Getting There...

Ron and I wrapped up the house, made some last minute notes to everyone, loaded up the company car (don't want to leave the H3 sitting around for 2 weeks - heaven forbid), and drove to Philly - the airport we were leaving from. Everything was uneventful. I did have to listen to Ron try to close shop on his Crackberry, but all in all the drive was uneventful.

One thing that was decided was that Economy Class is just no way to live. It is a way to exist, but not a way to live. Unfortunately, Ron and I have to exist in the Ecomnomy lane right now, but make no mistake - I did everything in my DIVA power to get us upgraded to Business or First Class (BOOKED SOLID) using my Dividend miles. SUCKS. Business/First Class has their own line to check in, their own line to go through security; they board first and they are drinking before I even get to my seat. SUCKS. It is just no way to live. Well, I immediately asked about the return flight and so far there are plenty of seats to upgrade to but we have to wait until 24 hours before the flight to upgrade (don't want to give away the seats to upgraders if they can get a full fare passenger). I am SOOOO on it.

We load up on the plane - IN ECOMOMY - with the rest of civilization and Ron is eyeing some empty seats arcross the aisle - he wants to spread out. He finally moves over to the seats cause other passengers are also making moves. Possession is 9/10ths of the law and Ron is a big guy and looks like the terminator with those Maui Jims on. We are already about 20 min late into departure so Ron and I strike up a converstaion with 2 ladies (I think they are a couple) across the aisle from me and in front of Ron's new seats. They are going on the cruise as well - celebrating Gretchens 40th Birthday and Meileen's 50th birthday. Ask me who you think is running things. Anyway, nice ladies...we are joking around, killin' time and Gretchen asks Ron to help with a bag and she SEE's HIS MUCSLCES. Why are people insistant on touching my merchandise. So she rubs his arm and comments on how soft and smooth his skin is (Yeah, his mandingo will set you back straight girl friend) and then Ron throws FUEL on the fire by flexing his guns. I thought Gretchen was going to come back over to the man side. Ron tells me later that was his intention.

Finally, this family of 4 comes rushing onto the plane (Dad, son and 2 blond barbies - in tears) and are told to find any empty seats. I move over with Ron and give the teen age vampire slayers our seats, the dad sits in the row in front of Gretchen and Meileen and the 20 something son goes to the back to find a seat. NO HAPPENING. The only open seat is one that was paid for by a woman for her baby. She wasn't givin it up (I don't blame her - I wouldn't want Cara sitting on my lap for 6 hours either). The son comes to our area and tells his Dad that he will catch the next flight and hook up with them in Barcelona. He is calm and cool, the girls are crying and Dad is giving him phone numbers and money so he make arrangements. All of a sudden, the guy in the seat next to the Dad says he is in no rush, he'll take the next flight - keep the family together. Our section of the plane erupts in applause. I almost started crying myself. People were hugging this stranger. That moment of random acts of kindness is so rare. UNBELIEVEABLE.

We take off. Two glasses of wine & some sominex and I'm only able to acheive a fitfull sleep. We arrive in Barcelona ALMOST without incident. Ya'll know you can only get off the plane when they open the cottin pickin' doors RIGHT. Well, this woman's Xanax obviously wore off and she rushed the door but met a road block in my ass. No I am not moving as we are not going anywhere. She was on the verge of a major melt down when Ron snatches me back into the row to let her pass. She advanced one more row and Gretchen wasn't moving. The irony in all of this is that they deplaned from the rear and she had to go back the way she came. I thougth for sure she was going to jump from the plane.

The hotel we are in is beautiful and VERY ELEGANT. We are at Hotel 1898 on La Rambla in Barcelona. You can check it out at http://www.nnhotels.es/. Ron and I checked in and immediately went to sleep. I don't remember a damn thing. We got up around 4pm (we arrived at 1030am), got dressed (well, there was some WAY overdue action in there somewhere) and went out for a walk. We ended at this Tapas place that was recommended by the hotel concierge.
Of course, I orded for Ron. He was not versed in what Tapas were. Yeah right. Anyway, we ordered a variety and just watched the crowd walk by. It was very relaxing and Ron even cracked a few onliners that I can not even imagine repeating here.

Well, we are going to get some shut eye and get ready to get on the ship tomorrow.

Buenas Noches! (I think)

The Night Before...

The night before any long trip is always the worst. The day drags on and on and then there is the issue of packing. Packing for a long trip has always been an ordeal and I finally invested in a travel scale to weigh my bags (don't want to really pay $25 cause my bag weighs 51 lbs).

After all of these years of traveling, I still have not mastered the art of packing light. I just don't think it is scientifically possible. How in the world do you only take 2 pairs of shoes on a 12 day cruise. There are outfits & events to consider...2 formal nights, shore excursions, spa days, pool/beach events. Narrowing it down to a few outfits and coordinating shoes (an OF COURSE, the appropriate undergarments - the girls must be appropriately harnessed or somebody could get killed). And then there is the jewelry to consider.

The worst part is the hair and toiletries issues. Since I recently had my hair highlighted, I had to go and get some new HIB (hair I bought...so when a rude person asks you "is that your hair." you can answer, "yes, darling, I have a receipt) cause I just can't be bothered to press and curl every day. HIB is a miracle of modern science and sisters who travel. 15 total days away from home...there is body lotion, wash, hair care, makeup, etc. How to minimize all this down to something that doesn't weigh a ton. DAMN.

Now I am sitting here watching Ron pack. There has to be supervision or I'm not sure what all I would find and we are not (at least he isn't) gonna buy a new wardrobe along the way in the Mediterranean. There are other things we are gonna HAVE to purchase.

Anyway, we leave tomorrow for Barcelona, Spain, which is where the ship will be leaving from. Be sure to check in as there is always bound to be some travel drama/adventures. Friends who have traveled with us before call it "The Bonus Package...The Steptoe Entertainment Package".

Talk soon.

The Night Before...

