Arrival - Rome by Night w/Dinner & Music

I arrived at the Westin Excesior Rome and all I can say is that staying at a Westin is like home. A gentleman took my luggage while another wisked me inside to the desk. I gave them my name and the young lady says, "Welcome back, Mrs. Steptoe. It's been two years since your last visit and we are glad to have you back." Well, slap me silly. I was immediately relaxed. Since my room was not going to be ready for an hour, she asked if they could "set me up" in the lounge while they readied my room. Sure!

Set up meant that they arranged a couch for me in the far corner and had a cappuccino with snacks brought to me immediately before I could even ask...on the house. MOM!!!! - Get on the plane, the service is the same. My room was ready in 30 minutes and I was up in my room. I swear I was taken to the same room my mother and I stayed in before as it looked exactly the same - Heavenly Bed and All.

I immediately turned on CNN, caught up on the excitement with the Obama nomination, made a few phone calls on my computer - how bout that (.01 cents/min), and collapsed under the covers for a nap.

After my nap, I got up to get ready for my Rome by Night Tour w/Dinner & Music. I had an hour to kill before my ride picked me up, so I went down to the hotel bar for a cocktail. There are a lot of VIP's at the hotel this week. The World Food & Agriculture Organization is having a conference here at the hotel. So, I'm sitting there watching people go by (Japan's Foreign Minister, Ambassador to the Congo, President to the Congo, South African Delegation & more). A man named Armel came over and introduced himself to me. He is the Protocol Officer for the Congo Embassy. He speaks fluent French, Italian and a some English (wasn't too bad actually). He invited me to some event tonight (as his guest of course) and I politely declined. He gave me his card and asked if I needed any help or a guide (like how are you gonna get time off during this conference) to call him on his cell. Uh Huh. Nice man, but it ain't gonna happen buddy.

I went outside to wait for my ride and there were police with machine guns guarding the front of the hotel all non-chalant like. Threw me for a loop, but I guess I was safe. I decided to go an wait inside the door so that IF anything went down, I didn't get picked off by some stray machine gun bullet. Alas, only traffic drama and some protocol issues on which dignitary leaves in what order. Whatever.

The tour I went on was so-so but the dinner & music was fine - right up to the moment when the singers asked us if we wanted to purchase their cd for 16 euro. Crackheads. I don't even pay that much for CD's in the US, I'm certainly not gonna give that much money to you. Humph.

I did get my picture taken with the gladiator and purchased it. He was cute.

When I got back to my room...lookey, lookey.....what was left in my room. Who can deny themselves some wine and plums (chocolate on the pillows) before bed. I love this place.

History is Made

I got on a plane to Italy still waiting to hear what the outcome would be. I arrived at the Westin Excelsior, turned on CNN and HISTORY WAS MADE! Barack Obama has become the first African-American in history to head the Presidential ticket of a major political party. This is just awesome and I am so proud and excited. WOW!

As for Hilary...she is just making me sick with her attitude of entitlement and refusal to concede. Anybody that devisive & arrogant doesn't deserve to be anywhere on the ticket. As Roland Martin said - "she gave a defiant speech and lost any chance she had to get on the ticket." Heffa.

WTF - Dollars vs Euros

What da Hell!!!!???? I just exchanged $1000 for euro's and all I got was 575 euros. DA HELL am I supposed to do with that? Nobody is getting any trinkets back from Italy. I need all the euros I have just to freakin' eat. DAMN. Puts a (small) damper on my joy, but I'm certain I'll get over it - right up until I have to pay for something.
Humph!

UPDATE: I met a lovely lady at the cafe bar in the airport while killing time to board our respective planes. She told me that she just exchanged $4000 and got 1800 sterling (pounds) back. MORTIFIED. We had a wonderful time together, shared a drink or two and now are waiting to board. Me to Rome, Dawn to London.

Lisa & Karen's Excellent Italy Adventure Begins

Let the festivities begin. I'm off to Philly to catch my non-stop flight to Rome to meet my girlfriend Karen for our Excellent Italy Adventure. My Knight in Shining Armor called one of his friends & former business partners who started his own Executive Transportation Service (Larry Davis of LDS Executive Transportation):












Talk about totally awesome! My man Larry arrived early, got me situated in the car and we are off. This is so relaxing. So much better than having to drive myself to Philly, park my own car, haul my luggage onto a bus to get to the terminal. Sweet. I had ludded my baby. Thank you sweeting for this awesome treat for my adventure. I'm so excited, I'm about to burst.

Are You There God? I Will Rejoice & Be Glad

I WILL Rejoice & Be Glad....

Father God, please keep my heart & mind open to the blessings & opportunities that surround me. Keep me from being duplicitous in my thoughts and actions. Keep me willing and able to share the blessings that you have bestowed on our house, willing and able to listen when people reach out, willing and able to be polite in my dealings with people. Keep my heart pure with no ulterior motives so that I may be a blessing to many.

I will rejoice & be glad....

Oh, Lord - thank you for a wonderful husband that ushers me off on an adventure with my girlfriend in a foreign land. Thank you for his love, understanding and graciousness. Grant me travel mercies on my journey.

I will rejoice & be glad....

Thank you Jesus for giving my husband the gift of vision and bless him on his new venture. We will be a blessing in your sight.

Thank you Jesus for my mother - my best friend - my companion - who has the patience of Job. Bless me, oh Lord, so I may expand my territory and grant my mother her hearts desire. She sacrificed her dreams and desires so that I may have mine. Keep us whole, savior, so that her gifts are blessed.

I will rejoice & be glad....

I cry out sometimes, my God. I raise my fists to the heavens and ask "why me? I can take no more". Thank you for the strength to persevere when I think I can take no more. When I think I can't love one more child, when I think I can't give my sister another thing, when things look bleak - we are delivered through faith. Thank you.

I rejoice. I am glad.

The Usual Suspects - Sex & The City Opening Night

The Usual Suspects went out last night for an evening on the town to see the Sex & The City Movie. We started with drinks and tapas and Monnie made us guzzle down our Sangria-coolaid so we didn't have to fight nobody for seats. We marched up the hill to the theater in our SATC-like shoes (at least most of us), jockeyed with other women to get our pre-ordered tickets, ordered up our milkduds, raisenettes, popcorn and other assorted "NON-high fructose corn syrup" items and waited in line. "Instratin" was the comment of the line waiting moment...WHY, if you are a fan of SATC do you show up at the premier wearing your momma's house dress? I even saw a few scrunchies - and you KNOW that no self respecting woman would be caught dead in public with a srunchie in her hair (they are only for when washing your face - remember the Burger Book episode)

The line surges forward and we snag some seats. I will have you know that we were not the only group of women who were taking pictures in the theater. Monnie collected comments from the ju-ju-bee gallery for her blog which I am reprinting (stole) here:

I'm with the Usual Suspects and I've already laughed so hard I'm crying! I MISSED THEM SOOOOOO MUCH! CreoleInDC

Just because you cup your hand around your mouth doesn't mean you're whispering - we can still hear you! - Sissy

I didn't realize there are still movie theatres that haven't transferred to stadium seating. -Honest

Aight, quiet down people. I'm ready to get Carrie-d away Crystal

There is even a whole row of cute men. Now, where is my flask filled with cosmos. - TravelDiva

I want some high fructose corn syrup and a cosmo Onefromphilly

I am not drunk enough and these previews are getting on my damn nerves!! Shawn

I can not believe this girl in front of me. Her hair looks like a bird's nest. Tsiporah

I m tryin to watch da movie. Gee

There r a few men n here...I wonder if they r as fab as us. Hostess

The movie was fabulous. Instead of rewriting The Usual Suspects Review - check it out here (or don't if you don't want it spoiled for you). All I'm going to say is that some people need to stick to singing or get some more acting lessons, there were great moments of love & romance, there moments of complete idiocy & moments where (if it was up to me) people would have been laying dead in the street. Good times.

