Airport Antics

It never ceases to amaze me with the amount of mess, drama, and fashion horrors you can see while waiting to board your flight.

1. If you are morbidly obese, and shaped like beehive-it doesn't really help to wrap your head with a scarf in the shape of a beehive too. It just accentuates the...beehiveness.

2. I highly recommend that when you try on pants, that you really take a hard look in a three way mirror. Look at the front, the sides, and Lord, please, at the back. Your pants are too small if they gather between your legs and into the crack of your azz. That also makes the pants highwaters. TRUST ME. I can see your ankles - was I supposed to?

3. If your pants are now high waters and your ankles are swole over the rims of your shoes - at least wear socks and use lotion. Please. Maybe think about some compression hose. I'm just saying.

4. White eyeliner - who knew?

5. Getting the attitude slapped outta me in public worked when I was a kid and I turned out okay. WHY DA HELL ARE YOU NEGOTIATING with a kid having a tantrum and talking back. In two hot seconds, that brat aint gonna have no teeth...TRUST.

6. If you are over the age of, let's say 12, booty shorts with anything written across your azz is inappropriate. Also, I don't care where you are headed...you had to be freakin cold as ish, dressed like that.

7. If I see one more freakin muffin top - you know the look - jeans so damn tight that you create a muffin top oozing over - IMMA SCREAM.

8. I hate gum cracking. It just grates my nerves. It sound ghetto and like you,ve had no home training. You can dress it up, but the impression your leaving me is EWWWWW.

9. Why do so many women look like the just don't give a damn? All I can think about is what we talked about on Word on the Curb...We really outta be more vain..We must do better...Damn, we are killing ourselves. SIGH

10. I love traveling with the Fire Marshall. He carries all my stuff and let's me sleep on his shoulder.
The TravelDiva
Lisa Steptoe