The night before any long trip is always the worst. The day drags on and on and then there is the issue of packing. Packing for a long trip has always been an ordeal and I finally invested in a

Happy Father's Day!

[We're] everthing [we] are...Because you loved us!


Just wanted to give a shout out to my knight and my babies daddy! Happy Father's Day. Everytime I hear this song (Because You Loved Me) it makes me think of Ron. Not only is he a great husband, but an awesome "PopPop" too. Especially since most of the kids he is raising as his own aren't his, but my sisters. He not only brought two of my sisters kids into his house, he adopted them - gave them his name - and raises them as his own flesh and blood. WOW! I just sit in awe sometimes, watching him 15 years after raising the oldest girl, playing with the youngest (3yr old). We are currently in a battle over pooping on the potty. Ron sat in Cara's room while she sat on her "royal throne" for almost an hour. His patience was rewarded with the requisite poop IN the potty (not our pants). He is definitly in the "Real Father's, Real Men" category.

I love him bunches and hope he has a wonderful "PopPop" day. We are waiting for him to get back from sitting outside since 8am this morning watching Jordan play in a lacrosse tournament. Got some ribs and chicken on the barbie and a tall cold glass of Hawaiian Punch (he doesn't drink) waiting on him.

Hope all my blog friends & family are having a great Father's Day too!

Foxy Mama

Ashley (on the left & pronounced Ash-eh-lee by Cara) celebrated her birthday at Gallery Bar & Lounge last Friday. Ron and I went down after having dinner with some friends to hang out for an hour or so with Ashley and Erin.

I have to say that I sure do look foxy with the young folk. My favorite part is when some of Erin's man friends strike up a conversation with me and Erin saunters over to inform them..."Ya know that's my momma." I just love to see the looks of the face my gentlemen callers...especially when I point out..."and yes, that's my husband of 20 years over there..." All that exfoiliating, hydrating, expensive makeup, and spa treatments is paying off. WHOO HOO.

I've been saying it all this time....Beauty can be Enhanced through Finance.

The Frustration of Leadership

I was asked to become President of the DC/Baltimore Chapter of the National Sales Network almost 2 years ago. The Chapter has made a huge comeback thanks to the dedicated efforts of a few people on the Executive Committee. HOWEVER, every time we have an event coming up I agonize over why people won't RSVP, won't show up, won't participate - WHATEVER. It is so damn frustrating.

We had an incredible Success Experience last month (Men of Valor-Successful Men in Sales) with 3 very powerful, incredibly successful Regional Directors & Vice Presidents and only 25 people showed up. We have over 100 members and a distro list of 500 and I can only get 25 people to come out to hear about the experiences of three successful Black Men. WHAT GIVES?

This weekend (June 16th), we are having a Sales Excellence Academy & Conference Kickoff at Dave & Busters. Daniel Grissom from PhD in Results is coming to do the workshop and then we are hosting a social event to kickoff registration for our National Conference in September. How many RSVP's do you think I have? 15. I'm bout to go crazy! Why - cause I'm bout tired of hearing about how we (Black people) need to network more, we need to invest in our personal development, we need to be more involved but then those same whiners don't show up to nutin. What's a Diva President to do?

Well, I just had to get my frustration off my chest. A lot of work goes into putting together a calendar of events that meets the needs of the chapter AND the needs of our sponsors. Lord have mercy. Get me through the conference without getting an eye tick.

Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary

When you've been blessed...it feels like heaven - Pattie Labelle

Ron and I recently celebrated the actual date (20 years previously) of our graduation from West Point over a week ago (May 24th). A wonderful time of remembrance and introspection. Well, today Ron and I are celebrating one more milestone...Our 20th Wedding Anniversary

As I reflect on 20 years of marriage to the same awesome guy, the journey has been wonderful. Every promise, every dream thus far has come true - a man of his word. I pray that he feels the same of me.

We are about to embark on a cruise to celebrate and will renew our commitment to each other en route. What a great year to celebrate - 20 Year Reunion - 20 Years of Marriage. WOW!

I put together the following video slide show to honor Ron and our marriage. I hope you enjoy this short glimpse into our life:

Steptoe 20 Year Anniversary

Which Flower Are You?

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

...And the party just went on and on

...it all started with the personal sippy cups. I arrive in Atlanta for my girlfriend Karen's house warming weekend soiree. I catch a ride from the airport with Errika, walk in the house, and -although Karen was not at home at the time - she had left instructions that I should be directed to the fridge where my "purple coolaid" was waiting for me. Let the drinking begin.

Karen had almost her entire family at the her home...She has 10 brothers and sisters...and I never laughed sooooo much in my entire life. Her family is large and loud and just down right hilarious.

We spent Friday evening drinking till we reached steady state. It was not difficult with the wonderful assortment of beverages Karen had in her beautiful cherry wood bar. I played bartender for a few hours and we danced to old school music mixed by "Crunch" - one of Karen's many nephews or cousins - I just couldn't keep it straight and I still left without knowing Crunch's real name.

All I know is (or is that remember) about 2:00 am, I was inflating air mattresses trying to just fall face down on one and Karen was trying to tuck Belinda and I ONTO the air mattress with hospital corners. Make her go away. I think I woke up in the same position as I fell out - 'cept the mattress had deflated a tad. Oh Well.

So we hang out on Saturday morning and I make a liquor store run - I've been assigned the task of making the "special juice" for select ladies. The rest of the riff raff will have to drink the specialty drink provided by the bartender that would not arrive until 5 pm. We just can't wait that long. I also was assigned the job of family photographer and was on duty for family portraits at 5pm. WHEW! It was like herding cats and one of Karen's brothers did not want to cooperate cause I was "stealin' his soul." He figured he'd get it back when I emailed the pics (yes, he gave me his email address).I managed to get myself beautified, make the special juice, take family portraits (throughout the weekend I took over 250 pictures) and start the move towards steady state. I made it till about 1am and then crashed and burned. It was a great party.