After the movie, a few of us went over the Ruth's for drinks and appetizers. I think that there ought to be a law against laughing so hard that you need a kidney transplant. Between stories of Warren The Crack Head, service by Muhammed The Dead Waiter (Monnie killed him with her tazer for spillin 2 bowls of chips down her back - and then telling us that he couldn't get more - WTH), and entertainment by The Flyer Totin' Lounge Singer - I thought I was gonna die. Two SideCars & some crabcakes later, we parted ways until the next adventure of The Usual Suspects.

Great to see all you ladies.

P.S. When I got home, I let Ron play with my box of Crayola's and color out of the lines.

Keith Olbermann Rant on Bilary Assasination Comment

Well, I'm done. If I didn't think the woman was a self serving, power hungry, lying through her teeth political nightmare, then I certainly do now. The woman is unapologetically rude, insenstive and (the way she throws her comments around) a racist. My pantyhose get all in a bunch just thinking that this crazy woman could even remotely become President. Bilary's latest comments about assasination and her bullshyt, flippant apology is the last straw.

I could rant on it some more, but after listening to Kei.th Ol.ber.mann's Rant on the Countdown - that just sums it up for me. 'Nuf Said. If you haven't heard his rant, take a listen. It's long but damn good and on point. The last 4 minutes of his commentary is what clinched it for me. Apology NOT accepted. We are DONE forgiving you for your bulldookey and boldface lying. Get out and shut the F up before you totally destroy what little political clout you have left for good. From my mouth to God' ear.

Another Dependant

I've decided that in order to have peace of mind and to not feel guilty anymore for the life my sister chooses to live, that I would from now on consider her a dependent....another child that I need to take care of...another mouth that I need to feed. At 42 years of age, she shows no forward movement towards independance, towards self-sufficiency, towards adult-hood.

Another holdiay has come and gone with family drama - my sister at the forefront AGAIN - and I've had enough. This time, she calls to say that she needs to come over to take a shower and that she need enough money to cover her "room" for two days until her "check" comes. The reason she needs to shower is that she has been sleeping in a park for two days cause she didn't have anywhere to stay. SOB SOB. BOO HOO. Or so you would think. She shows up at the house with all of her "stuff" in the back of some guys pickup. I thought she was sleeping in a park for two days? Hmmmm. She is awful clean for someone who's been sleeping outside for two days? Uh Huh. I'm so sick of this ish.

Fine. After extorting a c-note from our mother, our mother and I decided that we just need to come up with a way to be done with the weekly extortion. I decided to put my sister on a monthly allowance and that's that. I ordered her a Visa Buxx Card (just like the one I got for my son) , put an initial amount on it and set up a monthly allowance. I'm done. Don't ask me for another freakin' dime. Learn to manage that money with your "check" or suck it up and live in the park. We've had it here at the Steptoe Ranchero.

How much are we supposed to do for you to get you on your feet before we cry uncle...

• 3 Cars bought - 3 Cars totaled
• Full Scholarship to Coppin - Full Scholarship flushed down toilet
• Government Job Aquired - Fired from Government Job
• Thousands in rent, utilities, clothes, furniture & more - can't find it now.

And that is not to mention the fact that she stole her sisters (ME) idenity and then had the police issue a warrent for MY arrest for YOUR crimes.

I'm crying uncle, my arm is twisted and you have your monthly allowance. Now leave me and my family (yeah - they are MY children now) alone.

Have a Blessed Life

Happy Memorial Day!

I pray that everyone had a wonderful and relaxing Memorial Day Weekend. The Steptoe Clan finished the weekend with a mini-crab feast and then went to see the new India.ana Jo.nes Movie.

It was a beautiful day.

Sunday: Are you There God? It's Me Lisa

I thought I would start a regular post on Sunday's to reflect on the week, give thanks for the blessings bestowed on my family, and to have a regular dialog with God.

I've been just sitting her in my bedroom lounging with Cara, watching TV & contemplating my naval. Am I being shiftless & lazy? Should I be doing something, accomplishing something? Is it okay to just sit around and relax? I wonder sometimes.

We are all going to the movies tonight to see Iron Man. I guess I'll wash my hair and take a nap before we go.

Another lazy Sunday. I'll start my random thoughts tomorrow, save it and post on Sunday. I promise to be more relective next week.

Nap time.

Ron's 43rd Birthday BBQ

Yesterday was Ron's birthday and I threw him a BBQ Extravaganza. We had a great time (at least I did). We ate 2 bins full of ribs that I got from the Amish Market, drank 2 pitchers of Pomegranate Martini's, ate ALL of Ron's birthday cake, and had a fireworks display that rivaled the 4th of July display at the lake.

Wish you could have been here. You missed a great time.

Check out the fireworks display. I thought for sure that the police were going to come and haul us all away. Definitly an OOOOOOH, AAAAAAAH moment.

Flights of Fancy Friday

Me & Romeo

Thank God it's Friday. I am looking forward to a relaxing & festive weekend. Ron's Birthday is tomorrow and I'm throwing my baby a Birthday BBQ complete with a Firework Finale. I am looking forward to seeing some friends we haven't seen in a while and just hanging. Sunday, Imma try for a movie night out with Ron and leave Cara with J-man for a couple of hours. I don't have to be back to the grind until Tuesday and then it is a 7 day countdown till I get to run away from home with my girl KarenS - (aka the Diva Travel-or) for our jaunt to Italy. I CAN'T WAIT. And you want to talk about spoiled ROTTEN...I'm leaving from Philly and Ron has arranged for a car service to drive me to Philly and pick me up on my return. He wanted me to be totally relaxed and enjoy myself - to not have to drive, park & haul luggage. I SOOOOO love being the Queen in my man's Kingdom. Yes, Lawd.

I've been trying to catch up on SATC since I'm going with a bunch of axe murderer (innanet) friends to the premier at the end of next week. I've never watched it before and I wanted to have some semblance of a clue as to what is going on in the movie. WEEEELLLLL. I think I'm a prude or a one man-closet freak, cause I can't believe half the ish these women do - 'specially that garden implement Samantha. Whew! Even in my really scandalous days (and yes I've had some) I didn't even come close to the number of men these girls bump uglies with. I still have enough digits to count all my conquests. Miranda needed a yellow legal pad (at least 2 pages) to write all her's down in one episode. I'm entertained though. Love the shoes - yes lawd - the shoes and all the martini's - YUMMY.

I'm off to create myself a pomagranate martini to watch a couple more episodes. Have a great weekend.

Charlee's Sweet 16 Birthday

Despite the fact that there was some ghetto fabulous happening at my neice's party, my mother and I managed to keep it under control, despite the fact what some of the kids did, said, wore etc. had me clutchin' my pearls.

Charlee and her friends managed to have a good time and I survived another teenager party. I'm definitly too old.

Old Fashioned and/or a Prude?

Ron and I hosted my neice's 16th Bday party at our house today (it is still going on...sigh) and there were a few things that just set me back on my heels and/or made me go freakin' off...

1. The daughter of my neices' fathers girlfriend (do you got that?) arrived with her newborn and 3 year old in tow. I didn't know her, so I go over to introduce myself. It was all pleasent like until she pointed out "her baby's daddy" (quote, unquote). Ahhh, I say. Are you together? No, he's just my baby's daddy. mmmmmkay. Imma get this trash off the ground right here.

2. Another girl shows up with her infant (bout 18 years old). **Sigh**

3. A white boy comes dressed like he's a member of the some street gang. I asked him was he confused. He told me no, that the clothes he had on were really comfortable. (despite the fact that his pants were hanging down round his ankles)

4. Some of the kids just threw their trash in the yard (despite the fact that I had 4 trash cans dispersed amongst the festivities). I snapped and made a few of them grab a trash bag and start police-ing the yard for every scrap as I mumbled under my breath "have these kids lost thier ever lasting minds."

