colleagues at the blue football today. One of the National Account Managers called to ask me about the status of Lipitor on the formulary at Johns Hopkins. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I told him that I was no longer with Pfizer and couldn't help him. I wanted to tell him that it is now my mission in life to have Lipitor removed from every formulary associated with Johns Hopkins, but it IS the day of LOVE, so I just let him go about his merry way. Figure it out for yourself - buddy boy!

Two more day left of the training class and then I'm back home for a week. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed - Sleep Number 60 (at the moment)