...and then it suddenly went all wrong....(just kidding)...but Karen decided we were all going to get ready and go for a family bike ride on the local trail. It took almost 2 hours to get everyone up, dressed, issue a bit of hair of the dog, sort out the travel arrangements and get to the park to rent the bikes. Lord have mercy. It was a blast!

We rode a total of about 8 miles, laughing, racing, cracking jokes and just enjoying the day. After we got back, I made "Special Boy Sandwiches" taught to me by my bestest friend Pattey...yeah girl...I showed em how its DONE! We dozed on and off, played cards and THEN...it was DANCE REVOLUTION TIME. Karen taught me how to play - funny - she has a XBOX 360 and only one game. Go figure. Now I'm freakin addicted and will probably go get me the game - but I gotta check out the WII - WEE wanna play.

A weekend with a large family would not be complete without the requisite family drama on Monday. There was an issue with the teenagers spending the whole weekend sequestered in a guest room with a computer - they were on their MySpace. A little tinkering with the history on the computer and we had a print out of what they were writing. I nearly went blind from reading it. FAMILY MEETING! Nothing really go solved - does it ever. Nevertheless, I was honored that Karen's family included me in the discussion. Not that I had much in the way of solutions, but the discussion was just so real.

I'm back home...THE PARTY IS FINALLY OVER...and its back to work.

Awesome weekend Karen!

Nip & Tuck - The Consult

SoooOOO, I went for my free consultation (Mother's Day Gift from my daughter) at Erin's Plastic Surgeon (see http://www.discoverthebeauty.com/). I was sitting in the waiting room, filling out the mounds of psycho analysis and other paperwork - just for a looksie - wondering am I nervous or excited. I decided that I was about to burst from excitement. This was something I talked about around the table with girlfriends...

Girlfriend -"Girl, would you ever have plastic surgery?"
Lisa - "Hell Yeah! Beauty CAN be bought."
Girlfriends - "That's so vain. You are already beautiful."
Lisa - "Yep. Already knowed this. But a nip and tuck here and there would be the ultimate."

I already spend a small fortune on beauty refinement... as I did today at the nail "place"... pedicure, gel fill w/french manicure & a little nail art work, COMPLETE face wax (damn I can get hairy) - $100 bucks. And as a side note - I really hate not knowing what they are saying about my hands/feet/face when I'm there - they seem to hover around and all speak Vietnamese. Makes me freakin crazy! Anyway, then there is the spa visits. Gotta get that hot stone massage (if you haven't had one - well what the freak are you waitin' on!), body wrap, scrub, facial evray now and den.

Well, the whole consult thing was NOTHING like the TV show "Nip & Tuck." My doctor did not ask me "Soooo, what do you hate about yourself?" Like damn. No, this doctor read through my packet, looked up and said "What can I help you improve upon." I liked him already. I told him my droll sob story of working out like a freakin mad woman, the roller coaster weight loss/gain/loss, the major abdominal surgery (to remove HUGE fibroid) and the fact that my tummy just won't go back despite my best efforts. He didn't even flinch. "Okay, why don't you put on a robe and lets take a look together." Alrighty. Now the robe was to die for. I brought this small cute handbag with me and I (for the life of me) could not figure out how to get this like brushed silk robe in my bag. DAMN IT. I take off my clothes (cept for the undies) and WE take a look.

I think for sure that he has some of those carnival mirrors in the exam rooms. I KNOW MF WELL that I didn't look that foooked up before I got there. He rolls down my underwear - are you feelin me on this - ROLLS down - OVER the TUMMY BLOB! and sits back on the chair and starts telling me what he can do. Lipo alone ain't gonna fix this blob baby! You gonna need an extended abdominoplasty and then to get your "contours" correct, I recommend that we do liposuction of the rear, back and flanks. OKAY. "Is there any other areas of concern?" I almost laughed. I said, "While your at it, can you take a little off the inner thigh?" I was kinda jokin ya know. He said, "No problem. I can't guarantee that your inner thighs won't touch at all, but we can definitely fix that."

WHERE DO I SIGN?

Now this man is not the finest in the land, but I have to give it to him. He has wonderful bedside manner, a dry sense of humor that I like (same as Ron), and he seemed to me to be a perfectionist - very meticulous. I liked him immediately,

WHAT's YOUR FIRST OPENING?

"Please step into the office next door and Diane will help you schedule your surgery."

I couldn't get on the schedule until Sept 4th, but I signed on the dotted line, paid my deposit. I'm in like flint. I can't freakin' wait.

So, here are some of the questions/comments I've received so far:

"Your cheating! No Fair!" - damn skippy! Life ain't fair.
"What if something happens" - then something happens...God has a plan for me.
"BEEYATCH" - already knew that - what's a diva to do
"I wouldn't spend my money like that." - I ain't spendin yo money. I'm spendin MINE!
"Are you scared, this is major surgery." - Nope (okay, maybe a little). I've had major surgery before. Like I said, God has a plan for me. No need to be scared (fear is the devils work) - I just pray.
"Your boobs will be too big/out of proportion." - GOOD! I like my boobs (my girls as I call them). And they still stand up cause of all those push ups.

No worries. Right now, I'm having the time of my life and I'm gonna enjoy the ride while I can. I'll keep ya posted along the way. Haven't decided on the before and after pics yet. I don't even want to see em. Might be too much.

You can see some incredible before and afters of Dr. Markmann's work at his website http://www.discoverthebeauty.com/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RONNIE POO!

Today is my knight in shining armours 42nd Birthday. Yeah, yeah...I'm always calling him my Knight - CAUSE HE BE. Now sometimes his armour is a little rusty and dented and his white horse is a tad dirty, but Ron is and will always be my Knight! He rocks. Probably don't tell him that enough, but since he gets this by feed - He will know.

Right now he is in the Carribean somewhere. I think he is still in St. Lucia working on a resort deal with his partners. Building the dream and making a Diva's dreams come true. I gave him his first real MP3 player (an iPOD) and some new threads on Sunday with the family. We had ice cream cake (one of his favorites) and champagne and we sent him on his merry way. He says he's workin but he pictures he sent from St. Lucia were just too beautiful for words.