5. I had to ask a few of the girls if they brough sweaters or something to go over the skimpy azz outfits they were wearing. I was concerned that a few would put someone's eyes out if we had a wardrobe malfunction.

I am exhausted. I'm aggravated. There is more, but I'm so tired right now from policing young folk that I can't give you any more detail. Pictures later. Ugaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

Pet Peeve #1001

I have a lot of pet peeves (idiosyncrasies) in my crazy life, but one that set me off today was....MUSIC on blogs. For some reason it absolutely makes me crazy and I hate it. If I can't figure out how to turn it off right then and there as I'm looking at the page (without turning my speakers off), I'm gone...moving on to the next blog...and prolly won't return to yours until that music is GONE.

I don't know why it irritates me, but it does. Even if I like the song, I can't seem to read the posts and listen to the incessant music at the same time.

Drives me mad. Sorry, I just can't do it. Goodbye.

Happy Mother's Day

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day! Mine started with a beautiful card from my man:

My Friend...My Wife: You're All I'll Ever Need

You're my friend-
The one I turn to when I need somebody there
To laugh with and to talk with,
To understand and care...
You're my sweetheart -
You're the one I need to kiss and hold me tight,
To say the words "I love you"
Every morning, every night...

You're my wife -
The one I need to have forever by my side,
The one I can depend upon,
In whom I can confide...
You're all I'll ever need to have a full and happy life,
My special friend, my sweetheart,
My dear and loving wife.

I love him so much.

Later this afternoon, my daughter Erin arranged a dinner for all of the mommies (her greatgrandmother, grandmother & mother) at The Cap.it.al Gr.i.ll in Baltimore. It was lovely.

I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day.

How to Deal with a Racial Tension Headache

Believe - The Movie: Available on DVD

I written twice about Believe - A Hilarious Movie about Network Marketing - when only the trailers for the movie were available....

http://salesdiva.blogspot.com/2007/03/believe-hilarious-movie-about-network.html

http://salesdiva.blogspot.com/2007/04/this-weeks-funny-mlm-story-contest.html

Well, the actual movie is out on DVD and Ron and I got our copy in on Friday. We watched the movie yesterday afternoon and it was absolutely HILARIOUS...just like they said it was going to be. I had goosebumps from how eerily similar it was to our days in Am.wa.y/Qui.xta.r. Ron and I sat there roaring at how the actors said the same things, how the meetings were the same and how we could put a name (someone for our organization) to every single person portrayed in that movie. Hilariously uncanny. I told Ron that I went through a little of what each and every wife in that movie experienced - except I'm a little disappointed that I didn't end up writing my own MLM - Wives Survival Tips Book like one of the wives did in the movie. That would have been classic.

If you get a chance, go check out the website at www.believethemovie.com and watch the trailers. An absolute scream!...and guess what? My Funny MLM story is still up on the website. The only reason it is so dang hilarious is cause there is a huge amount of truth behind this mocumentary. You have to see it to BELIEVE.

An Elegant Affair

Last night, Ron and I attended the G.W.Can.c.er C.en.ter Ga.la. My company sponsored a table at the event. It was a very elegant affair. Everything was absolutely beautiful. There was huge silent auction and we bid on a trip to the Dominican Republic; however, during the last 5 min of the auction, people got a little (LOT) crazy with the bidding and jacked up the cost (bids) out of what we were willing to pay. Alas!

One of the big highlights of the evening was when they served dessert. It was a mini cheesecake thing with a chocolate dome on top. The waiter came over and poured hot raspberry sauce on top and WHALA! I took a video of it for your viewing pleasure. It was DELISH!

And finally, it is always a pleasure to get all dolled up with my man. He sure do look yummy in a tux. I was just a swoonin'.

Introducing The Future Iron Chef - Cat Cara

http://sandysprogress.blogspot.com/2008/05/introducing-chef-cat-cara.html

Bon Voyage Party!

Last night, G-Baby organized a Bon Voyage Party for the CreoleInDC Princess who is about to embark on a journey to Cannes, France with her Film School. We are all so excited for Monnie and we certainly demonstrated our excitement last night. We were so loud in our enthusiasm (or maybe it was just me & Michelle "Sissy" Ob.am.a) that we were asked several times to take it down a notch. WHATEVER. The complainers were just jealous cause they were not having as fabulous time as were obviously were.

I meant it when I said that there ought to be a law against having so many beautiful and fabulous women all in one place. It was criminal. Nobody else had a chance.

I hope everyone got home with the correct purse since there were so many fabulous bags at the table. You know you are a purse-crack/head when you clutch someones bag and start rubbing on it & smelling it like you just scored a fix. Shameful.

Have a wonderful trip Monnie - we look forward to reading & hearing about your adventure. Have we set the date for the "Welcome Back" Party?

TINA TURNER ON TOUR!

Tina is going on tour! Tickets go on sales May 15th, 1st location: Kansas City. I'm going to the first location that I can get tickets to. DONE! I'm so there. I can't wait.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/30/AR2008043003223.html?hpid=entnews

Bags, Crowns & Wine...Oh My!

Bags, Crowns & Wine...Oh My!













When: Friday, May 9, 6:00PM - Until?

Friends & Family - I hope you will come out for some pre-Mother's day shopping & fellowship. We will have some awesome handbags, crowns & maybe a little jewelry for your shopping pleasure

But guess what! Don't even sweat it if you don't want to buy anything. SERIOUSLY!!!

JUST COME and meet other fabulous people, have some food & a drink or two. Just come and have a great time.I look forward to seeing you all & meeting some new friends.

P.S. This is NOT a women only thing. Bring your man/SO (especially if he has a checkbook)

If you would like to come and did not get your evite, drop me a note @ salesdiva@bww.com and I'll get you added.

Lacrosse Scouting Report

Prince Jordan's Lacrosse Scouting Report is complete. It will be updated periodically as Jordan continues to excel and grow in his chosen sport....

Jordan's Lacrosse Scouting Report can be viewed by clicking the following URL: http://www.ncsasports.org/pr.htm?clientID=18507

We Have Visitors

I have two bird feeders in the yard and I recently filled em up with apparently yummy birdseed cause we have lots of visitors lately and they are eating up a storm.

We get a whole village of finches, a couple of robins, a couple of mean, greedy bluejays and one solo cardinal. I'm never fast enough for the bluejays or the cardinal to capture them on film. I'm gonna have to lay in wait for em.

It's nice in the morning to sit with a cup of coffee and watch for my visitors to come and share breakfast.

4 Acres - No Mule

There are days when havin a whole bunch of yard is a whole bunch of pain in the azz. With land, big A house, a driveway that is 1/4 mile long comes MAINTENANCE. For future reference, when choosing a home, there is more than just if you can afford the note to consider. You need to find out if , in addition to the mortgage, can you afford the utilities, water & MAINTENANCE that goes along with the BIG A house. Plus you DO wanna be able to eat sometimes.

Let me give you some examples that goes with this 4 Acres with No Mule:
- Lawn mowing: Do it yourself every weekend at about 4 hours+ (industrial riding mower 6K+) OR hire a service at $70/week

- Lawn Maintenance: Weeding, Fertilizing, Edging. Spring Cleanup (remove leaves, weeding, planting & removal, new mulch (approx 70-100 bags)) - DON'T EVEN ASK or Do it yourself. Manual Labor SUCKS.

- Repave/Seal Driveway every 5+ years: Not even a question about doing it yourself. We just had to have it done and shared the cost with our neighbors. Total $3800.

- Well & Septic - clean it/condition ever 3 years. Approx. $500/service and your eyebrows will fall off from the stench every time.

- Window Washing - 30 Windows + all glass sun room. AWE HELL. I simply cringe at the thought.

There are more things (not including just maintaining the inside) but I'm exhausted just thinking about it. (Roof, well pump, caulking, appliances, just plain cleaning, whew!) Now don't get me wrong, we love our home, but there are days like today as I'm sucking down some painkiller and Ron is stinkin' up the house with B.en.Ga.y that I miss the days of a homeowners association. Out here in the country - we don't have a HOA. We have covenants, but nobody is really going around putting a sticker on your door about to fine you for have a green door vs a beige door. You can't put your car engine on blocks out here, but you can have a tractor or horse if ya wanna. N E WAY.