Anyway, I hope he reads this and knows that he is loved. HAPPY 42nd BIRTHDAY.
I made a video slide show for his 40th birthday, but its still a good one...check it out at one of these links:

Ron's 40th Birthday Video or just go to http://salesdiva.neptune.com and choose Ron's 40th Birthday Video for grins and giggles.

Love Ya Babe.

FAITH OF THE HEART

I am a sci-fi junkie. I honestly believe that I was born in the wrong century. I would love to be boldly going where no one has gone before. The absolute ultimate. My favorite shows are the Star Trek franchise, particularly "Enterprise". The adventures of the first star ship into outer space. Just fuels my imagination and keeps me reaching for the stars. I also could be that the theme song is my personal anthem. Everytime I watch the show (I'm currently watching all the seasons on my Blockbuster Online subscription) I sing the the song loud and at the top of my lungs. The lyrics are written below. Take a listen. HAVE FAITH.

ENTERPRISE THEME SONG LYRICS

["Faith of the Heart"][Performed by Russell Watson]:
It's been a long road, Getting from there to here,
It's been a long time, But my time is finally near,
And I will see my dream come alive at last, I will touch the sky,
And they're not gonna hold me down no more,
No they're not gonna change my mind,
Cause I've got faith of the heart,
I'm going where my heart will take me,
I've got faith, to believe,
I can do, anything,
I've got strength, of the soul,
But no one gonna bend or break me,
I can reach, any star,
I've got faith, I've got faith,
Faith of the heart.

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

by Mary Sullivan

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as if as soon as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.

The mother filled three pots with water.

In the first, she placed carrots.
In the second she placed eggs,
And in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil without saying a word. About twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots, eggs and coffee out of each pot and placed them in separate bowls.

Turning to her daughter, she said, "Tell me what you see."

Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied (With that certain tone of voice)

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that the felt soft.
She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling of the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg inside.
Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The dauther smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "So, what's the point, mother?" (Same tone of voice - you know that inflection)

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same ADVERSITY - boiling water - but each REACTED differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid center. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its insides had become hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however, After they were n the boiling water...the had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

THNK OF THIS: WHICH AM I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable hear, but changes witht he heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, ahve I become hardened and stiff? Does my outer shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened hart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - ther very circumstances that bring the pain. Wehn the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of the bean. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you instead of letting it change you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you eleveat to another level? How do you handle adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Happy Mother's Day - What a Girl Wants

Happy Mother's Day! I hope all my friends & family had a wonderful day.

Despite all the drama and intrigue, I had a great weekend. This seems to be the year of blessings...

1. I was layed off from Pfizer. Yep, it was a blessing.
2. Within 12 days (see post "On the twelth day of Christmas") I got a better, higher paying job with Schering-Plough
3. My house (after 3 years of construction) is complete
4. I'll have been married for 20 years (to the same guy) on June 6th.
5. My 20th Class Reunion from West Point is coming up in October.
6. My collection of beautiful jewelry from my husband is growning.

and then there is today..
My daughter threw a BBQ at the house for my mother and I. My husband has agreed to sign a contract for an inground Swim Spa by Anthony Sylvan Pools. Lord have mercy. I'll never get out of it once its complete. I won't even want to go to work. My mother gave a gift certificate to the Spa at Lifetime Fitness. Yeah Baby!

And the best...My daughter gave me a consult at one of the best plastic surgeons in town for a tummy tuck and a little lipo...and my knight told me that if this is what I want - then schedule it. That's when I know there was a Gawd. I can't wait! I have been exercising like a mad man and dieting (I'm sick and tired of eating salad) - without a whole lot of results. It's a long sob story. I can't wait for my consult. I know everybody will have their two cents...WHATEVER. It's what a girl wants - and what this girl is gonna get.

WHAT AN AWESOME DAY. I know that I am blessed.

What's a Mother's Day without Drama

I guess it is wishful thinking that we could go one weekend without drama and intrigue. Well, no such luck.

1. My step-brother from my father's second marriage (don't even ask cause it is one hell of a long story) calls Friday night to say his wife's brother (his wife is from Thailand) died and that he needs a loan of "about" $5k to get there and to cover incidentals while there. Now I'm all about helping family...I'm not about giving loans. If you don't have it, can't get it from the bank, don't have enough credit (or are maxed) to get it from your credit cards and your own mama won't give it to you - then what makes you think I should loan you some money. What is my guarantee that I'm gonna get my money back? None. So, I'm of the philosophy that if I have it to give, then I'll give only what I won't miss. I don't want to have to hunt you down, get into fights, ruin family events cause I'm looking to get my money back...and don't get it twisted...I'd be lookin to get it back and lickity split. The Steptoe's don't play when it comes to money.

Ron once had an acquaintance ask for $4k to cover a mortgage payment or his house would
go into foreclosure. Ron asked him what he had to offer as collateral if he was going to loan
him money...DAMN. We did not loan him the money.

Well, after discussing the situation with my honey, we we going to give $1000. Okay, he'll call us on Saturday to organize a bank transfer, but he still wants to pay us back - doesn't want to fell obligated. Yep. Well, he call at 4pm on Saturday to see if I can make a transfer...he got another friend to put the airline tickets on a credit card...he just need money to cover "incidentals" while they are in Thailand for two weeks. HUH? I am unable to do the transfer online and the banks are closed. I'm not hip to using Western Union since they want almost 10%+ fee to transfer money. So, alas, no money exchanges hands. Things got a little dicey in my mind when he offered another option... he will get his mom to give him the money, if I will write a check and send to her to cover it until he gets back when he can get a loan from his job. Why would I do that? Why don't you just get the money from your mother and pay HER back when you get back and can get a loan from your job? It immediately sounded fishy to me...meaning I probably wasn't going to get my money back. The wire transfer didn't work out, banks were closed, no western union and I'm not mailing no check to anyone. He'll call me when he figures something out. It's Sunday 6:00pm. Haven't head anything...guess I get to keep my moola.

2. My niece is at the mall hanging with some girl and they get tagged for shoplifting at JC Penney. A stupid $12 shirt that was also on clearance. PAALEEESE. Can you get any more stupid. If you gonna steal something, then go ahead and DO THE DAMN THING! She calls her mother (since you gotta call a parent) - the one from the "It Would Just Be Easier" blogs - who in turn calls us to ask us what we can do to help. Well, her heroin using father showed up to pick her up. Now she has to go to some kind of hearing and she has been banned from JC Penney for a year. Today is her birthday and we were planning a party for her next weekend. Party cancelled. We were going to get her a new cell phone. Current service suspended for 90 days.

And this is her second time round this corner. Guess she might end up a chip off the ole block unless she makes some serious course corrections.

3. My sister calls again during the shoplifting crisis and wants to discuss something serious. Okay...she wants to know if in 2-3 years I would consider adopting Cara. Honey, we already got paperwork in place for that. Done deal. Laura starts to have a hissy fit saying she thought we only had temporary custody. GET A FREAKIN GRIP. I tell her that READING IS FREAKIN FUNDAMENTAL. I paid $125 to have every set of papers served to her. If she chose not to read them, understand them, or show up for court dates....then too dag-on bad for you. I've got paper, Cara (to my occasional chagrin) belongs to me. So then my sister asks me if I would at least consider keeping Cara's alleged father's last name or hypenating it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You didn't see fit to put her alleged father's name on her birth certificate - what makes you think I'm gonna keep it at all. NO. It will be Cara Steptoe. PERIOD. Laura then asks me if we can at least let bio-dad know of our intentions. GIVE ME A BREAK. Has another village lost their idiot. HELL NO! I'm not explaining a damn thing to a man who doesn't give a rats ass about his daughter (no visits, no money, no calls, no nothing). Let him figure the mess out himself. READ THE COURT PAPERS you were served. The both of them get on my mf'n nerves.

4. Today, we get a call from my sisters 60+ year old, skinny, 3 tooth sugar daddy who lives at the roadside motel (I wouldn't let my worst enemy spend the night there). He claims that he gave $100 of his rent money to Laura 'cause she said my mother would give it back to her and he wanted to know if my mom could bring it by. DUMMY. HELL NAW! If you were dumb enough to give a $100 to a known theif and liar, then that's yo mess. Don't come lookin to us for that. You on your own, bubba.

And to top this off...come to find out that my sister is on the run. There is a warrent out for her arrest AGAIN...for what, I don't know. Probably some kind of violation of parole. Bound to have a return trip to to the pokey.

Just another day at the Steptoe's - We ARE Drama.

Whoops! There it Is!

The River Hill Hawks Boys JV Lacrosse Team finished the season last week with a winning record of 7 win - 3 losses. Awesome. As the unofficial team photographer and MOM EXTRODINAIRE of the teams goalie, I put together a video slide show of the season. Check out my handiwork at...

HAWKS BOYS JV LACROSSE 2007 SEASON VIDEO SLIDE SHOW.

If you'd like to see some of my other video slide shows - go to http://salesdiva.neptune.com

I Was Tagged

Okay - I got tagged by Gonzo-Fear & Loathing (really he's not as scary as it sounds) to play a game of Q&A. I'm relatively new to the whole blog world thingy but I'm makin' new friends, learning new stuff - cause some of the stuff I've been reading makes my head explode, and just havin' some fun. Well, TAG, I'm it...so here goes:

1. What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?

My answer: I dunno...I'm busy accomplishing all the time that a diva just wants to express herself.

2. Are you a spiritual person?

My answer: You betcha! You don't have all the blessing that we've experienced in our lifetime to think that the universe centers on you...but at times a Diva acts like it does.

3. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three things would you want to have with you?

My answer:
1. A way to beat the living crap out of "The Others" especially the rat bast--d "Ben" and just make them go away. Kill em all and who cares about the secret of the island.
2. My man toy.
3. A flat stomach, an abundance of bikini bathing suits and some sun screen.

4. What's your favorite childhood memory?

My answer: The care free days playing wood-tag at the tot-lot(you had to be there), kickball in the field in front of my town house & hot-peas & butter. No worries.

5. Is this your first meme?

My answer: Like I said...I'm new at this. What the heck is a meme? Since I don't know, I guess it is. I've lost my meme virginity.

I gonna tag the only other person that I know that will play (who also has a blog). Is this how it is supposed to be done?
Home at Last Farm....YOUR IT!!!

On Anger

I've been searching around for blogs that I would enjoy reading and sharing thoughts with...people with like interests, ethnicity, likes/dislikes and so on. My search has led me to many african-american or black sites that I thought would be fun and interesting; however, what I have found is a whole lot of angry black people. It made me think...is my life boring and unintersting? Do I really live some kind of surreal wonder life where stuff just don't happen? Am I an empty headed Diva that just has nothing to say about the world and daily events? Why are so many of my brethern angry and ranting against the world?

I know that my life is anything but boring and unintersting. Like I've said many times before...The Steptoe are TNT - WE ARE DRAMA and we got plenty of drama goin on. Perhaps we do live in lala land...yep - we've done well. We have had a measure of success and wealth in our time. But we've paid the price 10x over. Of course, I didn't have a blog until after a lot of the major drama...

• 12 years in an MLM where we worked like a damn DOG for the same amount of money that we could have earned with a part time job at Target - but that is another story
• Almost losing our house when our "architech"...a member of our church...turned out to be nothing that he said he was and abandoned the project. Still havent' heard BOO from him.
• Raising 2 of my sisters children after she went to jail for robbing her OWN family.

Shall I go on? And for my friends who know me- I may look like an empty headed Diva but ya don't graduate top of your class from the United States Military Academy being an empty headed idiot. I may be beautiful but I do know how to kill ya. There are plenty of people around me who could use an "OPEN PALM SLAP TO THE MOUTH" on a regular basis.