We spent the day cleaning up the yard. We did hire a up & coming young man who needed some quick cash to help us out today and we got to it. I unveiled the grill and scrubbed, cleaned and wiped until it was gleaming. Tested it and we are ready to go. Prolly gonna fire it up tomorrow and do some shrimp on the barbie. Ron cleared debris from the edge of "the forest" and piled up wood/kindling for the outdoor patio. We cleaned the deck, and got all the furniture ready for use (and used it). We washed down the patio furniture covers and let them dry for summer storage. Our young helper weeded and got all of the fall leaves out, trimmed all the bushes and reeds and cleaned up all the mess (put it out in "the forest") - that back acre is good for something.

We were done before the sun went down. Ate dinner on the deck and are now relaxing. Next time, I hire an entire team and work on mastering my supervisory skills.

Personal IT Department - Part 3

M.y.Spa.ce is the DEBIL, Bobby Boucher (pronounce Boo-SHAY)! That is all I got to say. So my neice comes over for the weekend and drops her laptop (that we gave her) on the table and announces that she has got some serious problems with her computer - there are all these pop up and spyware stuff on it. Oh REALLY, I say. She proceed to also inform me that it was the Spyware Blocker software that I loaded on the computer that is causing the problem.

DA HELL YOU SAY! I (not being on my meds at the moment) SNAPPED and read her the riot act. As the resident, in house, technical support team - there AINT NUTTIN that I put on her computer that has caused the serious melt down her computer was having. Well, after running her laptop and my laptop side by side, doing research on what all these pop up were, where they came from and how to get rid of them - THEY ALL CAME FROM THAT DEBIL M.y.Spa.ce. I hate that site like I hate gettin stung by a wasp. That ish pisses me off and hurts like hell.

And if you need some documentation, background info...here it is from Business Week:
Social-networking sites a 'hotbed' for spyware
Youths on M.yS.pa.ce and similar sites aren't cautious about surfing the Web

Let's just say I've been working on her computer since 6pm last night. I haved used Spy.b.ot, Ad.A.wa.re, updated her virus protection software, edited what I could find/what was obvious in her registry, tried to stop some services in her configuration and STILL this sucker persists. I have cleaned up over 250 files/registry entries & programs since last night.

It has hijacked her desktop with some insidious message in the background AND disabled her task manager so I can't even stop the malicious program from running in the background. It is now 8:30am in the morning and I'm on my last attempt at resolution before I have to send the computer out. I'm SO MAD I COULD YOU COULD FRY AN EGG ON MY HEAD! UGGGAAAAAAAAH!!!!! After narrowing down the search to which program the sucker was, I have found a program (that you can download for free) called Ma.lwa.re.bytes An.ti/Ma.lwa-re. It has been running for the past hour and it has found (so far) 30 more infected files.

My children and the rest of the kids that I finance are now BANNED from the Debil - da M.y&&###!**Space. Hell to the Naw. And if you think you are gonna do it anyway, well guess what...DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOU PUTER IS F'D UP AGAIN. Buy yourself a new one with you OWN money OR fix it your dang self.

Hmmmph! Idjits. I'm going to Yoga and get my Chi back....as Whitley used to say..."Relax, Relate, Release."

....that program just found 4 more infected files. 'Sigh'

I'm LOST

I have watched this maddening show for the past 4 seasons. I haven't missed an episode....AND IT IS DRIVING ME MAD...yet I can't stop.

There is one thing about this show that I am absolutely certain of...There would not been any seasons past maybe 2 if it had been up to me cause I would have not hesitated to kill that baztard Ben. I wouldn't have hesitated NOT ONCE. The Lost People have been taken his ish for WAY too long for me. I woulda taken out as many of those crazy azz Others so long ago. Let me tell ya, I don't give a ratz azz about the secrets of the island - I figure that I'll be there long enough that I can figure that damn ish out - kinda like in the game MYST (if you've ever played that computer game). No need for them Others. All the lies, manipulation and killing - HEEEEELLLLLL. I'm justified in takin' Ben and some of dem Others out. AND tonights episode....UGGGAAAAAHH. Will somebody finally just shoot that sucker in the head and be done with it. "You need me to see Jacob and find out what we should do" WHO DA HELL is Jacob and WHY DO WE CARE. Let me tell ya... if there was a couple of black people running ish with my boy Syed & Sawyer handlin they biznezz- THE SHOW WOULD BE OVER!!! Didn't anyone tell Jack and the rest of his posse that CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT. JEEEZE.

Despite the fact that I am always jumping up and down, pacing in front of the TV, yelling - "kill the sucker, PLEASE" and getting myself all worked up over a freakin TV show, I'll be right back next week for a new episode. Obviously, I need to get a hobby.

P.S. WHY, OH WHY if you have been stuck on a island with minimal food (eating fish, coconuts and fruit all day long), running back and forth from the jungle to the beach every 5 minutes are you still 300 freakin' pounds? WHY? It just can't be. I mean, like, for real now. What is that story?

You Try Walking In Those Shoes....

My luck, I would have broke both my ankles. I was impressed with the way she played not just once but twice falling down. While I felt for her a bit, I did chuckle a little (okay, a lot). Poor Girl...she did get back up and kept struttin'. Had me LMAO!

Weekend With Friends

Our Friends, the Pollhein's, came down for the weekend to attend a family event on today. We spent all day Saturday just hanging out and relaxing. Actually, Terri and I relaxed while we watched the men folk try out/demo a new product that Joe is consulting on (and has the exclusive rights to market on the East Coast) - Mongoose Wax. All I can say is that the men looked great while waxing the car and it was even better when we finally convinced Joe (Ron was being whiny cause he was doing manual labor) to take off his shirt while working. He needs some sun BAAAAADDD.

Terri and I started the day by going to a Bikram Yoga Class (aka - Hot Yoga). It was so hard for me to stay focused while watching Terri's face the whole time. I just had to stop watching. Terri constantly had this look of "WTF, these heffa's are CRAZY, how da hell am I supposed to do that." The instructor even asked her if she was okay cause her face was all sqwinched up and Terri said that "It's just the wheeble effect. I'm round and wheebles wobble." She had us dying up in there. We finished the class and went back to the house. Ron and Joe were getting ready to being the wax on, wax off demo. You are supposed to be able to put this Mongoose wax on the car and not need to redo it for almost a year. Terri and I took up residence outside and watched the men folk wax the car. After a little heckling, Joe finally took his shirt off so we could have a better show. Ron was focused and pouting so he refused. He did (later that night) lift his shirt up to show us his 3 pack (at least he has a pack).

They finished Ron's Hummer and it looked FANTASTIC. I have never seen a shine/gleem on a car like that except for maybe when it first comes off the lot. Beautiful. Ron was sold. He did Erin's car and she rolled up this morning and was like "I can get this in a bunch of dealerships, this stuff is great. It has poured down rain and my car is still gleaming like new." I think we have a market for the stuff.

The Pollhein's went off to visit their relatives for a few hours while I prepared for an outdoor dinner & roastin marshmallows. We ordered some sushi and ate on the grass patio and then I built a fire in the outdoor fireplace and we made S'mores. Enclosed for your viewing pleasure is my instructional video on making S'mores....

We had a great day.

Self-Censorship

I got a call this morning (7am) from one of my bestest friends who's council I trust implicitly. She didn't even say hello, but started with "Girl, you gotta get up and clean that post from last night up." I sit up and am like "WHAAAAAAT? (all innocent like). Why. What I do?"

My girl tells me that my blog is not even about "that" mess - that "all the cursing was extra"...and you know, in general, she is right. I rarely ever have a full blown DIVA RANT here. I usually am all happy go lucky, sharing my adventures and all the good, fun stuff that goes on with me, my family and friends. I never (or very rarely) share some of the God awful, depressing, bad, negative stuff that actually does happen or the horrendous stuff that people say or do to me. When I do, I discuss it in the abstract or I may mention something all reflective and what not and move on to the good stuff. Only those closest to me may know that something is going on with me and they usually call me up and ask "Are you okay? I sensed from your post that something was wrong." They are usually right. I just don't really talk about it here in blog land.

HOWEVER, there are times that I just get SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. I get weary of self-censoring what I really am thinking or feeling. I get sick and tired of people thinking they can just do or say what ever they want to me and that I won't roll up on them and call them out. I get tired and weary of self-censoring myself at work all in the name of "Emotional Intelligence". I get tired and weary of self-censoring myself out in public so as to not get shanked by someone for bringing their ignant behavior to their attention. I get tired and weary of just pacing around my kitchen, ranting at the world about some injustice, pouring a glass of wine.

I am especially tired of people behaving badly, saying ignant stuff, backstabbing, sabotaging, just plain HATING and thinking that because I am generally a decent, polite person that I'm not gonna say or do something about it. OR people think that because I have tough skin and know that I can drop, shoot, and roll - that nothing will phase me or make me cry. WRONG.

I will admit that I snapped last night. A lot went down last night and I am not going to speak on all of it. I snapped and needed to vent. I NEEDED to get it out. I wrote down exactly what I was thinking - VERBATIM. Yep, I curse a lot in my head. I am polite (mostly) out loud. This (my blog) is the very place for me to have a full blown hissy fit...and I even censored the hissy fit to protect the guilty. There is no way for anyone to know who the individual(s) I was speaking of unless you were there and saw everything go down or heard the whole story personally from me or from someone involved. If you think I'm talking about you...then own your mess...you know the truth of the matter...and if your feelings are hurt (the only thing that you should be upset about is that I cursed you)- too bad. The truth will set you free.

I will own my words & curses and not edit the post. Like I said at the end of the last post "It is what it is. I am what I am."

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Passive Aggressive People

Passive Aggressive People. I absolutely loath them. I suffer their predilections (to smile in your face all the while undermining your very existence) POORLY! They are the very people who don't have the balls or internal fortitude to say to your face what they think or want to say. If they have a problem with you, instead of trying to have a civilized conversation with you about it, they tell your boss/another mutual "friend"/family member about your alleged "heinous" behavior and try to convince/coerce that person into taking action against you.

Usually you hear about the PA person's ignant, weak , gutless azz accusations from the party they snitched to. At that point, I just want to run up to the offender and OPEN PALM SLAP the shyat outta em.

Listen here you weak azz, pathetic, passive aggressive beyatches! STOP THE BYATCHAZZNEZZ!!!!! If you gotta problem with me, then call me up, meet me for coffee - WHATEVER and let's discuss it. DAMN. We are grown freakin women. ACT LIKE IT. PUNK AZZ.

The only way anyone would know that I was speaking about you would be if you said something about it. WHICH YOUR PUNK CRY BABY AZZ DID! All that snitchen did was show that you actually DID do the ignant azz behavior that I wrote about. If you had said NOTHING, then NOBODY - not even the person you told on me to - would have know that you had been schooled. STOOOPIT.

So, what your problem is - is that I wrote about your stoopit behavior, not that you refused to comply with what was requested, not that you actually acted like an azz. IDJIT.

WHAT THE F EVER. GET A PAIR. If you want me to apologize for something I talked about here then make DAMN sure that you didn't actually do the stoopit ish that I discussed. Otherwise, what I said about it stands. It is what it is. You are what you are.

UGAAAAAAH! I hate passive aggressive people.

Heir to the Empire

My son, Jordan, got his team pictures back yesterday. Doesn't he look like the handsome future King of the Steptoe Empire - Prince Jordan.

Don't tell him I said this. He already walks around with a swole head, flexing his guns with "about to be" a senior itis. Ugaaaaah. Shhhhh...I do like the idea that I am the Mother to the Prince, though.

America's Future Top Model

Look at my beautiful mini-Diva. She is definitly ready for her close-up. What a beauty.

New Piece of Exercise Equipment

ROTFL - I gotta have me one of these for my office.

http://phatfabulous.blogspot.com/2008/04/new-piece-of-gotta-have-exercise.html

Stop the Madness.

Mom's Day Off

My oldest, Erin, gave Ron and I a day off this past Saturday by taking Cara and Charlee to the Aquarium.

A Day with My Sisters

It was wonderful. I slept in till 8am, took a "Hot Yoga" Class, got my nails done and hung out with my neighbors on the lawn patio sharing wine & cheese. What a great day.

Hello World, It's Me Lisa

Apparently I missed National DeLurking Week (Jan 8-12). RutRow. I'll admit that I have been known to lurk around several blog sites. Often times, its because I want to get around to visit as many as time will allow reading fun and interesting stuff and I just don't stop to make time to comment. I've gotten much better this past year and have outed (de-lurked) myself with places that I visit a lot.

Well, I'd love to meet some of the visitors here. From my little map, I know that I have a lot of visitors from places far and wide, but I rarely hear hide nor hair from anyone. HELLLLOOOOO OUT THERE. Ya know, I read somewhere that in cyberspace, no one can hear you read. Ya gotta click the comment button.

So, if you got a minute. Hit the comment button and give me your name/alias, where your from, how'd you find me and any other comment you like to leave. I look forward to meeting you.

Italy 2008

My girlfriend from the ATL asked me if I would join her in Europe for a little excursion in Italy. She is going to be in Turkey for a work related thing and decided that if she was going to be over that way, she should visit somewhere else to. She didn't want to hang by herself - SOOOOOO, who do you call when you want to travel with flair & fun: THE TRAVEL DIVA! Who else.

So we are off to Italy in June. We are going to Rome first with a side trip to either Venice, Florence or Palermo. Final details have not been ironed out yet but since I have my non-stop flight to Rome booked and reservations at the W.es.tin Ex.cels.ior Rome (I LOVE THAT HOTEL) taken care of, I guess we gotta go.

I took my mother to Italy in 2005 for her 60th birthday. We had a blast. This was before I even thought about blogging but was really doing it anyway. I emailed (yes, I had my computer with me - I don't go nowhere without it) a daily report of our adventures to my friends & family list. I kept those emails and put it together in an newsletter for my scrapbook (yeah, I do that too - gotta have memories). If you would like to read about me and mi madres adventures - click here

TALES FROM ITALY

I also put together a video slide show of our adventure. If you want to see some beautiful pictures, watch the video at this link -
http://salesdiva.neptune.com?selectedalbum=salesdiva172502

I think you will enjoy it.

If You Appreciate Their Service, Give Them a Sign...

The Gratitude Campaign
http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/

What My Ma Said

Death & Life - http://sandysprogress.blogspot.com/2008/04/death-and-life.html

Matron of Honor Duties - THE WEDDING!

This was the most beautiful and classy weddings I have ever been to and it was my absolute pleasure and honor to have been a participant. I am so happy for my BFF! She was beautiful & radiant as every bride should be. They looked so happy. We had an awesome time at the wedding & reception. Enclosed are a few pictures from the glorious day....

Matron of Honor Duties - Rehersal & Dinner

The rehearsal went off without a hitch and we had a great dinner at O.liv.es across the street from the St. Re.gi.s. The food was fantastic. After dinner, we decided to go back to the hotel and hang out in the lobby bar. In the interest of maximizing our (Val's Dad's money actually) money, we decided to gather up all of the open bottles of wine and take them back to the hotel with us. Good thing I had my Bride Crisis Management Bag with me to squirrel our loot away in. We think the waiter was padding the bill, cause there were a lot of bottles open - why not just finish a bottle before opening 4 more. Interesting. No matter - they went to great use.