So why can't I find the time or inclination to write more intense, angry, deep posts. Now don't get me wrong...I get plenty angry about the world and people in general. There is plenty to get angry about. It's just that I have so much more stuff going on in my daily life that I can't work up the energy it takes to get all deep and angry...

• A new baby - my sisters - and there hasn't been a baby in our house in 14 years
• A new job - after being fired from Pfizer after 15 years of service
• My husbands company & business partners - I now have to get on the calendar for an appointment for sex - and the last time he stood me up for two appointments. DAMN.
• President of the DC/Baltimore Chapter of NSN - where I wonder if I just walk away, would the chapter still stand?
• Lacrosse Mom
• Beating back the fat chick within me...and feeling like I'm losing.

Shall I go on?

Maybe that is why I don't have a lot of readers besides my closest friends and family. So Be It. Don't you just want a break from all the hate and anger out there? If you hang around long enough, you'll occasionally get a really funny episode in the Adventures of The Steptoe's. Occasionally, it will just be ordinary stuff.

Enjoy the bland.

ONE FLAW IN WOMEN

One Flaw In Women - I thought this was a really nice poem that was sent to me via email....


Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are ha ppy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

It Would Just Be Easier- Part 2

It would just be easier to deal with my sister if she really was a crack addict. If she was high all the time, I could just chalk up her lies & manipulations to her being high - BUT NO! She is just plain ole crazy. Here is her latest escapade...

I put her on a very limited cell phone plan ($60/month, 0.18 cents/min) because she would constantly go over her monthly rate ($59/month 600 anytime, unlimited nights/weekends) so that the bill would eventually be $100+. I had had enough. When she went two months like this and ended up not having phone service since she would use up her $60 pretty quick, she decided to call up Virgin Mobile and just change back to monthly rate. Then when I found out about it, she lied and said she didn't do it. When I asked Virgin-Mobile how she could change the plan without the vkey, I was told that she knew the security questions. I just can't believe the audacity. Time to cut her totally off since she thinks I am a Got Damn BANK!

Then she asks me if she could give me her new food stamp card for me to use and give her the equivalent value in cash. Has she lost her Cotton Pickin' Mind. So, how's it gonna look with me pulling up in a Hummer, wearing a St. John suit, Stuart Weitzman shoes picking up my allotment of government cheese, milk and eggs. Like I want to go to jail for welfare fraud...and she got mad when I told her I didn't particularly want to do a stint at the Maryland Correctional Institute for Women. Go Figure.

To top off the day, her parole officer called my house wanting to reach Laura. Apparently she needed to sign some papers or a warrant was going to be issued for her arrest. VOP - violation of parole.  And this is my problem how?  I asked why he called my house and he said my number was down for emergencies. Is this an emergency? No, Ma'am...but do know where she is? I am not my criminals keeper.

It would just be easier if she was a crack head. It would explain a lot.

Neptune Mediashare

I just received an email reminding me that my Neptune Mediashare account was about to automatically renew. This is the place where I host the video slideshows that I like to put together of all of my trips and adventures. I love creating them - even though they can be time consuming - but it is a great way to capture the mood, feelings and thoughts from a vacation of a lifetime.

I was checking the gallery - a place where you can submit your video for consideration for rating - and found that two of my videos (Italy 2005, Tahiti 2006) are still among the "Most Popular" viewings. AWESOME!

If you have some time, visit my Neptune Mediashare account and check out Italy 2005 & Tahiti 2006. I think you will really enjoy them.

In The Beginning...

A new way of looking about how we got fat...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.

....go figure. I always knew my fat was "of the devil, Bobby Buche"

Splatter Art

" Bounce" - a jacksonpollock.org creation by TravelDiva
Sometimes I find the most interesting things visiting other blogs. I was reading "Fear And Loathing - The Gonzo Papers" and he had the most interesting looking "art" on there. Well, I just got addicted to creating my own splatter art. I really should get back to work. Have fun creating your own.

"Intersecting Bodies - a jacksonpollock.org creation by TravelDiva

Atlantis Redeemed

So, I raised holy hell, complained to anyone that would listen and after awhile a hush fell upon the resort wherever I went. Red carpet magically appeared, drinks suddenly became free, dinner reservations were already made, beach chairs with sunshade were immediately found. You could hear whispers of..."There goes the Steptoe woman...be on your toes." We have a sit down with the Starwood people to talk about our experience as an "Owner" and I laid it out my strikes (see previous blogs). I suddenly have a free casino credit - $50 - but it was our last night; free pictures & frame; discounts for other stuff and a limo to the airport.

AS IT SHOULD BE!

Just When You Thought...

Just when you thought you were the too big to be wearing a two piece bathing suit cause of the dunlaps and back fat there is someone who will definitely think that they are still a super model and put it on. How many back fat rolls do you see? Do people just not look at themselves in the mirror and NOT see the 3-4 rolls of fat caused by you tying your bathing suit top SOOOO tight to hold up the jugs in the front that you induce back fat rolls? And don't even ask me about what the front view was. JESUS help my eyes. I almost went blind.

Now I don't really care if your are fat/overweight/obese - whatever. That's your business. What does bother me is when you are clearly a size 16+ and you are still squeezing your behind in a size 10 or smaller. WHY? Do you really believe that you are one sexy mama wearing a pair of jeans that are 5 sizes too small with your muffin' top hanging over the front and the crack of your ass hanging out the back. AND YES - the thong underwear you thought looked sexy on the hanger at Victoria Secrets should have stayed there cause it looks like you are wearing butt floss. That HAS to hurt.

Put some gosh damn Spanx on and/or get a freakin body shaper. Yeah they cinch everything in and give you a smooth line - which can be a tad uncomfortable. Take small shallow breaths. But you won't look like you have 8 breasts and 3 butts from all the too mfn' tight/small crap you are wearing. STOP THE MADNESS. It is not the bathing suit/dress - whatever - that makes you look fat...Its the mfn' FAT that makes you look fat. Come to grips.