We thought for a moment that we were busted cause outside were police and an ambulance. Not for us thought. We scurry across the street back to the St. Re.gis with the loot and take over a good half of the lobby. I asked the waiter to bring us some glasses for the wine and he says that he is going to have to charge us $35/bottle for a corkage fee. Obviously he needed his meds adjusted cause there ain't NO WAY IN HELL I was gonna pay that for what was already opened. We didn't need it uncorked, we just needed glasses. I told him to get the manager and he looked miserable but when to get him. As we were gathering a pretty nice crowd and getting loud, we decided to take the party up to Val's suite. The waiter comes back all sad boo boo kitty like and says the manager will be right out. I told him "Never mind, we are going up to the suite." He immediately perks up grabs the tray of glasses and the snacks he brought out and helped us to the elevator. He was so relieved that we were leaving his lobby all nice and peaceful and I wasn't going to get into it with the manager.

Up in Val's suite we just hung out, drank all the wine up, ate all of her food that had be delivered to her room and had a good time. I did have to almost beat down a few people to get them out of the bedroom portion of her room (where her dress was being kept). Some busybodies were just very busy and needed to get a little snatched.

Anyway, we hung out until about 1am and then had to go nite nite. The Big Day was upon us.

Matron of Honor Duties - Let The Festivities Begin

This is the big weekend for my BFF Val. Tonight is the rehersal, rehersal dinner and Bachelor/Bachelorett Get-Together. I'm ready for action! Above is my bride crisis management bag with everything an Attendant to the Bride would need in case of crisis. I have tissue, gum, mints, neck pillow (we have to drive tomorrow to get hair done) and soothing eye cover, travel toothbrush & toothpaste, the brides favorite snack & beverages, nail file, camera & more. READY FOR ACTION.

This morning we put together gift bags for the people staying at the hotel (St. Regis) and I went to get my hair done. Minor setback when I arrived at the St. Regis...the hotel reservation is in hubby's name. Ron is arriving later. They were not going to let me check in cause my name was not on the reservation. I almost snapped right there but regained my composure and got Ron on the phone. I don't know what he told the woman but she got off the phone, looked up at me and said "Welcome to the St. Regis." Uh Huh. Don't make me go postal up in here.

Gotta get dressed for the rehersal. Later!

Let's Dish about Customer Service

I am a service snob. When I pay my hard earned money for something, particularly a service, I expect a certain level of customer service for my effort. I'm talking about the kind of service I ALWAYS get at Nor.dst.rom or Sa.ks. Whenever I'm in there, I know that the people are going to treat me right, they are going to go out of their way to ensure my satisfaction, and if there is a problem - they don't fight you, get rude or defensive, or refuse to help you. In all of these years of shopping at those stores, I have always walked away completely satisfied & happy...eager to come back and spend some more.

After my most recent rant about my Di,shD.eli'very from Le.t's Di.sh, I have to come back and give them the Diva Customer Service Seal of Approval.

Let's Review:
I spent an entire day waiting for my goodies and was furious after calling 3 times getting assurances that it was on its way. At 11pm that evening, I went outside to every entrance to the house and looked for my box - no joy. I left a rather hostile message at the local LD and and email. As you recall, I also had a doosey of a day and had 3 other rants.

The next morning, I get ready for work and mention to Ron to keep an eye out for my LD box. He says, "You mean the one I put in the garage?". WHAAAAAAAAAT? R U SERIOUS! Ron proceeds to tell me that the box came around 11 or so and he moved it into the garage (amongst all our other boxes etc) and then forgot about it when he was putting some grass seeds on the lawn. I asked, "Didn't you hear me fussing, ranting & raving about my food delivery last night? Didn't you see me keep going to every door looking for the box?"
He tells me, "Well, no, not really, I wasn't listening, I was watching ________(fill in CNN, History or Discovery Channel or any other news channel that you so choose)"

I swear there are days where my knight in shining armour is not so shiny. Not so much. I could have just killed him. At that moment, I felt like I had a household of people riding on the short bus and I am the bus driver. Kill me now.

DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. Now Imma have to apologize. Now, I gotta call the store up and let them know all is right with the world and I went off of them for nothing. At 9 am sharp, the moment the LD store opened, I got a call from Chris who started to apologize to me for the mishap and wanted to know if someone would be home cause he had put together a replacement order and would drive it over to my house himself. I ate me a big ole piece of humble pie and told him the story and apologized for being so testy and fierce on my messages. I wasn't rude, just demanding a resolution in a certain amount of time. He told me that he understood my frustration and hoped that I would be back. Of course.

But it was not over. I guess that someone at LD HQ does a Go.og.le search of their company name on a regular/daily basis cause within 12 hours I had this email from Rich the Co-Owner of LD in this region:

Hi Lisa,
I'm the co-owner of Let's Dish! in this region. I received this blog alert early this morning. Naturally, I was concerned and with the help of a number of colleagues, dug into all available info to try to solve your problem. We assembled new meals just to be safe and were prepared to drive them personally to your home. I've since been informed by our GM in Columbia, Chris _______, that you two spoke and that you had your meals and are all squared away. I'm very glad to hear that. Sounds like it was a miscommunication with UPS-- when we do have problems with delivery, which is rare, this tends to be the nature of the problem. If there is more to the story that would help me think about how to avoid these types of issues, please do share with me.

Your satisfaction is our #1 priority and I'm glad you now have your food. I hope you enjoy it. Since I'm writing you anyway, I thought I'd take the opportunity to tell you a bit about our process and why we do it like we do it.

Rick goes on to explain in detail why they use U.P.S/Fe.d.ex, why the delivery window seems long, and why they did not have more information for me when I called. He even asked for my suggestions on how LD could improve on their system. Rick closes with this:

I hope this helps. Please let me know if you have other questions.
Thanks, by the way, for the kind words at the beginning of your blog. We appreciate those-- they made the rest of it easier to take! :) I'm just glad the reality ended up not being nearly so bad. We look forward to serving you in the future.
My best,
Rick
Co-owner

I sent Rick a note back thanking him for his follow up, added my suggestions (giving the customer the tracking number was one) and told him that I would write a follow up.

LD went above and beyond the call of duty, especially when the issue was no fault of their own. I thank you LD and we are enjoying our dinners - in fact, Ron whipped up the Chicken Mole' Burritos that very night and I know they were a hit when my son whoofed down about 3 himself.

To everyone else out there providing products/services - excellent customer is like honey to the fly. It is an absolute must in my book.

Can You Dance Like a 1st Grader?

I thought I could dance, but this little girl had me, hands down, at the split. I'm done.

I'm Pissed at Let's Dish...and other Rants

I have really enjoyed Le.t's D.is.h. I'm a working gal with a house full of people and I still want to be able to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan for my family as well. I discovered LD where I could spend 2 hours and put together 12 complete dinners for my family and then in 20 min to 30 min fry it up in pan/oven. WhaLa! I can still work (not much longer), fit in some gym time, attend all the school events, lacrosse games, function as CFO for my husband's delio's and manage a sit down dinner with the crew.

Scoff if you want. It is a myth that you can do and have it all with little effort. Sacrifices are made and I do my damndest to hold it together as a family. NEWay...I didn't have 2 hours to put together this months selection, so I did D.is.hDe.liv.ery. My selection was to arrive TODAY! I have called 3x wondering where the HE.LL is my food, DAGNABIT....I kept getting the run around that it will be delivered today. Nobody would give me the freakin tracking number. It is now 11pm and I'VE GOT NO DISH. WTF?!!!! Of course you log on and you get no additional information. No tracking number. Just my order number as if it has already been delivered. Ugggaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Where the heck is that drink!!!!!

Other aggravations in the last 2 days-
1. Outsourcing Technical Support. So, my son's BRAND NEW LAPTOP that he got for Christmas, the Ali.en.wa.re super computer that can play any computer game known to man that required a small business loan to purchase, decided to have a meltdown last night. This time I did not get someone from India on the phone but a guy named Vladimir (no kidding) who sounded like he was being held hostage in Siberia. He walked me through a 2 hour fix. KILL ME NOW! But he could not answer the question on how a computer that is less than 4 months old, crashes just like that. He gave me this long convoluted story that made absolutely no sense and then when I repeated back what he told me and asked if it sounded logical to him, he said, "Well, no really, Mizz Stephoe (WTF), but it iz pozible." WHATEVER.

2. Piss Poor Prior Planning on your part DOES NOT consitute a CRISIS on my part. There is a hospital rep who went on vacation for a week, knowing that she has a dinner program the day after she got back. I get a phone call last night from the freakin' airport asking if she can borrow my In.Fo.cus machine for the program. Sure. If you come get it. "But Lisa, I live an hour and a half from you." Uh Huh. But I have things to do, people to see, appointments to keep. I'll leave it outside for you. If you want it, that's where it will be. She tells me that she will come straight from the airport since it is only 10 min from my house and then she'll go home. She doesn't do it. Leaves me a message this morning about finding a place to meet her today. I ignore the message for 2 hours and call her back to tell her that the machine will be where I said it would be. She whined for a while thinking that I would make arrangements to suit her. Not so much. She eventually came and go it. She knew she had a program, she knew what she needed to make it successful, she knew she was going on vacation. MAKE SOME DANG PLANS. It is not my responsibility to bail you out cause you are trying to pull something outta yo azz at the last minute. Humph!!!!!

3. Don't make promises/Don't write a check - you can't keep/you can't cash. I had another person ask me to help get some textbooks for some doctors. I get them and we have been going back and forth on arranging a time to deliver. Uh Huh. I get a message that this person PROMISED the books at a certain time and needs them "Sooner than Later." WTF? I've told you when I can and can't deliver. Guess what...here is where I will be, when and where. You want them before the dates I gave you, come get em. I get a message back that they are busy on the days I gave to meet me so they will have to "settle" for the original delivery dates I gave. That's Damn Skippy! Humph!!!!

I really just want to BEAT THE SNOT outta somebody. I've counted to 10 and have exhaled.
Anybody else have a day or two where if just ONE MORE PERSON plucks that last nerve you got, you will be a future episode on C.SI and L.aw & Or.d.er?

Resurrection Sunday

The Steptoe's wish you a blessed Resurrection Sunday. We pray that you made the most of this day to reflect on the meaning of salvation and your journey to "resurrect" your life, your relationship/marriage, your friendships, your family. May you all have many blessings.

I Know- It WILL Grow Back

Only in the Steptoe household...I leave the house for a doctors appointment. I leave Cara in the hands of 3 adults and 2 teenagers. It should be no problem, right? WRONG. I'm gone for about 15 minutes and I get a message on my phone with a picture attached from my ADULT daughter. "Ummm, do you notice anything different?".

I look at the picture quickly....I am in the middle of a PT session for my knee and reply "No?". Erin immediatly calls me on my cell and says, "Uh, you don't notice that Cara cut her ponytails off almost to the hair band?" WTF. I take a closer look at the picture and tell Erin, I can't discuss this right now, and hang up.

My Princess Mini-Diva went from this....

to this....

Cara BooBoo Kitty had gotten ahold of a pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off her ponytails. Then she hid the scissors and the hair in her pockybook. I get home and ask my man - the senior adult in the house - what the hell happened? He said he was working in his office and thought the other kids had everything under control. Obviously not. He said he was so upset (cause he had spent so much time learning how to do her hair and to work a flat iron & stuff) that he had to "snatch her up" and make sure she understood about not using scissors. I think "snatched" meant that someone got her behind tagged. I pretty sure somebody got a beat down cause the minute I walked in the door, here comes Cara...."I'm sorry, mommie!" Took the wind right outta my sails.

I give the evil hairy eye to all the other adults & teenagers in my household, mooching off of the government tit. They should have known better. But I have to give it to Erin & Ashley (my "other" daughter), by the time I got home, they had started redoing Cara's hair. Ashley is very good at cornrowing and had started creating a very pretty new style in Cara's hair for Easter. Whew.

It is just hair....It WILL grow back.

LAWD HAB MURCEY

When Re-Gifting Pisses Me Off

My sociopath sister and all of her associates just continually PISS ME OFF!!!!! Ugggggaaaaaahhhhh! My sis sends me a Visa Gift Card for Cara's Birthday. She got it from one of Cara's alleged family members on the alleged father's side (did you follow that - My sisters baby daddy grandmother or godmother or something). Laura told me that they really wanted to do something nice for Cara since I've been so good to her. (What da hellz do you think I would of done?)

So here I am a couple of weeks later at the To.ys.R.U.s website looking for something to get the Princess. NO CAN DO. Card invalid. Ooops, I think, maybe I forgot to activate the card. I go to the card website...enter the numbers....CARD INVALID. I call the 800 number. Well, the card is still valid (in theory), it is just well over a year old and once it went a year without use, then a monthly "bank" charge was assessed at $4.95/month, leaving only about $10 on the card.

WTF?!

The man on the phone tells me that I will have to use the card by midnight tonight to avoid another $4.95 charge and it would probably be best if I added some funds to the card to keep it current.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!!!!!!

I told the gentleman to just keep the card. It's not worth the aggravation and I'll just my own money. WHATEVER. It is just so typical. So, these alleged relatives have had that gift card sitting in the drawer or their wallet for over a year and since they never got around to using it, they figured they'd give it to Cara as a gift. I know it's the thought that counts and they had good intentions, but the road to hell was paved with good intentions too.

Cara's bio-dad and the family "want to be involved" and "want to help out", then by God, why in the hell don't you SHOW up from time to time. They could have EASILY come to her Bday Party - they knew about it - it was at the FREAKIN Mall!!! They could come to any number of family events - we live in the same dang area! Just go ahead and pluck my last nerve. Why don't you send a money order for that child's tuition and special tutors? Hmmmmmm. Cause in reality, Cara is just an after thought. Not one of you jumped up to fight us for custody. Not one of you showed up at the hearings. Not one of you called, asked questions, NOTHING. These people just irritate the hell outta me.

And this whole gift card thing was just the THE last straw.

I know that my sister didn't purchase the card herself, but it is just SOOOOOOO typical of what would happen when my sister or any of her associates are involved. DRAMA. DRAMA. DRAMA.

And since she is on work release, I can't call her till tomorrow morning (she working at the Burger King 10-3) to read her the riot act. I'm not even gonna bother since I will only raise my blood pressure and she won't even be fazed.

Okay, I got it outta my system. Imma go kiss my mini-diva nite-nite and buy her something anyway.

Building A More Perfect Union

Did you see the speech? If you missed it, I hope you will take a moment to listen to it. Personally, I think it was well done - Presidential - even. I don't believe it was empty rhetoric, as so many of his critics are saying. If you think the man still hasn't done anything and is just a speech machine, perhaps you should take some time and actually research his background, experience and platform. A good place to start is his website, not just the websites of his opponents.

Anyway, here it is in its entirety. I pray you will do you own homework and make up your own mind based on that research. Let me know what you thought.

Grandma's Car Accident

If only I had my own reality show. The drama can't get any better than this very real life stuff.

So, there I am, standing in the Department of Medicine at Was.hin.gton Hosp.ital Cen.ter, trying to make stuff happen when my cell rings. Usually, I don't answer if I don't know the number, but for some reason I answered. It was a Good Samaritan:

Good Samaritan: You don't know me, but my name is ______________ and I'm sitting here with your grandmother waiting for the paramedics. She's been in an accident.

Me: Where are you? How bad is it?

GS: We are at the corner of _____ & ______ and I think she is fine, but we called an ambulance.

Me: Where is the car? How bad is it? What hospital are they taking her to?

GS: I'll let you talk to her?

GMa: OOOOOH Lisa...Lord Jesus....it was awful....he came out of no where....Lord...AH Jesus, have mercy.....