Please world - wear your size or lose weight. You CAN look good at any (well almost - the 1000lb man does NOT look good). Whew...I'm going to go eat some damn celery.

Atlantis Bahamas - More Strikes

I decided to let the personal vacation slights go and just try to immerse myself in the experience or just abandon the Atlantis side and stay over at the Harborside Resort when we have two more incidences...

Stike 6: Modified Meal Plan - just don't do it. It is a complete WASTE of money but a big profit center for the resort. ($80/person per day which included breakfast and dinner meals). I signed us up for the the MMP, picked the restaurants we were going to go to for breakfast and dinner and received a confirmation. Once here, I was a little disappointed in the few dining establishments we were allowd to chose from after I saw all the other restaurants. The final straw came when we showed up at a restaurant that I was confirmed for, waited 20 min for a table, got us all situated and was told that they were no long a MMP restaurant. Here are my choices, pick everybody up and try to find a seat at another restaurant that does take the MMP or just pay for this dinner separately. We stayed and after dinner went back to the front desk to complain. They were tired of seeing me. We had them remove the MMP from our bill. Turns out that we spent less money per day just eating when and where we wanted then if we had kept the MMP. Go Figure.

Strike 7: I call to make reservations at Nobu (sushi place), get a confirmation for dinner and right before I'm about to hang up and go my merry way, the lady asks what the age of my kids are. Okay, I have a 3 year old with me. "Well, sorry ma'am, that restaurant doesn't accept kids under 6 years old. I will keep the reservation for you, but you will have to see the restaurant manager at 4pm to ask for an exception." I ain't askin for permission to do squat. But guess what, every other restaurant in the place was booked for dinner until 9pm. I'm really getting pissed. After a lovely day in the spa, I go see the manager of Nobu. No Way - Jose. No rugrats allowed. HOWEVER, this strike will be a recall (DO OVER) since the mangaer of Nobu called the manager of SeaFire Grill (a really nice steak house) and got us in at 7:30pm - circumventing the reservation natzi. Way to go Stepahnie.

What's Mine?

We have been told that Cara is language delayed and has a limited vocabulary for a child her age. Well, she may have trouble saying "milk" (but after intense vacation therapy, she now pronouces it "mil-kah") and forming complete sentences for ordinary, everyday stuff; but when it comes to what is important - she's got no problem telling you what is her's.

During our little vacation to Atlantis, Cara has been caught telling us the following phrases:
1. My Yacht (can't say milk, but can say yacht just fine).
2. My Ocean - that's my girl...it's all her stuff
3. My Money and the famous line - "PopPop, give me MY money" - and she says it with such conviction.
4. My Starbuk (pronounced - Staaar-bukah)
4. My Toys, My Ice Cream and so on.

Basically, whatever you have is Cara's. What ever looks expensive is Cara's. Whatever she wants is Cara's. I thinks she's bluffing on the special ed stuff just to get attention.

Atlantis Bahamas

This is the first trip that I have taken in a long time that did not have some kind of drama involved in getting there - no TSA or security foul ups, no reservations mix ups - just plain ole travel to your destination.

We arrive at Atlantis - Harborside. Harborside is the villas you can stay in if you own in the Starwood network of properties. It is nice but nothing like The Westin St. John Villas - not even close. This is more like a suite at the Marriott or something with an efficiency kitchen. It will do.
Now for the disclaimer. I am a travel snob. Period. I want what I want for the amount of money that you pay to go to these places. Atlantis is beautiful and I am "trying" to relax and enjoy myslef, but Atantis IS NOT the place to go if you are trying to relax. If you are thinking you are going to get upscale, exlusive treatment and service (cause you paid a damn pretty penny for that belief) then you are going to be sorely disappointed (as I currently am).

Stike One: You give me a really nice coupon book for all the store and some of the services at the resort. Go on and on about it and how I really should make use of it. Come to find out at my first attempt to use the damn book that all of the coupons expired on April 1st. When I called about it, they said "Oh, we apologize for the inconvenience. We will have to destroy all of the other books." No other offers, no nothing.

Strike Two: "Why, of course, we have wireless internet available." A lie of omission. What they left out in that statement was that they have wireless in 2 lounges over in the Atlantis Hotel and at all of the pool decks. Why the F--K would I want to take my laptop to a location surrounded by water when Laptops and Water have never previously gotton along. What sense does that make. Well, they do have another option - dial up access at $0.50/minute ($30/hour). Have you lost your everlasting mind. Your telling me that you can't afford to put the wireless in the mf room especially in the freakin' villas where people pay for ownership. That really pisses me off.

Strike Three: The place is just TOO MF BIG. It is a great big amusement park with a 15+ story hotel plopped down in the middle of it. The most annoying thing about the place is how long it takes to get to anywhere. 15 min walk to the only decent cup of coffee at the place (Starbuks - everything else looks and tastes like piss water), 20 min to the main hotel, 25-30 min to the danm beach. You can wait 20 min for the shuttle to take you from Harborside to the one end of Atlantis and then you still got a 15 min walk to get down to the beach. The place is ENORMOUS. And I can't stand it. There are people everywhere. There is not one danm thing relaxing about this place since you are constantly walking and hauling your stuff to get to anything worth your time. AND HEAVEN FORBID that you forget anything in your room or have to go back. You just lost an hour in the process, regardless of whether you are staying in the main hotel or you are at the villas. RIDICULOUS.

Strike Four: MF WRISTBANDS. What the Freak is the damn deal with the wristbands. If you are caught on any of the water "adventures" without the wristband of the day - you are summarily ejected from the "adventure." No questions asked. Erin had a run in today and will be submitting a complaint. After telling him that she was a owner at the resort, he still ejected Erin and Ashley from the lazy river. They had floated to the other side of the resort and had to walk (30 min) back to their stuff. No excuese. Come to find out, you are required to stop at a pool kiosk (good luck trying to find one) and get the wristband of the day. BULL. Why don't you just issue a pass/wristband to everyone WHEN THEY MF CHECK IN! Why didn't you say anthing to us AT CHECKIN about the damn wristbands and the the pool natzis that are lurking aobut. I don't have time for that nonsense. I'm supposed to be on a "Exclusive Tropical Vacation." MY BUTT. Like I said before...A freakin' amusement park for the masses.