Me (Interrupting)...Grandma! are you hurt? What happened?

GMa: I don't know, baby, my head hurts. Ummmm. I'm sore. Do you think I should stay with the car or go with the ambulance.

Me: GRANDMA! If you are hurt, go with the paramedics. Does the car need a tow?

GMa: (Crying) WHAT DO I DO?!!!!

Me: GRANDMA!!!!!! stop crying. I'll meet you at the hospital. Leave the car. We'll get it later or let them have it towed. I'll be there as soon as I can. Imma call Ron and he'll take care of it.

I call Ron...and he dons his Super Suit saving the day. When he calls me back (as I'm driving like a mad woman to gt back into MD) he gives me the run down....

"Willie was sitting at the light. Another car runs a police officer (unmarked car) off the road and he swerves and hits (more like scrapes) the bumper of Willie's car. No damage, airbag did not deploy. Car is being towed since it was in middle of road. I'll meet you at the hospital."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I slowed down and arrived alive at How.ard C.oun.ty Gen.era.l Hospital. Wile an ER is a necessary evil, I simply hate them. PERIOD. I hate the waiting & waiting & waiting & waiting. I hate being healthy and having to sit with a lot of sick people also waiting to be seen. People bleeding, wheezing, broken, sick to the stomach, feverish, swollen, sweating and so on. Ugggggah. I fidget just knowing that I'm going to have the cooties the next day and since I hate the ER, I'll have to wait to get an appointment to see my primary care provider. WHATEVER. My philosophy with ERs is that unless arterial blood is spewing, a limb is severed, a limb or organ going in the opposite direction than nature meant it to or heart/brain tissue is dying then it can wait. I HATE EMERGENCY ROOMS.

There are A LOT of people here...this is gonna take a while. Ron is sitting and I'm like "okay, what is her status?" For a moment, I thought Ron had taken off his Super Suit, cause he said, "I dunno, THEY said they'd let us know."

WHO THE HELL IS THEY! AND WHEN WAS THAT?

Ron replies, "Good question" and goes to find out. We are immediately ushered back to Grandma Willie. When we find her, she is being interviewed by some poor resident who's 1st language was clearly NOT English. This poor chick is trying to get some info (history, chief complaint, pain scale rating) outta my grandmother. NOT SO EASY. Especially if you run all your words together as one big sentence. "Lord, LEEEEEEEEESA!!!!! What is she saying?" I got this Grandma. I let the pitiful creature ask her questions as this is supposed to be a learning experience for her (called practicing medicine) while I repeat for my Grandmother every question she asks.

A nurse tech calls me over to tell me to let the resident handle it. WHAT!!!!! Don't mess with me. I've been in this industry long enough...don't let me turn this ER on its head. When I slam the brakes on her and start speaking in her language, attitude changes, BUT wait a minute...STOP....1st things first.....how she gonna pay was now the priority of the day. SOOOOOO, I'm rifling through Grandma's purse to find her insurance card. Come to find out Grandma Willie is better insured than probably most of us. She's got Tri.car.e Pri.me, Ma.il Han.d.lers & Me.d.icare. You go girl.
- Living Will/Advanced Directives? - YES
- Power of Attorney for your GMa? - YES

Great - Sign here.

They took her away to do a CAT scan and XRay's to make sure she's A-OK and then we had to sit a wait (well, just me - Ron & Erin went to get Willie's car out of the tow yard-$125/day) IN THE HALLWAY to be seen by a doctor. They actually have monitors on the wall that tell you what "Room" the patient is in, who the nurse & doctor is, the treatment orders (in code so I couldn't figure it out), patient status and my all time favorite - TID - Time in Department. We were in a hallway "room" NSO4 and a TID of 2 hours 53 minutes. (at the time of writing). KILL ME NOW!

While we continued waiting to see the doctor, Willie talked me to death and I sat there nodding while watching the parade of characters. One thing for sure, HCG is not a city ER. It's actually pretty quiet with people just laying around in various stages of waiting.

Occasionally an alarm went off. Nobody came running. Someone got an EKG in the hallway. An old lady kept calling for someone to help her. Eventually a nurse came by.

....AT LAST, the doctor came. CAT scan clean, XRay clear. Nothing broken. She can go home. She refuses the pain killer asking if her arthritis medicine and/or aspirin will be fine. Sure. The doctor humors her while he looks at me to fill it anyway. Just in case.

Ron loads her into the Hummer and I run home to get a drink.

Just so you know...the Sidecar Martini's & Sushi were wonderful...I don't know about grandma, but I'm feeling no pain.

P.S. GMa Willie (after 7 phone calls) is doing just fine. The car only needs minor repair.

Clear the Roads!

Clear the roads out there. Watch out! Jordan got his drivers license today! My little man is has just grown all up. Now my big man can drive Miss Mommie and run me some errands. Gotta love it.

I'm a Black American

I don't need to add any more commentary to his presentation by Smokey Robinson on Def Poetry Jam. He summed it up for me...I'm a Black American...

Matron of Honor Duties -Part 2: THE BRIDAL SHOWER

Yesterday, LisaA. and I hosted a Bridal Shower for our girlfriend Val who is getting married on April 5th at the beautiful St. Regis hotel in DC. We had such a great time. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I think I bruised my kidneys. It was like a family reunion on several fronts. All of us girls that grew up together in Columbia and went to the same elementary, middle and high school were all in attendance (minus Travia who lives in FL) Then there were the bunch of us who at one time or another had all worked (or were still working) at P.fi.zer.

We played Bridal Bingo, Toilet Paper Wedding Dress & the "Find Prince Charming" Scratch off game. I put together a basket of candles (of all different colors representing a milestone in their marriage) and read the Candlelight Poem to Val.

CathyD (my personal trainer/torturer from H.ell) was gracious enough to play bartender for the evening...and yes, all of you lushes went through the biggest bottle of K.et.le One known to man. Cathy hooked up some of the best martini's ever! The girl was rockin the shaker. One of the funniest moments of the evening was when my grandmother leans over to me (acting like she was whispering - but not really) and asks "Lisa, which one of these little girls here was the one that you always fought with in school?" Cathy goes (because g'ma did NOT really whisper), "That would have been me. But we're all grown up now g'ma Willie. We can't even rembember what we were fighting about." G'ma Willie, in her infinite, but uncensored, wisdom says "Well, baby, you guys fought cause you both were so much alike and didn't know what to do about it. Instead of recognizing a kindred spirit, you tried to beat each other down. Glad your friends now." Grandma Willie knows her stuff.

Ron gave a wonderful toast and then we cut another one of my mother's masterful cake creations...and I know it was good when people started to ask for the foil. Then we had the grand finale for the evening...I invited our dance instructor over to give Val & Manny dance lessons, since neither of them had much in the way of dance skills (but at least Val can do the Electric Slide...Manny - no so much). Another classic moment....when Ron comes upstairs to tell us when had to stop stomping (from doing the ChaCha slide) cause we were "breaking the house." You'll see in the video below that we paid him no mind.

You'll also see CathyD & KarenG had had a little TOO MUCH martini cause they took to the dance floor with their rendition of "The Bump". Uh Huh, ladies, ladies this won't look as good at the wedding in cocktail dresses - Not so much. Push away from the table and say No More K.e.tle One for me, Ma!


If the Bridal Shower is any indication of what is going to go down at the Wedding Reception, I'm not sure I have enough memory on my camcorder to capture all the blackmail. Hmmmm. Good Times.

I've Had A Bad Day

I called on one of my major accounts today after doing like some serious pre-call planning and analysis for pull through on one of our products that has a contract signed but needed to check on the status of formulary acceptance and a conversion protocol. After all of that mf#*@@@@@!!!!, I got the major bull shyat run around and basically have about another 3-6 months of work to do. Uh Huh. Kiss my high yella azz. Where is happy hour?

I've had a bad day.....

http://www.glumbert.com/wii/view.php?name=baddayoffice