Strike Five: I expect things to cost more (soda, drinks, water, food) when I travel to resorts and what not. I completely understand the concept of making a profit, profit centers, cost centers and the like. We are building a resort ya know. But DAMN! ...A small bottle of water should NOT cost $4 - the same as a freakin case of water at Giant. The cost of things here is outrageous. To make it even worse...they only have a free shuttle on ONE day for you to go into town to the grocery store to purchase food for your villa. They no longer have the grocery delivery service. At this point, I'd rather starve than to continue to pay these prices.

This is only day 2 of our stay. I'm sure I'll be back with more Strikes against this monolith. Warning - spend your hard earned vacation dollars elsewhere.

National Girlfriends Day

National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and
shopping, lunching, and traveling girls? Let's celebrate each
other for each other's sake!

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with
the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her
rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture
them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,we are aware that we
will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence
because they aren't listening anyway.
Dare to Dream,
Lisa L. Steptoe
http://salesdiva.blogspot.com

This Weeks Funny MLM Story - Contest Winner

I won. I won! I can't believe it - this is just too damn funny. I recently did a post about Believe: The Movie - www.believethemovie.com - and while playing around the website, I stumbled upon the contest to send in a funny MLM story. Well, I went ahead and submitted one - AND I WON! - they cut the story off, but here is what you will see at the website under "Contest"....

Lisa Steptoe of Ellicott City, MD sent this amusing story about her 12 YEARS in the business and one of her more unique convention experiences:

My husband and I got in "The Business" back in 1991 and because my husband was really excited, I was a "supportive wife." We drove to our first function 4 days after signing up with our upline. My concern, of course, was where we were going to stay. No worries, we were told.

Everything is taken care of. We arrive at the hotel and, to my surprise, we were sharing a room (2 double beds) with 2 other couples and 2 babies under the age of 2. I immediately had a diva fit and sat in the corner until it was time to leave for the convention center.

At the convention center, it was complete pandemonium with everyone jumping up and down, spraying breath spray in the air and acting possessed.

They left off the rest of the TRUE story due to space. Here it is for your amusement (since I didn't save it as I originally typed it, I'm retelling it here)...

...I thought for sure that I was in an episode of Twilight Zone or something. We get back to the hotel room and sleep on the box spring since WE WERE SHARING A ROOM WITH SO MANY ADULTS and INFANTS. Definitely NOT a Diva Moment. We wake up the next morning and I "assume" we are going to get some breakfast before returning to the Matrix. I ask about where we are going to get some breakfast and my upline wife asks me if I would like a food bar since we are going to go directly to the convention center. BULLSH---! What I heard her say was, "Do you want a "FOOBAR?" I went OFF - like snapped. "What the FU-- is a FOOBAR? I ain't eatin' nothing I can't identify. What the FU-- is that SH--?" My upline wife is/was a nice, quite lady - unaccustomed to a wild card as myself. She responds with her usual two responses to a confrontational situation - "Well, Alright" OR "Yes, Indeedy". Since I was still an un-indoctrinated hussy, I responded with - "What the MF does that mean?" NUF SAID. I was hustled to the nearest "kiosk" where I could partake in a danish and coffee... FOOBAR my BUTT!.

Ron and survive the weekend and of course he is "FIRED UP." Twelve Years later - yep, I admit it. Twelve Years later and I finally get him to take the pill that jacks him out of the MATRIX. We did do okay in the business, but along the way we realized that you can make a helluva lot more money (and a lot faster) other ways. Thank GOD.

We never did anything too stupid (like invest in too many tools or functions) that would put us in debt - if it was going to be a financial burden - SCREW YOU! We didn't do it. Thus, the typical woes that you might hear about from other long time business builders about incurring a huge amount of debt and so forth - just didn't happen to us. Like I said before, we were always considered HERETICS. SO BE IT. Our residual checks are awesome and keep coming. Let's see how long that happens before someone gets wise and tries to figure out how we can get cut out from our line of sponsorship.

Anyway, I think this whole thing is just too funny for words. What makes it even more hilarious is that it is an true story. If you want to know more - email me. I've got not problem telling it like it is.

Happy Easter - A Day Late

Happy Easter from The Steptoe Clan.

Let Me Be Clear

So...My sister was alledgedly homeless last Tuesday. Yesterday, she is riding around in a car - from where she got it from, I don't know - and asking me where she can get a tire for free since she just got a flat. Well, I'll be damned. Which part of the profile of a sociopath should we catagorize this on.

 

Since she has used my name and drivers license essentially as her alias on several occasions in the past, I was very irrate about this use of a car that she couldn't possible get registered, doesn't have a license to drive, no insurance etc.  Thus I sent her a text message on the phone that I am paying for telling her that if (and when) she gets pulled over and if she uses my name/drivers license to get out of trouble, I will turn her in and violate her back to the Maryland Correctional Institute for Women. Oh Yeah!

 

She promptly calls me back and DEMANDS for me to explain myself. The Audacity. She wants me to explain to her shack up, 60 year old, 5 teeth LOSER why I would say such a thing. She can't understand why I would be concerned about her using my identity after I almost got arrested for trafficing in cocaine and prosititution - something SHE did in my name. And wants me to make it CLEAR to the prune what I mean. I don't have to expain crud to that village idiot. As far as I am concerned she is going ....SKRATE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET WITH GASOLINE DRAWERS.  All I can do is shake my head. I'm off to the State Police and the DMV to ensure that anything that happens while she is illegally driving a car is not done in my name.

 

WE KNOW DRAMA!